Why do people see clingy as bad?

[SeanshterMonster]

Honestly I'd think it's great! At least I'd know that someone wants to be with me and I'm desirable. Spending time together when we aren't busy would be amazing so we could do things together. Wanting to spend a lot of time with someone you like isn't a bad thing, it's like people expect you to be in a relationship but not care about the relationship. If I was with someone who wasn't clingy, then what am I even doing? At that point we're just friends if you don't care about Spending time with me, you'd do your own thing and that's it. People call clingy as wanting to spend a lot of time with someone and wanting to be with them a lot and texting them a lot. Well I'm sorry I want to take a relationship seriously and care and show affection to the girl.. I wanna show her that she's on my mind and I want to be in her life. But no, everyone says that's bad. What even is a relationship then? Just two people who maybe go out once in awhile and text sometimes? No wonder why relationships fail.

[kaylaS91]

I think people saying that is a good way to help filter out those you’ll consider from those you swipe left on if you’re serious about looking for an actual relationship.


I’m pretty new to OLD but.. one guy said he a wasn’t looking for a relationship per se though would be open to it if things ‘worked out’. So of course it ended with a hookup+2 dates within a month and him telling me I’m coming on too strong when I merely asked what his plans for the next weekend were.


The next guy I met up with after that told me right away (first date) that he’s not interested in casual dating and gets invested in girls he likes rather quick- or something of that nature that would imply that he’d be devastated if I left him or even was seeing other guys at the same time. That caught me off guard because coming on so strong from they get go isn’t common but I liked him and under ideal circumstances, would approach things in the same way. So once the shock wore off, I found his attitude quite refreshing and we’ve beeen together for 2 months since. 👌🏻

[SeanshterMonster]

Yeah. I only do serious relationships. Casual doesn't feel like a relationship and it just feels like we're friends.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

I was clingy, my ex was clingy.
I got over it before my ex did.

For me, it's exhausting being clingy. I was always insecure, always afraid, always anxious. Mind a lot of that was actual, now-diagnosed General Anxiety Disorder. But a lot of it was also just bad and unhealthy attachment style my abusive mother forced my dad and I to develop.

For my partner, it was also exhausting when I was clingy. He had to reassure me constanty, tiptoe around me a bit, and so on. Part of it was it was our first relationship - for either of us - so we were just idiots all round.

Then when I sought help and became less clingy, we switched. He became so clingy and needed to have me home, I left most of my personal activities and we ended up being homebodies.

Knowing and expressing that you love and need someone else around you is one thing. Being clingy is a whole other beastie.

[JustAnj]

This is the actual definition of clingy, yes, sadly a lot of people can confuse loving affectionate people with clingy and that is the main issue that gets confused. When someone seems to move to fast, stay to close, so on so on.

I know I was never clingy but was called clingy and people would always assume because I love being close and affectionate and knew what I wanted I was clingy.

🤷

Hope things are getting better for you ❤ My husband has bad anxiety its can be very crippling. Best wishes LOve ❤

[Jake99999]

There is a difference between being "clingy" (which to me, means too much affection that is not really wanted and it comes across as too needy) and just being affectionate (not afraid to touch or hug or snuggle but its not see as too much or constant).

It depends on the person. And both of you have to be on the same page. Some people are just naturally more affectionate than others; if the the two of you are not a match in that department, then it creates a problem and the other person feels you are too clingy.

Being too clingy is how the receiver views it. You may not view it that way, but its how the receiver views it that matters. You are giving them what they believe is too much of something. So if you care about her, adjust your behavior a bit. People do not have to accept every single thing that you do. A relationship is give-and-take and adapting to each other.

[lightbulb27]

you mean why do females see clingy as bad when a male is clingy?

Clingy is "needy" which requires strength from the other. most females respond poorly to that. Females are looking for strength so they can make their offspring, which are going to be VERY needy for a long time. They don't want another child they want emotional support/strength, security, prioritization of her needs. Then she feels safe and feminine, and then she wants to mate.

Needy isn't love. Love to the woman is the man responding to her needs and prioritizing her highly, not needing her.

it could be viewed as male/female energy.

that's what I think I know...

[SeanshterMonster]

So I shouldn't need anything and she needs everything? What should I do then? Nothing? Just not spend time with them? Just let them do whatever and I can't do nothing?

