Why some men are bitter and mean to the girls after rejection?

Question

It seems like they liked you a lot, told you many compliments, wanted to spend as much time with you as possible, but after rejection they kinda start hating you and try to hurt you.
When I say rejection, I mean a nice way to say "No", not being rude or something.
It's very immature thing to do, just was curious why do they act like that.

manboy408 · Accepted Answer

Because on a very psychological fundamental core level as a man, rejection to us attacks our identity as a man, a man which has by nature an ego to protect and by society an image that of one to attract women. Any guy that does this is doing 2 things, reacting out of his own nature and natural pain centers that reflect said rejection, and 2 they are acting out of extreme irrational thought by not understanding the rejection and why. There is a difference between acting and reacting pro-actively, most men react out of not understanding some core fundamentals. Women are essentially rejecting us but more so our initial attempt at the date itself, not necessarily us as a person and who we really are but our initial interaction or approach. This reaction is common and out of absolute blind fear often even hatred for that woman or women in general. This is why it is usually on the part of the woman a simple polite "no" and not a vast explanation of WHY NOT, most women feel bad at having to answer No simply because something did not align with their expectations but a simple no is not meant to be used to attack his every core feature of being a man himself. (In short, they are rejecting the approach, not the man himself. Men often take this to heart and usually always personally.) Either way, it still hurts and men always have to endure having been told no, the pervasiveness of it is what makes it really hurt when they have heard it a lot without any real solid feedback from the woman on exactly why, which is of course embarrassing to her to have to explain. I have come to a conclusion that is a bridge we as a species will never get over. There are no pre-defined rules of engagement between men and women so each side thinks their both playing fair and each side thinks their both being cheated. In short, both sexes could learn to be more understanding, proactive, expressive forthcoming in their courtships. I personally would rather a girl that rejects me give me a solid reason/feedback as to why she would no accept so that I might have a chance to improve my incoming ground approach at full speed next time before I hit that wall again... To me the real question here is, women when are you going to start giving valid feedback and tips?

Chico_brah · Accepted Answer

Well a lot of girls don't really understand how much different the dynamic in dating between men and women at younger ages. Younger girls are the more selective sex and that's based on biological logic. It's easy for an attractive girl to ask why guys are bitter when they haven't really experience nearly as much rejection as the guy has. An average girl is going to have a lot more options than an average guy. That's common sense.

On top of this, the entitlement and bullshit that women spew at you when they reject you can sometimes boil you up. Rejection is fine but I've had girls deliberately insult my very existence for simply showing interest.

I hate self loathing attitudes and I wrote a take on rejection a while back on my old account that I'll link here. I can't stand feeble minded guys who take rejection as he end of the world but at the same I can understand their frustrations. I've been rejected a TON of times but I always got back on my feet and tried again with the next girl. That's why I still pulled and other guys didn't.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Because so many of them don't know how to respect themselves or another person. There is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for the behavior. Yes, girls do it too, but men take it to another level. When a girl does it, it's a level of psychotic. You can be nice, kind and respectful and they will still hate you for it. They don't know how to treat women. Many are watching porn or getting influenced from bad people in their lives. And mock and make fun of those who knows how to treat one right. I know, because I had it happened to my all my years as a child and teenage years. I always though I was the one at fault, when I realized at the last minute that I did nothing. You understand? You did NOTHING. And nobody deserves that kind of treatment.

Bitter people are bitter people. They can't love you or respect you when they're like this. In turn, their bitterness made me grow up bitter because it's like no matter where you go, so many acts like this. But I had to let it go. Because I have to be responsible with how that bitterness affect other people. Plus they are very immature and is mentally regressed. A mature male accepts rejection and moves on. They wouldn't hurt you because they felt hurt from being rejected. And if they care about you enough, they would still be friends with you if you're that important to them more than their feelings. And that is IF they wasn't lusting after you for sex. Lusting after you, and you can forget about ever feeling sorry for them. Plus, those with good intentions don't behave like this. It's an act. I've been rejected too, but I rather cry at a corner, or what I did growing up, in my bedroom, than lash out at somebody because of my insecurity issues. And god forbid scare them for life and make them so insecure that they too now have relationship and dating problems.

