Why some men are bitter and mean to the girls after rejection?

Question

It seems like they liked you a lot, told you many compliments, wanted to spend as much time with you as possible, but after rejection they kinda start hating you and try to hurt you.
When I say rejection, I mean a nice way to say "No", not being rude or something.
It's very immature thing to do, just was curious why do they act like that.

manboy408 · Accepted Answer

Because on a very psychological fundamental core level as a man, rejection to us attacks our identity as a man, a man which has by nature an ego to protect and by society an image that of one to attract women. Any guy that does this is doing 2 things, reacting out of his own nature and natural pain centers that reflect said rejection, and 2 they are acting out of extreme irrational thought by not understanding the rejection and why. There is a difference between acting and reacting pro-actively, most men react out of not understanding some core fundamentals. Women are essentially rejecting us but more so our initial attempt at the date itself, not necessarily us as a person and who we really are but our initial interaction or approach. This reaction is common and out of absolute blind fear often even hatred for that woman or women in general. This is why it is usually on the part of the woman a simple polite "no" and not a vast explanation of WHY NOT, most women feel bad at having to answer No simply because something did not align with their expectations but a simple no is not meant to be used to attack his every core feature of being a man himself. (In short, they are rejecting the approach, not the man himself. Men often take this to heart and usually always personally.) Either way, it still hurts and men always have to endure having been told no, the pervasiveness of it is what makes it really hurt when they have heard it a lot without any real solid feedback from the woman on exactly why, which is of course embarrassing to her to have to explain. I have come to a conclusion that is a bridge we as a species will never get over. There are no pre-defined rules of engagement between men and women so each side thinks their both playing fair and each side thinks their both being cheated. In short, both sexes could learn to be more understanding, proactive, expressive forthcoming in their courtships. I personally would rather a girl that rejects me give me a solid reason/feedback as to why she would no accept so that I might have a chance to improve my incoming ground approach at full speed next time before I hit that wall again... To me the real question here is, women when are you going to start giving valid feedback and tips?

Chico_brah · Accepted Answer

Well a lot of girls don't really understand how much different the dynamic in dating between men and women at younger ages. Younger girls are the more selective sex and that's based on biological logic. It's easy for an attractive girl to ask why guys are bitter when they haven't really experience nearly as much rejection as the guy has. An average girl is going to have a lot more options than an average guy. That's common sense.

On top of this, the entitlement and bullshit that women spew at you when they reject you can sometimes boil you up. Rejection is fine but I've had girls deliberately insult my very existence for simply showing interest.

I hate self loathing attitudes and I wrote a take on rejection a while back on my old account that I'll link here. I can't stand feeble minded guys who take rejection as he end of the world but at the same I can understand their frustrations. I've been rejected a TON of times but I always got back on my feet and tried again with the next girl. That's why I still pulled and other guys didn't.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Because so many of them don't know how to respect themselves or another person. There is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for the behavior. Yes, girls do it too, but men take it to another level. When a girl does it, it's a level of psychotic. You can be nice, kind and respectful and they will still hate you for it. They don't know how to treat women. Many are watching porn or getting influenced from bad people in their lives. And mock and make fun of those who knows how to treat one right. I know, because I had it happened to my all my years as a child and teenage years. I always though I was the one at fault, when I realized at the last minute that I did nothing. You understand? You did NOTHING. And nobody deserves that kind of treatment.

Bitter people are bitter people. They can't love you or respect you when they're like this. In turn, their bitterness made me grow up bitter because it's like no matter where you go, so many acts like this. But I had to let it go. Because I have to be responsible with how that bitterness affect other people. Plus they are very immature and is mentally regressed. A mature male accepts rejection and moves on. They wouldn't hurt you because they felt hurt from being rejected. And if they care about you enough, they would still be friends with you if you're that important to them more than their feelings. And that is IF they wasn't lusting after you for sex. Lusting after you, and you can forget about ever feeling sorry for them. Plus, those with good intentions don't behave like this. It's an act. I've been rejected too, but I rather cry at a corner, or what I did growing up, in my bedroom, than lash out at somebody because of my insecurity issues. And god forbid scare them for life and make them so insecure that they too now have relationship and dating problems.

What so many refuse to understand is what you do now can affect yours and their future. But what to expect from a very selfish world we live in.

Nyx_85 · Accepted Answer

Because movies. In the movies the lead always gets the girl. And who doesn't want to get the girl? Every man wants to be the lead in his life movie. Be the hero. The stud. The suave charmer. The rugged and handsome Adonis of pure male sexiness. The epitome of masculinity.

Is James Bond ever rejected? What about Batman? Thor? Heck you don't even NEED to be hot and tough anymore. There's all of these movies where average looking guys like Seth Rogen, Jon Favreau and Michael Cera get with women way out of their league (ahem Emma Stone and Scarlett Johansson). Because they 'won her over' or something like that. Or she just really liked his sense of humour. Whatever. Point is guys are taught if you are 'this way' (aka the lead) you get the girl. Even if she hasn't made any indication that she even likes you back. If you like her then that's that. And if don't get her well then there must be something severely wrong with you and you need to hand in your man card. Even the lesser attractive sidekick often gets a lesser attractive mate than what his friend gets. Of course all men will prefer the hotter one. Nobody wants to be the sidekick. Or worst yet... the comic relief. You are owed the girl.