[lightbulb27]

There's a masculine power perspective that will work wonders once you see it. When you write, it just sounds... soft and needy of her love. The masculine commands. The result is the same... get time with her, but how it's done "feels" different to her. FEELMALES feel things, not logic, they feel and use their emotions. They want masculine emotion... him in charge, commanding, loving, protecting, securing, desiring. Example in writing:

"Sarah, I'd like to take you out Friday, would that be ok". BLAH... never do that... that sounds weak.
"Sarah, I'm taking you out Friday, lets do it!" Fun, flirty, commanding, positive.

Girls respond differently to different things.. not all are the same. It's best to respond to the individual, but remember, your a man and she's a woman, and thats different.

I understand these things to some degree, hard to put in writing. It sometimes takes observation. watch masculine men, pickup that energy, positivity, masculine power.

[SeanshterMonster]

But that's sounds forceful and manipulative. I don't want to bend her emotions to my will, that's wrong, it feels wrong.

[lightbulb27]

she can say no and you respect her. I think it comes down to the difference between "need" and "desire"... to have your intentions be clear. she wants to be desired and have someone in charge, but she has control and is secure.
some will respond well to it, others will resist and will not. I know what you mean but I used to make those mistakes. if it feels awkwads, then I'd observe others who are successful and practice in places where it doesn't matter and observe the results. more people than you can imagine want a leader, someone in command. it's masculine energy. just some of it will help.

[SeanshterMonster]

Honestly. I'm not the leader type. But I'm not a follower type either. Is it the woman that gets everything she wants and I just have to settle? I want to be desired too. I want to feel wanted by someone.

[lightbulb27]

you get what you want, which is her. then you get what else you want. it's a partnership of give and take.
it's not like you don't get anything.

you want to be desired? what does that mean? you might ask that question if other guys feel that way. I want to feel wanted, accepted, of value (my wounds show up), but can't say I've had that thought "desire". I don't claim everyone is the same, you have to understand yourself, your needs.

I can tell you from my personal experience, internal wounds/training from childhood drive a lot of what we want/need. some of that is messed up.

You are worthy of being loved and you do deserve to have a partner. It requires someone you align with emotionally. you may need a woman who is less feminine, more strong, confident.

[SeanshterMonster]

I want to be desired as in wanted. I want to feel like they want to be with me, they want to spend time with me and do things with me. Someone who desires to be apart of my life as much as I desire to be apart of theirs.

[lightbulb27]

that should be very possible. sometimes I think it's like fishing... there's some kind of a game involved, having the right bait, being in the right place at right time, taking chances to get as many opportunities as possible, and then working through the process of catching.

I'm not sure it ends and it doesn't stay the same I don't think as noone wants boredom. It really shouldn't be so hard, I think a lot of it is poor training and education and messed up culture. seems like launching a rocket to the moon using an abicus and it should be as easy as it was centuries ago.

keep learning... keep working on yourself and keep your energy up.

what do you want your life to look like.. write that in a mytake so you are focused on what you want. it all helps. then what actions you take today to move you along that path.

easier said than done, were all a work in progress. there's 5 billion women out there... there's a few that will match you, maybe several million.

[SeanshterMonster]

I doubt it tbh

[lightbulb27]

i'd suggest watching videos on self esteem, self development, positive energy, etc.. look around, get inspired and then go out and do something physically with it, even if it's a little. little successes will start to feel good. you got a long life ahead, make it the best you can.

[SeanshterMonster]

With where the world is going. I'm not sure we have a long life ahead

[lightbulb27]

always been that way. think of a time it was safe... we have it as good as it gets. turn the tv off and live:)

[MzAsh]

Clingy or co-dependency in a relationship is not about how desirable you are or about how much time they want to spend with you. It’s not about you at all. It’s all about them. They’re trying to fill a void. They’re seeking attention and validation. They often don’t care who it’s from. You’re just a means to an end. It’s a psychological condition in many cases and there is statistically a very low success and happiness rate among relationships with a co-dependent.

[SeanshterMonster]

If the people in the relationship don't need eachother. Then what's the point of a relationship? If I don't need someone. Then a relationship is a waste of time

[MzAsh]

It’s better to be with someone who desires to be with you, not needs to be with you out of relationship anxiety.

[SeanshterMonster]

Isn't it also clingy to desire someone too? Clingy to want to be with someone and see them whenever they can to spend time with them.

