4 Reasons Why I'll Never Date a Guy Who Doesn't Pay For the First Date

4 Reasons Why I'll Never Date a Guy Who Doesn't Pay For the First Date

If you refuse to pay for our first date, you can take a hike.

I'm tired of all these guys making a zillion excuses for why they shouldn't treat on a first date. All it shows is that you're LAZY and CHEAP. Well, even if you're neither of these things, that's the impression you give a woman, whether you like it or not. Now, I'm all for equality and I do believe a couple should split expenses when they're together. I even believe in the idea of separate finances between a married couple, if they both agree that's how they want to do things.

But I think a man paying for a first date is a must for several reasons:

1. You're making an effort

I know money doesn't automatically translate to anything emotional or "real," as they say. But you should still show your date that you can and will do nice things for her. You should put a crowbar in your wallet and simply pay for the woman's dinner, if only to show that you mean business. You're there because you really want to be and you have no problem paying for a few things. I'm no gold digger. Most girls aren't. I'd just like to see a little effort on our first date, that's all.

2. It gives me a clue that you're financially stable

Obviously, paying for one simple date won't tell me how much money you've got in the bank. Maybe you don't have much at all and you're just splurging on that one night (which is really kinda sexy, by the way). But if you don't have any problem paying for a nice evening and you never even once mention the possibility of splitting the cost or whatever, it's a little hint. It's telling me that I won't be the only person contributing to the financial stability of our relationship, if we're going to have one. I work hard and I expect you to as well, so you better ante up because I'm going to.

3. Every now and then, we girls like to be pampered

And you know it, so you pay. Like I said above, I certainly don't think the man should always pay, nor do I think he should be the only one paying for gifts and social events. Hell, I've been known to buy some extremely expensive gifts for my man, and for no other reason than I thought he'd like them. I believe in equality - real equality, not this feminist bullshit - and I think a couple should be splitting things most often, but to kick things off, a woman wants to kick back and put her feet up. I'm not saying the guy should be a slave on the first date but there's a big gap between just paying for a date and being a slave. :P

4. I'm traditional, so sue me

Yeah, I know. The word "traditional" has become totally taboo these days. We've reached the point where most people - typically the raving liberals - equate anything traditional with something stupid or even dangerous. For me, tradition is important and I have my reasons, and I'm allowed to have my reasons. The leftists may desperately be trying to kill free speech (and if they have it their way, any freedom of expression that doesn't fall in line with their so-called "tolerant" environment), but if I like the idea of a man paying for me on a first date, I can do so.

Yes, I can.


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What Guys Said 105

  • 2mo

    Wow this is like me putting
    "Why I'll never date a girl that doesn't wear make up" or "Why I'll never date a girl that doesn't put out on the first date"

    Holt the backlash on those would end my GaG career.

    I think a lot of guys stress about paying for your own food is because so many people get screwed over by women that just want free food. Also YES I KNOW, not all women do this and I totally agree, it isn't all women and it's probably the minority but it does happen to a lot of guys and it makes people more paranoid. Besides paying for your own meal isn't that hard...

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  • 3mo

    "I'm traditional, so sue me"
    Ok here's the bill
    shockwaveinnovations.files.wordpress.com/.../legal-costs.jpg

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  • 3mo

    Every now and then.. what a joke, you girls in the English aristocracy mold don't look at guys who don't pay for you.

    You speak for most US girls, though the younger ones know better, that guys their age are simply not going to put up with Jane Austen any longer.

    And maybe the younger girls don't want to be paid for so much!

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  • 3mo

    I love this. I'm a guy who believes in guys paying for the date, or at least the first one like you said. I have NO problem with this. To me it's something a guy SHOULD do. It's just gentlemanly etiquette, and I really do not see the reason for argument like all the other guys here.

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    • 3mo

      This girl is an idiot, I feel sorry for whatever man ends up with her.

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    • 2mo

      @hellionthesage your the "master" of going off of the topic. Yes, ours is stronger, buts yours is easily attainable.

    • 2mo

      @jjesica346 I did not go off topic that was mistix argument for why women should own men or what ever bullshit she is trying to push. I was merely pointing out a womans is far more intense and as I explained to her one cannot simply presume its "easily obtained" if the point of orgasm is different that doesn't mean the level of pleasure is different. Just because a race car and a minivan are going at top speed doesn't mean their the same and just because they are going at the same speed doesn't mean both have reached their max speed. Its presuming something that is not verifiable.

  • 2mo

    This gold-digger defense of a MyTake, is an epic fail.

    A man ALWAYS paying for a first date, is unfair when women have income too.

