Do you think women playing hard to get is a good idea? Why is it that good men must work harder but bad men don't do the bare minimum?

[Anonymous]

• I personally don't enjoy it when women play hard to get , I'm not saying anyone should throw herself at me because I would question that but is it really necessary to complicate things when I don't see them doing that with bad men as often as they do with Good Men.

Yes , I think it is necessary

No , I think it is a bad idea

Updates

4 mo

Ladies and Gentlemen I am fine , I don't have problems with getting a woman. I actually have a problem with the fact that a lot of women want to be with me and l don't know what to do because I feel like I'm breaking hearts and I feel terrible about it because I don't want to be the reason someone else is heartbroken 💔.

[hahahmm]

Just based on my observations of others relationships & my own experiences in life, the main thing to understand is that women hate being judged. So let's say a woman who normally has sex with guys 5 minutes after meeting them runs into a guy who carries himself as someone who is very careful about who he sleeps with and who has a moral compass not to be screwing everything that moves, she is going to behave as if she also has a moral compass around him so she doesn't feel he is judging her. Did I just blow your mind? The mere fact that you have standards will make a woman without standards pretend to have them. Of course she might not like pretending so the easiest thing for her to do is to avoid being around you or if you give her a good reason to be around you like free steak dinners then she might find the energy to pretend more.

The other thing that could keep a woman from jumping on you is she does have some self-control and she's loyal to another guy. Yet she is also sort of trying to find her next boyfriend at the same time. She will flirt but not go all the way. She will love the ego stroke of getting attention and keep you in mind for the future.

Then you have cheaters who (and similar) who do anything with one guy while pretending to be loyal to their boyfriend. They're good at acting and don't mind keeping up the act I mentioned earlier.

That all said... the worst thing you can do in life is to become what you think others want you to be. It's not a bad thing if you don't sleep with everything that moves.. or if you have higher standards. I learned how true the old saying "be careful what you wish for" is. I found when I was 20s how EASY it was to flirt with women and get them all hot and bothered but also how shutting that down if I changed my mind or I didn't want as much as they did was NOT EASY and could be dangerous when they lied to others about me to make themselves look better.

To answer your question... I don't agree with "playing hard to get" but I do agree with the traditional idea that women shouldn't make the 1st move.

[hahahmm]

Something I thought of later... I also realize that in today's world most guys aren't going to make the first move because it's too risky (metoo) but I still have the same opinion that things work best the traditional ways. So if everyone is more traditional things work out better. But only if both people are doing it.

[hahahmm]

Re UPDATE: "I actually have a problem with the fact that a lot of women want to be with me and l don't know what to do because I feel like I'm breaking hearts and I feel terrible about it because I don't want to be the reason someone else is heartbroken."

Don't ever feel bad because these women could have 400 dudes begging to date them and treat them all like trash over some superficial requirement like height, music choice, job, and so on. There's an old saying (from ancient times) that a man should ignore a woman's tears because it's her nature to use tears to get what she wants. BEWARE.

[Asker]

I do agree with you on this , this is really what I see a lot of times , women making men feel like they are less than other men over superficial things. I didn't wrong them so I shouldn't be feeling bad about it. What I find crazy is how a lot of women listen to love songs that focuses on good men but bam they do a whole ‐180⁰ 🥶 because they are after superficial things. Love needs to be reconceptualized for most people after it's been gravely misunderstood.

[hahahmm]

For whatever reason, I guess my personality/approach, women felt comfortable telling me deep stuff they usually wouldn't tell guys. When I was 20s I learned how women could enjoy a romantic comedy yet simultaneously think the guy chasing the woman in the movie was a total moron and LAUGH at him. They'd say he was a pussy. It was a real eye opener. When women listen to all these sappy songs, don't assume they get exactly the same message as a guy gets. I also heard the theory that 100% of love songs were designed to program men to be simps. Think of it like drugs. Don't take any of it too seriously or O. D. on it. Wonder why there aren't any songs telling women not to become single moms, to keep promises they make to men... to be loyal to a good man and so on? It's not by accident.

Checkout my Mytakes if you feel like it. One of them is Can a Guy Be the Prize in a Relationship? ↗

[Anonymous]

Women always treat other women as competition. Even their best friends.

Because of this ALL women will happily give shit advice to other women.

You know who tells women that playing hard to get is a good and successful strategy? OTHER WOMEN.

No man would tell a woman this.

[BoobMan]

LOL! From the purveyors of "ooooh! A really short haircut would look SOOOOOO CUTE on YOU! Oh I could NEVER pull it off, but YOU! You'd look ADORABLE with really, REALLY short hair!"

