Would a person with a mixed-race child keep you from dating them?

[Anonymous]

This is based on a conversation I had with someone on GaG recently.

Yes...(Please explain)

No...(Please explain)

Other... (Please explain)

Updates

+1 y

*having
Sorry!!!

Updates

+1 y

I understand not wanting to date someone with a child-- that I totally get. But the rest, I'm just saddened by the responses here. I'm totally shocked. That's what I get for asking this question.

[btbc92]

There is no such thing as race! A child is a child. The fact that person has a child with somebody else and that person may be alive is what will give me a red flag. Not the child themselves, unless shown to have behavioral problems. Every child is precious and beautiful. They deserve nothing less but the best, love, attention, and encouragement. But from my own personal experience with being a merged family, it is NOT a walk in the park. My late mother always felt unwanted. In turn, my older sister felt abandoned and neglected by our dad because he married my mom, not hers. And the one who ends up confused and hurt me. And it hurt worse when my sister left me, not just emotionally neglect me because she felt neglected. I say that if you want to truly date somebody remembers that casual dating is one thing, getting serious is another. People with children have to seriously think about the impact it could have on the child's wellbeing when you choose to put you first just because you never had 'it' in a long time. I believe and see that its sexual motivations that determine if they want a part of the child's life or not.

[jake08288]

Your absolutely right on a scientific level race dosent exists look it up race is a social construct

[jennifer_bloom]

I love children but would not want a guy who thinks it's acceptable to divorce somebody he had children with unless he could prove to me the woman was abusive and cheated on him.

[juicyjessie]

There is also the case like mine where my brother and I lost our father when we were kids. Took my mum 11 years to get round to dating again.

[Logorithim]

In general, no, but I'd only date a single mom if the situation is right (as I currently am). There are some scenarios in which I'd pass, though, albeit not specifically because of a child being mixed race.

One scenario would be the kid is racist and has hangups toward whites or has serious identity issues related to race. I dont want to be in a situation where I'd have to he around a kid who is racist toward me.

Let's be frank about why a lot of guys won't date a woman with a mixed race kid. This is mainly about white women who have had children with black men and who later want to date white guys. A lot of these women are simply abandoned and don't get child support or dont get much of it so they tend to live paycheck to paycheck and have stressful lives. Furthermore, white guys usually resent being turned to as what they perceive, fair or not, to be viewed as second choice and expected to clean up the mess left by another man. It's viewed as emasculating by most.

[Asker]

That shouldn't be an assumed perspective about every woman with a kid or a mixed race kid. Second choice and cleaning up after another man? Such a double standard.

[rjroy3]

I'm not sure how race is a factor in the concerns with the situation here, but I hear you.

[Logorithim]

@StingRayxoxo: The more kids a woman already has, the less attractive she is as a partner, all other things being equal, especially if the father isn't in the picture and doesn't pay child support. Kids whose fathers aren't around are more likely to have behavioral problems, and that is somethibg that would drive just about any man away in any constellation.

Regardless of what is assumed, it's simply a fact that large numbers of white women who have children with black men get abandoned by them (probably even more than black women get abandoned), so a white guy who meets her is going to wonder, fair or not, why she had the bad judgement to get involved with a man who abandoned her, and that on top of what is usually a more difficuly situation. He may also think, "well I wasn't good enough for her before, but now that she's in a tough position, she's interested? No thanks".

[Logorithim]

* more difficult financial situation

[Wowgirl30q]

@Logorithim I'm biting my lip on this a lot because I like you. I will say this would have broken my freaking heart. I feel this is out of character for you and frankly you're better then that as a person. Also, my guy is mixed so...

[Kyle_Apricot]

@Wowgirl30q What you're doing there is trying to shame a guy into keeping is asked opinion to himself, because you don't like it.

[Grobmate]

Gotta say.. I don't share the views. I'm trying to see where you're coming from but it escapes me.
I've been a step parent before too, so I can definitely see the whole "dating a single mother" argumemt and know ot backwards. I've been there, done that and bought the T-shirt. Financial reasong is irrelevant based on the context of the question..

"Would a person with a mixed-race child keep you from dating them?" Was the question. The question wasn't "would a person with a mixed-race child keep you from dating them, amd would you be financially responsible for the kid?".

Child support has nothing to do with it. That is arranged by the family court between her amd the father, and you wouldn't have a dog in that fight.

Could you summarise what you meant for me please mate?

[Grobmate]

All children regardless of race require the same amount of love and tenderness. Any Single Mother brave enough to do the right thing, (a Male Role Model for their child), (A happy loving household), needs a medal amd a fucking standing ovation. One who doesn't relegates themselves to the "We don't need no man" basket, and can sacrifice their child's meeds in the process.

[Grobmate]

https://youtu.be/zndPSkuyBBk

I will say that generally, a more loving amd mature woman you will never find than a mother.

