Am I wrong for not dating "nice guys"?

[Anonymous]

A few guys are super sweet and supportive and appreciative of me, and I would date them, but the problem is that I don't feel any physical attraction for them whatsoever. It's not because they're nice, but because I am just not physically attracted. I have known them for some time. I try to make myself feel attracted, but every time they touch me or compliment me, I cringe and feel repulsed. Am I wrong for feeling like this? Is there any way to make myself become attracted to them?

Yes

No

[Musicgeek21]

Ah, the age old question. Sadly, this has no simple answer. From the dawn of time mystery, danger, suspense these have all captivated the curious mind of humanity and for what cause? Partially, it's are innate survival instinct when we are threatned to heighten our senses so we can protect ourselves. The other reason is it is a reflection of our desire to be creative and mold our surroundings to our liking. Women are the ultimate creators in that they are mostly responsible for the creation of human life and the next generation. Women are hardwired in their genetic code to be pre-dispositioned to mates who are strong and can protect them. Society is no longer primitive so this judgment is now based on social status and physical chemistry. Unfortunately for us, most "nice guys" don't take risks and since they treat everyone kindly and equally they are seen as doormats in society. Women want dominance unless they can assert it themselves so as a result they go for the bad guys or jerks since they seem more physically attractive, mysterious and alluring and confident. However, this is their mating instinct kicking into overdrive to ensure the creation of the next generation and it overrides even the most intellectual and neurotically wired women. Thus, they later get divorces, break up or feel unhappy since they realize their primordial instinct is no longer necessary like it was 2000+ years ago when survival was much less guaranteed and they required strong protectors. Society's progressive technology has made it possible to live and survive single since food is globalized and mass produced and civilization has destroyed most of the threats to human life. The populace of humanity is already at a threat-tier scale (only a few more years until 1st world countries are going to see problems with feeding and housing everyone) reproduction is no longer necessary as it was instinctually designed for survival, but the desire for a mate is still strong and the sex drives and lust of men and women won't cease anytime soon. Thus, women or men have to make a choice, do I stay single, do I marry a person not based on sexual attraction, but on true love or do I hop around frequently between partners with no regard for STD transmission or the consequences of multiple emotional ties to many others or even pregnancy?

[MrOracle]

Bad Boys are exciting, because they are dangerous. And young girls can't seem to get enough of that. But you will (probably) eventually figure out that Bad Boys will eventually turn their "bad" in your direction. Hopefully the worst that happens is that your heart gets broken, you get cheated on, he steals from you, or you get arrested because of something he got you involved in. Those things aren't great, but you can get past them.

Just beware that sometimes, Bad Boys do things that cause permanent harm. I personally know a girl who was crippled at 19 because her Bad Boy boyfriend was driving drunk as usual and crashed, several others who lost a decade or more of their lives to drugs (and the incredible misery they so often bring), and countless others who are single moms with deadbeat dads who had to give up their single lives (and often their romantic life) to work and raise their children. Some have far worse stories, filled with violence and abuse.

Most girls have to experience a few of those relationships before the romance of excitement loses its appeal, and I don't expect you to be any different - but at least, know when to get out and don't let yourself be put in a situation where a permanent consequence is possible.

[cth96190]

Good post.

[azzntittiz]

Do not force yourself to like someone. it happens for a reason. They should understand, as I would never want someone to pity me with a relationship. You are not doing that person any good either, which is why I break up or reject if there is no connection.

Funny enough the men I feel very little connection with, turn out to be men who were using me, for status or sex or just because he wanted a cute little short girlfriend.

It wasn't even because he wanted to be my friend and find deeper connection.

The men I was able to have strong connections and real love with, loved me to the moon and back. Cared about me, told me the truth, supported and tried to understand me. I never had to force loving or wanting to be with them, because their feelings were deep and of good intent.

[btbc92]

No, not per se. But the fact is you shouldn't be focused too much on looks and being physically attracted if you don't have the desire to be in the first place. If you're not attracted to their personality and character then your not. You can see them as a friend maybe, and it's okay. But don't deny what you know you need as a partner. If you cringe and feel repulsed then okay, their not for you. End of story. Just as long as you don't make them feel bad about themselves and they're not disrespecting you, then you do what you have to do. They'll just have to find somebody who wants to share that kind of love with them. And if they can't find anybody, then it's not your problem if they aren't assertive with what they need either.

[Kesh77]

Wrong sue to the fact every chicks looking for a guy who does exactly what them men are doing for you being Appreciative supportive showing you they care , look fade but loyalty goes a long way and to find a man whose those 3 things as well as talkative and faithful baby you're gonna one day wish you had those types of guys still round u but then you just might be bitter and used up by the world and I mean this in the most kindest way cuz the world will play with u call u their friends lovers wife girlfriend etc and then soon as your in good it'll spit u out and mess you up scar you and scare you for life so where you're so bitter hurt angry depressed lonely you going to miss them good guys them nice guys them decent guys

[ChronicThinker]

You can't force physical attraction. Being nice can't fix ugly.

[mattgdh]

Just like being ugly cane make you look a lot less nice

[ChronicThinker]

@mattgdh Yeah but I'm not ugly.

Also it's CAN, not CANE. Stupid isn't sexy big boy.

[mattgdh]

When you have an attitude you are, I didn't imply you were physically ugly and I wasn't implying your personality was either but sense you'd like to make an ass of u and me now I am, I mean if you wana point out a flaw that can easily be discredited to auto correct be my guest, but I'm sure were the same age so unless that makes you a big girl then I don't think I'm that stupid

[ChronicThinker]

@mattgdh Cry about it, Sally.

