After a breakup, do you think it's better to be cold hearted and say nasty things to your ex or just be the bigger person?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over three months and don't get me wrong, I want to stay with him. I have no thoughts on us breaking up and I hope it never happens.

I was just curious as to if you guys think that's it's better to after a breakup, be a complete cold hearted bi*ch or if you should be the bigger person and just accept that it is what it is and move on.

When I say be a bi*ch, I mean sayin things like "you'll never find better than me, you weren't that great anyways, you have issues ", etc.

Or is it better to just basically say "okay if that what you want" if you're the one being dumped. Or "I think we should just be friends" if you're the one dumping them?

Thanks guys! I really appreciate your feedback!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Take it from me.. I've been down both roads. When my and my ex of 5 years split I said some really nasty terrible things. I don't regret it because to be quite honest with you... I meant every word. However, now 3 years later I've realized that maybe what I said really hurt him. And did he really deserve that? I mean, yeah sure, he was a douche to me. He cheated on me all the time while I sat in our home caring for him and our relationship. However, I know he loved me and I loved him.. we just weren't meant to be together in a romantic type of relationship.. So if I could go back to the day that he and I broke up then I would have just walked away.. but like I said I don't regret it.. I also know that if I didn't say what I had said then he and I wouldn't have broken up.. Sometimes things just don't end unless they end badly.. so we needed that..

    Now recently I dated a man for about 4 months.. and we haven't really ended it. I tried to end it with him on a good note but he just keeps coming back to me. Yes, I can ignore him but it's easier said than done. A large part of me wants to tell him what a loser he is and even tell him how small his you know what is LOL.. but you know what... why? Why hurt him? He did nothing wrong towards me other than not being compatible. And that's not even his fault. The only reason I'd wanna diss him is so that he would never contact me again.. But I'm going to be a strong woman here and learn from my past mistakes and I'm just going to ignore him.. if I diss him he will think he made the right choice and he will gain his pride like.. knowing that maybe I am a psycho lol.. so like I said.. I'd rather be the one that got away instead of the one that he's lucky to have gotten away from.. I'll maintain the sweet nice girl persona that fits me.. and I won't stoop to anyone elses level.

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What Guys Said 16

  • It's a good short-term band-aid. Once you're apart, you need something to break that attachment. It helped me in my last big relationship

    But if you keep it up, you will learn very little from the relationship. You can't see what you're screwing up if everything is HIS fault. Again, in my last big relationship, this was how she talked about her exes. She was very manipulative and looked for any way to demonize a man she was with. She couldn't see this because it was always THEIR fault, never split. When women do this, people are generally quick to believe that she has dated 25 different guys who were all jerks, and then all guys become jerks.

    The reason I say it in this way is that when I've seperated from a girlfriend, guys generally give me a sense of "sounds like you screwed up, bro." It's like when couples break up, the guy is automatically the one at fault.

    But the important part is being able to ultimately learn what conflicts arose and why. That way you won't feel like you "magically attract jerks" or have been an endless "victim" of prior relationships. It'll make you more optimistic towards future relationships in the long run if you can learn to forgive and understand in the long run.

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  • Depending on the situation, I have a hard time avoiding the urge to pick apart what she says like I'm Condescending Wonka or Cinema Sins. If she tries lying to my face, or feeding me patent BS, I'm going to call it out.

    If her motives make sense, I'll tell her "that's fair," and go for the "let's still be friends" route. But I don't have much patience for BS.

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  • Life is a;ways better with less trauma. Once you both realize the relationship is over, parting pleasantly, even if you had been fighting up till then, lets you both move on and not go through unnecessary drama. If there has to be drama, let it be the other person.

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  • From my understanding, women who get boyfriends, usually they start off as friends. If this is true, and a girl becomes a bitch from a breakup, then you were never really friends anyway? It was a fake friendship and a fake relationship

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  • Why would you ever say anything bad about anybody ever? Most people as they grow older come to the conclussion that you'll only look like a huge dick every single time you try it. Its quite refreshing.

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  • Honestly, how is this even a question? Of course being the bigger person, accepting it and moving on is always the best course of action.

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  • I think we should always strive to keep things as civil as possible regardless of the circumstances. When we devolve to childish name calling and insults we're no better than the rest of the animal kingdom we tend to try so hard separating ourselves from.

