Would you ever do an open marriage?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Just saw a reddit post where a guy was divorcing his wife of 12 years because she suggested it, and it gave me the idea for this question.

Wikipedia defines: "Open marriage is a form of non-monogamy in which the partners of a dyadic marriage agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual or romantic relationships, without this being regarded by them as infidelity".

To be honest, although my wife and I don't exactly have a straightlaced relationship, I have my doubts about a full on open marriage working out in the end. Not saying it can't work out, but in my opinion it needs almost flawless planning and an emotional maturity and detachment that are very rare.

Updates

21 d

Historically there have been attempts at the practice, somewhat or less successful, although they all were based on polygamy or polyginy - the many husbands of the Sumer Queen; the wives of the Emperor of China.
The last modern proponent of the practice was Martin Bormann, Hitler's secretary.

[lightbulb27]

no, I can't make sense of it emotionally, financially. I think it's a way for society to accept their depravity and selfishness.

how do you budget for the offspring your wife makes from several other men? How do you make such arrangements work effectively building a cohesive family? It can all work, but whom wants to create such things... no thanks.

[bolverk]

No, I would never be involved in an "open marriage" as I see it as a contradiction of terms and could never be involved with a woman who says she is in an open marriage, because she may claim that she is in an open marriage but her spouse may know nothing about it.

[DishLady]

No. Especially in this day and age. It's too complicated and turns into a type of emotional blackmail that isn't healthy for any of the parties involved. Just stay single if that's what you want.

[Taniisokay]

Open marriage may lead you to questions your marriage. " wife doesn't eat my ass like my mistress " that's worst thing about open marriage. A complete mess.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

"wife doesn't eat my ass like my mistress" that one is savage

[Taniisokay]

Yeahh I know 😂😂😂 true story I read from somewhere.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Reminds me of a guy who justified his cheating by saying "I love my wife, but my mistress takes it in the ass"

[Taniisokay]

That happens yeah 😭 wife should compromise to satisfy their husband needs and he also should do the same. My friend is married. She wanted for her husband to lay down on his back as she can get between his legs when kissing him on his chest but he said that shit is gay and refused. Compromises is needed.

[Kelly6]

@Taniisokay
Same goes with polygamy marriage

[Avicenna]

No way- what would be the point?

[b_lova]

I would be okay with it as long as it is only an orgasm and condoms are required. One of the primary rules would have to be that you never contact the person to build an emotional relationship. The emotional side of cheating is worse than the physical.

Also sex with no emotional component can feel robotic so then you are left asking what would be the point.

[DextroShade]

It only can ever work if it's only open on the man's but closed on the woman's. This redditor you mentioned is very wise to divorce his hoe wife, because whenever a woman suggests that it means she's already been cheating with some guy (s) and just doesn't feel like putting in the effort to hide it anymore.

[tiajoka]

How would it work that way

[DextroShade]

@tiajoka men are wired to seek out multiple sexual partners and can separate emotion from sex; women cannot do this and get ruined by having too many sexual partners. A man can love his main girl and fuck another woman but a woman who truly loves her man won't want to fuck another man.

[tiajoka]

Cope

[Ogopogo]

While most of what you're saying here is true, doing away with the usual rules doesn't necessarily mean wallowing in promiscuity. You still have each other's health and feelings to consider. I agree it's suspect for the wife to just up and ask for such an arrangement out of nowhere. A healthy non-monogamous relationship should start with one partner proposing a threesome or a swap, or asking for a same-sex hall pass if that's their thing. From here you inch forward by offering each other increasing degrees of freedom in a spirit of fairness as you grow more comfortable with the situation.

Personally I don't feel right asking to see someone on the side unless she also has something going on. Even with permission it's not a good feeling to be left at home twiddling your thumbs, especially if you are realistic about feelings being a natural part of sex. Whether together or apart, always do this as a couple and put each other first.

[LazerBean]

Marriage that involves more than two people makes no sense.

[Nifrayu]

What do you mean? How does it not make sense?

[LadyKitty]

An Open Marriage is not for everyone. For me personally I am not open to the idea but if a couple is non monagamous then that is up to them as long they know there might be potential problems that arise from it.

[RavVid]

I know a couple who do and they have been together for a long time. Nobody likes them though so that might be the reason they haven't broken up over it.

[RavVid]

Read recently a new wife of a Chinese emperor came with 120 concubines. She got the plot.

[NathanDavis]

not an open one, no... I don't like uncertainty

[LaurenM1997]

Nope I don’t do that I want my man for my own and nobody else can have him unless he dumps me of course or worse cheat on me

[mandyfire98]

Probably not fully open but poly for sure

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

First answer not completely against it

[mandyfire98]

I'm not traditional at all though. I'm currently in a poly relationship.