[MzAsh]

It depends. Clingy usually is defined by the inability to give someone their necessary “me” time. They’ll start to act like that annoying little sibling who won’t leave you alone and robs you of all your free time and energy. That’s clingy.

[SeanshterMonster]

Makes sense. But what if this me times becomes like a constant habit and she gets to a point where I can't see her or barely talk to her.

[MzAsh]

Then you can talk about a compromise. How much would you expect to see someone you just started dating?

[SeanshterMonster]

Just start? Maybe once or twice a week depending on distance. And more as we get closer, if it always just once a week or once every two weeks... I just feel like we're more like friends and not in a serious relationship. I don't do casual relationships cause then again that just feels like we're friends. Casual just seems like something you don't put that much thought into and care into

[JustAnj]

As someone who is considered clingy when excited and in love, I would disagree with your perspective. Also a lot of people throw around the word clingy at anyone they feel is doing or being to much of.

My husband use to call me clingy this hurt me cause I simply wanted to enjoy some time with him before I left to a school that I would be living in and unable to leave from until the weekend.

I also would not be in a relationship where my partner saw me less then his friends. This would make it obvious that he is not ready to be serious or at least with me.

Everything a person does during the begining to the engagement is how it will be in marriage overall and if he is that distant I would remove myself to find someone who wants to make me a priority.

When my husband and I were boyfriend and girlfriend I was very young and still learning, I eventually stopped trying to be closer to him and he noticed, he asked me to change back but it was to late I was too hurt and restful of him disregarding me. He still wishes he had never asked me to "chill" he misses what is very hard for me to express anymore. I just grew with the changes of our relationship I am not even sure what I was like anymore and hearing old videos of who I was before makes me feel awkward since I am not use to being so up and close.

So no its not cause women are looking for validation its cause they want to grasp and give and enjoy every moment they can while its new and feeling amazing. We just like to show how much we can love. If you never been there yourself I do not think you can comprehend why others act this way.

[Yourfriend2021]

@JustAnj I agree with you, he shouldn't call you clingy when you love him and want to spend as much time together. Other people are cold hearted, if they want your love, spend as much time together as you can. People need alone time sometimes, but life is short, cold hearted people came up with that world "clingy".

[YollyM]

Clingy is not bad at all. Some eople have associated being CLINGY with being CONTROLLING, when the two are totally different. Being clingy comes from a place of ADORATION and loving being around that special person because of they give you good vibes. Being controlling comes from a place of POSSESSIVENESS and wanting the special person to always around you because you fear that he/she will be charmed by other people. And you only feel like that because you know you're not doing enough for your partner.

[serious]

That is because generally the word " Clingy" is used in a bad sense or in not so good sense.

If a small kid say who is 1 year old, holds on his/her daddy's legs and refuses to let him go to office then that is seen as appealing and a sign of love but when a fully grown up adult calls many times in a day and asks about small things then that is seen as clingy behavior.

Even in movies clinginess is displayed mostly in negative sense. However, with all this being said there are good aspects and bad aspects of being clingy just like how there is good fear and bad fear.

Hence if a person is clingy but in good ways then that is totally fine but any unhealthy way of clingy behavior will obviously be bad.

[Thejollyrancher]

I’ve had it both ways. I’ve had a relationship that I was in that was very “clingy” and a relationship that was at the other end of the spectrum, where as you put it, we only texted occasionally. Like everything else there’s a middle ground to strive for. You make good points about wanting to show affection, and attention, but there’s a point where it just become too much. “Clingy”behavior doesn’t come from a sincere place of affection and love, but insecurity. Thats what ruins a relationship, because it never stays affectionate, it almost always moves to manipulation, distrust, and anger. Oh, and also, that shit Is exhausting to keep up for any amount of time

[SeanshterMonster]

What if it always stays the affectionate kind of clingy. Like you deeply care

[Thejollyrancher]

I think we are using two definitions for clingy. So here’s mine:

Someone who always has the need to be at the center of your attention, irregardless or what else is happening in your life.

For example, you have a big report that’s due and you need to work on it. And non clingy response would be: “Sure, that’s perfectly fine and understandable, do you want to come over and work on it here?” And then you come over and they let you work on the report. A clingy person would say the same thing, but need your attention while you are trying to work on the report, not letting you do the work you needed to do. Do you see the difference?

