Why do people see clingy as bad?

Question

Honestly I'd think it's great! At least I'd know that someone wants to be with me and I'm desirable. Spending time together when we aren't busy would be amazing so we could do things together. Wanting to spend a lot of time with someone you like isn't a bad thing, it's like people expect you to be in a relationship but not care about the relationship. If I was with someone who wasn't clingy, then what am I even doing? At that point we're just friends if you don't care about Spending time with me, you'd do your own thing and that's it. People call clingy as wanting to spend a lot of time with someone and wanting to be with them a lot and texting them a lot. Well I'm sorry I want to take a relationship seriously and care and show affection to the girl.. I wanna show her that she's on my mind and I want to be in her life. But no, everyone says that's bad. What even is a relationship then? Just two people who maybe go out once in awhile and text sometimes? No wonder why relationships fail.

kaylaS91 · Accepted Answer

I think people saying that is a good way to help filter out those you’ll consider from those you swipe left on if you’re serious about looking for an actual relationship.

I’m pretty new to OLD but.. one guy said he a wasn’t looking for a relationship per se though would be open to it if things ‘worked out’. So of course it ended with a hookup+2 dates within a month and him telling me I’m coming on too strong when I merely asked what his plans for the next weekend were.

The next guy I met up with after that told me right away (first date) that he’s not interested in casual dating and gets invested in girls he likes rather quick- or something of that nature that would imply that he’d be devastated if I left him or even was seeing other guys at the same time. That caught me off guard because coming on so strong from they get go isn’t common but I liked him and under ideal circumstances, would approach things in the same way. So once the shock wore off, I found his attitude quite refreshing and we’ve beeen together for 2 months since. 👌🏻

Smoke-n-Growls · Accepted Answer

I was clingy, my ex was clingy.
I got over it before my ex did.

For me, it's exhausting being clingy. I was always insecure, always afraid, always anxious. Mind a lot of that was actual, now-diagnosed General Anxiety Disorder. But a lot of it was also just bad and unhealthy attachment style my abusive mother forced my dad and I to develop.

For my partner, it was also exhausting when I was clingy. He had to reassure me constanty, tiptoe around me a bit, and so on. Part of it was it was our first relationship - for either of us - so we were just idiots all round.

Then when I sought help and became less clingy, we switched. He became so clingy and needed to have me home, I left most of my personal activities and we ended up being homebodies.

Knowing and expressing that you love and need someone else around you is one thing. Being clingy is a whole other beastie.

Jake99999 · Accepted Answer

There is a difference between being "clingy" (which to me, means too much affection that is not really wanted and it comes across as too needy) and just being affectionate (not afraid to touch or hug or snuggle but its not see as too much or constant).

It depends on the person. And both of you have to be on the same page. Some people are just naturally more affectionate than others; if the the two of you are not a match in that department, then it creates a problem and the other person feels you are too clingy.

Being too clingy is how the receiver views it. You may not view it that way, but its how the receiver views it that matters. You are giving them what they believe is too much of something. So if you care about her, adjust your behavior a bit. People do not have to accept every single thing that you do. A relationship is give-and-take and adapting to each other.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

you mean why do females see clingy as bad when a male is clingy?

Clingy is "needy" which requires strength from the other. most females respond poorly to that. Females are looking for strength so they can make their offspring, which are going to be VERY needy for a long time. They don't want another child they want emotional support/strength, security, prioritization of her needs. Then she feels safe and feminine, and then she wants to mate.

Needy isn't love. Love to the woman is the man responding to her needs and prioritizing her highly, not needing her.

it could be viewed as male/female energy.

that's what I think I know...

MzAsh · Answer

Clingy or co-dependency in a relationship is  not  about how desirable you are or about how much time they want to spend with you. It’s not about you at all. It’s all about them. They’re trying to fill a void. They’re seeking attention and validation. They often don’t care who it’s from. You’re just a means to an end. It’s a psychological condition in many cases and there is statistically a very low success and happiness rate among relationships with a co-dependent.

YollyM · Answer

Clingy is not bad at all. Some eople have associated being CLINGY with being CONTROLLING, when the two are totally different. Being clingy comes from a place of ADORATION and loving being around that special person because of they give you good vibes. Being controlling comes from a place of POSSESSIVENESS and wanting the special person to always around you because you fear that he/she will be charmed by other people. And you only feel like that because you know you're not doing enough for your partner.

serious · Answer

That is because generally the word " Clingy" is used in a bad sense or in not so good sense.

If a small kid say who is 1 year old, holds on his/her daddy's legs and refuses to let him go to office then that is seen as appealing and a sign of love but when a fully grown up adult calls many times in a day and asks about small things then that is seen as clingy behavior.

Even in movies clinginess is displayed mostly in negative sense. However, with all this being said there are good aspects and bad aspects of being clingy just like how there is good fear and bad fear.