[mattgdh]

Umm not crying, stating factual information, it's not my fault you took offense to a drop deadgorgeous women with an ugly personality is just as bad as an unhealthy over weight woman who knows nothing about personal hygiene, so you can try to belittle me all you want but my goal hear is to get across the understanding of my opinion that your inside has an effect on your outsides physical appearance, but hey what do I know, I'm a man so I must be wrong no matter what I say right?

[coachTanthony]

Nice guys are one thing.. it's the nice guys that are boring and needy. You don't see any needy or boring bad boys out there. So if you are a nice guy.. try getting a more exciting life and be more outcome independent and you will succeed.

[Menelin]

As long as you don't only want to date the "bad boys" then there's nothing wrong with you.

There are many possible reasons, and it might not be just one reason:

1) It could be that they're not sincere about being nice. You might subconsciously be picking up on signs that they're pretending to be nice to get in your pants.

2) They might be sincere and want to be with you, but they didn't practice the "game" and haven't learned how to artificially build attraction like many guys do.

3) They might be too passive, and are simply not the right fit for you in a relationship. Everyone has different needs in a relationship than a friendship.

4) It could be the result of a very common psychological hang-up you might be having with insecurities. The simplest way to explain it is that people who are insecure about themselves will subconsciously think that if a good person is attracted to them, the admirer must have something really wrong with them secretly, or that the admirer would walk away if they found out about ____.

The best way to find out is to tell them directly and politely that you just want a friendship.

If they become rude or pressure you, it's because of reason #1. In that case, leave them alone. Their baggage is not your responsibility.

If they politely try to find out what you want in a relationship, it's possibly because of reasons #2 or #3. Maybe they'll become dating material in time, as long as they know what they need to improve in themselves, they work hard at it and they don't take it personally.

If they put genuine effort to improve themselves and the thought of them doing that for you weirds you out, it's possibly reason #4. It wouldn't mean you're a bad person at all, just talking to a counselor and building some self-confidence will help you.

[Ayte_Lex]

Very well said.

[CharlieUnicorn]

Very nice breakdown of it and I really like:
"If they politely try to find out what you want in a relationship, it's possibly because of reasons #2 or #3. Maybe they'll become dating material in time, as long as they know what they need to improve in themselves, they work hard at it and they don't take it personally."

It's very nice when this type of thing happens: The guy gets rejected sure, but an issue in his style is highlighted. He takes it the right way, sees something constructive to work with, and his girl friend stops being a crush but develops into an even more solid friend, an ally in helping him shape up... and then he can do better with someone else, with his girl buddy rooting for him on the sidelines.

[Menelin]

@CharlieUnicorn i.pinimg.com/.../...y-best-friend-best-friends.jpg

[CharlieUnicorn]

A little of both :)

But seriously. It's incredibly rare that somebody goes from nice guying friend to potential date in this scenario. The only time that ever happens is if both change a lot, but that entails him letting it go entirely and moving on. The rare situation that these two suddenly click for real later is very much a new situation. They're not approaching each other like the people they were then, and sometimes the tables have also turned (He let go of the crush and doesn't have her on the radar anymore. Now she's the one who wants it to happen)

Anyhow. I meant what I said. When that type of situation is diffused in a good way, the friendship can become something better, more honest than the very one-sided deal it used to be.

[b0g101]

No, you attraction is ok to whomever it is, id only maybe have a look at it if you end up being attracted to painful relatioships. And, just to make you aware, ' nice guys'.. well, there are real ones, but if your not into them and its not because of their personilty, but their looks, then you just plainly not attracted. Them making you cringe makes me fear the wrst though... the fake 'nice guy', even likely believes he's a nice guy, but its his way of making himself needed by those he wants. Trust yourself. Nice guys are often just not being honest enough yet.. or are a scary manipulative. If someone touching me makes me cringe... well... they shouldn't be trying to, eben if they care as much as a passing friend, you may have some scary predetor acting like a sweet person... and some even believe they are sweet.. and when they crack, its your fault. Ah, if seen andheard some scary stuff. Sorry to scare you. Dont trust nice... supportive? Maybe ifits real and includes things maybe they dont want to share about themselves orwith you that may cost them time with you or yoy affection... if everything seems geared to them 'looking' like the nice guy who doesn't hurt your feeling and he's trying to get you to look 'past' his looks... well. I think he's a manipulative predator. Be careful. Crying like a baby.. being helpless.. gah. So many ways people subconscioisly manipulate eschother. I have a friend trying a relationship with someone she isn't that attracted to. I dont understand the point of being more then friends but im curious to see how it goes for her. She thinks they connect on other important levels, she wasn't specific. Anyway, goodluck. I hope he's just some unconscious nice guy trying to work his way in and noghing too scary. Either way, if some touchong isn't comfortable... and they dont respect that, big red flag.

[Ally_Army1210]

If you aren't attracted to them, there's nothing wrong with that. You can't control who you're attracted to.

Maybe they just aren't the type of "nice guys" your looking for. There are a lot of different guys who fit into the category of "nice guys" but it doesn't mean they'd be good partners. There's pushovers, try hards and then the worst kind of all: nice guys who are only nice because they think "If I'm nice to a girl, she owes me sex".

Lastly, don't try to force attraction. All it leads to is a terrible relationship.

There is nothing wrong with not being attracted to someone. Also, despite what everyone else seems to be saying, this doesn't necessarily mean "bad boys" are your type. It might just mean you like a different type of nice guy.

[mattgdh]

I like this answer

[Nick568]

This is a good answer

[silverqueen]

I think you do like nice guys. your question should be rephrased to: Am I wrong for not dating “socially awkward” guys” or “bland” guys? No, you’re not wrong. Because those guys aren’t attractive. But if you don’t like a guy who is nice, even if he’s fun to be with and has lots of other good traits, THEN it is a problem.