[SeanshterMonster]

I'm meaning clingy as in someone who wants to spend time with you whoever possible, like when both aren't busy with something important. Wanting to do things together the futher the relationship and caring about one another

[Thejollyrancher]

And that is perfectly fine, and pretty healthy. Usually clingy has negative connotations, revolving around jealousy, and insecurity. What you described is more of a co-dépendant relationship, which while not everyone’s cup of tea, is a much healthier relationship

[SeanshterMonster]

I'd love a co-dependent relationship. It's an actual relationship

[Thejollyrancher]

Well good luck then! I hope you find the right person!

[Pandupillu]

I feel "clingy" is over hyped. It's not bad to be reasonably clingy. People nowadays thing clingy is bad cause they have been brain washed by too much social media. This whole " oh give me my space, have your own life" is over rated. Only the current generation has problems with this whole clingy thing. Our parents never did this or didn't experience this or maybe they did and didn't see it as much of a problem. In spite of life getting busier than ever, people are getting more and more clingy, and their partners are having problems with the clingy ness. Something is not right somewhere. Food for thought

[15_Debo]

cause they don't feel the shit we feel,
they just say we're clingy but they don't no the worry we have and the fear of losing our loved ones
thats why we always want them to be near us all the time so we know they're ok
some people have suspicion so they always stay together so that their loved ones don't ditch them and break their heart
lol

[boggboss]

I get wanting to stay with your partner out off fear off being diched but at the end off the day if a guy or girl wants to ditch there partner or even cheat I assure you trying to spend every moment with them won't stop it from happening they will simply get smart or do it anyway unfortunately

[SeanshterMonster]

@boggboss I get what she means. I'm kinda the same way. If I don't spend time with them will they leave me? Will they think I don't care? Am I not good enough for them if I don't try to spend all the time I can with them?

[boggboss]

But thats your insecurities then controlling u as like I said mate if a women Is going to leave u or wants to spending more time won't prevent that entertaining your insecurities won't fix the issue just add more stress on the relationship

[SeanshterMonster]

@boggboss then should I not spend time with them? It's not like I got anything better to do on my free days.

[boggboss]

No spending time with them is good what I mean is you should also have your own time

[SeanshterMonster]

@boggboss the thing is, I got nothing to do with my own time. I got no friends, no social life, no nothing. Having a social life is impossible anyways, most days I sit inside.

[boggboss]

So u have no social life so what happens if your girl has one or gets one what would u do with yourself

[SeanshterMonster]

@boggboss be at home I guess. That's it, read, draw.. go on a walk...

[boggboss]

And u wouldn't feel like she was leaving you or left out

[SeanshterMonster]

@boggboss of course I'd feel left out but I can't control her. She does what she wants. I would love to be with her and be involved too but if she doesn't want that.. there's nothing I can do

[boggboss]

But thats what ends up causing issue that feeling u have tends to lead to 1 party feeling left out or left alone and ends up causing issues thats why I say its good to be comftble having your own time

[SeanshterMonster]

@boggboss I just like spending time with someone I like. If I fall in love with them I'd rather he with them then by myself

[boggboss]

Nobody is saying spending time is wrong lol just requiring near all a person's time tends to cause problems

[SeanshterMonster]

@boggboss I get 24/7 wouldn't be good... but at least some time, otherwise It doesn't feel like a relationship

[Tiptoetamm]

@15_debo well said

[Blackcupcake]

I don’t mind clingy at all. I can be physically clingy to a guy I like, always wanting to be close to him. But when it comes to the type of clingy where everything you do becomes an issue because they think “you could spend more time with them instead”, that is annoying.

[SeanshterMonster]

Makes sense

[Bluemax]

Most people think of "clingy " differently from how you are using it.

What you're describing is a relationship where both people want a lot of affection. Where their desire to be affectionate is evenly matched.

When most people say "clingy," they mean where one person is terrified to be alone. Where one person fears abandonment. Where one person has little else going on in his/her life. Or where the desire to be affectionate is mismatched.

[Anonymous]

You're so sweet. I would have dated you if you lived nearby. But are you clingy for only 2 years and then you'll be bored?
Or do you actually wanna marry your partner with whom you're clinging? Be honest.
I like clinginess only if the person is honest too.
Clinginess is caring as long as you respect that your partner is really busy and don't distract them from work.