[Altheavas]

What is playing hard to get…! that can interpret or misinterpreted in so many contexts. Every individual is different you can put them all in the same baskets.



Some general inferences;
1- men play hard to get as well when they are not sure they want a relationship with a woman; 1a-but they would waste her time, while she could have spend that time finding her perfect match.


2- Are you expecting her to immediately invite you to spray your load in her at just a little talk. If she did that would she be cool, or not playing hard to get? There are bordels where you can buy sex with just cash, they don’t play hard to get there.
2a- Historically, many societies have been patriarchal, meaning they’ve been structured around male dominance in various aspects like politics, economics, and social institutions.
2b- Today remnants of patriarchal systems still persist in various forms globally, many societies have been actively working towards more inclusive and equitable social structures. Men created a society where women has a higher self value to uphold compare to men. Stop contradicting everything y’all started.


3- If a woman is playing hard to get, she is probably not interested in you…! Move off…!
3a- Do you think she should settle for anyone, or with any men who court her…? She’s probably not ready mentally and the men putting pressure doesn’t make it any better.
3b- If it’s mutual and and both y’all respect each other boundaries, and values, I’m sure they both will find a way to make it less hard for both of them.


Different cultures, different society has their own way too, on how to court for the best mate. Even in the wild; species of animals the male gotta put the best show to court their female, the female in turn either accept or refuse cause the male is not competent enough or meet their standards for the futures she want her offspring to possess. Anyway I have to much to say…!
So, What’s y’all complaining about?

[Asker]

I will not contest you on any grounds. I can see the truth in what you have to contribute over here. I'm not against women , in fact my sister is my best friend and holds pro feminist views that we both agree on.
I want to note that I am bringing in the fact that this hard to get may come from women that actually want the very same guy that wants her but even as much as good men will pursue they also have their pride knowing full well that they are great men that are not here to play games so when women do that they discourage such men.
I mean if I love you and you love me then why would you go playing with me when you know it can only work if you are serious about me like I am about you. Some women are serious about having a relationship with a guy but then they are acting like they are not sure about him when everyone can see they are sure and that does not sit well because good men don't deserve any of it especially when they are sure about who they are loving.

[On_cloud_wine]

I automatically place you in a certain category and don’t take you seriously if you’re a player.

good guys, I’m more cautious of, they have my respect and I’m just testing the waters.. def do t want to lead you on or string you along if youve got this good guy vibe thing going on!

[Asker]

I am to understand that this enough of a reason for you to have my respect @on_cloud_wine since you don't entertain players and you are open about it. I understand that a lot of bad guys are acting all "I am a good guy/real man" and those guys never get into my circle because I am genuinely good and I feel like they will copy me just to use that on women. I have very few male friends because only the good ones get to be around me as I am to understand the more we are exposed to negativity the more it does not bother us. I respect when you say "def don't want to lead you on or string you along if youve got this good guy vibe thing going on", you don't want guys to believe that you like them simply because they are good , I understand there is more to it than simply just that. I understand that just because two good people come together it does not mean it is going to work out because maybe it is some other good person for him or her and not just the first good one you see😅.

[On_cloud_wine]

No, I do entertain the players. I’m just careful not to lead anyone on once I detect good guy vibes.

[EmyyWolf]

It’s not true. The more I liked a guy, a super hot , attractive guy. The more I put him to the rest. But that’s just me.
I liked his attention on me.

Other women gave him ass off the bat. To not lose him. They weren’t wasting any sort of time. And this pissed me off

[Asker]

You see @emyywolf , you are not playing hard to get , you have a set of boundaries because of the amount of respect you have for yourself. You can be perceived as hard to get but not as playing hard to get.

[EmyyWolf]

It essentially is playing hard to get.
Because I’m in fact restraining myself from him

[Asker]

I understand but on the bright side you are giving him something to believe in ☀. That gives enough of a reason to continue 😌.

[EmyyWolf]

After a while he turned me off with his FBOY behavior. And he was short. So a short F-KBoy
. Kinda doesn’t go together. Kinda turned me off

[Finchie40]

If she is playing hard to get , do yourself a favor and kick her ass to the curb where she belongs , she is playing hard to get because she no longer cares about you , she just doesn’t want to hurt you , she is more than likely interested in someone else or getting plowed by someone else , Don’t fall for those games , Someone that truly likes you isn’t going to play games with you period

[ArrowheadSW]

I interpret it as "she is not interested" and I move on. If it is actually a case where she is "playing hard to get", then to me she is into weird mind games and I would equally move on. No need to try to figure out what someone else is thinking.