But i think the difference is: A nice guy who doesn’t have anything else to give, and a nice guy who is also handsome, exciting, fun, intelligent, etc. THOSE are the attractive traits. Anyone can be nice, you know. It doesn't take a genius to even act nice. But that’s only the basic trait a person should have, nothing special about it.

[Liamerica]

This, so much this. 99% of the guys replying to this question don't get that being "nice" is the minimum they should be doing, you gotta have something to you other than "I'm a nice guy". Interests, hobbies, looks, something.

[silverqueen]

Lol, I love when I see guys actually knowing that. Some truly believe that women are these idiotic creatures that aren’t attracted to niceness and politeness. What kind of stupidity is that. I wish a guy could actually write a Take on the nice guy fallacy for once.

[chriss]

Everyone has a different personality so I really don't believe in this nice guy or bad boy theory.

Me I am really nice to strangers because I don't know them so I will help them with a flat tire.

With someone I know personally, I cannot be too nice or else I will be might be used unless I trust the person.

[silverqueen]

@chriss me 100%. I would consider myself to be a good friend, but this society considers the “nice” trait to actually mean: doormat; naive; stupid. I’m none of those, but I would still consider myself nice, though not too nice as you say

[NightOwl_23]

@silverqueen Well, I guess, Im doomed then :( . Im socially awkward, shy and, Im not exciting or handsome :(

[RolandCuthbert]

I am an old "nice" guy. When I was a young nice guy, I was really naive. I thought I could find a woman who would want me. But I was stupid, I was attracted to women who were not nice people. So I understood, I needed to change what I was attracted to in women. Once I made that adjustment I never looked back. The problem with being a man is that you have to chase. But when you chase, you have to be smart. In the old days, I would just get friend zoned by a woman who was like you. But after I turned 34, I figured it out.

[karahiri]

I wouldn't date someone I wasn't attracted to... but there are plenty of good guys out there who are respectful and caring and attractive. Likewise, there are plenty of "bad boys" out there who are... totally unattractive. I think you just need to find the right fit for you.

[SarahsSummer]

I think you’re confused. your question says you won’t date nice guys but your follow up says “it’s not because they’re nice, but because I am just not physically attracted”
Maybe your question should ask “am I wrong for not dating nice guys I’m not physically atttacted to?”?

[jane3224]

You know something women like you make my blood boil. With a stupid opinion like yours is it any wonder you are anonymous. You are the type of women who make these slags of men look cool for treating ladies like dirt.
The answer to your question is this. If you want to run the risk of becoming one of the many battered wives out there well go for it and find yourself the biggest and baddest bad guy you can find but if not run a mile from them. I wish you well and I hope this new year brings you the man of your dreams regardless

[stuntbrain]

Thanks for saying this. Too many women don't want a nice guy, but don't want to be treated like shit either.

[KingZeus]

I believe Menelin brings up many good points but... i think the big question is your definition of a "nice" guy. Many self proclaimed "nice" guys are people who are nowhere near nice. They say things like, I did this and that for her, I'm here for her when she needs me and I'm also very supportive of her needs and wants, so why doesn't she like me? What does that sound like? At first they kinda sounds like a friend but the question at the end changes that. They are insincere with you, they do to receive something back or quid pro quo.
You shouldn't be forced to like someone you don't like.
Now if they want to be something more, maybe they should just tell you upfront that they like you or stop being a doormat and live their own lives. They won't be bad boys but they should come out an assertive person with their own direction in life.

[Adoriinu]

Going against what you feel is a dangerous behavior that can hurt you and the one you try to love.
Just don't. Why trying to build up a relationship based on a lie you would make to yourself and to the other one?
Nonsense. This will eventually bring you pain, frustration, and the other guy isn't gonna tell you "hey thanks for pretending you loved me although you didn't care at all". That's never gonna happen. Let him have a girl that will really love him, because if you start a relationship with little to no feeling, well he might miss someone that really loves him, and you might miss someone you really love.

It's a pure loss of time and energy for me to pretend to love.
Hope you understand that a clean cut is better than a putrid and rotten scar over which you put a bandage ; in the end, it's useless and more painful than a clean cut.
Is my comparison good enough to understand?

I hope you find the answer you look for by also thinking for yourself :3

Good luck with all the answers

[hellionthesagereborn]

Its not "wrong", their is nothing moral about attraction, however it is unwise. I would take a hard look at yourself and ask yourself why you are not attracted to them. Personally I have no issue with women liking bad boys, my issue comes when they claim to like nice guys but don't (lying), when they complain about men being assholes yet continue going after the assholes instead of the nice guy (hypocrisy), and when they inevitably change their mind after getting burned so many times by the asshole who either mistreated them or cheated on them (because they are an asshole because they care about themselves more then others so this shouldn't even be suprising behavior) that they start demanding that the nice guys start dating them despite never having given those same men a chance before (you made your bed, now its time to sleep in it). Other then that its not wrong, just again, probably unwise. Do as you will though.

[XRabbitHeartX]

I think you are confusing attraction for dating a "type". You are assuming you will not feel physical attraction to any nice kind of guy which I find hard to believe. In reality you are not going to feel attracted to every guy that crosses your path. Samd with nice guys. Girls dont fall for a guy JUST cause he is nice. Physical attraction is needed for any healthy relationship.

You are not wrong to feel that way but I do think you are confused.

The problem isn't them being nice. The problem is you dont find them physically hot.

[kilowatt04]

You didn't say anything about why you *are* attracted to then. Are there bad boys you are attracted to? What makes you think these nice guys you are not attracted to are the only ones?