What so many refuse to understand is what you do now can affect yours and their future. But what to expect from a very selfish world we live in.

Nyx_85 · Accepted Answer

Because movies. In the movies the lead always gets the girl. And who doesn't want to get the girl? Every man wants to be the lead in his life movie. Be the hero. The stud. The suave charmer. The rugged and handsome Adonis of pure male sexiness. The epitome of masculinity.

Is James Bond ever rejected? What about Batman? Thor? Heck you don't even NEED to be hot and tough anymore. There's all of these movies where average looking guys like Seth Rogen, Jon Favreau and Michael Cera get with women way out of their league (ahem Emma Stone and Scarlett Johansson). Because they 'won her over' or something like that. Or she just really liked his sense of humour. Whatever. Point is guys are taught if you are 'this way' (aka the lead) you get the girl. Even if she hasn't made any indication that she even likes you back. If you like her then that's that. And if don't get her well then there must be something severely wrong with you and you need to hand in your man card. Even the lesser attractive sidekick often gets a lesser attractive mate than what his friend gets. Of course all men will prefer the hotter one. Nobody wants to be the sidekick. Or worst yet... the comic relief. You are owed the girl.

Same as with girls being taught a knight in shining armor is coming to recuse them from some imaginary dragon.

And then there are those of us who don't buy into any of that nonsense.

Emms12 · Accepted Answer

I've had this happen to me a few times mainly when I've misread the relationship like I think we're friends but they obviously wanted more but didn't make it clear. One really bad one was this guy and once he knew that I considered him just a mate he wouldn't even say hello to me when we saw each other, we worked together so we saw each other a lot! He'd look at me up and down, scoff and walk off. Someone then told me he was laughing about me behind my back and telling stories, he refused to sit near me like if the only other chair was near me he'd stand up that time of thing. It was and he still does it ( I said no to him 2 years ago now) it's just so nasty. I just saw it as increible immaturity and dodging a bullet because do I really wanna date someone whose that horrible when things don't go his way? Another guy this happened with started yelling at me and blaming me for every little situation to make my life hell. I think it's just revenge? I don't know! But it's so nasty! I just kept being nice to the first guy and didn't by into his little game. Second one was harder we lived together and I had to tell him you need to stop, he ended up moving out 2 week a later after I told him that

LovelyFlower · Accepted Answer

I think this has a lot to do with the "Nice guy" complex that you see a lot these days. Many men do believe in the saying that "nice guys finish last" and complain about being "friend-zoned" and that girls only like bad boys that treat them like crap. They think that by being nice to girls, they can get some, but of course the world doesn't work like that. Also, a lot of guys seem to think that any woman would be flattered having him like her, and they don't see rejection as part of the plan. This reality shock can be quite traumatizing.
PLUS , It's just an animal instinct. It hurts. When someone jabs you with a needle, or punches you, or pinches you, you smack them in the face. It's just a visceral response to pain.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

What you are describing is a break up after a relationship has been formed and not after just one or two dates. Both genders react with anger, not just guys.

Rejection feels like an attack on a person's soul; why wouldn't the rejectee react in a defensive manner?

XRabbitHeartX · Answer

Cause rejection hurts and some people do not have the emotional intelligence to deal with that situation so they lash out instead of handling it in a well mannered way.

ElissaDido · Answer

It has to do with their ego, it gets shattered.
I have never been rejected because I never asked anyone out, but if I asked out a guy and he rejected me, I will most likely feel bitter and offended lol and I will try to avoid him.

thatguyfromtoronto · Answer

I will chime in on this and I will be open-minded as a guy and try to understand the female side to this as well. To start off, there are many factors why guys are bitter after rejection. Understand girls/ladies, guys and men for that matter, who want to ask out girls/women in a genuine way by initiating a convo with a female to get the ball rolling and find someone is on our mind.