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  • that ain't a question at all. Of course it's better to be the bigger person. But you can be that b**** if you want ;)

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  • If you feel you need to talk, instead of talking when your emotions are running wild, it's better to wait 'til you've calmed down and can look at things more objectively. If you talk when you're at the deepest stage of hurt and resentment, it will just turn into a fight.

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  • Let it go. Saying nasty things does no good. Plus if word gets around that you just bash your ex other guys will hesitant to date you because if it ends they don't want to be dragged through the dirt.

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  • It's always best to be the bigger person. Not only is insulting them a childish thing to do, but you'll also get a bad reputation.

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  • It's depend on how you break up what was the reason, if he made really terrible mistakes YES you may say whatever you want but if there is no bad things it is better to be a bigger person.

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  • Let it go now or else you will become worse. My ex is a 29 year old woman and she still bitches out teenagers on Call Of Duty. You shouldn't bully guys or you will continue to do it for the rest of your life. And don't ever compare new guys with the old one because that never does any good for anyone. It is destructive behavior that will only make you feel bad. In my experience you can't be friends after because the fighting goes on anyways without a relationship. It is better to let them go and never look back.

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  • The VERY worst I say about my exes (including the one who cheated 3 times on me) is "I'm happy I didn't stay with her."

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  • It's been 3 months since the break up with this girl I had fell for - and who fell for me. It was an intense 1 month relationship, I met her parents after only 2 weeks...

    I just said I was OK with the break and literally walked away and didn't contact her. 3 months on she still likes me - so do I... she hasn't dated anyone, so she was obviously very serious about me. So I'll give it some time so we can get back together - hopefully.

    I had an ex who I was with for 3,5 years... she was a best friend too... she turned out to be very two faced and manipulative... I got over her very fast.

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  • You're basically asking if you should be immature, or mature. I think when phrased in those terms, the answer is pretty obvious. I have nothing bad to say about any of my exes.

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What Girls Said 9

  • definitely the bigger person. my ex was the cold one. i dumped him but he didn't take it well.
    he began to insult me and say all sorts of things i never thought he'd say. i tried my best to make it as painless as it can get, but he made it harder.

    i take however, graciously take it all in, because i knew he was mad. i offered to remain friends but he said he never wants to speak to me again, so wev parted ways and moved on.

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  • I think you should always try to be the bigger person, no matter how nasty your ex is towards you. If you feel like being brutally honest, then fine, be. But don't say hurtful things JUST for the sake of hurting them. That's immature. If you honestly believe you have something of significance to say, and that thing just happens to be a little hurtful, then say it. But if you have nothing good to say and you only want to throw insults around, don't.

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  • Depends on how bad the break up was or how bad the person was. I only have 2 exes that I'm on good terms with and 2 of them I would have to use all my self control to not tear them to shreds if I saw them. But, with the exes I'm so-so about, I'm usually kind but cold.

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  • What you decide to say or do depends on your age and maturity.

    Immature people will be bitter and scream nasty things.
    Mature people will be hurt, but accept that things don't always go as they wanted and just take a deep sigh and move on.

    What's better? Of course the latter is better. But as I said, it comes with maturity. You can't force it. Everyone starts from being like the first one. Being able to be the bigger person comes with time and experience.

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  • Why do you need to be bitchy about it? You can express your feelings but it's not good to say hurtful things to them to try to hurt them because they're breaking your heart by dumping you.

    I just don't think it pays to be a jerk about it. You're still not going to get what you want (to be with them) so there's no point. It may even make you lose them from your life for good. I don't think that's worth it.

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  • Walking away isn't nearly as satisfying as people would have you believe. If the relationship was serious and it was ending because of bad reason then there's no reason to lose a wink of sleep over being heart breakingly honest. I've taken the high road and there have been times where I have not, the key is not to indulge too much in either because you'll never walk away completely satisfied with how things ended anyway.

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  • Be the bigger person :) it doesn't make sense to be cold and bitchy towards someone you have once dated, because before the relationship, there had to be a certain sort of connection & attraction between the both of you. Also, both parties in the relationship were definitely friends before that, so why not revert to that after the split? But of course it depends on their attitude towards you throughout the relationship and the cause of the breakup.

    Hope you and your boyfriend last long! :)

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  • I can't think of any situation where being nasty is ideal.

    Happiness is the best revenge, and their is no point wasting time on someone who doesn't want to be with you.

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  • Depends on what that did
    If it was a bad break up hell yeah b a jerk
    If it was just other interest then it's best to mature about it

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