The cringing and feeling repulsed is weird and I feel not good. If they are truly nice, no one should feel repulsed by them. If you are right to feel repulsed by them, then they would not be nice guys, but you can't actually tell if you are right or not. I have friends I am not attracted to, either because they are guys, or girls I don't find attractive. I am not repulsed if they touch or compliment me. They are human beings with good intentions.

[that_guy92]

Physical attraction only goes so far. Just remeber... Ex: that skinny/fit toned guy one day will probably have a dad bod. Outter appearances last only a little while in most cases. Maybe try to get to know them on a little deeper level. Everyone has a type. Nothing wrong with knowing what you want. shouldn't have to change that for anyone other than your own personal choices. I Am simply saying dont date based purely out of looks and physical attraction. The best beauty is found on the inside. If your insides are ugly then your ugly.

[784456]

No, you're perfectly sane, there's nothing wrong with you.

I'm also a (naturally) nice guy. As opposed to the bad boys around here (g@g) that need to act as good guys, it's the other way around where I live: I have to pretend I'm a bad boy.

So I'd conclude it's not your fault, but his. For not being smart enough to pretend he's a bad boy until the 4th or 5th "date" or so, when you'll either be too close along to dump him or he'll actually mindfuck you saying "I'm actually a nice guy" and make you think the opposite.

If I'd be a girl, I'd also naturally repel nice guys that come to you smiling, hug you, talk nice and stuff... Hey, you're not my mother, you know!

I avoid that mostly being somehow dirty (~cocky: everything I say has a double meaning) and funny. It seems both good girls and bad girls appreciate that, so I won't fix it anytime soon as long it's not broken. 😜

[WalterBlack]

If your were rejecting these guys simply because they are nice to you, I would say that is wrong. But it sounds like there are feelings which you cannot consciously control that are telling you that you are not attracted to them. Attraction is complicated. Physical appearance, pheromones, confidence, attitude, sense of humor, body language and probably other things form a complicated equation which determines if you will “like” someone in that special kind of way. Forcing yourself to like someone typically leads to disappointment and hurt feelings in the long run. Hopefully you will find a guy that you are attracted to AND he treats you with respect and kindness.

[Shadow44]

No there's nothing wrong with not dating a guy who's nice. If you aren't attracted to them then you aren't attracted. Though I would say to have some standards in who you date. Don't just date guys who you find attractive but don't respect you and treat you like crap. It's better to be single then to be in a bad relationship. Just wait for a good guy who's a right fit for you, who's nice and attractive to you. We're all different and are interested in different thing so we won't always be attracted to a nice persn especially when we have nothing in common with that nice person.

[ladsin]

You can date, or not date anyone for any reason. No person has a right to your body or your time. If you don't want to date someone because they're wearing red shoes, more power to you. If you don't want to date someone because they're hair parts on the left, whereas you like their hair to part on the right... More power to you.

The only thing I would be worried of is if you were my friend, only dated assholes, admitted that you only dated assholes, and then kept complaining to me about dating assholes. That would perturb me.

[john1714]

Anyone that says yes to this is a real fucking cunt. If you don't feel attraction you don't feel attraction. And they're going to have to get over it. I've been through it over and over again and it's a real childish mindset for them to think you owe them something just cause they're nice. You'll find out who the real friends are when you make it clear nothing will ever happen. I've had a lot of girls that once we had that final talk we weren't really close anymore. I think I've only had one that I am willing to put up with the constant self loathing I feel when I talk to her because it's worth the sadness to still have her in my life in any variety.

[SouthpawPablo]

I mean if you cringe and feel repulsed you need to be honest and say so you are putting them in a situation the would never want to be in and that will hurt. them. to know but hurt them a lot more to know in 3 more years im not saying you have too all most truly good guys want is a chance, for you to try to. get to know us and allow us to get to know you I voted yes because i would be pissed if i make you feel that way and you didn't tell me so i kept doing like an asshole i would feel like an asshole you are not wrong you feel how you feel and can't help that you are not attracted but you didn't set honest boundries with them and let it go on so its. hard. for both of you now for the truth to. come out dont say cringe and repulsed say uncomfortable they will be much less hurt and get the sam general idea you gave them a chance good men only ask for that a chance to make you theirs and us yours does not mean it works out

[Cosytoasty]

You are wrong. Nice guys like me
- Will love you and support you
- Will never have a bad word to say about you
- Will work our butts off to make sure you have a comfortable stress free life
- Will make you smile when you’re down
- Will give you our jacket when you’re cold

And above all, nice guys like me will always be there for you, no matter how you treat us. Why won’t girls like you give us a chance?

[crazy8000]

I hope your aware of that you give signals of in that text is little creepy even for me as a man.

[ChronicThinker]

Fuck off, you don't believe that.

[Fern_Song]

It's not that "we" 'won't give guys like you a chance.' Actually, that's a pretty assumptious thing to say and is generally rude. Most of nice, kind guys have girlfriends/boyfriends. At the same time, plenty of assholes don't. What really plays a part is physical/romantical attraction. Just because a few nice guys aren't 'given a chance' doesn't mean everyone else is.

[ChronicThinker]

@Fern_Song Yeah, it means they're pussies, or ugly.

[Cosytoasty]

Was I too subtle? 🙈

[ChronicThinker]

You don't even remotely resemble a nice guy.

[Fern_Song]

@Cosytoasty Too subtle? Really? I don't think you were subtle enough, frankly. Like @ChronicThinker said, you don't even sound like anywhere near a nice guy. Eff off, dude.

[ChronicThinker]

@Fern_Song Oh stop having your period kid, he's fucking with you.

[Cosytoasty]

i0.kym-cdn.com/.../hnnnnng.jpg

[crazy8000]

A nice person aren't needy or wine that the counterpart won't give them a chance, get walked all over, take shitt, do things to get somethin, or for that matter consider them selves as nice person.
They just are nice and behaves accordingly with character.