Now sure, the 3 major factors as to why a female will say no
1) Taken, 2) Not interested, 3) She thinks he's lying and just after her for sex. But not all guys think this way, ladies, you would be surprised how many great guys there are out there who want to be with only 1 girl or only 1 woman to be with. Don't take this the wrong way ladies, but guys will view women like jobs, you have to try and search for everything that fits your description and narrow it down to see which 1 suits.

But let's say a guy is decent looking, good job, has his shit together and decides to be himself, a good genuine, normal guy and ask 100 girls for a date, chances are 90% or more will say no, therefore when a guy keeps getting rejected it hurts we are human. Girls/women get PISSSSED when a guy rejects them, but here's the difference girls/women can get over quicker because of the support through other girlfriends (your friends) and the constant wooing by other guys.

On a good day for a guy he may get a couple of glances by a girl or a woman, if a girl is pretty she will be looked at from top to bottom so what I am trying to say is rejection hurts more for guys then girls because the true guys/men out there want it to work out. But I just feel that even women who are single, just want to be fun and enjoy life and usually that is true but I know girls who use that merely as a decoy because some guy she dated scorned her, again we are all human.

Could he have handled it better, sure he could have but there are 2 sides to the coin, you as a girl have a right to reject him nicely. However, he can say okay fine don't talk to me? End of the day, guys aren't looking for girls to be our friends, sometimes sure, but unless a girl is into guy stuff like video games, sports and going to a bar to eat wings and joke about stupid shit... why would we talk to a girl? A guy is not going to sit there and listen to your other guy problems if you rejected him unless he's gay or trying to be Mr. Nice-Guy friend to prove you wrong, which let's be honest that does not work either.

Truth 101 from a male point o

Tdieseler · Answer

Yea... well of course its easy for you as a female not to see it. because all you females do is pick and choose. Yes and No. you don't see the background work that guys do, the methods to bump up enough courage to speak to someone you like... when i was younger, it used to take weeks...
then you finally walk up to the person you are attracted to, and the cunt shoots you out of the sky like you ain't shit.
Now imagine this happening, not once, not twice, not THREE TIMES, but your entire fucking life and tell me you won't be frustrated and go off.
(im talking theoretically here... I've rarely been rejected)

YOU get to pick and choose... but you try talking to that one guy you like just for them to act like you are non-existent... then multiply that feeling by at least 100.
What you just said up there... is the reason why i treat women the Very Same Way they treat men... and darling i have to say... im HATED for it.
and they call me all sorts of things, "bitter" included... except im not. i just give people a dose of their own medicine.

I've rejected a lot of girls... but i at least gave them a shot before telling them we won't click, but because all girls do is pick and choose... they can shoot a guy down before he can get a word in...
and then you ask why are they bitter and try to trash the girl... because she IS TRASH. you won't even give someone a chance to state their case? that uppity?

PatriarchalOppressor · Answer

It's because their self-esteem/self-worth is based on women's approval and it chips at their ego to be rejected - which causes them anger and resentment. I used to be that way when I was much younger; however, I don't pursue women anymore and haven't for a ton of years. I let them come to me - but couldn't care less even if they don't. Without even trying, I've rejected the last two women that hit on me. Never gave a single clue that I was interested in them either.

Changed my whole attitude toward women and stopped seeing them as an object to be pursued and now I'm irresistible to some women. Weird stuff. The last one I rejected started to shake and cry right in front of me. She seemed ready to haul off and belt me in the mouth. Had to fight off grinning throughout the entire ordeal.

Don't think this is some kind of psych game I'm playing either. I really stopped caring what women thought of me and my mental health improved 1000 percent. I really REALLY couldn't care less. This isn't something I practiced to attract women through reverse psychology or some PUA BS technique. I'm not running around negging or whatever. I honestly, really, genuinely don't care what women think of me and couldn't care less if I don't get laid. Sex is fun, but it's just sex. I can take it or leave it.

Bizarre, right? Yup. It's not something you can learn or practice either. There's no 'technique'. You genuinely just stop giving a **ck and suddenly you're attractive to some women. Crazy stuff.

viwad · Answer

For every guy who's ever hit on you, there are that many to the nth power of guys who have been rejected by women.