Same as with girls being taught a knight in shining armor is coming to recuse them from some imaginary dragon.

And then there are those of us who don't buy into any of that nonsense.

Emms12 · Accepted Answer

I've had this happen to me a few times mainly when I've misread the relationship like I think we're friends but they obviously wanted more but didn't make it clear. One really bad one was this guy and once he knew that I considered him just a mate he wouldn't even say hello to me when we saw each other, we worked together so we saw each other a lot! He'd look at me up and down, scoff and walk off. Someone then told me he was laughing about me behind my back and telling stories, he refused to sit near me like if the only other chair was near me he'd stand up that time of thing. It was and he still does it ( I said no to him 2 years ago now) it's just so nasty. I just saw it as increible immaturity and dodging a bullet because do I really wanna date someone whose that horrible when things don't go his way? Another guy this happened with started yelling at me and blaming me for every little situation to make my life hell. I think it's just revenge? I don't know! But it's so nasty! I just kept being nice to the first guy and didn't by into his little game. Second one was harder we lived together and I had to tell him you need to stop, he ended up moving out 2 week a later after I told him that

LovelyFlower · Accepted Answer

I think this has a lot to do with the "Nice guy" complex that you see a lot these days. Many men do believe in the saying that "nice guys finish last" and complain about being "friend-zoned" and that girls only like bad boys that treat them like crap. They think that by being nice to girls, they can get some, but of course the world doesn't work like that. Also, a lot of guys seem to think that any woman would be flattered having him like her, and they don't see rejection as part of the plan. This reality shock can be quite traumatizing.
PLUS , It's just an animal instinct. It hurts. When someone jabs you with a needle, or punches you, or pinches you, you smack them in the face. It's just a visceral response to pain.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

What you are describing is a break up after a relationship has been formed and not after just one or two dates. Both genders react with anger, not just guys.

Rejection feels like an attack on a person's soul; why wouldn't the rejectee react in a defensive manner?

XRabbitHeartX · Answer

Cause rejection hurts and some people do not have the emotional intelligence to deal with that situation so they lash out instead of handling it in a well mannered way.

ElissaDido · Answer

It has to do with their ego, it gets shattered.
I have never been rejected because I never asked anyone out, but if I asked out a guy and he rejected me, I will most likely feel bitter and offended lol and I will try to avoid him.

thatguyfromtoronto · Answer

I will chime in on this and I will be open-minded as a guy and try to understand the female side to this as well. To start off, there are many factors why guys are bitter after rejection. Understand girls/ladies, guys and men for that matter, who want to ask out girls/women in a genuine way by initiating a convo with a female to get the ball rolling and find someone is on our mind.

Now sure, the 3 major factors as to why a female will say no
1) Taken, 2) Not interested, 3) She thinks he's lying and just after her for sex. But not all guys think this way, ladies, you would be surprised how many great guys there are out there who want to be with only 1 girl or only 1 woman to be with. Don't take this the wrong way ladies, but guys will view women like jobs, you have to try and search for everything that fits your description and narrow it down to see which 1 suits.

But let's say a guy is decent looking, good job, has his shit together and decides to be himself, a good genuine, normal guy and ask 100 girls for a date, chances are 90% or more will say no, therefore when a guy keeps getting rejected it hurts we are human. Girls/women get PISSSSED when a guy rejects them, but here's the difference girls/women can get over quicker because of the support through other girlfriends (your friends) and the constant wooing by other guys.

On a good day for a guy he may get a couple of glances by a girl or a woman, if a girl is pretty she will be looked at from top to bottom so what I am trying to say is rejection hurts more for guys then girls because the true guys/men out there want it to work out. But I just feel that even women who are single, just want to be fun and enjoy life and usually that is true but I know girls who use that merely as a decoy because some guy she dated scorned her, again we are all human.

Could he have handled it better, sure he could have but there are 2 sides to the coin, you as a girl have a right to reject him nicely. However, he can say okay fine don't talk to me? End of the day, guys aren't looking for girls to be our friends, sometimes sure, but unless a girl is into guy stuff like video games, sports and going to a bar to eat wings and joke about stupid shit... why would we talk to a girl? A guy is not going to sit there and listen to your other guy problems if you rejected him unless he's gay or trying to be Mr. Nice-Guy friend to prove you wrong, which let's be honest that does not work either.

Truth 101 from a male point o

Tdieseler · Answer

Yea... well of course its easy for you as a female not to see it. because all you females do is pick and choose. Yes and No. you don't see the background work that guys do, the methods to bump up enough courage to speak to someone you like... when i was younger, it used to take weeks...
then you finally walk up to the person you are attracted to, and the cunt shoots you out of the sky like you ain't shit.
Now imagine this happening, not once, not twice, not THREE TIMES, but your entire fucking life and tell me you won't be frustrated and go off.
(im talking theoretically here... I've rarely been rejected)

YOU get to pick and choose... but you try talking to that one guy you like just for them to act like you are non-existent... then multiply that feeling by at least 100.
What you just said up there... is the reason why i treat women the Very Same Way they treat men... and darling i have to say... im HATED for it.
and they call me all sorts of things, "bitter" included... except im not. i just give people a dose of their own medicine.