[ChronicThinker]

@crazy8000 Can you say that again, this time in the Queen's English?

[crazy8000]

@ChronicThinker Why?

[ChronicThinker]

@crazy8000 Because the shit you just spewed was deplorable grammar and punctuation wise so I couldn't take it even half-seriously.

[crazy8000]

@ChronicThinker I decline the invite to the pie throwing contest.
Good luck with somebody else ;P

[Fern_Song]

This is amazing

[ChronicThinker]

@crazy8000 Sweetie, you couldn’t handle me in any capacity.

[crazy8000]

@ChronicThinker If you say so 😒
Thanks for the compliment 😊
Your pretty easy to read and predict, therefore very easy to control/handle 😴

Apart of that.
See no meaning in participating in nonsense communication (PUA games, shit-tests).

[PrincessPie]

I give you a chance!

[MsLoli]

Date who you want, but don't start complaining about not being able to find a decent guy when you're consciously choosing to date jerks.

[Greaver]

It shows that you are into guys who are bad not good that will change eventually but not soon because good guys are the ones that will stay falling in love with a bad guy will always be the cause for heart break and trust issues and no loyalty but I’m just a 16 year so I don’t know anything but I’m a Nice Guy and girls like me because that’s who I am and if they don’t they flat out say I don’t like nice guys I like bad boys But the difference between those 2 types of guy Is that the bad boy is immature the good guy is well matured intelligent and caring while bad boys don’t care for you they want to fill their sexual desires by using you and abusing you then leaving and fucking another girl

[Anonymous]

It's understandable girls of your age (since I'm a girl myself) I assume up to 26-27 prefer "bag guys" your waste time chasing after bad guys and wondering why when what.. talking with their girlfriend "he did this I did this he said this I said that... " wasting their time being hurt and questioning what if---?

But once that phase is over girls want to chill down relax find a guy any guy who loves them and is kind to get married and have kids and will live the normal life.

I know what OP means I was once like that I got tired of it I ended up being more heartbroken than happy then I realized life is short I need to find someone who is good , mature , nice , kind , caring... because I'm going to spend my life with him and have kids with him!

I am married now to a good guy, he is very bright too and so much into business and money flying in my face right away when I ask him.
My point is : I am happy

[Nick568]

So in other words "I got dicked down by a bunch of jerks when I was in my 20s, then leeched off some ugly dude who gives me lots of money once my looks began to fade."

[RationalMale]

At least you're spreading the word about how unattractive it is to be "super sweet and supportive and appreciative " to help guys who didn't know better to grow up!

Lads, listen and learn!

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https://giphy.com/gifs/l41YouCUUcreUabHW/html5

[narusasuyaoixoxo]

I don't think they deserve the "nice guy" title just because they fit that description. A lot of the "nice guys" people tend to talk about tend to be rather unnattractive guys that don't seem to have qualities that make them stand out very much, and they're probably rather passive than just genuinely nice.

No, you're not wrong. In fact, I feel good someone is willing to step outside that box and not feel like they need to settle. Don't settle.
For me, it would an insult if a girl decided to settle for me. I'd rather better myself than have a girl out of some form of pity.

[meganz621]

i️ have the same problem... guys with not greatest looks sometimes have the coolest personality... you think when ur not with them at first oh yeah i️ mean they aren’t that bad looking i’ll be fine and then u hang with them again and ur like omg ew like u notice a whole bunch of things u never noticed before because u were just seeing him as a friend

[Nmalinova]

No you are not wrong at all, at least not in my opinion :-)

You see if a guy is too nice, no matter how attractive he may be, he can come accross as too feminine... i personally believe that a man should always be more masculine and women more feminine, so guys can be nice, but shouldn’t mother anyone :-)

[RWF1996]

I think you asked two very diffrent questions. The first question was are you wrong for not dating nice guys, which is why i clicked into the topic. I would hope you never date a guy thats not nice to you as in rude or violent towards you. And the second question that i think you asked indirectly is if you should date guys you dont feel an attraction towards, and my answer for that is no. I dont think that if you do not feel any attraction towards someone thats it, now that may change who knows, but if you dont think its right then... its not... and you will find out if they are truly nice or if it was a facade to try to get you.

I like to think i am a nice guy, and have had this happen before... long story short i am still frends with this girl and we still hang out its not awkward it is what it is. Thats in my opinion what a nice guy should do be your friend, if things change then they do and if not they dont.

[Wonder89]

I think the trouble is if it’s the act of a guy being nice to you that repulses you because eventually you might end up getting hurt if the opposite is a guy who won’t treat you right. It sounds a little like you feel undeserving of the nice things a guy says or does for you or that it’s cringe that a guy might say nice things to you because you don’t believe them. It must be deeper than attraction because not all nice guys are ugly.

[SabinaV]

Nothing is wrong with how you feel.

It means you do not fancy or have a type for the person but you should not be bothered by this.

It takes a while til you end up feeling you like someone and it is something you do not force yourself to feel, it happens naturally, let it be and just enjoy your day to day til you feel into someone if not now surely in the future.

Never force yourself, things like that fall naturally

After all you know and hold what makes you happy

[PillowThief]

No, you aren't wrong. But expect no sympathy if you find yourself craving one of those nice guys later on in life when there'll inevitably be a short supply of them (they'll already be in relationships what with being nice guys). To each their own. :)

[Anonymous]

Ugh... You're gonna be one of those old hoes who's going to get fucked by a million jerks and then complain about the fact that "all men are jerks" and "no man wants me" by the time you're 30. My mom's best friend was just like you.

