Why do introverts like extroverts?

[Anonymous]

I am an extrovert (ENFP). However, my most serious relationships are with very introverted men. (INTJ for example)

I don't get them: they want silence and to be alone but then they want to be with someone who is chatty and enjoys connecting with people and trying new things on the drop of a dime. They get all fussy about being out of their comfort zone but then tail between legs follow you out of it. They bitch and whine the whole time about it then thank you afterwards. They seem totally disinterested then are flummoxed that you think they want to call it quits.

They tend to get very attached and fall very deeply. I really don't get it.

What is it that introverts appreciate about extroverts?

[D_Bone_Steak]

INTJ here... I think it's because you'll be willing to bug the shit out of us when others won't. TBH the presence of them is annoying as fuck for us, but is also like why does this person bug the shit out of me and always want to do shit with me? they like me... right?

Personally, I've learned to calm my tits and first analyze if they just have a lack of other friends as options because they've done burned bridges or if they're just a salesman type trying to get something out of me. Like I'm rich, but pretend I'm poor. I wear baggy clothes to hide my muscles. I'm the guy that wears a hoody and stuffs the pouch so I look like I have a beer gut. I just don't like "undue" attention is all. I'd prefer saying I have a little dick and when she gets me nude she's happy with my 7 incher... as opposed to saying I have 10 inches just to disappoint. lolz

[Asker]

Yes, ex husband was INTJ. I thought he hated me most of the time. He really didn't. I was his game changer, anchor and asset. Sadly, he was physically me atlly and emotionally abusive and coupled with a lot of my unresolved trauma the dream died.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Not going to lie, I think us INTJ types can be the most brutal. The overthinking of every little flaw and suspicion that someone is up to some bullshit... we can suck the fun out of some shit real fast. What sucks is... we're usually right at least in anything long-term. The person that's going to do some bullshit 9 times out of 10 are not even aware they're about to do some bullshit. ... I guess you could say we call it out too damn early. Not just with people... scenarios as well.

And sometimes it never happens, but it could have.

[Asker]

100%. I spent two years dealing with his paranoia about my evil plan to betray him. It was bloody draining. But I knew I earned a place in his heart. I ran out of gas. Mentally emotionally just tapped out.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Sorry to hear that... my wife of over a decade now I think was ENFP. She's highly motivated to be social but she sucks at maneuvering the social landscape. Basically, she falls victim to people's bullshit too often and I resent her for it. Especially when it ends up burning me and I had nothing to do with it. (like falling for one of those, "I'm the tax man" scams on the phone) Then there's the little shit like pointless shopping... we don't need more shit... but she'll just buy shit. Or eat out constantly in places where the damn food servers want to ask you if you're fine every 5 minutes. I prefer burger king because at least they'll leave you the fuck alone when you eat. I'm just never going to understand that high social drive when she sucks at it so fucking hard. I could be good at it, but I fucking detest the shit. I really hate having a bunch of people buzzing around me with their pointless objectives. I just sort of play the game to make her happy... but I'd rather be home playing my guitar, mastering a video game, or keeping up on my politics. Sometimes some science shit like hydroponics.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Sorry for ranting there, I love her when it's just me and her... but that damn 'inject the socializing' shit just really gets to me. I prefer a camping trip to the woods... not some god damn kid's water park where I end up having a 14 year old try to hit on me. I'd rather just not be involved in these freakshows scenes. And that's what I don't get about her, why does she? she's like socially clumsy and falls for bullshit.

[Asker]

Ah yes the seething resentment that bubbles up out of the assault on your logic and your hating of everybody.

That's so weord she's socially clumsy. In our relationship he was to socially clumsy one. Are you sure it's you?

Also, yeah my ex husband would get hit on a lot and he haaaayyytteeed it! Lol

[D_Bone_Steak]

Yeah I'm socially excellent (I fake it/don't enjoy it) and she just gets taken advantage of whenever she gets out of site.

Also YES! The getting hit on shit sucks! I've had chicks get hostile with her when I didn't even talk to them... they just liked me. Even old chicks dissing her. Saying she's my mom and shit (interracial so that's impossible, and she's younger than me). She had me living on a military base there for a while and those fat chicks just kept it going with the hitting on me stuff. Like I mentioned that I wear baggy clothes to hide my muscles and will stuff a sweater to make me look like I have a gut right? That shit outright sucks. I think the majority of her female friends got ditched by her because they caught the hots for me... or they get jealous and start to cause the real problems trying to break us up. That shit is just ultra annoying. I think I just don't like people, undue attention, and bullshitters. She's drawn to it, but she sucks at it and I have to be the one that keeps her out of a fight. It sucks.

[Asker]

Ahhhh! Yes, I sense the protectivness in your unadulterated annoyance. You just want to be left the F alone.

[Asker]

I don't know you guys but I know that I needed external socializing that may have not always been the best and it was triggered by my exes hermit loke nature. He too wanted to just be hidden in his clothes and was really realy annoyed by any suggeswof socializing for socilaizing sake. I remember when we forst got married, we were lining up to take a ferry to a fun park island type deal. The whole time waiting for the ferry je was accusing me of making a spectacle of ourselves waiting and that people were looking at us blah blah blah. It was torture and was ruining a carefully planned day. In the end he had an amazing time.

I say that to say this: you need to maybe not be so damn moody and dress up for her. Sweats suck and I forced my ex to plan a damn outfit fornme because itnaffects the mood.

I can tell you right now you may be a bit of a black hole where all the joy goes and never comes back out. She won't be so hungry for outsiders if you learn to lighten up.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Yes... my fantasy is to move deep in the woods and only go into town for milk and honey. She's about to finally retire and keeps trying to talk me into moving back to San Diego. The fuck why I want to be back in that place? Nothing for me there but ghetto superstar bullshit and clubs. I'd rather just sit in the woods and pet a dog. Not a stupid looking baby looking dog with bulging eyes... a real dog that will tear off big foot's dick if it gets near us.

[ketrdu]

I'm an introvert. I think it's because you guys have a.. drawing-out effect on us. Get us out of our heads and notice the rest of the world. Leaving the house outside of work is a strange feeling, and it's comfortable to have a guide of sorts with us. You become our one connection to the social world. My only girlfriend was also an introvert, so we were simply awkward together. I think finding someone different from yourself is healthier, because you can help each other more when you don't share the same strengths and weaknesses.

[DommeQueenHeather]

Because they need us to tell the waitress when Something is wrong with their food

[Asker]

I won't do it. It always comes back funny.

[NamerOfStars]

A combination of compensation for FOMO and opposites attracting. One of the advantages of having a romantic partner is having them help make up for your shortfalls; this is one of them.