It's amazing how girls actually think they know what it's like getting rejected by a girl.
No, our egoes are not easily damaged. No, we do not have low self-esteem.
It's because rejection fucking hurts. Some people handle pain with different degrees of tolerance. Some people have very low tolerance, and react badly to it. Thus, what you call immature is just someone trying to reconcile being hurt and trying not to show it. It's pretty basic human nature, except that a guy who acts emotional is seen as weak in society and is also likely a turn off to many women.

What happens isn't a blow to the ego. Rather, you've pretty much LOWERED the guy's self-esteem. Thus, as a result of rejection, you have guys who end up with low self-esteem because of rejection they face. Some guys get used to it. Other guys don't.

Doesn't make rejection a positive subject or good thing to do. Rather, you should learn to be considerate of how people feel and whether you would want to be treated that way. And if with kindness you are being treated with rudeness, then you should honor the rejection you've leveraged and move on.

(I'll never understand why girls think they can hurt someone and still want to be their friend.)

InDetail · Answer

Bad experiences associated with rejection, like wondering if she's seeing anyone who's just better on the outside then comparing the inside and assuming that must be better as well, then below then getting insulted by friends and enemies about how much poon you get or don't (doesn't hurt when enemies do it, mainly friends. There's no other guy we can talk to about our problems so until we get intimate we can't vent to anyone even if our guy friends would understand more than her/the person. Its just not the customs of what males do, even mentors for boys without fathers its emasculating to talk about, heck especially with your father figures, cause you feel they're older you let them down just like whoever you have a crush on or see on the street by being inadequate in some way, and we may say we don't care what others think but we're so ready to say that because what others think or what others might thing has wounded us greatly in the past, I've never been rude to a girl for rejecting me but I know what it feels, and its always pretty intense for everyone so either its a bit more intense for these people, or they've been conditioned by their mates or even past gf's to fight back, everyone is a making of their past unless they're smart enough to weave around their sculpting

lemowill · Answer

the real question is what/how did the girl interact or rather accept the precious kindness and/or affection before the "nice/gentleman no" came.

truth is, often times, even if girls (or boys as it goes both ways) dont overtly lead on a person, if they dont immediately state their intention or expectations for the friendship/relationship, then they often inadvertently lead on by NOT doing or saying anything.

if the first time they knew/were aware that the boy was flirting with or showing the start of increased attention to them, they set the parameters for the relationship saying that they just interested in being friends and THATS ALL (legitimitely), and also dont flirt back or just take the attention and ignore the fact that its increase until they start to feel uncomfortable now that its no longer just subtle... by then my dears, you are officially leaving on and there will be hurt feelings... emotions are killers and so we must be very careful how we interact with them. just my two cents

GoodManDave · Answer

I think for some guys, it's a blow to the ego (it usually is, even when they can handle it), and I think some guys take it really really personal.

I''ve been friends with guys who can't handle it and it gets creepy fast, even from an outsiders perspective.

Now, for me, I get all kinds of personal attacks for asking a girl out. No reason that I know of (other than somehow I must look like I'm fun to hurt). Just for coffee, give them respect, and locally, at least, the girl will just about always go for any insecurity they think is there and make it personal... and just about every time, I've treated the girl with respect and kindness, even after the extremely personal attack. I figure asking a girl out and getting a no doesn't mean I have to ignore them or be nasty to them, even if they might deserve it back a bit. I'm bigger than that.

Of course, even though the girls just about always go for an attack (so I have little experience with a kind rejection), I would think even the kinder ones could seem "personal" for a lot of guys; though like you know, we all handle it differently.

Holdmybeer · Answer

Well it depends on what type of character and personality the person has. I for example have been rejected a few times and yes it felt bad but not to the point where it took over me and i started being disrespectful to the girl because as you said it is immature ( knowing and controlling yourself is good). The thing is most of the time guys don't deal well with rejection and most of the time its one of the following reasons:First. Either they didn't expect it and had hopes which hurts more than just a simple rejection you didn't have high hopes for or you knew the answer beforehand. Second. They think the girl has something against them and misunderstand the hole thing and start attacking (verbally most of the time hopefully). And the last one is that simply no one likes being rejected, no one likes feeling bad and we start feeling pushed into a corner. People react differently to that. Some react better some don't. And there are many different other reasons like personal stuff that happened, maybe they have a condition or something or they simply overreact. And it's the same for girls. I could go on days writing about this but you get the point.😂😂 hope this helps.