[KostasKouvalis]

That whole concept is stupid, because if your wife/husband isn't enough for you, then why did you marry them?

[Taniisokay]

I feel you or divorce them. That's simple.

[Xia1994]

@Taniisokay facts!

[Ogopogo]

Because I like having a wife who doesn't ask me why I was out so late, who am I texting with, and so on. It's also nice knowing that if she wants to sleep with somebody else she will just ask instead of sneaking around and tormenting me with dumb cover stories.

[Katebfun]

No I'm jealous and want a scared union that is not in sin.

[OlderAndWiser]

Not in a billion years!

[OlderAndWiser]

I would not say that an open relationship requires maturity, because that sounds like everyone who is in a monogamous relationship is less mature. I would say that being happy in an open relationship requires a non-standard set of values.

[Ogopogo]

These days the standard set of values seems to include delaying marriage indefinitely, justifying frivolous divorce, tearing down hundred-year-old statues, and carpet bombing civilians. Count me out!

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I'd probably say no. The more relationships, the more managing needs to be done. Managing one marriage by itself would be hard enough.

[Ogopogo]

If you are involved with a married person and don't want it blowing up in your face, it's best to assume they put each other first, and to honor that.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

@Ogopogo Your partner will always be your priority.

[BCRanger10]

No. An "open marriage" is not only morally wrong, but a contradiction. Marriage is exclusive.

[Nifrayu]

That's not true. Marriage has never been universally defined as exclusive.

[BCRanger10]

@Nifrayu Never?

[Nifrayu]

No. Never. There have always been a wide range of marriage types throughout history. Although in ancient times it was most notably a way in which men claimed women as their property across most ancient cultures. Sadly that's still a thing in some places.

[BCRanger10]

@Nifrayu If marriage isn't supposed to be exclusive, then why bother with it at all then?

[Nifrayu]

That's a very strange question. What difference does that make? Either way marriage is marriage.

[BCRanger10]

@Nifrayu I don't think it's a strange question at all. If it's to be recognized as "marriage", then it ought I have a unique and solemn character to it, like exclusivity. Other forms of it then wouldn't and couldn't reasonably have the same recognition. They're at best parallels and imitations.

[Nifrayu]

Every marriage is unique.

[ThrobbingMeat]

@Nifrayu all the symbolism in marriages is based on the same tradition, rings, white and black clothes, and shit. Esotericists such as Manly Palmer Hall describe everything in the ritual ceremony as a symbol, the union of male and female, which serves a purpose and isn't just a fun thing to do.

Have your orgies and whatever but why would you need the same symbolism when you have a different purpose? It's laughable as if heading to a hot desert while dressed up for cold arctic.

I'm sure anceint slaveowners didn't have the same ceremonies as current orgiasts nonsensically do. Even then it still made more sense with one couple at a time, there's one of each gender, matching the symbolism. I'm not bashing fags or orgiasts, it simply doesn't match the label and doesn't complete the symbolism. In order for the ritual to be possible there has to be 1 male and 1 female.

There has to be a different term for it, call it 'modern marriage' because old one has a definition.

[Nifrayu]

@ThrobbingMeat you're wrong right off the bat. There are many different traditions for marriage across many different cultures. Many cultures don't have rings or white and black cloths. In some cultures marriage doesn't involve clothes or colors at all.

[ThrobbingMeat]

@Nifrayu They don't try to bend 'marriage' into something other than union of male and female.

[Nifrayu]

@ThrobbingMeat they don't need to. Marriage is a union between people, not male and female.

[BCRanger10]

@Nifrayu What is marriage then? What is it ordered towards?

[ThrobbingMeat]

@Nifrayu then it's simply 'family bonding'.

[Nifrayu]

@ThrobbingMeat no. It's about love and commitment. About souls becoming intertwined.

[Juxtapose]

Her and I can occasionally fuck other people together but I in no way want that to be a regular aspect of our relationship.

[DrPepper12]

You're right. Very few couples can pull it off. I think it's best to bring others into bedroom but not LTR.

[MicahRaine]

I wouldn't go for an open marriage. That said, if for some reason I was unable to please my wife, for her sake I would be okay with her having some one night stands. It would break my heart, but I'd understand it.

[JacobJordan]

The only response to even suggesting it is divorce. Whores don't deserve stability

[Nikki1989]

For the one millionth time, it will be 10 years this August for us, and we have never been so happy.

[Lynx122]

Nah I don't think I'll get married at all.