[AmeerX]

I want to marry of course

[SeanshterMonster]

I'd want to marry someone clingy and no, I'm clingy all of the time. Not for a short time. I am a certain amount of clingy all the time. I mean if you lived around then south part of Washington then great.

[Opinion Owner]

Aww I wish we both find someone like us. But I'm in the different part of the globe.

[SeanshterMonster]

I wish that too. Best of luck

[Tunasub]

Spending time and wanting to be together is normal. Having your own life and having time for yourself and family while in a relationship is normal.

Clingy is just is being in my shorts as I put them on. Clingy is

calling or texting every 5 mins asking me what I'm doing?

Clingy is not letting me have one minute to myself.

Clingy is when I go get a physical you tell the Dr "I'll cup his nuts" and then cough for me.

[cloudspy]

Because usually its a sign of an underlying problem. It's not a display of love or respect. It's fear based. I personally do not believe it's healthy. People need their own space and independence.

[SeanshterMonster]

So... how else do I keep a relationship healthy? Do I not spend time with them when I can? Don't spent too much time? Force myself to not text as much. Maybe saying goodmorning every morning is bad...

[cloudspy]

Of course spend time when you can and there's nothing wrong with saying good morning etc. You said clingy in the question. Clingy is extreme. It's when you can't be without someone, when you call and text constantly, when you are all in someone's space all the time. When you forfeit your own hobbies and life by hanging on waiting someone else, etc. Unless your partner is the same way then it's fine, both be clingy together.

[SeanshterMonster]

Right... I guess i don't know quite what clingy is. I thought it was wanting to see them and be with them whenever you can and giving the relationship all you can showing that you care.

[cloudspy]

No darling, I don't think what you say is the definition of clingy. Some people are so clingy their partner can't use the bathroom on their own! 😂

[SeanshterMonster]

That's not good

[Weater67]

If someone tells you that you are clinging, insecure, controlling, manipulative, etc… it just means they’re a 304 slut that wants to sleep around. 99 times out of 100 this is psychological projection on the part of the accuser. When someone does this to you, end the relationship immediately. Walk out. Run. Ghost. Return no texts. ie Show that you are NOT insecure, controlling, clinging etc. Watch them lose their ever loving mind and come crawling back to you

[PinkLady21]

I too have to remind myself to take a step back and not message first everytime and to not try so hard as it’s seen as a bad things nowadays. It’s been a good while since I’ve been on the dating scene so this is all new to me

[SeanshterMonster]

Not try so hard? So now it's bad to try hard in a relationship. Great

[Jamie05rhs]

@SeansterMonster Ikr?

[PinkLady21]

@SeanshterMonster and @Jamie05rhs I wholeheartedly agree, but when I do try and make an effort men seem to ghost me but when I don’t try and pull away men are overly interested… it’s a sad world we live in nowadays

[Jamie05rhs]

@PinkLady21 It is. Sad, indeed.

[boggboss]

Because being in a relationship dont mean that I no longer have friends or a social life yes spending time together is nice and fine but when they require 24/7 attention thats a bit much

[SeanshterMonster]

I understand not 24/7, but it's not like I got any other friends anyway.

[boggboss]

But then that I'm itself shows why u don't see clingy as a issue because your partner would be your social and relationship needs but to many people that have social lives before it would be a issue

[SeanshterMonster]

So relationships just aren't worth it... I don't wanna be in a relationship if I only see them like twice a month.

[boggboss]

Again where are u getting these random times who said twice a month lol normal people wouldn't be happy with that

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Because it isn't mentally and emotionally healthy. Being clingy one whole day you spent together isn't bad.

Being clingy Monday through Sunday will eventually drain you of your energy and seriously begin to annoy you as you will trap and Luke you can't breathe since someone is always around you or calling or texting you 24/7.

[Ninani]

Clingy is bad when you don't consider the other person's needs and boundaries because of your own need for attention and affection.

[SeanshterMonster]

Now I'm just confused what clingy is

[Ninani]

@SeanshterMonster clingy is when somebody wants and claims another person's attention for affection without considering what the other person wants. Clingy can be positive if the other person reciprocates and wants to give attention, but negative when it crosses that person's boundaries. Clingy people tend to only think about themselves and their own need for attention.