I've rejected a lot of girls... but i at least gave them a shot before telling them we won't click, but because all girls do is pick and choose... they can shoot a guy down before he can get a word in...
and then you ask why are they bitter and try to trash the girl... because she IS TRASH. you won't even give someone a chance to state their case? that uppity?

PatriarchalOppressor · Answer

It's because their self-esteem/self-worth is based on women's approval and it chips at their ego to be rejected - which causes them anger and resentment. I used to be that way when I was much younger; however, I don't pursue women anymore and haven't for a ton of years. I let them come to me - but couldn't care less even if they don't. Without even trying, I've rejected the last two women that hit on me. Never gave a single clue that I was interested in them either.

Changed my whole attitude toward women and stopped seeing them as an object to be pursued and now I'm irresistible to some women. Weird stuff. The last one I rejected started to shake and cry right in front of me. She seemed ready to haul off and belt me in the mouth. Had to fight off grinning throughout the entire ordeal.

Don't think this is some kind of psych game I'm playing either. I really stopped caring what women thought of me and my mental health improved 1000 percent. I really REALLY couldn't care less. This isn't something I practiced to attract women through reverse psychology or some PUA BS technique. I'm not running around negging or whatever. I honestly, really, genuinely don't care what women think of me and couldn't care less if I don't get laid. Sex is fun, but it's just sex. I can take it or leave it.

Bizarre, right? Yup. It's not something you can learn or practice either. There's no 'technique'. You genuinely just stop giving a **ck and suddenly you're attractive to some women. Crazy stuff.

viwad · Answer

For every guy who's ever hit on you, there are that many to the nth power of guys who have been rejected by women.

It's amazing how girls actually think they know what it's like getting rejected by a girl.
No, our egoes are not easily damaged. No, we do not have low self-esteem.
It's because rejection fucking hurts. Some people handle pain with different degrees of tolerance. Some people have very low tolerance, and react badly to it. Thus, what you call immature is just someone trying to reconcile being hurt and trying not to show it. It's pretty basic human nature, except that a guy who acts emotional is seen as weak in society and is also likely a turn off to many women.

What happens isn't a blow to the ego. Rather, you've pretty much LOWERED the guy's self-esteem. Thus, as a result of rejection, you have guys who end up with low self-esteem because of rejection they face. Some guys get used to it. Other guys don't.

Doesn't make rejection a positive subject or good thing to do. Rather, you should learn to be considerate of how people feel and whether you would want to be treated that way. And if with kindness you are being treated with rudeness, then you should honor the rejection you've leveraged and move on.

(I'll never understand why girls think they can hurt someone and still want to be their friend.)

InDetail · Answer

Bad experiences associated with rejection, like wondering if she's seeing anyone who's just better on the outside then comparing the inside and assuming that must be better as well, then below then getting insulted by friends and enemies about how much poon you get or don't (doesn't hurt when enemies do it, mainly friends. There's no other guy we can talk to about our problems so until we get intimate we can't vent to anyone even if our guy friends would understand more than her/the person. Its just not the customs of what males do, even mentors for boys without fathers its emasculating to talk about, heck especially with your father figures, cause you feel they're older you let them down just like whoever you have a crush on or see on the street by being inadequate in some way, and we may say we don't care what others think but we're so ready to say that because what others think or what others might thing has wounded us greatly in the past, I've never been rude to a girl for rejecting me but I know what it feels, and its always pretty intense for everyone so either its a bit more intense for these people, or they've been conditioned by their mates or even past gf's to fight back, everyone is a making of their past unless they're smart enough to weave around their sculpting

lemowill · Answer

the real question is what/how did the girl interact or rather accept the precious kindness and/or affection before the "nice/gentleman no" came.

truth is, often times, even if girls (or boys as it goes both ways) dont overtly lead on a person, if they dont immediately state their intention or expectations for the friendship/relationship, then they often inadvertently lead on by NOT doing or saying anything.

if the first time they knew/were aware that the boy was flirting with or showing the start of increased attention to them, they set the parameters for the relationship saying that they just interested in being friends and THATS ALL (legitimitely), and also dont flirt back or just take the attention and ignore the fact that its increase until they start to feel uncomfortable now that its no longer just subtle... by then my dears, you are officially leaving on and there will be hurt feelings... emotions are killers and so we must be very careful how we interact with them. just my two cents

GoodManDave · Answer

I think for some guys, it's a blow to the ego (it usually is, even when they can handle it), and I think some guys take it really really personal.

I''ve been friends with guys who can't handle it and it gets creepy fast, even from an outsiders perspective.

Now, for me, I get all kinds of personal attacks for asking a girl out. No reason that I know of (other than somehow I must look like I'm fun to hurt). Just for coffee, give them respect, and locally, at least, the girl will just about always go for any insecurity they think is there and make it personal... and just about every time, I've treated the girl with respect and kindness, even after the extremely personal attack. I figure asking a girl out and getting a no doesn't mean I have to ignore them or be nasty to them, even if they might deserve it back a bit. I'm bigger than that.

Of course, even though the girls just about always go for an attack (so I have little experience with a kind rejection), I would think even the kinder ones could seem "personal" for a lot of guys; though like you know, we all handle it differently.