[Wowgirl30q]

@Kyle_Apricot um? Was I talking to you? no so don't address me I don't know you I'm not explaining myself.

[Kyle_Apricot]

@Wowgirl30q was he talking to you? no, he wasn't. When dealing with other peoples asked opinions, consider not being a bitch in future.

[Wowgirl30q]

@Kyle_Apricot consider I don't know you I know him. So don't address me that's weird and thirsty AF😂 I won't address you again thanks

[Asker]

@Kyle_Apricot This is a public forum where others are allowed to chime in, such as you are doing but there is NO REASON to name call like that.

[Grobmate]

@Kyle_Apricot comon buddy... we know you're angry at the world because at 27 years of age you still haven't graduated to internet outside Mummy's basement. Try using the big boy voice today sport. Name calling? You sure your genitals touch cloth? 27 year olds don't name call.

[Wowgirl30q]

@stingrayxoxo some people don't have vocabulary or manners don't worry. That's what females do who don't have female friends. They automatically stand up for the guy.

[Wowgirl30q]

@Grobmate 🤗 thank you dear

[Grobmate]

@Wowgirl30q no dramas. Anytime 🤗

[Asker]

"This is mainly about white women who have had children with black men and later want to date white guys."
This is what I have a problem with. To me, it implies that the single mother chooses a partner based on their race and/or only after a black man left her, she chose to date white guys instead. That's not how it works. Just because I got screwed over by X doesn't mean I assume all X's are the same and need to try Y instead, or that white men carry greater value.

[PrincessGrail]

@stingrayxoxo I would NEVER have a problem dating someone who had a mixed race child. And I can’t believe any guy (or girl) would either.

[Grobmate]

To me the race of the mother and child don't factor into it at all. I've spoken often in these type of questions saying something usually like "It is a case by case basis". Perhaps I will list my considerations.. (bare in mind this is DATING)

1. Does she have her life sorted (job, expenses etc), which is the same for any date regardless if ahe has a child or not;

2. Do we have common interests? (Again, same for any date);

3. Is the child's father involved in his/her life, (co-parenting, parallel parenting etc). I would never seek to EVER try and replace the father unless the child has never had the father in his/her life. I would compliment the sphere of family by being there as a role model and mentor;

4. Is the Mother open to me facilitating point 3? (That would probably be very delicately touched on during 1st date, but more so on 2nd date. How would she see my involvement, if any? Remembering that the child is A PART OF HER AND HER LIFE. You don't want one and not the other. You want both or none, it is that simple;

5. How old is the child? Please don't take this the wrong way. The child could be an angry adolescent where I might not have the skills to affect positive change, (in my case I do), but many would not;

6. This consideration is not the last and is something to be cognisent of 24/7 and it is, (Do I see us working?). Otherwise I'm just bringing further instability to both Mother amd Child in the long run. Will the mother allow me to be there for them? She might have grown independent and not be willing to

7. This consideration is LAST and could sound disrespectful to the Mother, but I don't want it to be... Okay.. how much does the mother rely on the grandparents for assistance? Why is this relevant? Well... the Grandparents might not like a new man in their daughter's life who os now able to take some of that load off them. They might feel something is being taken away from them, (some not all, Grandmothers can be this way).

RACE is irrelevant!

[Asker]

@PrincessGrail I can't believe it either. I'm really affected by the responses here.
@Grobmate that's a great list of considerations. All very important things that I would also consider before dating someone with a child, even though I do as well.
I like that you included #7. That one is personally applicable. Grampie has been the only guy in her life for this long (my mom too but she is no longer with us) so he has high standards of a new guy coming in to the picture.

[Grobmate]

Point 7, and as she rightly should. Grandparents are invaluable. It takes a village to raise a child. Heavy consultation would be needed. And it most likely would work famously, so long as they are involved.

[Grobmate]

Grampie also knows you and knows what's best for you and child. He will also be auditing your new man closely.

[Wowgirl30q]

@Grobmate dude

[Wowgirl30q]

It's okay calm down bro. You are basically threatening just people now @Grobmate

[Wowgirl30q]

It's alright

[Grobmate]

@Wowgirl30q I'm calm. Didn't mean to threaten anyone 😯 not my intent at all. Just clarifying point 7.

[Wowgirl30q]

@Grobmate 😂😂😂😂 point 7

[Wowgirl30q]

We both are assholes😂

[Grobmate]

@Wowgirl30q 😂🍻

[Wowgirl30q]

@Grobmate 🥂🥂 ding

[Grobmate]

@Wowgirl30q aww ❤ that sound 🍻

[Mexicoman101]

I don’t necessarily think it’s fair to give him flack over this, it just seems like he’s giving his assessment of how it is rather than should be.