It's your life your choice and you can't 100% choose what you're attracted to, some of this does in fact have to do with primal instincts. I'd recommend however analyzing why you can't be attracted to people who actually treat you decently, it's going to be a lonely life for you more than anything. Typically girls (as well as guys) like that have daddy issues/emotional trauma.

[Rainie_]

It's good to have a balance between nice and a liiitle bit bad, or would you really rather date an asshole?
Im not sure why you're bringing up the niceness though when that isn't what the issue seems to be. If you met a very good looking nice guy you'd most likely be physically attracted to him and like the niceness?

[D_Bone_Steak]

A bunch of fat girls are still a bunch of fat girls... I'm not going to try to make my dick hard for a body that makes me cringe just because she's nice to me... she's not going to shame me with some sort of fat acceptence guilt trip either nor anybody else for that matter.

My point is, neither I nor yourself is obligated to want sex from other for something as frivoulous as them treating us nice.

[neurolove]

Your title should instead be "Should I date guys whom I'm not initially attracted to? Otherwise, it sounds like you're saying you're not attracted to nice guys at all. So effectively saying you like the bad guys but want to force yourself into liking nice guys. The song says it best "the heart wants what it wants" by Selena Gomez

[ThatPersonOverThere]

Well I mean... you're basically admitting that you over prioritize looks and don't give a damn about personality, so it's up to you whether or not you're comfortable with that.

Also you can become attracted to people over time, co-workers experience this as well as people in arranged marriages. You may one day really fall for one of them. Nobody can say, but just be true to yourself and best wishes regardless.

[druciferre]

As much as I want to vote "Yes" to this, I voted no for two reasons:

1) I don't believe that attraction to someone is something you can control (nor can they)

2) If you aren't physically attracted to them, then I believe you would eventually leave them for someone more attractive or cheat on them, and break their hearts.

[RuCuS_oNe]

Omg... put the "society" aside and realize and "nice guys" are simply beta males. Nothing wrong with that, just that women are attracted to alphas first , the dominance. Same for men, we all respond to the alpha female too, the prettiest girl, in shape and smart. But we all fall in our pack order eventually. Beta males usually end up with beta females. Shy timid guy with an out of shape not to great looking girl...

[narusasuyaoixoxo]

Not that I disagree with you, but chances are if you're using that word, you're one already.
Don't fall into this "alpha" or "beta" mentality. Women tend to go for guys with more "presence", and you don't need to be the "alpha" or the life of the party to be that guy.

[RuCuS_oNe]

I'm more of a lone Wolf personality... since I was in middle school... my opinion comes from the outside looking in... when I pick up girls I watch all the dude go for it first, and approach her with something unique.. the alpha types show off and Bragg, the beta types buy her drinks and compliment her. So I go in and strike a conversation about nothing about us (for example)

[mattgdh]

Yea or you rise above the hole beta alpha bullshit and just don't participate in it, in a society of wolves the alpha leads the pack while the beta is at the end insuring the rear is safe, your still looking at it from a society point of view when in reality it's about a display of dominance, and the bad guy isn't always the most dominant, a nice guy will go and knock the shit out the bad guy who put his hands on a female, so in today's society most dominant displays is just a show if confidence, and at the same time you have to bee keen on showing confidence and not cockiness or concidedness

[RuCuS_oNe]

Well the "bad boy" alpha type I'm talking about, is someone who doesn't follow others so they tend to break the law and lead others. The beta I'm talking about follow the rules and put thier heads down.. guys who hit women are betas who try too hard to act hard and are trying to be alpha. Real alphas lead, they don't abuse.. big difference. But there's no right or wrong. There's top bottom and everyone else in between

[narusasuyaoixoxo]

That's what I'm trying to get at... you be you. Too many idiots get caught up in trying to be "alpha" and only end up in the loop.

[RuCuS_oNe]

You can't try to be alpha. You are or you're not. Those guys who try to hard are the ones that pick on smaller people. Bullies. Real alphas aren't bullies they're leaders. But it's the same for females, people just don't talk about it as much. Hottest girl is the aplha the girl all the guys go to first then work thier way down the chain lol true alpha females are kind and lead too, over compensating beta females get fake boobs fake faces and treat other girls like shit through gossip

[RuCuS_oNe]

The biggest difference between alpha males and females is females is mostly looks where males is more attitude. So women instinctively look for body language signs and attitude... those signs come from "bad boy" types

[mattgdh]

Still looking at it through alpha and beta is the wrong way of going about it, let's drop back to high school for a minute, you got you jocls, your geeks and dweebs, your prissy boys and prepy girls, there's the weirdos and the goth kids, abd you'll have a few nomads here and there the ones that dingy partake in sticking into one particular group, in all cases the individual is gana go for there particular dominant sexual attraction matching up eaches own disierable characteristics that they see as dominant

[mattgdh]

To put it simply old dude who put the link describes it best

[RuCuS_oNe]

I actually agree with you on that... aplha for males is more attitude and that's subjective. So alpha traits for one female may be different for another

[mattgdh]

I forgot to mention your mate, doesn't have to come from the specified click or whatever you consider yourself to be

[mattgdh]

Exactly kinda, dominance for the desired aspects cause god knows a woman's list is like a book sometimes, the hole peaking order thing is for your specified group and yes the likely hood of the captains of the football and volleyball team of the school that won 3 championships in a row being together is extremely high outside of these designated clicks doesn't mean shit

[RuCuS_oNe]

High is a good example of when we're at our most primative... but as we grow older needs and desires change

[mattgdh]

Yea well it's kinda hard to use a newer example cause the quickest thing I can think of is there's usually a rule about no working in the workplace and I never understand the concepts of types, you know I know what I don't want, I know what I like it's simple and doesn't have to be that complicated , it's always a constant growth, the only constant in life is change

[Kiran04]

Not really. Nice guys is just another way of saying mediocre guys. Everything you want in a man except for the man part. More like a nice friend. A nice friend can be any gender because there's nothing remarkably gender influenced about them, and straight women want a man. Not an asexual nice person.