[pleasestopthis]

You need to know the real meaning of clingy. Someone clingy is a codependant person, someone who doesn't want to give their partner their own space to breathe. I personally hate that, it gets tiring pretty soon.

[SeanshterMonster]

So a co-defendant relationship is bad?

[pleasestopthis]

No wonder relationships fail, people can't tell the difference between loving or sick unhealthy behavior.

[SeanshterMonster]

So it's sick to want to spend a lot of time with someone? What? So in a relationship I shouldn't care as much, I barely should see them. Maybe once every 2 weeks to give distance. At that point we're just friends.

[SynthKobra]

Because they don't understand nor care to understand what the other person feels. It's selfish, childish, annoying and squeezes any semblance of attraction I had for that person like some kind of clingy orange turning into clingy orange juice.

[SeanshterMonster]

I'm clingy, and I have no idea how to have a relationship any other way. The other ways just seem like I don't care enough

[SnakeBoop]

Clingy can easily step into toxic and controllling/manipulative

[SeanshterMonster]

How so? I don't see how that would happen.

[SnakeBoop]

texts asking how a person is turn into where, who, why they are where they are/who they're with. I've seen it a few times

[Still-alive]

[SeanshterMonster]

Or what if they are genuinely interested in what your up to? Or maybe you havnt texted in awhile so they just check in.

[SnakeBoop]

there's a difference between wanting to ask to make conversation and to be what i've said above. thats kind of an obvious thing. i've seen it happen a few times, but maybe thats my pessimistic attitutde. my mom did it with me, did it to her partners, and had a partner do it to her. so probably just my life experience being so negative.

[SeanshterMonster]

Maybe. I always thought being interested on what your partner I'd up to is a good thing

[Still-alive]

stop being reductive dude. you know what she means @SeanshterMonster

[SeanshterMonster]

@Still-alive no I dont... I can't wrap my head around being clingy is toxic and all the things that come with it.

[Still-alive]

you don't see how it can become controlling or manipulative?

[SeanshterMonster]

@Still-alive no I don't. I don't see the problem with checking in on someone and seeing what they are up to, wanting to spend lots of time with them and care for them. In a relationship your going into eachother lives, not just separate, otherwise it's not a relationship and your not really together

[Still-alive]

[SeanshterMonster]

@Still-alive thats not clingy, that's stalking and controlling.

[Still-alive]

which being clingy often evolves into...

[SeanshterMonster]

@Still-alive it doesn't have to

[Still-alive]

but usually does

[SeanshterMonster]

@Still-alive I just don't understand why it's bad to want to spend a lot of time with someone because you care and want to show that you want to work hard in a relationship

[SnakeBoop]

Okay, the blatant ignorance has got to be a troll attempt now.

[Still-alive]

yeah he's like willfully ignorant at this point or trolling

[SeanshterMonster]

@Still-alive trolling? I genuinely don't get it. So to expect out of a relationship is for someone to not give a dam and will only want to talk or see me when they have some time to kill?

[SeanshterMonster]

@Still-alive you people see someone giving all they can in a relationship and see that as clingy.

[SeanshterMonster]

@Still-alive and Co-defendant relationship are bad I'm guessing?

[SeanshterMonster]

Co-dependent*

[Still-alive]

we already spelled it out for you. read it all very carefully and maybe you'll get it

[SeanshterMonster]

@Still-alive all I got is relationships aren't worth it if people don't care anymore. Cause caring too much is bad

[Still-alive]

wow nuance is a foreign concept to you huh? just think in extremes?

[SeanshterMonster]

@Still-alive it's either yes or no, care or don't care. No in-between. The in-betweens is just an excuse

[Still-alive]

its really not though...

[SeanshterMonster]

@Still-alive people tell me "don't put all your eggs in one basket". As in, don't put all your effort into it... but I don't understand how someone can only care 50% or only care 30%. Like do they not care the other 50-70%?

[JustAnj]

@SeanshterMonster

I honestly don't think your trolling, I get why you are confused.

I also understand that sometimes people play the rules to hard and forget natural connection.

What they are saying are extremes and do not acknowledge that.

Where these ideas come from I don't know maybe a bad experience or a paranoid ideal. No freaking clue, I totally feel the same as you though.

I understand that people go to those extremes but that's a generalization since people of all types can become this so pinning it on people who are seen as clingy is ignorant in itself.

