My boyfriend shames me in front of people, should I confront him?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend argues and shames me in front of people, he is never sorry...

For an example - we met a friend on the street, who was drunk. He started telling stories and I laughed at on of them, then my boyfriend turned to me and said "what are you doing, stop laughing ".

I felt embarrassed and asked him "why the hell didn't you tell me later, but in front of him"

He said "don't you see that he is drunk, it's not appropriate"

Today something happened at work. We both work in a bank... I forgot to take money from a customer and the same person came today and my boyfriend was at work and he called me o

In presence of that customer and blamed me in front of him about my mistake. I'm so pissed right now... I don't know what to do...

[Sweetsurprize]

I think you shouldn't just leave like all these people are saying. It really depends on how much you value being with this guy and how much effort you two have already put into the union. Maybe he didn't know it would hurt you. No body is a mind reader. Before you DO leave, just do him a favor and give him another chance, but at least TALK with him. TELL him that what he did hurt you or offended you or embarrassed you, whatever it is you felt. If he's any kind of caring, he will realize the err of what he did and try to change. I feel people don't give others enough chances these days and they always coming to the conclusion/answer that if something isn't working, that they should just break up. Life/relationships are a lot more complicated than that, and I feel that if he is truly sorry, you should try and work with him to improve himself for the betterment of your relationship. You never know. Breaking up with someone you truly love/care about can be the regret of a lifetime. However, if you don't mind starting over with someone new, then be my guest, but what you are going to be doing is no walk in the park and there will at least be one heart breaking for a while at least. Think about it some more. I wish my ex gave me more chances at times. Good luck to you both.

[BlackBeauty90]

Stop acting like an idiot & he'd stop treating you like one.

1) Drunk friend. Your boyfriend is right, it is unsuitable to laugh when your friend is overly drunk. As for why not tell you later he reacted instinctively without thought it wasn't done intentially and why should he apologize for telling you to use your brain?

2) Bank. My goodness if you can't handle this you'll never have a job that requires actual talent. Many bosses do the same exact thing to employees. The intent is to get the employee to smarten the hell up, learn harshly from their mistake, on the hopes they'll actually prove they're intelligent and not do the same stupidity again.

[Asker]

I know I did wrong... the thing I don't accept is that he is correcting me in front of others. That's the problem, not that he is telling me that.

[BlackBeauty90]

As I said many bosses will do that, the intent is to make sure that you actually learn.

If you are told privately it doesn't carry as much weight. If you are told in public & embarassed you're far less likely to repeat the same dumb mistake again.

[Asker]

He is not my boss... he is equal.

[BlackBeauty90]

@Asker - you're not that intelligent, are you? At the bank you're not his equal, you're his inferior & he treated you as any boss would tired of an idiot who keeps making simple mistakes.

[Saramad_Hill]

It's time for a talk. Your partner shouldn't be making you feel this way. Like I understand disagreements sometimes, those are normal.

But if you're in a relationship with someone, I want you to take a step back and think about why you're dating them. Be selfish for once: we date to be happier and to feel loved.
If you're failing to feel those feelings sometimes, what's the point in just silently suffering through it? Someone else out there might give more of a shit about you, and the history between you and your partner shouldn't be considered.

Someone could be the kindest person to me for a year, but if they're bullying me in two years, I'm going to want to leave. Something has obviously changed.
You are human, you make mistakes, and dammit, you should be able to laugh freely. It's not like you were openly flirting with someone else in front of him.

[coachTanthony]

My boyfriend argues and shames me in front of people, he is never sorry

LEAVE. No reason to confront him. He's not accidently doing this.

[Asker]

Why do you think he is doing that? I'm just curious about your response

[coachTanthony]

Why is it ( including most of my female clients) want to try and understand a behavior that doesn't serve them? Do you want to hear because deep down he loves you so much that he treats you like shit? Where do you think the phrase "women love assholes" comes from? Because women simply just won't leave and find someone better. Instead they stay and want to understand and hope and pray that this is the way he shows his love.

[LegendaryDater]

@coachTanthony This answer is brilliant!

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That’s not love.

When you love someone, even if he does the most embarrassing thing of all, even if he does something that is shameful, you clap him, you let everyone see you respect him even at his most embarrassing moments.

Maybe at home you can both laugh about that, but you NEVER shame or argue with your partner in front of others.

Outside, he’s the champion, and you are his personal cheerleader, same for a man and a woman.

There have been times when my ex has done something that embarrassed me a little, I never said a word about it. I even cheered him up and encouraged him and showed him even more respect.

Because I loved him and not hurting him was far more important for me than the people’s opinions.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah. You need to tell him to stop that shit

[OlderAndWiser]

So why is he still your boyfriend?

[_Maya_]

Why is he still your boyfriend if he treats you like that. Sorry but he sounds like an asshole that deserves to be alone. You are obviously and rightfully upset with the way he treats you so dump the guy. That is what I would do. I wouldn't let someone treat me like that. Do you honestly think it is going to get better? If you do nothing he will just think that it is okay to do it to you. You need to at the very least threaten to break up with the idiot. There is a slim possibility that he gets the picture and changes but I doubt it.