Holdmybeer · Answer

Well it depends on what type of character and personality the person has. I for example have been rejected a few times and yes it felt bad but not to the point where it took over me and i started being disrespectful to the girl because as you said it is immature ( knowing and controlling yourself is good). The thing is most of the time guys don't deal well with rejection and most of the time its one of the following reasons:First. Either they didn't expect it and had hopes which hurts more than just a simple rejection you didn't have high hopes for or you knew the answer beforehand. Second. They think the girl has something against them and misunderstand the hole thing and start attacking (verbally most of the time hopefully). And the last one is that simply no one likes being rejected, no one likes feeling bad and we start feeling pushed into a corner. People react differently to that. Some react better some don't. And there are many different other reasons like personal stuff that happened, maybe they have a condition or something or they simply overreact. And it's the same for girls. I could go on days writing about this but you get the point.😂😂 hope this helps.

Grimfangs · Answer

Why guys do that after they're rejected is because they hurt. Now, as per science, the brain deciphers social rejection and romantic rejection through different areas, and the area which processes romance is more closely linked to feelings and emotions than logic.
Now, is it the mature thing to do? No. But consider this. You walk up to your crush, or the man of your dreams and work up all the courage you can to get out the words that you want to convey, and he simply waves all of that struggle off with a no. Doesn't exactly feel nice now, does it? Furthermore, most of the times the excuses that you make are the things which insult a man more. A man can figure out when you're making an excuse even though he won't show it. And that excuse which you give to spare his feelings or avoid being rude just adds insult to the injury. By making that polite excuse, you're basically calling him a fool after rejecting him. Better to just say no instead.
As for more mature men, it doesn't hurt any less than what it used to when they were less mature. They've just had that same pain over and over again and grown a thick skin to it.

krtek · Answer

I did that twice and I'm not proud of it. I promised myself never do that again.

Frustration, envy, sorrow. Imagine: a girl I loved since childhood (over 20 years), but who always ended up dating someone else, made an offer to rent a flat together and work on her hobbies together. Shortly after, she retracted her offer. She proceeded to treat me in a patronizing way, and demand I do certain things to be allowed to contact her. Insult to the injury (pride).

I acted pathetic, I know. Yet it still hurts 2 years later. Now she has a boyfriend and the relationship is going well. GAME OVER. I can't even be friends with her. I've tried for nearly 20 years, unaware of my true feelings towards her (she was my first love and I never had anyone I could trust for advice). I can't be friends, because hanging around with her is a slippery slope for me, eventually I lose control. She has too many traits I like. The best I can do is apologize and move out of her sight, maybe send her calm greetings every holiday.

EthanDuran00 · Answer

from experience I've had it seems like girl just seem to just choose and for most guys it's like we're putting the effort to be with you and when the time comes around to asking the girl for them to say no it's like the guy just wasted like who knows how long plus the courage to ask the girl you have to think about plus when then girl you happen to like during that time doesn't matter how nice you say no it hurts them because it brings down the guys confidence

The first time I had asked a girl out omg it was so bad it was 7th grade. It was at lunch and I had liked this girl for 5 months and I was like okay I'm going to do this walked up to the girl all her friends were with her asked her out and she was "like no sorry I'm not allowed to day" keep that in mind and I was like okay no big deal next day my friend had asked the same girl out she said yes... Okay so that's when I got mad because even though she had said it in a nice way the fact she lied was the thing that pissed me off I was pretty much just a complete asshole to her till the end of 9th grade and beginning of 10th grade then I was an asshole again cause she was starting to be pretty mean to me... and now I'm here where I have no friends and I'm a loner xD my life is so fucked up and it's perfect

Anonymous · Answer

don't expect the guy to be a "friend" after you reject them. In general it benefits straight men almost nothing to have a woman as a "friend" anyways. If he is platonic friends with too many women he also will get labeled negative stereotypes (beta, gay, etc).

Seriously what does he get out of it? Many guys will do nice things (because of subconscious chivalry) for gal pals even though they are not sexually interested. They will buy them drinks, meals, stick up for them, listen to their emotional bs, etc. I know because I had two gal pals I done this for. Although it was strictly platonic but I felt weird about giving them the same treatment in comparison to my buddies.

Also women unintentionally give men bad dating advice (even though when they mean well) because most women don't understand their subconscious sex drive. It's one of the reasons most nice guys are usually raised my domineering mothers.

Anyway it's totally fine to tactfully reject guys. But you are being very disrespectful to them if you "friend zone" them afterwards. If he is a douche right away (after you politely turned him down) than that's his problem. But after the rejection don't ever try to stay friends with him. Don't feel guilty either if you politely turned him down.

askme9049 · Answer

Firstly, it doesn't happen in a si gle day that the guy starts liking a girl. When the girl is not dating anyone and she is spending much of her time with him, the guy starts thinking about her, he may not want to risk hos friendship but somehow in the beginning girls make guys feel that they are everything for her. The guy goes to her get a rejection.. She apparently doesn't feel the same way.. He tries to understand her..
Then may be she makes some more friends he doesn't get that kind of attention and he again tries to convey his feelings to her. He cares for her but she is never there when he needs him. He wants to talk it out but she avoids he feels bad and tries to kill his feeling for her but when she is sad again he again fall for her may be just as a friend.
But now to be with her he has to make lots of efforts and to her availability this things comes in between his career goals and he can't understand for what he is taking all the effort for.. She never takes the effort to ask him how he feels.. There were other people who were showing affectio to him which he ignored.. Lots of things he could have done... And just being friends will continue the cycle all over again he decides to come over her and that's probably by not talking.
You may say why many guys do this same thing but even i may say why all of you do the same thing..
You want a normal friend and i want a girlfriend... Your complain sounds more genuine and not mine but every things comes at a costs.. The all goods in you may make people want you more but not more and may be all goods in me make everyone want be as friends and not more.. Each thing has its own cost just yours sound genuine doesn't mean you are correct.. You are expressing as interrogation why it happens with me all the time.. I as a guy is doing it as a frustration.. But we all are expressing our emotions towards something we can't have.. So if we just try to get this.. Who knows both end will get what they want...