🤷

I always felt like if we have ideas of others then we are left with our ideas not who they are, this why I don't simply assume someone is going to be toxic until proven otherwise. We all have are things.

[SnakeBoop]

@JustAnj you're assuming I say everyone who is clingy is those things. That's not what I said.
I already said my views probably stem from the fact my mother was an abusive bitch in her relationships and chose bad partners too... if you're going to comment, at least read the whole thread...

[JustAnj]

@SnakeBoop

Where is that assumption? Your assuming I made that assumption and also assuming I didn't read the thread.

What I did do is ignore the fact that your using your mom as an excuse to not take responsibility for your views. You are aware of your issue but comply with it. You can do better and process your thoughts before commenting so that you don't feel the need to counter my opinion without properly expressing yourself.

May it sound like I am being a dick to you I am not. I am just extremely blunt so don't take it personally. This is just my observation.

So to be clear with you I'm responding to view points that people seem to think about when they think of someone they consider to be clingy and based on what you guys were talking about it was extreme. The issue is not that people are this extreme it's that they are viewed to become this extreme when we don't know if that is true. Many even confuse affection and closeness with being clingy and end up leaving these people without even giving them a chance because of that generalization. That's my main point.

Sorry if what I said was not clear.

[SnakeBoop]

Yes, its extreme, but it's answering his question on "why people view being clingy as bad" because it can start as clingy and end up in the extremes. I never said it was for every case of clinginess. And I'm done trying to explain what I would hope is some simple logic to you two who don't get it.

[fluidsnpuids]

I've grown up surrounded by personality disordered family and relatives. So you see that's why I'm very wary when I date because the women who are clingy make me turned off lol.

[exitseven]

There is a difference between being attentive and being clingy. I like attentive , clingy is a little much. Everyone has outside interests to their relationship and should be able to pursue them.

[SeanshterMonster]

What's the difference?

[exitseven]

If she interferes with my hobbies and wants me to stop seeing my friends that is clingy.

[Tiptoetamm]

I don't know. I've always been told it's negative so I remind myself and back off when I feel I'm becoming too emotionally attached

[SeanshterMonster]

I don't think it's bad at all

[Tiptoetamm]

Most of the time I worry about pushing him away and getting hurt so I just keep my guard up

[SeanshterMonster]

That sounds like your trapping yourself

[Tiptoetamm]

I know I've nude been hurt a few times and don't want to get hurt again

[Tiptoetamm]

It's not that I don't want to, I do, I just bet into my head about it to be 100% honest

[Tiptoetamm]

*get

[SeanshterMonster]

Being honest is important. But building walls where there doesn't need to he isn't healthy

[Tiptoetamm]

Yeah your right! I know I need to be vulnerable to fall love. I'm working on it I have s date coming up. I'll try and get out my comfort zone we'll see

[Flower7]

I agree! Relationships seem to involve a lot of games and that takes the fun out of them.

[SeanshterMonster]

No joke. I agree

[honeylover21]

After a while clingness can get annoying and obsessive especially if a person is that way

[SeanshterMonster]

In a relationship are you not wanting to be with that person a lot?

[honeylover21]

I'm not in a relationship

[Browneye57]

Affectionate isn't 'clingy'. It's a matter of clarifying descriptive terms.
Clingy is when they make you their drug of choice. It's like a mental illness.

[ThatNoUVAtYourEyes]

If brain sizes/IQs match approximately (or even relative to others) then it isn't clinginess.
Even when it is I don't mind it either/prefer it to the non-availability weak girls market as 'being independent'

[Anonymous]

Most people just want a lot of alone time I guess. I am very clingy and everyone always says I'm annoying because of that.

[SeanshterMonster]

Alone time in a relationship? Sounds like a friendship

[Opinion Owner]

Yep I don't understand why people want alone time in a relationship.

[SeanshterMonster]

Me neither

[karaspara]

What you describe is a normal relationship I don't class that as being clingy

[SeanshterMonster]

It is? Not clingy?

[karaspara]

Not to me Clingy to me is when someone won't give you any space or time alone at all not someone who wants to spend time with you and text and stuff when apart

[Tomsta]

Because that means you have no idependance. I already had an overbearibg mum dont wanna repeat that

Have your own life...

[SeanshterMonster]

Then what the point of a relationship. If you have a relationship but almost never spend time together. That's not a relationship. That's just a friendship.