[Logorithim]

@Wowgirl30q: I'm missing something here. The question was whether or not a mixed race child would keep you from dating someone. My answer was that in general, it would not.
@StingRyxoxo: I know that some women do think like that because they or their relatives have told me. To give you one example, I once had a girlfriend who had a white mother and black father and her mother did just that (she married a white man after being abandoned by the black guy). My girlfriend had some serious emotional difficulties because of the racial hangups of others, e. g., black guys she knew being angry that she dated white guys as well as them and her mother not wanting her to date black guys.

[Logorithim]

@Mexicoman101: Thanks for correctly pointing that out.
@Grobmate: The decision to get into a relationship with a single parent does not occur in a vacuum. Financial and other aspects also come into play, and a person should not be shamed for not wanting to get into a situation that they can't handle. Having kids myself and also having been raised by a single mother, I have a lot of perspective here. Although the male analog is usually being a noncustodial parent and paying child support rather than a custodial parent, both are applicable here- a guy with kids is simply not wanted by a number of women. I think we do people a disservice by pretending that a single parent has equal or greater value on the dating market- they do not. It does not mean they have little value, but they need to go into dating realizing that there will be plenty of people who do not see them as potential partners because of their situation.

[PrincessGrail]

@logorithim yes, but there are PLENTY of guys who will date a single mother because she is kind and smart and beautiful and maybe they even like her kid. Mixed race or not.

[Logorithim]

@PrincessGrail: Guys are usually settling when they date a single mother (same applies to women dating a single father) and we guys usually settle anyway or the single parent is settling for someone they wouldn't be dating if they didn't have any kids.

There certainly are plenty of single mothers who are kind and smart and beautiful. Why date one if you can date a woman without kids who is equally compatible? She'd have to really be special or you're just settling.

[PrincessGrail]

@logorithim hopefully she’s really special

[Logorithim]

@PrincessGrail: Mine is, yes. But I'm lucky.

[EmbraceThePain]

I kind of agree with @Logorithim on a few points. I feel like what he is saying is based on fact, and evolutionary biology as well. Perhaps there is data to show that an inordinately large amount of single white women who have black-white mixed children is due to the fact of absentee fathers or fathers who have chosen to “pump and dump” these respective women, which is the cause of the specifically white/black mixed-race child. Perhaps this is more prevalent in certain demographics or populations than others. Now, I don’t know if such data exists, but if the data does exist then we can speculate on why this would be the case. Maybe it was the fact that the woman lacked proper decision-making skills and associated with a man that really wasn’t good for her; perhaps it’s related to culture and upbringing; or perhaps it is related to socioeconomic status. From an evolutionary biology perspective, a man does not usually want to be with a woman who already has a kid because this kid is not the man’s biologically. The man doesn’t want to expend resources and time to raise another man’s biological child. Aside from this, the man can feel as if he’s now, as @Logorithim mentions an option for the woman because she’s a single mother and needs support from anyone she can get. Perhaps women feel this way as well, although I’m not a woman so I cannot answer from this perspective.

[EmbraceThePain]

@Logorithim
Did I represent your viewpoints correctly?

[Wowgirl30q]

Your comment It wasn't nice, whatever the viewpoint, whatever your reasoning doesn't matter came out really screwed up. @Logorithim

[Wowgirl30q]

@Logorithim you need to chill out this is bullshit. Wtf? Is your problem? Do you hear yourself?

[Logorithim]

@EmbraceThePain: I'd agree with what you posted, and looking at it from the perspective of evolutionary biology rather than raw emotion leads us to more accurate conclusions.

@Wowgirl30q: Whatever your emotional attachment to this topic, what I have posted is accurate and should not be distorted. A less emotional way of looking at this is that people have preferences in dating, something that is acknowledged all the time here on GAG. Note also that I pointed out that my own value in the dating market was lower because I have three kids. Someone willing to admit that is obviously not afraid of the truth.

[PrincessGrail]

@logorithim I still disagree with the accuracy of your conclusions

[Logorithim]

@PrincessGrail: Riddle me this- if you were a single parent would you still be able to attract the same guys you do now?

[EmbraceThePain]

@Logorithim
If I may answer, perhaps for men who want a quick fuck, yes, @PrincessGrail being a single mother probably won’t affect these men so much. For anything other than this, namely relationships or dating, the pool of men will undoubtedly decrease. I do want to say that even for the men who want a quick fuck, there are many who have some moral qualms about using a single mother for sex, so perhaps even that pool of men will be decreased as well.

[PrincessGrail]

@logorithim if I were a single parent I would still be able to attract corporate executives. One gave me his number when I was having breakfast in the cafe a few months ago, and I don’t think he would have been deterred if I had a kid.

Because you’re my friend’s boyfriend, I’m gonna bite my tongue and not say what I was gonna say.

[Logorithim]

@PrincessGrail: By attract, I meant for a long term relationship. And you're very much an outlier due to your income, social status as an attorney, and presumably your looks.