[ReenaJohnson]

Hahaha, this was how I felt about my ex. However, that doesn't mean there aren't nice guys who r actually good looking, and I'd still be happy to date one. It really depends. Were the nice guys u met look all nerdy and wimpy or were there ones that had good bodies too. If they all didn't look like what you liked physically, then you should still look for someone who's nice and has a great body.

[Jmcmanning]

You can't make yourself attracted to someone your not. It doesn't matter whether they are nice or not, it's all about attraction and that plays a vital role in relationships. If you are not attracted to them, you're not going to have that urge to confide in them, build a bond between each other.

[samhradh_leannan]

Just because someone is nice or a good person, that doesn't automatically make them the right person for you. Attraction and passion are important parts of a relationship. There is no point in trying to force yourself to date someone who you're not interested in.

[millymoo0001]

I think that attraction can grow once you get to know someone but if you already know them well and your not attracted to them then no I wouldn’t feel bad about it. If you just decided to go out with them because they are a nice guy but your not attracted to them it likely won’t last long in my opinion

[Neverquitblaz1n]

Out of all the people that exist in this world, believe it or not, There are guys that are very sweet and caring to the women that they love. That's not to say that they are pushovers or too sensitive and get their feelings hurt. Sounds to me like where ever you're from, a lot of the guys are stuck in the high school mindset of trying to be the baddest MF-er out of everyone because they think that girls like tough guys. As long as a man can defend you, stand up for you, and stand up for what he believes is right... Then what on this ignorant planet fits him in choosy Undateable criteria? 84% of the people that answered your question seem to be completely ignorant. Or their manhood is too small and they feel like that's a way that they can justify it. One of the two, or possibly both.

[EpicDweeb]

Generally speaking physical attraction will be the result of emotional attraction. In other words if you find you just really like them as a person over time you'll begin to find you like them physically as well. Other possibility is that they don't have the best intentions at heart despite putting on appearances and you just happen to have really good instincts hence the feeling of disgust if/when they touch you.

[HungLikeAHorsefly]

"if you find you just really like them as a person over time you'll begin to find you like them physically as well"

... only in bizarro world where things are always opposite.

[EpicDweeb]

@HungLikeAHorsefly And in the real world where it's psychologically been shown to be true almost all the time. I know quite a few people who cannot find a person physically attractive until they create an emotional bond with said person. My first girlfriend was that way and quite frankly I didn't find her all that attractive at first. It was only after we'd been together for a while that I really started finding her truly attractive.

[MattyMoo24]

You are always going to be attracted to what appeals to you. Its not something you can force yourself to do... because then you are not being honest to yourself.
Ssying that... you are young at the moment. Feelings, emotions and attractions can evolve overtime which may change what you are attracted to. This is nature

[lyannamormont]

Story of my life.

You can't force a physical attraction. I think it's normal as long as you're not rejecting them due to superficial things or very small things, and being too picky.

[chaostheory81]

If it's just those guys,... Then no... You can't help who you are attracted to. If you see a pattern tho that's it's not the guy it's their personality,... And you're generally attracted to bad boys,... Then you just need to accept the treatment it generally comes with. But like I said... You like what you like

[Robsinsf53]

There's no wrong or right, you are attracted to who you're attracted to. Let me tell you what just happened with me. I was going smooth with this girl and all of a sudden this piece of shit guy who is 10 years younger than us. She is 4 months younger than me. I thought that this was strange, a guy from NY interested in relocating from there to California to be with a woman 10 years older. I ran his background. I want to finish this letter and let you read it later in private.

[lovelyhoneybones]

I don't mess with "nice" guys. Most of them aren't actually nice guys, they just put on a front. Nice guys or "good" guys are all around us. We all know them. Any guy that labels him self as such, most likely is not.

[Senzubean]

Its probably not because they are nice. Its because she isn't sexually attracted to them in the first place. Probably not tall enough. Thats mostly the reason why girls aren't interested. Their attraction is more superficial than men. Girls call the average men ugly. Its just how it is

[stifler1979]

Women's genetic imperitive is to get dominant mens' genes which is why they are sexually attracted to them the most. However, modern societal structures force women to seek security, which explains why they will have boyfriends and husbands who are not necessarily the alphas of society.

If only women could have both types in one man - these men are known as Unicorns.

If only women could have a man who was dominant but not demanding, exciting but not reckless, and kind but not supplicating?

[khany]

Solve your issues with your emotionally unavailable father. Then show him this question that you just wrote. Tell the son of a bitch: "this is what you have caused. No wonder girls like me break peoples hearts. Its because of fathers like you, we don't know what love is and whats not love."

There. Thats my rant done. But I know I am right because dysfunctional familys are bad builing blocks to this world we call home.

[mattgdh]

I think I turned out ok, I red the first part and thought about me ranting about a married women who had another boyfriend 2 months before me and was like the fuck and saw the father and that of some things I realized with him before I realized this post wasn't about me

[khany]

I dont got what you said bro? It angers me about so many sperm donors.

[khany]

And thats bad enough. But abusing your daughters. The pigs deserve to die my bro.

[mattgdh]

I got confused when I first red this , I thought it was for me when I red this and basically just saying my that my personal opinion my dad has done some things that make me question his desire to even be my father, shit emotionally like that fucks you up just like thinking someone's in love with you granted it was only a year come to find out she's been married for 4 years and been with the dude for 12 but I'm actually a pretty good person, or so it's mostly assumed, so I agree shit like that is fucked up and that the are consequences for actions, and that there is a cause for every effect

[khany]

Your dad is a narcisisist. Google "signs your in a relationship with a narcissist" and read the article. Thank me later, once you have the clarity my bro.