Hence if a person is clingy but in good ways then that is totally fine but any unhealthy way of clingy behavior will obviously be bad.

Thejollyrancher · Answer

I’ve had it both ways. I’ve had a relationship that I was in that was very “clingy” and a relationship that was at the other end of the spectrum, where as you put it, we only texted occasionally. Like everything else there’s a middle ground to strive for. You make good points about wanting to show affection, and attention, but there’s a point where it just become too much. “Clingy”behavior doesn’t come from a sincere place of affection and love, but insecurity. Thats what ruins a relationship, because it never stays affectionate, it almost always moves to manipulation, distrust, and anger. Oh, and also, that shit Is exhausting to keep up for any amount of time

15_Debo · Answer

cause they don't feel the shit we feel,
they just say we're clingy but they don't no the worry we have and the fear of losing our loved ones
thats why we always want them to be near us all the time so we know they're ok
some people have suspicion so they always stay together so that their loved ones don't ditch them and break their heart
lol

Pandupillu · Answer

I feel "clingy" is over hyped. It's not bad to be reasonably clingy. People nowadays thing clingy is bad cause they have been brain washed by too much social media. This whole " oh give me my space, have your own life" is over rated. Only the current generation has problems with this whole clingy thing. Our parents never did this or didn't experience this or maybe they did and didn't see it as much of a problem. In spite of life getting busier than ever, people are getting more and more clingy, and their partners are having problems with the clingy ness. Something is not right somewhere. Food for thought

Blackcupcake · Answer

I don’t mind clingy at all. I can be physically clingy to a guy I like, always wanting to be close to him. But when it comes to the type of clingy where everything you do becomes an issue because they think “you could spend more time with them instead”, that is annoying.

Bluemax · Answer

Most people think of "clingy " differently from how you are using it.

What you're describing is a relationship where both people want a lot of affection. Where their desire to be affectionate is evenly matched.

When most people say "clingy," they mean where one person is terrified to be alone. Where one person fears abandonment. Where one person has little else going on in his/her life. Or where the desire to be affectionate is mismatched.

Anonymous · Answer

You're so sweet. I would have dated you if you lived nearby. But are you clingy for only 2 years and then you'll be bored?
Or do you actually wanna marry your partner with whom you're clinging? Be honest.
I like clinginess only if the person is honest too.
Clinginess is caring as long as you respect that your partner is really busy and don't distract them from work.

Tunasub · Answer

Spending time and wanting to be together is normal. Having your own life and having time for yourself and family while in a relationship is normal.

Clingy is just is being in my shorts as I put them on. Clingy is

calling or texting every 5 mins asking me what I'm doing?

Clingy is not letting me have one minute to myself.

Clingy is when I go get a physical you tell the Dr "I'll cup his nuts" and then cough for me.

cloudspy · Answer

Because usually its a sign of an underlying problem. It's not a display of love or respect. It's fear based. I personally do not believe it's healthy. People need their own space and independence.

Weater67 · Answer

If someone tells you that you are clinging, insecure, controlling, manipulative, etc… it just means they’re a 304 slut that wants to sleep around. 99 times out of 100 this is psychological projection on the part of the accuser. When someone does this to you, end the relationship immediately. Walk out. Run. Ghost. Return no texts. ie Show that you are NOT insecure, controlling, clinging etc. Watch them lose their ever loving mind and come crawling back to you

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Because it isn't mentally and emotionally healthy. Being clingy one whole day you spent together isn't bad.

Being clingy Monday through Sunday will eventually drain you of your energy and seriously begin to annoy you as you will trap and Luke you can't breathe since someone is always around you or calling or texting you 24/7.

boggboss · Answer

Because being in a relationship dont mean that I no longer have friends or a social life yes spending time together is nice and fine but when they require 24/7 attention thats a bit much

PinkLady21 · Answer

I too have to remind myself to take a step back and not message first everytime and to not try so hard as it’s seen as a bad things nowadays. It’s been a good while since I’ve been on the dating scene so this is all new to me

Ninani · Answer

Clingy is bad when you don't consider the other person's needs and boundaries because of your own need for attention and affection.

pleasestopthis · Answer

You need to know the real meaning of clingy. Someone clingy is a codependant person, someone who doesn't want to give their partner their own space to breathe. I personally hate that, it gets tiring pretty soon.

SynthKobra · Answer

Because they don't understand nor care to understand what the other person feels. It's selfish, childish, annoying and squeezes any semblance of attraction I had for that person like some kind of clingy orange turning into clingy orange juice.

SnakeBoop · Answer

Clingy can easily step into toxic and controllling/manipulative

fluidsnpuids · Answer

I've grown up surrounded by personality disordered family and relatives. So you see that's why I'm very wary when I date because the women who are clingy make me turned off lol.

Why do people see clingy as bad?

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