SashaSasha · Answer

there is no way to hate anyway. it can be understood only as personal frustrations with brutal ends, so you do not worry it takes from you actally nothing since you fix what i placed about. but.. if you still care.. in case of this we understand yourz experience about "why...", if it make you thinkig about. the only it sbows, that you still keep at mind that person. maybe it is time to wait for a while.. for sure until you will have exact Yes or No within yourself.. you naybe had a little bit hurry with you No, isn't it?) hovever. the man also looks foolish) only foolidh people hear No) of course he fall in love more fatal as love even can hold) noone girl need deadman, even if he died ih the ocean of passion of her own. you pay me a dollar for this answer, i know) so i tell you the main point ib this. actually. there is no hate. but you tell noone if you know it) and.. there is no choise. feel yourself free. and you can clean with your light any hateness. as high it can be, your tower, and even if you have the best telesystem in the world. you still can not know some of easiest things and not because you silly or it is secret. just there is not time for this. but any your No. it is not summing to your positive scale for shure. pray it won't be too late when yoi decide yes. you already know you're changing.. now believe. not only you. so, i try to say Yes any time. if it comes to me, it is good for shure) if know, it lefts by itself while find no place in my life.

spuitkaas · Answer

I hate it when that happens. A guy who clearly has interest in you and you reject him or say you have a boyfriend and he's like 'well, I never liked you anyway! You're so pathetic to think that everyone likes you' and you're just standing there like 'what just happened'. Also guys calling you a whore or a bitch and acting bitter. Their little pathetic ego's can't help not every girl likes them.

BrittBratt2416 · Answer

Because being rejected hurts, so they try to turn the table on you and send the pain right back were it came from. Some men feel like their to good to be rejected, and that you should be thankful that they even considered speaking with you. And their are men who are tired of being rejected to the point they lash out out of anger and pain.. not saying that's reasonable thing to do but it happens. After being rejected for while it tends to make a person as a man or woman feel like they have no biological purpose.

txrey79 · Answer

Aesop's fables, The fox and the grapes I think helps explain this thinking.. from Wikipedia, "The story concerns a fox that tries to eat grapes from a vine but cannot reach them. Rather than admit defeat, he states they are undesirable." in one version the fox walks away after trying so hard to get the grapes says... "Awww, those grapes are probably sour anyway... " hope this helps...

bad_doc47 · Answer

For me, it was because of the time, effort, energy and emotions I've invested, and she throws them away like it meant nothing. It also depends on the way we were rejected. If she was mature enough to actually talk it out and explain things properly that it is her who doesn't want it and not some fault of mine, or maybe that a few qualities in us aren't compatible, it may be okay, but in a case like mine, where for a small fight she breaks up via text and blocks you everywhere, then it's hard not to feel wronged.

Shawmna · Answer

I think it's caused by a couple different things.

1) Pain often translates into anger, and everyone feels hurt when they're rejected by someone that they like.

2) To compound the matter, men think that things are going well and are encouraged when we don't outright reject them at the same time that we're trying to politely dissuade them by not responding to their overtures, so our rejection seemingly comes out of nowhere.

Also, women aren't rejected as often as men are, so our response is different from theirs. First we're shocked and wonder what's wrong with them or us, then we're hurt, and finally we're angry. They're hurt, then frustrated (because every time they like a woman, she doesn't return the sentiment... and they're going to be alone forever because nobody wants them) and angry (because, man, screw all of them and all of that noise).

WiLLiZ_001 · Answer

Well, I'm not mean to any girl if they reject me bluntly.

Now I do have a problem with girls that act as if they aren't rejecting us but they really are. For example, there was this girl that I gave my number to a month ago, haven't received a text message since. Now, it's not that she hasn't texted me that is the problem. The problem is that her reaction seemed positive and bubbly to that. This is what I call a passive aggressive rejection. If you do this (reject a dude and beat around the bush because you just can't tell him straight up no,) then I will act bitter and will be very angry.

Joti_Harrison · Answer

It's not really a boy or girl question. It's just that men get rejected more because we are the ones who are brave enough to ask girls out. Many girls are kinda lacking in the courage department. Girls probably are not as good in handling rejection, because they rarely get rejected cos they rarely ask guys out.

I don't condone violent behaviour from people who get rejected. The best thing to do is to cut all connections from the person that rejected you and just move on. No need to be rude or mean to the person.