There's no need for you to hold back anything you want to say.

[EmbraceThePain]

@Logorithim
Men don’t generally care about income or social status in a partner, as perhaps women might.

[PrincessGrail]

Okay...

I certainly wouldn’t need to settle for a security guard...

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

[Logorithim]

@EmbraceThePain: High status men do to a large extent. Who do you see them marrying these days (and that is the right metric for that group)?

[EmbraceThePain]

@Logorithim
Well, I said generally speaking... (1) high status men are not the general population of men and (2) men usually date all across the spectrum when it comes to social status and income. In other words, men date from within their social status and down, whereas women are the opposite, dating within their social status and above. This makes sense if you believe women want to feel more feminine, protected, etc. A woman cannot necessarily feel that way if she believes she is “better” than her man in these measures and more. A man, on the other hand, has no issue dating or being with a gasoline station cashier woman if she’s attractive, even if the man is high status. Now, compare that to a high status woman... You won’t find many of these types of woman dating down. “Down” meaning lower income and social status, or perceived social status.

[Logorithim]

@PrincessGrail: That's because of your very high socioeconomic status, one not shared by the vast majority of single mothers. That said, as a single parent, you're still going to lose out, e ceteris paribus, to the single woman who is comparable to you unless you settle in some way (much older guy, for example, or one that isn't an executive or partner at a top law firm). Those guys have unlimited options and probably won't choose the single mother their own age.

[Mexicoman101]

This is basically the disconnect between 'should be' and 'ought to be'. I don't feel as though something being natural or the way it is empowers it with moral validity. To view the dating scene under the microscope of stereotypes or even statistics is tempting because people are mentally lazy and wary of the optimism it takes to take risks. The issue with viewing white single mothers in such a way is that doing so naturally inhibits nuance that may be necessary for outliers, and nobody wants to be treated like a statistic. There are deadbeat white fathers and not all white women are of a uniform mindset about race.

To me, the pragmatic issues inherent to dating a single mother at all are their own cause for concern and I think it's perhaps a sad reality for single mothers, but that sad realities for people in the dating scene tend to abound ubiquitously. To see exceptions to the rule may be encouraging and breed optimism, but I think it's more difficult to cultivate than cynicism which while that is unfortunate is often sub-conscious.

[Logorithim]

Another factor might be your scarcity value as an attorney practicing corporate law, which, again, does not apply to most single mothers. Furthermore, isn't divorce rarer at your income level?

[PrincessGrail]

@logorithim yes, divorce is less common.

[Logorithim]

@EmbraceThePain: At lower income levels, women take the lower status guys, even some earning middling incomes do as well. Why? Because they need the assistance (or the hope of it) since raising kids requires a lot of effort and is expensive, plus they understandably want company too.

It simply defies reality to claim or imply that being a single parent has no effect on getting a boyfriend or girlfriend.

[Wowgirl30q]

@Logorithim you are not going to beat her in a war of words you are being passive aggressive. You need to get off your phone

[EmbraceThePain]

@Logorithim
Well yeah I guess that’s true if you’re strictly talking about single mothers. I was referring to you mentioning @PrincessGrail’s ability to attract men specifically because of her social status, income, and looks. My belief is that, her looks is the primary driver or factor for attracting men and if she’s single she’s usually going to want to be with someone around her level or above, unless she’s in a financial crisis and needs to keep afloat by any means necessary then yeah, she won’t be as picky in this respect.

[Wowgirl30q]

@Logorithim please stop I'm being sincere please get off here. Im getting off because I care about how this effects others.

@Princessgrail pointless

[Logorithim]

@Wowgirl30q: LMAO... that should have been directed at your friend!

[Logorithim]

@EmbraceThePain: These guys she dates aren't interested in her just for her looks. It's one of the many things that are understood but is expected by many people that you just won't say. The fact that a large number of guys say that they won't date a single mother, period, tells us what we need to know, yet we still have some people that want to ignore that and imply it makes no difference when we know it does.

[Asker]

This all implies that people strategically seek out people for their status level and not for the quality of a human being they are. This all makes me really sad. And feels extremely personal.

[Mexicoman101]

@StingRayxoxo That is just the reality for most people. Not all people.

[Asker]

It's not most people. It's SOME people that look at the dating world from a science perspective rather than each human individually.

[Grobmate]

Agreed it doesn't happen in a vacuum. I'm not shamong anyone. It's a case by case basis 🤷‍♂️

[Mexicoman101]

Call me a misanthrope but most people are kinda predictable assholes who conform to the statistical norms. That doesn’t mean it isn’t important to look at people individually, but that most people don’t, for a myriad of reasons.

[Grobmate]

Value o a dating market... we aren't cattle. We're not a bloody commodity. We are people.