Grimfangs · Answer

Why guys do that after they're rejected is because they hurt. Now, as per science, the brain deciphers social rejection and romantic rejection through different areas, and the area which processes romance is more closely linked to feelings and emotions than logic.
Now, is it the mature thing to do? No. But consider this. You walk up to your crush, or the man of your dreams and work up all the courage you can to get out the words that you want to convey, and he simply waves all of that struggle off with a no. Doesn't exactly feel nice now, does it? Furthermore, most of the times the excuses that you make are the things which insult a man more. A man can figure out when you're making an excuse even though he won't show it. And that excuse which you give to spare his feelings or avoid being rude just adds insult to the injury. By making that polite excuse, you're basically calling him a fool after rejecting him. Better to just say no instead.
As for more mature men, it doesn't hurt any less than what it used to when they were less mature. They've just had that same pain over and over again and grown a thick skin to it.

krtek · Answer

I did that twice and I'm not proud of it. I promised myself never do that again.

Frustration, envy, sorrow. Imagine: a girl I loved since childhood (over 20 years), but who always ended up dating someone else, made an offer to rent a flat together and work on her hobbies together. Shortly after, she retracted her offer. She proceeded to treat me in a patronizing way, and demand I do certain things to be allowed to contact her. Insult to the injury (pride).

I acted pathetic, I know. Yet it still hurts 2 years later. Now she has a boyfriend and the relationship is going well. GAME OVER. I can't even be friends with her. I've tried for nearly 20 years, unaware of my true feelings towards her (she was my first love and I never had anyone I could trust for advice). I can't be friends, because hanging around with her is a slippery slope for me, eventually I lose control. She has too many traits I like. The best I can do is apologize and move out of her sight, maybe send her calm greetings every holiday.

EthanDuran00 · Answer

from experience I've had it seems like girl just seem to just choose and for most guys it's like we're putting the effort to be with you and when the time comes around to asking the girl for them to say no it's like the guy just wasted like who knows how long plus the courage to ask the girl you have to think about plus when then girl you happen to like during that time doesn't matter how nice you say no it hurts them because it brings down the guys confidence

The first time I had asked a girl out omg it was so bad it was 7th grade. It was at lunch and I had liked this girl for 5 months and I was like okay I'm going to do this walked up to the girl all her friends were with her asked her out and she was "like no sorry I'm not allowed to day" keep that in mind and I was like okay no big deal next day my friend had asked the same girl out she said yes... Okay so that's when I got mad because even though she had said it in a nice way the fact she lied was the thing that pissed me off I was pretty much just a complete asshole to her till the end of 9th grade and beginning of 10th grade then I was an asshole again cause she was starting to be pretty mean to me... and now I'm here where I have no friends and I'm a loner xD my life is so fucked up and it's perfect

Anonymous · Answer

don't expect the guy to be a "friend" after you reject them. In general it benefits straight men almost nothing to have a woman as a "friend" anyways. If he is platonic friends with too many women he also will get labeled negative stereotypes (beta, gay, etc).

Seriously what does he get out of it? Many guys will do nice things (because of subconscious chivalry) for gal pals even though they are not sexually interested. They will buy them drinks, meals, stick up for them, listen to their emotional bs, etc. I know because I had two gal pals I done this for. Although it was strictly platonic but I felt weird about giving them the same treatment in comparison to my buddies.

Also women unintentionally give men bad dating advice (even though when they mean well) because most women don't understand their subconscious sex drive. It's one of the reasons most nice guys are usually raised my domineering mothers.

