Do you think there’s a double standard for dating out of your league?

Question

Here lately I’ve been coming across men that are attracted to me and I think they are out of my league.

It seems like it’s more socially acceptable for a woman to date up and men to date down. Why is that?

Xitomyth · Accepted Answer

Likely due to ancient traditions. Women tend to mature biologically faster than men by about 2 years. This means that they will look more mature than they actually are and are able to have children earlier. A lot of rulers/royals/nobles were expected to produce heirs to rule the people as their successors, and to ensure that no outsider would get the throne. Every place had it's own rules for dealing with this, but it was not uncommon for males to go for younger women, despite the beauty standard, because younger women could more easily get pregnant and produce an heir that was healthy. Women, no matter the society or law, tended to be more frail physically and most were uneducated or destitute if they had not married by some point or fell out of favor. It was practice and courtesy for the men to protect the women back then, so women would seek out strong men, wealthy men, men of power (authority) and influence in order to secure their futures and survival. Men would seek women capable of bearing children and living long enough to become great mothers, and possibly wives (depending on the society). Usually when a spouse died, the survivor would seek out someone younger to ensure their children's future and to protect their legacy, especially if there were no relatives to take them in... These concepts have been passed down over the millennia, corrupted, perverted, and misunderstood over the ages, and have evolved into the social standards we have today. I go for anyone I'm attracted to, some are at the super model level in terms of looks, some are above average beauty, some average, others below average if they have a intellect that I like, etc. I don't base everything on looks, I go more for personality and intelligence, but I do have a minimum standard of beauty, I won't get with someone who looks repulsive to me.

Savage_Wisdom · Accepted Answer

So long as both people are attracted to each other, I don't see what the problem is. "Dating leagues" are more subjective. They might think you're out of their league. So long as the two of you are attracted to each other, why not give it a shot, see what happens.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

I think you should banish the idea of 'leagues.' There is more to people than how they appear on the outside. Far more. It's not a mature attitude to fall back on this.
If you are saying this as what you believe is the 'inferior' person, looks-wise, then you probably just don't think enough of yourself.
Even if you aren't similar to them, physically, you could be making up for that in all kinds of other ways. For instance, apparently 'nice girls' are not so easy to find nowadays. You'd already have a leg up if you were sweet, humble, attentive, not obsessed with validation from social media... the list goes on.

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

When I was working and exposed to hundreds of strangers a day, I often got hit on by guys whose status and appearance was better than mine and before my old job, I had guys who looked good but their education and personality was less attractive than mine and I think it depends on the places you go, in a business setting, you will get opportunities to date up and among friends and churches, you will get chances to date down. Cause guys will be open to dating a woman less attractive than himself if she has a job.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

Yeah, I think so, but I think the reason why that double standard you mentioned exists, is because guys generally have to pursue women and they've got about 10 guys going for them, then why not pick the best.

The main double standards I think of is the looks rating scale and height e. g.:

If you only rate yourself to be a 5/10 without makeup, but 9 with it on, then you aren't entitled to a 9, because whilst you may look good with makeup on, it's not your real look, otherwise you wouldn't wear it.

If you're short for the average woman, like about 4'9, you're not entitled to a guy who's 6'4, i. e. one who's tall for the average man.

Obviously the reality is that people can have whatever standards they want, even if they come across as hypocritical, like there's definitely one about promiscuous men with high body counts wanting virgin women too, I think the reason why that double standard exist, is because men have to make an effort to pursue and have it harder due to that, risking rejection and all.

Caliguy88 · Answer

I think I always date out of my league. I know I’m a good looking guy but my 2 gfs that I dated forever were show stoppers. We’d walk in a bar and all eyes on them. Perfect bodies, blonde hair. Great boobs and butts. I date up because I’m a real gentleman, easy going, thoughtful, well educated, good job... I don’t take home as good looking girls as I date. I put the work in with the girls I date. Always found it funny too that my ex, a girl basically every guy would kill to take home, out of my league etc. She’d get jealous of a lot of chicks that were 10’s. Like, I’m a 7 babe. You don’t need to worry that I spoke to that chick next to us for 30 seconds when she asked me what time it was. Lol

Tyrael · Answer

I'm graduating here but women have more options, but stricter standards.

Men will generally happily sleep "down". That is, someone they don't consider very attractive, earns less than them, is less established in life etc, however you want to view it. However these men don't consider them for long term relationships which is where the issues come in.

Women will date equal and above them. Rarely down unless the guy has serious game. However they want to settle with the best, and are unlikely to accept less. So they're left with a lot of men interested in them, but only a small amount of "viable" long term partners to choose from. And those viable guys are at the top, with their choice of a vast majority of women.

So unfortunately, the men at the bottom get nothing, no matter how good a partner they may be. And the women in the middle, get used by the guys at the top and subsequently end up frustrated and wondering why they're single.

JDavid25 · Answer

Yeah there is and that's okay.. I mean it is what it is... Men always want to provide for women and whatnot.. What I don't care for is the contradiction where women want independence and higher positions bad yet still want to "date up".. It seems sort of greedy..

LThunder · Answer

I disagree, it's way more common to see men dating up. Any lack of 'social acceptance' in these regards isn't only one way or another.

Also, be wary of guys that you think are out of your league. Something women need to understand is men are after one thing sometimes, and they will use women they aren't that attracted to for that one thing. Women need to reintroduce themselves to the concept of "He's just not that into you."

Anonymous · Answer

Woman mostly have more options, like one user said. I've mostly seen couples where they are both in the same league or the man is out of the woman's league. However, I have seen a pretty girl with an ugly guy but I've only seen it like twice and that was it.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

Because of society on how they taught us how to think. My whole thing is potential. Sure, some of these guys you may think are out of your league, but what if it’s because they haven’t been given the chance to? That they haven’t had the right doors opened for them in life? Potential. That’s the thing you have to focus on. And of course, chemistry. Forget people telling you how to think.

Wiredone · Answer

There is nothing wrong with dating a guy who is more established than you are. Actually, more guys prefer it that way. If you didn't discuss it would you date any of those guys?

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

What do you mean in this case by out of your league? Better looking than you?

buddysboy16 · Answer

Women generally have move options for dating than a man in my experience

jasco · Answer

No most women can date just about anyone if their pretty enough. While men can't. Because most of us aren't that good looking

Jamie05rhs · Answer

In what way are they out of your league (in your opinion)?

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think that leagues should be a thing in dating. We all have our own tastes and we shouldn't limit ourselves to people who we think are as attractive as we think we are.

legalboxers · Answer

nope. if Im afraid to date or approach you... I won't

WowwGirl · Answer

No your league is chosen

msc545 · Answer

It isn't really socially acceptable for men to date down.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Because men are the prize.

COMMODOREII · Answer

Not sure. But it makes me wonder where i stand.

MDollarBill · Answer

Just your basic hypergamy.

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