[OlderAndWiser]

@StingRayxoxo
@Mexicoman101
@Logorithim
@Wowgirl30q
@Princessgrail

I am sad to see this exchange going on. I have the sense that this is getting too personal to be discussed publicly and the outside influences are not helping.

@StingRayxoxo I sense that things are being taken personally when they aren't really intended that way. I understand why that would happen but it needs to be put in some perspective.

@Logorithim, this discussion is not about logic and being right. There are far more important things at stake here. You don't win the big prize by being right.

I hope that you two will get off of this forum for this evening and talk and express some understanding and support between yourselves. I hope that everyone else will leave them alone.

Peace to everyone!

[UberGameMasters]

Gotta' love when white dudes pull the race card. LMFAO 🤣

[EmbraceThePain]

@UberGameMasters
Got to love when people such as yourself think so simplistically that you think it’s just “pulling the race card.” Come on brother, did you read anything that was said above? It’s not really about race, so much as the decision making, judgment, responsibility, and biology of the topic.

[UberGameMasters]

@EmbraceThePain I'm not talking about this dude not wanting to raise another man's seed. Hell, that would be a curse on that poor child to be raised by a weaker breed of men to keep 100. -I'm talking about this bitchass motherfucker say: "the kid is racist and has? hangups? toward whites"
LMMFAO "hangups" -like there's not enough to convict these losers of by just closing your eyes and pointing in ANY direction.

-"Hangups", -smh... what a disgusting, oblivious piece of filth.

[rjroy3]

@EmbraceThePain

well it kind of was. He said, rightly or wrongly. When he finds out she has a mixed race kid it automatically comes with certain assumptions, that may or may not be true.

Here he said "This is mainly about white women who have had children with black men and who later want to date white guys. A lot of these women are simply abandoned and don't get child support or dont get much of it so they tend to live paycheck to paycheck and have stressful lives. Furthermore, white guys usually resent being turned to as what they perceive, fair or not, to be viewed as second choice and expected to clean up the mess left by another man. It's viewed as emasculating by most"

While you can understand that. He attached that assumption to a woman having a mixed race child, when that outcome could easily be with an all white family and is actually a common occurrence when the father is not present nor has visitation.

Every race has their own deadbeats. But he said he would just assume these things to be true until proven otherwise on the basis of race. That's a pretty heavy prejudice, even tho not necessarily racist.

[EmbraceThePain]

Yeah, I can see where you two are coming from.

[Logorithim]

@UberGameMasters and @rjoy3: I'm not going to let the two of you distort what I posted.

@UberGameMasters: If you think people should subject themselves to the scenarios I mentioned above in my original post, that's fine, but most people wouldn't, and you have no business calling someone a "piece of filth" because they wouldn't, especially when it's you who has distorted their comments. Not that it is any of your business, but my girlfriend is a single parent and I've done more for her daughter than her biological father ever will.
@rjoy3: You are attributing my summary of the general attitude white guys have toward dating white women with mixed race kids as my own view, which is a distortion. My own view is explained above in my OP, that I generally would.

Questions like this bring out white knight virtue signalers who do exactly what these two clowns did. I personally see whether you will date anyone or not as a personal preference, and we all have them, whether in regards to race or some other characteristic. If you lack the maturity to handle a difference of opinion or obvious truths, then stay away from these questions.

[MannySimms]

'I understand not wanting to date someone with a child-- that I totally get. But the rest, I'm just saddened by the responses here. I'm totally shocked. That's what I get for asking this question."

Yep. You get a slice of life and attitudes. The slice you've uncovered disgusts me. Humans, in general, suck. I'm glad you asked the question!

[Juxtapose]

I don't necessarily find myself in full agreement with the comment poster, but I don't see where the offence is drawn from @Wowgirl30q

He's talking about the dating marketplace, which is inherently shallow. Men will be judged poorly for not being 6ft tall or having six figures in income, both sexes will be judged negatively for having children, etc.

[IronCrossBlueAnon]

Stingray why did you go anonymous?

[OlderAndWiser]

A woman having ANY child below the age of 16 would be a turn off for me.

[standardguy]

Interesting. For me it would the other way round. If she had kids older than 12 I would feel bad. That would mean that she had sex at an early age.

[OlderAndWiser]

@standardguy You may be overlooking the fact that I am 64 years old. I don't want to raise someone else's child and I don't want to deal with all the ways that having a child at home and affect a relationship.

[Wowgirl30q]

That is different in your case I feel sir

[OlderAndWiser]

@Wowgirl30q When I was younger I dated single moms and had no problems with that, except that I occasionally got attached to the children. At my age, the children should be grown and out of the house. Of course, now there are grandchildren and I am okay with that but, usually, they visit for a few hours and then they are gone. At my age, patience for crying babies is not the same as it was earlier.

[Wowgirl30q]

I understand sir when I'm your age I'm sure I will feel the same you did your time 🙂

[Asker]

Completely understandable.