[Anonymous]

Yes it is. You're missing the point of what playing hard to get is about. It is NOT a filter that distinguishes between good men and bad men. It's a filter that distinguishes between strong men and weak men. By playing hard to get, women filter out all the pussies who don't have the balls and the social grace to get through some pretty simple shit-tests. The guys who DO get through, need to FURTHER be distinguished between good and bad because stronger guys of BOTH types can survive the playing hard to get routine.

[wolfcat87]

True in a way. A man who really wants a woman will keep chasing. It shows commitment, hard work, and a true desire. Plus, men tend to not value women they can claim too easily.

[Asker]

@wolfcat87 I never meant it that they should be left vulnerable in a way that men can claim them easily , I do read into your point and it is good. Men should naturally pursue but what I am saying is that some women test men in a way that create an unfavorable condition for love.

[slatyb]

Games are for children. Ask for what you want, and if invited, answer sincerely. If I ask a woman out and she declines or makes some non-committal response, I won't ask again. If she's not interested, then I'm not either.

[slatyb]

Also get over the idea that "bad men" have it easier than "good men". If you are having trouble getting dates, it's not because women are picking "bad men" instead of you. It's because they don't see you as a good man.

[Asker]

Fortunately I'm not speaking about myself 🙏. I am great at attracting women , I literally put no effort in. I'm perfectly good, most women happen to think I'm too good for them 🤣. It's usually the good ones that think I'm too good for them and then it's bad ones that pursue me because they had many guys and therefore think I am just another innocent guy that they can victimize 🎤.

[Unit1]

I can decipher that for you.

If she plays hard to get, then she isn't interested.

If she doesn't play hard to get (e. g. towards the bad men and then they say men are cheaters) then she is interested.

It's kind of obvious to figure it out.

In which are you ending up? Rhetoric question.

[Pohjolan]

Well the purpose of playing hard to get is being hard to get. Not getting into a relationship.

Its a form of counter signalling or showing off to other women. Like taking a weight belt to a running competition.

Of course if one trips over and finishes last then they just look stupid.

[Avicenna]

Playing hard to get almost always blows up in your face because it appears to be disinterest

[On_cloud_wine]

But it’s not

[Asker]

This is not something girls playing hard to get understand , I can agree with @avicenna on this one. There is a difference between a lady and a girl and that is not an age difference. A lady does not play hard to get although she knows not to throw herself at anyone but most girls are playing hard to get and it is causing that disinterest that we are talking about over here.

[nastyb]

she's not playing hard to get, she's just not that interested in you. If a woman is truly interested, you would know it

[Asker]

I agree so much with you. You would know it 🙌. That's why those games are unnecessary.

[WhitneySnow]

Isn’t bad subjective? And I don’t think all girls do that

[Asker]

I do get where you coming from , you are correct when you say "And I don’t think all girls do that" as I understand not all girls on doing that. I know enough women that are not doing so therefore I did not conclude that all of them are like so. Everyone knows what bad is when they can discern , this subjectiveness may be contested but those who are truly good will remain good regardless of the outcome.

[aceleon]

hard to get as in?

if you say sexual stuff then yes i say they should cuz no sane man would date or love a girl who fucks him without a month past at bare minimum (to be honest i believe a marriage worthy girl shouldn't even fuck in the first place until marriage but it is complicated since i also believe marriage without at least 5 years together is a bad idea and i really doubt any man including me would wait that long.)

[DreamLife7]

She's not playing hard to get she just doesn't like u

[Asker]

@dreamlife7 Fortunately I am not in such a mess but I would receive it just as you put it if I were to face off with someone doing that because wow 🫠.

[Kaamraj]

All women play hard to get, but if she's interested in you then she will make it easier for you. However, if you feel that she's making it too hard, and too cryptic then she's' not that interested and you should move on.

[exitseven]

I got so sick of all the games girls used to play when I was dating i was going to just give up on it for a few years or maybe forever.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I've lost interest in hard to get after about an hour of my realizing what is going on. Life is too short and women are too plentiful for that noise.

[syncheart]

I think women should be a better judge of character. They should be asking the question how reliable is this guy going to be, instead of how exciting is this guy going to be. That bad guys usually stay bad.

[BourbonAndBacon]

I wouldn't put any effort into a relationship if I didn't see any effort from her. Play stupid games and you'll win stupid prizes

[DarkWinterNights]

Playing Hard to Get? You mean self Sabotage? People don’t have the patience in todays dating market to play stupid games.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Women just like us bad boys. More poon for me because I'll cuss her out and throw my empty beer cans at her. Chicks love that. 😂 🤣

[musclesimp]

It's only true for men as muscular as I am. Imagine a stickman trying to be cool...

[MikeTheBartender]

Women who are truly into you will NEVER play hard to get.