Randilayne · Answer

In my opinion it's because when you reject am man he feels bad about himself it hurts his feelings like he wasn't good enough for you so then he tried to make you feel bad as well so you can feel what he felt when you rejected him. It doesn't make it OK, but It's just human nature a lot of people react this way. It often stems from low self-esteem. The be thing to do is just ignore it and he will move on. Sometimes it may help to just try to talk to them. maybe say something like "I understand I may have made you feel bad by turning you down/rejecting you, and I didn't mean to hurt you, you are a great person you just aren't my type in that way; but I would like to be friends if that is possible." sometimes people just want someone to understand. :)

NourSy · Answer

From the way you ask the question it seems like you get an ego boost by all of the compliments and attention those guys have been giving you. No one is going to lose their dignity if a girl rejects them; therefore, all of the attention they used to give you is now gone and they are moving on you just translate it as if they are hating on you.

One thing to consider too, a lot of times girls and even guys send mixed signals to hook up people or to have options and when they make a choice those people who were given attention and lose it they start being confused and then if they confess to the other sides (after those sides get a date) the answer will be like "oh you just confused between me being nice and interested"

HeresJames1 · Answer

A mix of self reflection, ego, and sexual frustration. Men have been conditioned in society to equate self worth with a few key things; having a woman, having a career, and growing into the normal (since the beginning of time) role of leader/ hunter. So when a guy gets rejected, the instantaneous thought is "am i not good enough to have a girlfriend or a sexual partner... am i not a man... am i not worth it?" , you mix that with sexual frustration which the majority of men have, and you have someone whose feeling desperate to get laid as well as moody from lack of sex and less confidant so then they get rejected and that turns into a personal blow in their mind like a big "youre not good enough".

Spongebob1235 · Answer

I would imagine if they like you a lot, are complimenting you and spending a lot of time together. the impression that the feeling is mutual is kind of being put across.
for them to then be rejected it would feel like wasted time, that youve been leading them on.
feelings may have developed more due to all things i stated above, so it would have hurt more

lumos · Answer

Because they're hurt and can't handle rejection, so instead of handling it like a mature person, they take it out on whoever rejected them. A mature person would just say ok, that's fine, and move on. Maybe feel down for a while, but not blame those feelings on anyone. Someone with a fragile ego would not want to process those feelings, so they try to numb themselves by putting the blame on the person who rejected them (even though there's no blame to put on anyone) and try to hide their sadness with anger and bitterness.

sjoes006 · Answer

This isn't unique to men AT ALL. Rejection hurts, it sux. Guys put themselves out there way more and often if in the same friend group they can't escape you so they just want to make clear, message received.

Reason varies from butt hurt to he was simply chasing tail and now that you're a no go he can't have you hanging around. Onto the next mission.

The question was s why do you care? Work on being a kind considerate person when saying no thanks and then totally expect full departure of coldness so as not to confuse things. They may warm up in time if you were true friends before.

Ananchor · Answer

I've noticed that when gets are rude/mad it's usually because they think a girl "lead them on"
But in reality the women in question would probably be perplexed as to how she lead him on when she's nice in the same way to everyone. And the truth in guys have a hard time differentiating between friendly/nice and flirting. Mostly because the norm is for women not to say how they really feel and thus leave guys with having to figure out if we like them or not.
It's a crap shoot, girls can't be nice without guys thinking they like them
And girls don't tell guys what they feel so the guys don't know.
... but then again girls out and out tell guys they only see them as friends and guys bitch about being friend zoned and ask questions about how to get out of it then get pissed when she shoots you down...

Losalt · Answer

Two things, pain and testosterone.
It hurts being rejected.
And we got lots of testosterone to help us fight of other guys (duels for your hand/war) and to protect you and us against dangers (bears/lions/raiders).
And you know how wounded animals are more dangerous then animals that's not hurt?
Well, how does mixing all of those sound?
Basically it's a either you're with us or against us kind of thing and it's surprisingly hard to resist hormones like that as I'm sure you girls can attest to during your period.
Don't get me wrong, it *can* be done and people get different doses of hormones (with some men and women getting little and some a lot)
Well, that's my guess anyway.

I resisted the urge to be an asshole and mean to my ex when she broke up.
But it sure as heck wasn't easy.

MattMcCoy · Answer

Well first this isn't just a guy thing, people in general do this. I've had some amazing relationships one in particular where for some reason she acted like she hated me. My guess is that it is part insecurity and a defense mechanism. No one wants to be hurt so if they treat the person or relationship as being bad or negative they can more easily deal with the loss.

Kreneman · Answer

Rejection is very serious with men because Men seek women (Which is very common) and it hurts when we cannot have the woman that we want especially on the positive side like when things are going good, she's single or the woman have nothing to lose but have no explanation on why of giving that man a chance (Which makes men mad and mean to women). My advice to women is when talking to a guy (the same for men towards women) using different types of words or sentences (like speaking in parables) is a big help.