[IronCrossBlueAnon]

@OlderAndWiser why? You wanna hit on a 16 yr old you sicko?

[OlderAndWiser]

@IronCrossBlueAnon WTF are you talking about? No, I am not hitting on anyone below the age of 55 and I never said that I was interested in getting with a 16 year old girl. WTF are you talking about? Explain yourself now!

[IronCrossBlueAnon]

You said something about a child under 16 is a turnoff for you so I assumed you was talking about how you like 16 yr olds

[OlderAndWiser]

@IronCrossBlueAnon What was the original question?

Would a person with a mixed-race child keep you from dating them?

And I answered, "A woman having ANY child below the age of 16 would be a turn off for me." That means that if they have kids below the age of 16, I would not be interested in dating the woman. I would consider dating a woman who has a child age 16 or 17. No I would NOT consider dating any girl below the age of 50 or 55. You really misunderstood the question and response.

[IronCrossBlueAnon]

Sorry about that I saw it as you saying 16 yr olds turned you on

[OlderAndWiser]

@IronCrossBlueAnon I can look at a 16 year old girl and think that she is cute. I'm not blind and younger women are still attractive to older men but it doesn't mean that we are chasing after them, stalking them, etc.

[IronCrossBlueAnon]

I can agree with that sorry for the mixup.

[OlderAndWiser]

@IronCrossBlueAnon We're good!

[Desconhecida]

I respect your right to ask this question. People will always judge us even if we ask about coke or Pepsi preferences.

My answer is simply the truth: when we are in love, we don't care about the baggage. Race is not an issue for me, but the responsibility of a child would only be worth it with the right person

[Asker]

❤❤❤❤

[Cynicaldreamer]

Yes it would, BUT... not because of the race of the child, but because he has a child!
Sorry, but kids are an instant turnoff for me, I don't care if it's black, white, blue... whatever.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Well that would depend on the circumstances. If she decided to have a one night stand and got knocked up then I wouldn't want to date her regardless of the childs race because it shows she is impulsive and irresponsible. If she prefers a guy from a different race then I wouldn't date her because I will never be a race other then the one I am so that would bother me that she would find others more attractive and desirable. If the child was raised by the father and was taught to be racist or just plain abusive (as I've seen be the case for some), that would also be an issue. So again, it depends on the situation.

[BlackRoseFairy]

I am sad to read most of the responses here... it makes you seriously question humanity...
It wouldn't be a problem for me. And I believe we shouldn't be quick to judge and draw conclusions. What does it matter if the child is mixed race or of pure race? I mean, come on, it's still a human being. And unless you know the story behind it - if you really must - keep your mouth shut. 🤐
If you don't like a single mom or single dad move on and leave them alone. You are in no place to judge them though and draw conclusions about what they are or what they did.

[Boppy]

First, only a small amount of the responses posted are racist, not most. They did get a lot of thumbs up though, eeesh.

Second, this is a question about whether or not you would date them. "Move on and leave them alone" is what most people will do when they say they won't date.

Third, yeah it would be good to know the parent's life story. In this case, keeping your mouth shut would mean nobody can answer the question, because it's a hypothetical without any backstory.

[BlackRoseFairy]

When I answered the question there were less answers than now, and most of them were negative and some even insulting (that's where the "shut your mouth" part goes to btw)
If you don't want to date a single parent it is your right to do so, I agree.

But I see no reason to insult someone without knowing.
Yeah sure. Divorce is one way for someone to become a single parent and many assume that that's it and thus they are "untrustworthy" "irresponsible", they "can't hold a relationship" or are "a red flag".
But do you actually know WHY the person chose to get a divorce? Because a divorce can have more reasons than the easily assumed ones.

For example my own mother got her second divorce because my stepfather was abusive. He hit her and she was full of bruises and she even got a black eye once or twice... Because he had drinking issues.
So she chose to take 3 kids - yes, we are 3 - and leave him. And she became a single mom with 2 babies and 1 minor, fighting on her own to raise us. Now put yourself in her shoes and consider how you would feel if every smartass that comes by and sees you as a single mom is quick to assume and insult and draw conclusions...

Also have you ever considered the other way? Like the death of the other parent?
A friend of mine lost her husband when she was 22. Their daughter was 3yo. What names would you call this woman?

[Boppy]

Ah, fair enough for the insulting answers, it's good that they are relatively fewer now that more people have given their opinions.

Unfortunately, the main narrative I hear (not the most likely according to data, just the assumption I hear made often) is that a single mother is the result not of divorce, but of having either no or failed birth control when they're still dating or in a gf/bf relationship where the boyfriend leaves or is kicked out.

My mother divorced from a marriage that had gone loveless and somewhat cruel before meeting my dad, but she left 2 kids with the ex husband for reasons I don't know. Divorce is a tough, painful process almost always, and it's cool that your mom took care of you 3 during such a painful time in your lives.