Anyway it's totally fine to tactfully reject guys. But you are being very disrespectful to them if you "friend zone" them afterwards. If he is a douche right away (after you politely turned him down) than that's his problem. But after the rejection don't ever try to stay friends with him. Don't feel guilty either if you politely turned him down.

askme9049 · Answer

Firstly, it doesn't happen in a si gle day that the guy starts liking a girl. When the girl is not dating anyone and she is spending much of her time with him, the guy starts thinking about her, he may not want to risk hos friendship but somehow in the beginning girls make guys feel that they are everything for her. The guy goes to her get a rejection.. She apparently doesn't feel the same way.. He tries to understand her..
Then may be she makes some more friends he doesn't get that kind of attention and he again tries to convey his feelings to her. He cares for her but she is never there when he needs him. He wants to talk it out but she avoids he feels bad and tries to kill his feeling for her but when she is sad again he again fall for her may be just as a friend.
But now to be with her he has to make lots of efforts and to her availability this things comes in between his career goals and he can't understand for what he is taking all the effort for.. She never takes the effort to ask him how he feels.. There were other people who were showing affectio to him which he ignored.. Lots of things he could have done... And just being friends will continue the cycle all over again he decides to come over her and that's probably by not talking.
You may say why many guys do this same thing but even i may say why all of you do the same thing..
You want a normal friend and i want a girlfriend... Your complain sounds more genuine and not mine but every things comes at a costs.. The all goods in you may make people want you more but not more and may be all goods in me make everyone want be as friends and not more.. Each thing has its own cost just yours sound genuine doesn't mean you are correct.. You are expressing as interrogation why it happens with me all the time.. I as a guy is doing it as a frustration.. But we all are expressing our emotions towards something we can't have.. So if we just try to get this.. Who knows both end will get what they want...

SashaSasha · Answer

there is no way to hate anyway. it can be understood only as personal frustrations with brutal ends, so you do not worry it takes from you actally nothing since you fix what i placed about. but.. if you still care.. in case of this we understand yourz experience about "why...", if it make you thinkig about. the only it sbows, that you still keep at mind that person. maybe it is time to wait for a while.. for sure until you will have exact Yes or No within yourself.. you naybe had a little bit hurry with you No, isn't it?) hovever. the man also looks foolish) only foolidh people hear No) of course he fall in love more fatal as love even can hold) noone girl need deadman, even if he died ih the ocean of passion of her own. you pay me a dollar for this answer, i know) so i tell you the main point ib this. actually. there is no hate. but you tell noone if you know it) and.. there is no choise. feel yourself free. and you can clean with your light any hateness. as high it can be, your tower, and even if you have the best telesystem in the world. you still can not know some of easiest things and not because you silly or it is secret. just there is not time for this. but any your No. it is not summing to your positive scale for shure. pray it won't be too late when yoi decide yes. you already know you're changing.. now believe. not only you. so, i try to say Yes any time. if it comes to me, it is good for shure) if know, it lefts by itself while find no place in my life.

spuitkaas · Answer

I hate it when that happens. A guy who clearly has interest in you and you reject him or say you have a boyfriend and he's like 'well, I never liked you anyway! You're so pathetic to think that everyone likes you' and you're just standing there like 'what just happened'. Also guys calling you a whore or a bitch and acting bitter. Their little pathetic ego's can't help not every girl likes them.

BrittBratt2416 · Answer

Because being rejected hurts, so they try to turn the table on you and send the pain right back were it came from. Some men feel like their to good to be rejected, and that you should be thankful that they even considered speaking with you. And their are men who are tired of being rejected to the point they lash out out of anger and pain.. not saying that's reasonable thing to do but it happens. After being rejected for while it tends to make a person as a man or woman feel like they have no biological purpose.

txrey79 · Answer

Aesop's fables, The fox and the grapes I think helps explain this thinking.. from Wikipedia, "The story concerns a fox that tries to eat grapes from a vine but cannot reach them. Rather than admit defeat, he states they are undesirable." in one version the fox walks away after trying so hard to get the grapes says... "Awww, those grapes are probably sour anyway... " hope this helps...

Why some men are bitter and mean to the girls after rejection?

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