MrQuick · Answer

I don't know. I never acted butt hurt over it. It registered (the rejection) but you move to the next chick. It's a simple question of numbers: there are more girls than guys. Eventually you land one.
My problem is when you get rejected and move on without issues..., the girl gets pissed that you "so easily" showed interest in another lady! What the hell difference does it make? You weren't interested, right? Women act like you committed a crime if you find another chick in proximity attractive after you thought she was.

dragonfly6516 · Answer

Not that I'm agreeing with them and excusing their behavior, but why do you expect them to keep treating you the same when you find out that they want more than just friendship? They were doing all those things for you because they wanted more, so the best thing for both of you is if they move on and you let them go.

cth96190 · Answer

I did not have a problem with rejection per se. I did not like it, of course, but I smiled and moved on.
What pissed me off was when a girl would give me the 'not ready for a relationship' speech (although there had not been mention of a relationship, just a date), or some other BS scripted response; then a few days later I would see her fawning over a knuckle dragger, or some form of the bad boy.
It was not until I was about 30 that I came to realise that those girls did me a favour when they said no.
As for males who become nasty, or aggressive, that response is usually a sign of low IQ, combined with a toxic culture and a sense of narscisstic entitlement.
Then there was the likes of Elliot Roger, who was a sad case of mental illness.

kaylaS91 · Answer

Most of these men also being socially incompetent, so the resulting low self-confidence makes them turn to the primary coping mechanism of insulting the perpetrator (ie. all women).

Also, many cultures raise their men to believe that they are entitled to win the 'affection' of any woman he wants so.. when he moves to a westernized society and realizes that this is not how things work in reality.. it's like a rude awakening. Again, the default coping mechanism of complaining and laying all of the blame on the perpetrator is employed.

itiskissie · Answer

So many hurt people in the comment section. It is call nothing but insecurities and being butt hurt. Guys like this think they are entitled to have the girl he wishes, when he don't he becomes childish. The same does girls. What I have learnt (from being on both side as a women) is to leave a guy if he rejects you. No need to become rude or upset. He said no, just leave it at that.. you don't have to become his friend nor his enemy. Just take time for yourself. If you reject a guy, don't expect him to be your friend at all, and if he is rude and disrespectful call him out and tell him to butt out your life. This shouldn't be hard for decent adult beings.

No is no.

Cakewalk · Answer

Rejection = Impossible to obtain. Once you say no, and we aren't the psycho type, we understand we'll never be able to achieve whatever we wanted. Our brain fixes the problem by thinking we never wanted it in the first place. We hate every aspect of it. It's with matured people that they can realize this fault and look past it to really fix the problem, of possible.

quakka · Answer

it's a matter of self satisfaction and a subconscious yet at the same time intentional way of making the female feel what he had felt your words to you seem innocent to you because well you did not feel what he felt and that hurt him so in retaliation he gets satisfaction by utilizing harsh words and statements as a form of psychological warfare against yourself to hopefully cause you to lose a sense of confidence if by chance that is successful your weakness becomes there strength. don't allow this to happen and just remember they are merely words or actions in lieu of there heart break it's not there fault it's a physiological self defense mechanism. your best option it's too cut all ties to the individual.

mzr0004 · Answer

not only men even girls act like that. its in some people nature that they can't accept rejection and even they accept they can't accept the people who rejected bcoz they remembers their weakness and their defeat everytime they see that person and it happens. its like u loved a person with all ur heart and they rejected u and sometimes it breaks the person from inside and it happens its normal and sometimes its about ego like how dare they rejected me? but try to understand him he is being rejected and its a pain to him or maybe after rejection he might started thinking that he is not attractive or like that.
just give him time maybe after some time he will understand reason of ur rejection or if u really treasure his friendship then try to convince him u didn't wanted to hurt him.

Anonymous · Answer

Rejection really hurts. I got rejected once and I cried for a few days, no joke. Now that happen to me once, but the average guy probably gets rejected dozens of times a year so it can be extremely painful for them. Furthermore a lot of women can be bitchy when rejecting a guy so that makes things even 100x worst.

JohnDoe3000 · Answer

The anger after rejection is not a gendered issue. Men do tend to show it more often, while women tend to spin it into "he must be gay/intimidated/afraid of commitment/dumb, etc..." Of course since the vast majority of women are too chicken to ever make a direct move they get rejected way less often.

NewKerbalEmpire · Answer

I genuinely have no idea. I do find it funny, however, that they often call the girl a "slut" for not being easy enough, when that is the exact opposite of what the word means. Maybe I shouldn't be laughing, though, because a lot of them are probably very lonely and not used to being that way.

Daniel3035 · Answer

When girls give an honest and decent answer were fine but when a girl gives a ridiculous answer or when we ask why and they can't say why that's when we get bitter and mean if you don't give a decent answer or can't say why clearly your lying. And that's disrespectful to a man because I have just gathered the strength and bravery to ask you out and when I am asking you out I am not only asking you to be my potential wife I am asking to share my home to share my salary the money I get for working barely goes towards me it goes towards the bills food the kids the wifes make up etc and yet the funny thing is i'm the one asking you for this? Makes sense right? And then here's this girl lying to my face considering everything above is included is such a simple question the very least a woman can do is give a truthful answer. Because that is taking the pee pee.