I hadn't considered death of the parent, but that also makes me sad.

It seems to me that a lot of the answers here have to do with genes. The idea that people who are more closely related genetically (family members) care more for each other because of it. It kinda bugs me as an idea, but I seem to be alone in this, as most people I know care about family members more than unrelated people.
Also, I'm guessing dating and/or marrying someone with a kid is like adopting a child, with any issues someone may have about adoption thrown into the relationship.

As for the "What names would you call this woman?" Please don't put me in that group. I'm just trying to talk, I didn't write any insulting stuff in here and I don't appreciate getting blamed for it.

[BlackRoseFairy]

I'm sorry. It was not directed to you personally. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.

You have a point with the BC cases too...

I agree with you that the genetical background is not always a factor of how close you can be to someone... whether it is a matter of blood relation or race. You can find the same types of people in every country and every race.

[Wowgirl30q]

@Boppy I like eshhhhh🙂

[Aethereal]

I didn't vote because I prefer not to date a single mom. But If I did; the racial features of her child would not be a factor in my decision to date her. I'm mixed race myself, so it might actually even be a plus if things got serious :)

I'm rather surprised to learn some people care about these things. I guess you learn something new everyday.

[Asker]

I agree. It actually. makes me a little sad to read some of these responses.

[creseoo]

Actually I wouldn't be affected if he had a mixed-race child. It's him who I love, and nothing should stop that. If we were to get married, I would love the child as my own. However I must consider for the child, if the child is a different race from me (e. g. I'm Asian, and if the child is African-American) it might cause problems in his/her future life, for example what if he/she got bullied or teased, or what if he/she questions his/her identity, or feels that he/she doesn't belong? These are certainly factors to be considered.

[ariadneR]

Hell no. My dad is black, my mum is Indian so I guess I'm a mixed race child?
Would that mean because of me my parents are undateable?
I think everyone is beautiful in their own way, and sooner or later we are all going to be one big melting pot anyway

[Asker]

I agree. I don't think that stuff matters at all. Some of these comments are hateful.

[juicyjessie]

I agree. Slowly but surely out heritage, customs, colour, etc, are becoming one and the same.

[Anonymous]

I do not want any children as I am a career girl. However, if I was in the situation where I met a guy, with ANY child, who was right for me, then nothing would stop me dating or living with that guy if HE wanted me. I would, of course, do my utmost to be a good mother to that child.

[Asker]

This. Thank you ❤

[Opinion Owner]

Always welcome and thanks!

[Wowgirl30q]

You would be a good mom @juicyjessie

[Opinion Owner]

@Wowgirl30q Thank you! That is so kind of you!

[EmperorOfRussia]

If I were single, I could date a single mom of a White child IF the kid could pass as mine, the mother excels in life and is still attractive enough to make me interested in her and the father of the child supports financially the child.

But a single mother of a mixed race kid, no, I wouldn't date a woman like that, no exceptions. And I don't care if people get judgmental against me, I have no obligation to signal virtues and score brownie points with anyone, I'm not an NGO.

[EmperorOfRussia]

Oh, two pink downvotes yet and none of those entitled piece of works made a point at the moment.

Let me ask you two questions, anon girls, why do you expect us to:

- Take care of a child who doesn't even resemble us.
- Date a woman who very likely has a preference for men of different race than ours.
- Pay for your poor choices when you by your free will pick deadbeats.

I invite those offended girls to answer this and make their points, instead of just downvoting me and playing the outraged victim card.

[GraveDoll]

I would not date anyone with kids period.

Has nothing to do with race. Kids are kids and need guidance and accept to excel as healthy adults. Blaming a child for being born for who there are is the worse kind person. Noo one has a say so in the color that they born with. (hence why racism make no sense to me at the end of the day). So while I could care less about the color I definitely dont want to date a man with kids period. Just seems messy.

[nightdrot]

As a man who would have been the happy father of a mixed race child, it would not be an issue with me. In fact, the most painful moment in my life was when my girlfriend at the time - an African-American woman - aborted our baby without telling me.

Even though my life has turned around and I am the proud father of three (all white children) with my white girlfriend - we don't want to be married - there is not a day that does not go by where I don't wish how much I could tell the baby I never got to hold how much I love him/her and how sorry I am that I failed as a father to protect him/her. (It even hurts that I don't know if I had a son or daughter.)

Suffice to say, that were I not in a relationship, I would not have the least problem with dating the mother of a mixed race child. Gosh knows, I love the mixed race child that I had and never got to know.

[CubsterShura]

I know it's gonna be hard to live with a mix race child and I will have no idea how to look after a kid when I'm very cultural about my own culture (I mean I'm Bengali and I don't really live a Western culture lifestyle). I don't know how the kid will adapt to that and I also don't know how I'll teach them about their original backgrounds (I believe mixed kids deserve to learn about their origin and their culture even if they don't necessarily live that lifestyle).