[Tomsta]

There is a difference between spending time together and being basically co-dependant

Im not there to be your comfot blanket all the time. Gotta learn to take care of yourself. No guarentee there will always be someone around

[SeanshterMonster]

So do you not care for the other person? What are they to you?

[Tomsta]

I do care about them of course. But you need to be able to at least handle yourself for the most part

I have no issue helping but uf you make no attempt to even try to understand/learn from it then thats your problem not mine

At that point i would feel like im being taken advantage of. Been there, not fun and never again

[SeanshterMonster]

But wouldn't you want to spend time with them? What's the problem with wanting to spend time with them?

[Tomsta]

Again you are missing the point. I have no issue spending time with someone

But if you have to be woth someone all the time then you can't be alone which is a red flag to me

[SeanshterMonster]

Ah... Honestly being alone is boring and I have nothing else to do anyway

[Anonymous]

Because being clingy means your partner depends on you way too much which in turn can lead to suffocation. I don't want to be suffocated, I want to be able to breathe and still have my own space. If a relationship shouldn't feel like a chore.

[Opinion Owner]

*no "if" in the last sentence.

[SeanshterMonster]

But relationships take work. In a relationship she would go into your life and you into hers. Any kind of "work" is a chore but that doesn't mean it's bad. You can work on it and still love it

[Opinion Owner]

Of course. I agree with that. But it doesn't have to be overbearing. Relationships require work, that in itself isn't bad. But that can be done without being suffocated. If you're being suffocated then you can lose the love of the relationship.

[SeanshterMonster]

But if she doesn't care about spending time with you and seeing if your okay, showing care and wanting to be with you a lot then she'll probably leave and I'd be wondering during the whole time If she really cares

[Opinion Owner]

Not being clingy doesn't mean you don't care about your partner or you don't want to spend time with them. You don't need to be clingy to show how much you love someone. I appreciate you want to spend as much time as possible with the one you love. But there's a healthy balance involved. It's like that saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder". But that doesn't mean you need to be apart for your love for your partner to grow.

[SeanshterMonster]

It just seems... dumb.. why would I purposely not spend time with her when I can? That's seems stupid and neglecting

[Opinion Owner]

I don't think it's stupid and neglecting to want to spend your time with different people. Of course your partner is your priority and most of your time will be spent with them, but I don't think ALL your spare time should be spent with them. People have lives and would like to do different things with different people. That's not neglecting in my opinion, it's actually healthy.

[Anonymous]

They obviously don't love and aren't the relationship type.

[Opinion Owner]

I mean those, who say clingy is bad or see clingy as a bad/desperate thing.

[Anonymous]

It’s not bad. It’s people who aren’t mutually interested to the same degree.

[notacannibal]

Nope, it makes it easier to find them when the food supply runs low

[DonkeyDan]

Because I don't want to be their emotional crutch.

[SeanshterMonster]

So do you not connect emotionally?

[DonkeyDan]

Yes of course I connect emotionally, but there is a difference between emotionally connections and someone not being able to manage without you because of being too emotionally clingy.

[SeanshterMonster]

If you don't need a relationship or don't need someone in your life. Then what's the point of even being with someone.

[DonkeyDan]

Lol having a relationship is not the same as not coping without someone.

[SeanshterMonster]

If you don't need someone in your life, shouldn't you just cut them out?

[DonkeyDan]

Again needing someone in your life is not the same as someone not being able to cope without the other person, I'm talking on a day to day basis. You clearly don't understand this. In a long term relationship you can't be in eachother pocket night and day, it just doesn't work like that, a health relationship it one where you spend time together but you also spend time apart. It is very important for people to have their only time. You'll learn this in time.

[pheebeeluv]

Men think it’s good, women think it’s creepy

[SeanshterMonster]

I'd love it if a woman was clingy. It means she actually wants to be with me and I'd not have to worry about her cheating

[JustAnj]

I don't find it creepy, I think its awesome when guys are like that. Its so sweet when I see couples like this, like look at them crazy kids. ❤

[Anonymous]

bad. give me some personal space.

[SeanshterMonster]

So you want to be in someone's life but not at the same time? I'm confused

[Opinion Owner]

no to needy, clingy and smothering people.

[dudeinohio]

Yeah. True

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Yandere