Mexicoman101 · Answer

Well, women are some of the worst at processing rejection between sexes, in my opinion, but some men will literally go out for blood. I think mostly that's just a manifestation of sexual repression. The one time I acted in a very vicious way towards a woman it was basically entirely motivated by a sexual impulse gone dormant in her rejection of me, & I really didn't find her personality or intellect to be as worth sticking around as her Kardashian like ass. But I think sometimes its also that there's an emotional defeceit that comes from being ignored by the opposite sex which enraptures a males psychology in ways that become a daily problem to confront, one which many do not or will not have the skill to not takw out on random future women.

pumplenickel · Answer

Just tonight actually. I rejected a guy, who had been calling me for months off of no caller ID and I decided to answer and tell him to go fuck himself. Instead I politely asked him to please stop calling me lol (usually don't go the nice route, here's why) & he fucking called me a fluff and some other shit basically just saying I'm fat and lazy and useless. Now none of this stuff hurts me because come on I know I'm awesome lol but no really it just bothered me that he thought he could basically harass me for months and then decide to disrespect me once I finally grace him with my audio presence. I don't understand someone please help me, no but anyways these men need help!! #StopTheCrazies2017

HitGirl_4680 · Answer

I've been called ugly, to go kill myself among other nasty things just for not being interested in a guy or taking on his advances in one way or another.

And I can confirm I've not been a nasty mean bitch to him to warrant that reaction.

So I concur with this post whole heartedly.

Why turn into such a nasty mean person just because you don't get the answer or outcome you want, when the girl hasn't been mean to you? She had the right to choose for her own reasons that you are not aware of be it she's not single, not straight, just out of a long term relationship etc that she's not interested.

chrismarie5589 · Answer

Lol so put yourself in a guys shoes... you build up the courage to ask him out and BAM he says no... it's kinda ego-damaging, don't you think? I'm not saying that being fussy and rude about it is ok on his part, not at all. It's just a way to protect his pride. Read about cognitive dissonance and you'd appreciate it. :)

Gamezordd · Answer

Some men would see you in a way from the start but would be timid not to set off your alarms by being "just friendly", quite friendly actually. Until they think you are comfortable enough with them, then they will put take the risk and give you a choice, to take or reject them.

All this time they have imagined the two of you together and have a lot of mental investment in there, so for you to accept them is very important to them.

Once you do reject this change in relationship, however, all of this mental investment goes to waste, all that he thought, nothing anymore. Which stirs up hostile emotions.

I blame the guys.

Ccmama · Answer

They shouldn't be mean or bitter towards them (same for girls). However, you can't expect the guy to keep giving you special attention and act like nothing happened after you reject them. I had to keep my distance from my guy friend after he rejected me (especially when he kept giving me mixed signals before and after), but we don't talk anymore and I decided to end my friendship

Prof_Don · Answer

For some guys, the frustration of being constantly rejected gets the better of them.

This burden of having to directly put yourself out there and directly endure rejection repeatedly to find a partner, is something women will never be able to completely understand.

philipph · Answer

there may be very different motives...
by exeperience i know that some may also do it to reduce the connection, show their freedom and independance or try to reduce their feelings of attachment - simply by being mean.
other reasons may be that they dont know how to handle such a situation - never learned it or that they want to mask their real feelings of pain, sadnes, shame or boredom.
what else? there are many more cenarios possible - my suggestion - ask which need he tries to fulfill with his strategy...

adamsshadow · Answer

it's just the devil showing its face. many men boys whatever you want to call them have rejection fears. this could stem from many situations like spending a lot of time and energy (i mean the act of courting) on a crush for a month or so just to find she wants to be friends. you feel embarrassed, bamboozled, and to top it off most guys don't have real friends growing up so they deal with the lip service on their end for their faliure. that's just one insight. in no way am I condoning the fuck boy behavior. in the end I find it funny we all want to fall for someone.

SilvanRaptor · Answer

it all comes down to the old adage of counting one's chickens before they hatch and the lack of self worth that comes with years of comparing oneself to all of the perceived "successful" romancers. they invest so much time and emotion into a person, on the same level as those already in a relationship. it's foolish, especially when they treat asking people out as a huge risk and then being so confused when it was a huge risk.

watch out for the ones that stick around though, if they couldn't handle you rejecting them, just imagine how salty they'll be when you start looking at future potential partners.

FatherJack · Answer

The best way is simply walk away & be done with it , a man especially will receive far more rejection than a woman , as men are less desired overall than women are , plus a man IS expected to make a bold first move. Never done this , but this would be down to wounded pride , ego & a feeling of worthlessness , men also do not have the support networks & emotional support women do , so this may contribute to lashing out.
However a lot of young women actually revel in dishing out mean & nasty rejections , saw this many a time as a former doorman !!

peachblossomluck · Answer

What they don't seem to realize is that they aren't owed the happily ever after because they "showed up." Life doesn't work like that. Chances are she was putting out a bunch of hints she wasn't interested but he ignored them and tried to push his agenda anyway. Some people don't have any clue how to relate to other people and decide that they are entitled to get their way. That's why they need to do away with participation medals and encourage some actual competitive skills at life.

the_RED_pill · Answer

Us men, we are not conditioned to process emotions nearly as well as our female counterparts. With that in mind, when a man is rejected, assuming he has never faced rejection before, will react aggressively because he initially will feel inadequate; his confidence will take a nosedive.

A man who has been down the bitter road of rejection before will react to rejection in healthier ways such as changing one's appearance or lifestyle and improving as a human being as a result.

Guy2345 · Answer

Because women don't generally risk rejection, so they rarely out themselves in a position to be rejected - i. e. they rarely ever ask a man for a date. Men are constantly dealing with rejection and it gets old fast. Repeatedly attempting to get a risk-averse class within our society to actually say, "Yes" is extremely frustrating...

Why some men are bitter and mean to the girls after rejection?

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