[Asker]

I'm going to meet him tonight... I don't know how to behave to be honest. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed, and pissed. I might sound harsh, cannot control my emotions. Do you think I should try to be upfront or let it go? I'm not sure I will be able to control my anger anymore.

[_Maya_]

You absolutely should be upfront about it. You know what happens if you aren't? He is just going to keep doing it. Tell him to knock it the fuck off.

[Asker]

I know... I just hope that I will be able to control myself well enough.

[_Maya_]

Deep breaths and have what you want to say ready in your head. Say what you want and see what he says. Then you have to make a decision if he continues with it.

[Constatine]

The only way to stop this is to leave him. I know it is a hard and direct answer.. and hurts because you clearly love him in a way..

More people say this.. but he has no right to hurt you like that and there for he does not deserve you as a girlfiend

[lightbulb27]

there's two sides to this. Probably how he wad disciplined or trained. He has to lesrn to protect your frelings while upholding honor.


Definitely a lot going on underneath that needs discovered and addresses. Someone gonna have to change.


Realize that all prople st this age… think they are right. That comes from their sub conscious feelings and beliefs.


My guess is he had several brothers and maybe a military father. Honesty and integrity high priority.

[catarecute]

he is emotionally abusive, controlling and rude. there were guys like that who tried to date me always having a go at me for things they though i did on the bus that was rude. its a huge red flag. they are not your father and in fact when you have kids they will do the same to your kids (shame them and tell them off when they are in the right).

[Anonymous]

What the fuck? Are you women fucking retarded? He sounds likes a psychopath who will explode one day and beat the everliving shit out of you.

How can y'all be so fucking stupid that you date men like this?

It makes no sense. Can't you clearly see that a normal person doesn't act like that?

You're literally in danger if you stay in that relationship.

[fantasticass]

Thanks for your honesty. I told her the same. He will kill her if she stays with him.

[sheikalana]

He’s completely wrong. Your partner should defend you and back you up in public and not the opposite. You should confront him and maybe question if it’s worth it to date someone who treats you like that. Me and my husband have each other’s back always even if one of us is saying something ridiculous we will never shame each other in front of others that’s something we would do in private.

[RingOfFire]

What your boyfriend is doing is disrespectful and wrong. What is the point of the relationship if he doesn't have the courtesy to support you in front of others. Yes, you should confront him. Give him a chance to get it... may take a while for it to sink in so be patient. But if it keeps happening you should reconsider the relationship because respect is fundamental.

[Anonymous]

Wow that’s bullying. That’s not even crossing a line. That’s flat out bullying.

Basically he was just being a nice guy for a while until you got used to him. Now he’s gonna be his real self even towards you.

You know that’s just gonna gets worse right? it could potentially lead to verbal, or physical.

[DiegoO]

You should be pissed. You're still with him. Why are you still with him? You love him? Can't love someone who constantly tells you they don't like you as a person, and never will. I mean, you can, but not without destroying yourself in the process. Imagine someone hugging a radioactive mass. Would you say that person is gonna be alright, while hugging the radioactive mass?

[Christoff92]

Just walk away and live your best life. Would recommend to watch the Movie called Rudy 😀

[fantasticass]

You need to leave him. He has no respect for you. The abuse you tolerate from him will get worse. Go find a man who treats a woman like his queen, you deserve it.

[Asker]

Do you think he has no respect for me or of people (women) in general?

[fantasticass]

BOTH!!!

[BoopBoopBeep]

Why can you not laugh at the drunk's stories? That seems an odd thing for him to get bent out of shape about.

[Asker]

I couldn't because according to him... this man might have become aggressive... I agree to a point, the thing is I don't enjoy him telling me this in the presence of others.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Do people become aggressive when you laugh at their jokes? And if he's that drunk/stupid that he did become aggressive, can your man not handle a drunk? Seems there's a lot of problems going on here.

[CatVader]

first situation. He probably misunderstood the situation. confront him about it.
second. is he your boss by any chance?

[Asker]

He is not my boss, we are equals.

[CatVader]

if you fixed the job mistake then it's really not his business.
but generally speaking it is a bad idea to mix business with private life.. as in dating coworkers or boss'.

he sort of sound like a headache to me though... if he is too much work. do consider leaving.
are you good friends regarding other times and topics?

[Jkgordon]

He’s bossy drop him let him find someone else to harass. Block delete move on next he will be slapping you

[exitseven]

The next time he does this wait for him to blink. When his eyes are closed smack him across the bridge of his nose with a big wooden spoon. Thst will get his attention.

[HelpfulWoman]

he had a go at you.. because you laughed?
girl, know your worth.

[HiveBee]

It's worse than that. That is dangerous behavior. Don't you see a crazy person prone to violence on the other side of those actions?

Because that's what I see. That's not a man. That's a little boy prone to temper tantrums.

[Asker]

@HiveBee
He is 38... which is making it even worse.

[slatyb]

No, you should dump him. This is abusive. There's no happiness for you with him.