[khany]

Bro these type of people envy their own death. What a way to live? They get punished in this world and the hereafter on the day of judgement. They fear this the most, and they most certainly fear god.

Thats why they envy god. These people are not capable of love. Neither are psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists or any other cluster B personality for that matter.

[mattgdh]

Yea umm I wouldn't go that far, it's called circumstance and I think God is well aware of that, im sorry I can't understand why an ever loving eternal god needs worship but thanks and humility I can understand, I'm sorry but if God's gana judge us by the deeds in our life it's gana be from the choices we've made vs what we could've done, cause the world's a pretty fucked up place, so whos to say anyone will go anywhere, now tat girl she was narsasiistic, everyone is a little bit really in reality of it I do believe in karma but treat shots kinda flaky but most people do end up get what's coming to them, hopefully learn somethinh from it and quit

[mattgdh]

He baisically is, just don't wana say it but everyone is a little bit to

[khany]

Your right bro we all are in some place on the narcisisistic spectrum.

Bro for a muslim this world is temporary. God created Adam and Eve. We have descended from them, and we most definitely are gods creation.

All god wants is our hearts to keep pumping his name. This is through medititaion of in islamic kind. If we keep praying and repenting with a sincere heart, god will make our journeys in both worlds easy.

Even when we are misguided he tries to send people, angels and situations to guide us on to the straight and narrow path to him.

It is he who is our creator, and is to him all of us shall return, even if we decide to burn our bodies after death.

[khany]

We are all narcissistic, and we all hurt one another without even realising. Imagine what the world would be like if everyone would be kind out of the fear of god.

If we are not slaves to god bro, we are slaves to our desires. Our uncontrolled desires are what are destroying the planet. If we follow desires alone, it leads to a road of entitlement.

[mattgdh]

That's deep, I don't down religion at all, I respect every one and every practice because I believe there's a little truth in everything, really I believe religion is a tool to divide up the masses for control but if they ding make most of everyone think there pushing towards the greater good then it wouldn't work out so well, people are fucked up, some people something caused it and others through corruption of power and knowledge , fear playing a major role

[khany]

Your right aswell bro. Its our human religeous who did this.

[khany]

*religeous leaders

[mattgdh]

Yea but think to, you tell a lie long enough people will believe it to be true and I mean people convince themselves there own lies to be true

[khany]

definitely food for thought. But... our souls will never stop searching for the truth.

[mattgdh]

I believe you know what's right and wrong, I believe there's a guidance out there and in positivity , at the same time i guess there would have to be negitive, it's all baisically have to deal with energy, they ever say the energy you put out is what your gana get back, and then think energy isn't created or destroyed it is only transferred from one state to another

[mattgdh]

The truth will set you free

[mattgdh]

I'll worry about it when I cross that bridge, just gana keep doing me

[khany]

The energy part sticks to me. Is a part of Islam aswell as new age spirituality.

[mattgdh]

I get that, I'm great with science and astronomy, like if the moon has an impact on animals including us here on earth why wouldn't other gravitational pulls you can't really feel, like may be as a baby you were sensitive with the way that everything was positioned in that certain time, everything from the way and were the sun pulled on you all the way out to Pluto which by the way is a fucking planet, I have proof no one born in the 90s or before will deny

[mattgdh]

No it's not wrong, you like what you like, your your own person, no judgement, you can try to think about this when it comes to nice guys, we want a lady in the street and a freak in the bed, they could be gentlemen to you until you get to taking down that barrier, and that saying about nice guys and finishing last are true,

[mattgdh]

Not to mention reading all the statements and thinking about myself singe nice guys do try to hard, just if my assumption is correct on why you wouldn't be attracted to them, it's something with trying to be as nice as you can be vs how you act normally but you know them well so I don't know everything

[mattgdh]

I thing I have one more opinion here too, wouldn't the definition of nice guy and bad boy very?

[cth96190]

It is not ‘wrong’ to get the clitty tingles for sociopathic POS bad boys.
It is contrary to logic and self harming, but to call it wrong would be a value judgement that I will not impose upon you.
Most women of your age share that moth-to-a-flame attraction to bad boys.
You will, however, regret this phase of your life bitterly when you are on the wtong side of 30, alone and asking where the ‘good men’ went.
Those will be the men whom you rejected when you were younger.

[Brutal_Honesty]

haha poor girl, you've fallen for it. they've got to you.

you dont owe anyone anything. you are who you are, and you like what you like. no amount of "nice" can change that, nor should it.

some guys think that being nice means you owe them something. those guys are often also called "pathetic losers". you don't want to date a pathetic loser, you want to date a confident guy who treats you as his equal (in public anyway)

[Carley99]

Thank you someone has said it 👏

[Brutal_Honesty]

I would love to hear the argument of the guy that downvoted this!

[Carley99]

Me too

[Alaric_C]

Why only in public

[Brutal_Honesty]

@Alaric_C the question you should ask is "why not in private?"

the answer is, because girls love it when you have your way with them. its just that that sort of behaviour isn't much appreciated in public. then again some girls just dont care either way.

[Alaric_C]

Have your way and be dominant etc, sure. Even then you're still equals tho

[Brutal_Honesty]

@Alaric_C of course you are still equals. you're going to stop when she wants you to stop. being equal has nothing to do with how you want to be treated in a private setting. if you give her exactly what she wants, then its all good

[thisgirl102]

You're fine! There will be other nice guys out there that you're attracted to! Just don't go for the bad ones just bc they're attractive and you're good!