It's challenging but not impossible and certainly not a problem if I'm considering marrying a man with mixed kids.

[Izumiblu]

Well, i personally wouldn't want to date a person with a child. Race has nothing to do with it. Not saying I wouldn't... well I wouldn't now because im attached, but hypothetically speaking.

My kids will be mixed race anyway.

I can say, as much as I think its shameful to say you wouldn't date someone because of their mixed race kids, I recall seeing a mytake a year or two back by a mixed race girl where she was talking about how some people specifically date people of other races just to be spiteful of their family or because they have some weird infatuation with another race and desire the "looks" of a mixed race child... all of which is weird and gross to me. She spoke of it as if it were quite common. Just weird...

[Pineapple_Boy]

I don't get why you are sadden by the responses and shocked. Dating is the most shallow thing we as human beings do. Everyone is looking for that one in a billion individual so it's not surprising at all that a person with a mixed race kid would be a no no for some. There are people who wouldn't date a person if they support an opposing football team lol. So I don't really think it's that big of a deal for people who voted YES , because they are free to date whoever they are comfortable with. That's just dating.

If I had a mixed race child and someone didn't want to date me because of that, it wouldn't bother me one bit.

[almondcake]

Do you know what? Honestly and this sounds weird and contradictery but having given this much thought yes it would effect my decision but Im quite happy to date any race , so I must ask myself, why is that , Im not racist so there must be another reason but I do not know what it is but knowing my mind its probably more about not wanting to confuse the child ending up with lets say 2 white parents when they are not. That is not fare and very confusing for them. I have seen this with my best friend growing up , looking back its quite sad seeing how confused he was

[Asker]

I don't understand your explanation...
You're not trying to convince the child that they're white.

[almondcake]

No my friend was mixed race but lived with 2 white parents and he seemed confused and upset by this

[almondcake]

Just to add. The world was a different place back then with this subject and Im very pleased to say everythjng is so much better now. I hope you understand what I mean now and the lad was my friend and we never tried to make him anything different to the person he was ☺

[EmbraceThePain]

Well, not just mixed-race child, but any woman who already had a child is most likely not going to be an option that I’d consider wanting to get into sort of long-term relationship with. I’d feel like the stranger in the relationship, as the child she has is from a different biological father, so it would be uncomfortable for me and that would most likely be transparent and seep into my relationship. I’d always feel like it’s me and then “them,” with the latter being the woman and her child. I want my own biological child or if I adopt, it should be done with my partner and I being childless from the start so that it doesn’t feel weird to me. Perhaps I’m explaining it wrong, but this is how I feel about dating women who already have children. I think I may be able to get past this feeling, but it’s unlikely and part of me doesn’t want to get past this feeling because I think it’ll be somewhat unfair to myself, my partner, and the child if I can’t seem to 100% get past this dilemma.

[Wowgirl30q]

@EmbraceThePain our baby would be mixed and also a ninja

[kaewk]

🌚 I see what’s going on.

[Wowgirl30q]

@kaewk we go way back

[Wowgirl30q]

@EmbraceThePain
Not wanting to date a woman with a kid is different then not wanting to date a woman with a mixed race kid. I know you have no issues with race

[Kyle_Apricot]

Other, because single mothers are terrible options.
A personal relationship past is like a credit report... well the equivalent of that credit report would not qualify you for a mortgage.

Any woman who thinks she can't keep a man because her kid is mixed race, is actually another reason why she's undesirable. She's using an innocent child for how it was born as an excuse to not take responsibility for her piss poor life choices.
That tells any man looking at her that she is completely irresponsible and therefore is only a never ending headache of a woman to be with, who will never have your back as a man.

[mommatoldl]

Literally not every single mother is a terrible option.

[Kyle_Apricot]

@mommatoldl And not every single person who goes into bankruptcy is terrible at managing their money. Banks still won't give them another mortgage.

[chihiro_21]

I’m 21 now so that’s kinda out of the question for me, but if I was older (I still don’t know how to take care of myself) then I wouldn’t be opposed to it. It depends on the relationship with the person I’d be seeing. Race would have nothing to do with it and especially not the race of their child. That’s seems stupid

[GoodManDave]

The “mixed race” part wouldn’t bother me at all. The “having a kid” part would make me have to think about whether I’d want to date them or not, just because at this point, I’m not sure I’m ready for the level of dating someone with a kid. That will probably change within 10 or 20 years if I’m still single, but for now...

[Alice2398]

No not at all, i wouldn't date anyone with kids right now in my life because i think that takes a lot of maturity and responsibility and im very young but them being mixed race would definitely not be the reason. All children of all races are beautiful and deserved to feel loved, care free and happy with responsible grown ups to take care of them