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    • 2mo

      A woman ALWAYS putting more effort into their appearance than men, by that logic, is unfair when men have porn to look at.

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    • 2mo

      women are running out of men to manipulate

    • 2mo

      @mistixs it's equal, unless you think you're superior... NEWSFLASH: You actually are inferior because you're a fake person with nothing to offer, certainly not your common looks lol

  • 3mo

    I feel like girls fail to realize they have to put some effort too. Just because we asked you on a date doesn't mean you have us xD

    But hey, I guess it's a good thing, it helps filter the girls from the women.

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    • 3mo

      They do put in effort. Women put way more money, time, and energy in their physical appearance for a date.

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    • 2mo

      but if she wants to do that then that's on her

    • 2mo

      @mistixs i'm the type of person that only goes for the loving heart that a woman has that's it I don't care for nothing else

  • 3mo

    >> 3. Every now and then, we girls like to be pampered

    You get that privilege when you're not just some random woman out for my wallet and otherwise use "tradition" to hide your entitlement, saying the reason why you deserve free food is because you have a vagina

    I kinda hope the next dates you'll have, the guy will realize how dehumanizing you really are and excuse themselves to the bathroom and never come back so that you have to pay for the thing yourself and see what "responsibility" looks like first-hand

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    • 3mo

      Yeah, I agree. Well spoken!

      And even then she isn't in danger because there will always be a mangina out there, who thinks dropping money on women is "cool".

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    • 2mo

      You won't see any of these bitchy women commenting on this. Why? They can't argue with the logic.

    • 2mo

      fucking brilliant response... especially calling out the "gentlemen" and "tradition" buzzwords for what they really are: Superiority, and entitlement. nothing fancier.

  • 1mo

    I think whoever asks for the date should pay. Generally I have no problem paying for the first date but once I had a girl who was straight up taking advantage of me. Even though I asked her for the date, she showed up high and drunk and was like I'm gonna need you to buy my drinks as I bought some weed today, red flag #1. Then she was getting mixed drinks and shots which made my bill end up being $40.

    The bigger red flag was that she straight up volunteered her sexual history to me when I didn't even ask. Talk about too much information.

    But bottom line is when it comes to paying, it's gotta be 50/50.

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  • 2mo

    That's great, because I'll never date someone who can't pay for their own stuff (or a hypocrite, for that matter). Problem solved!

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  • 2mo

    you're not ttraditionnal.

    A traditionnal wife stays at home, cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids, while the traditionnal husband goes out and earns the money. The father used to decide who to marry you to.
    This is what used to happen in society at large and these values and beliefs were handed down generation to generation making them tradition.
    The adjective traditional in this context refers to that.

    Its not a taboo word, people just use it in a really stupid way, without knowing what it actually means. Nobody is going to sue you, they just won't really take you seriously given you use words you seemingly haven't even looked up or thought about thoroughly. you're not traditional by any means, and good for you.

    You want free shit. We get it. Who doesn't love free shit. Free shit is awesome. But thats what it is, its not some kind of nobility to mooch off others, its using people for free shit. And some people will give you free shit. Others won't. Being all morally judgmental about how theyre poor and busters and losers and blablabla... doesn't really make you. mich except bigoted and judgmental.

    you're free and entitled to like and enjoy free shit. That is your right, you're entitled to that. Youve got the right to be turned on by money, status etc... Youve got every right and entitlement to dictate what goes on in your life as it pertains to you and what you choose to do and not to do, what you're turned on and off by, what you like and dislike. That is your right. But your rights are confined to that, they do not extend to dictating others lives, actions or behaviour. you're not entitled to that or anything they may have, be it their time or money or attention. Your just not entitled to it, its not yours to command.

    Id like to point out that 2. is just as easily reversible. On a first date, you dont know each other. You know you work hard and you'll contribute, but how does he know that? he's probably thinking the same thing. How do I know she's not just gonna suck my wallet dry and leech off me?

    3. as sure, but on the first date you should know youve probably not earned that status quite yet. Why should he pamper an almost stranger?

    1 absolutely, but what of you? wheres your effort? being made up and presentable? if he's dressing nice for the occasion he's put in as much effort as you in that. So he's going beyond for you. But what about you for him

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    • 2mo

      goddamn these younger men are intelligent... feminist entitlement is clearly coming to an end.. better start learning how to GIVE, ladies...

  • 2mo

    Lib - er - tard.

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  • 2mo

    Ah women they say their independent, but would bitch at the man for not paying for their first date.

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  • 2mo

    Are you and all men on earth equal? Or are you beneath men?

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    • 2mo

      Why not above men?

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    • 2mo

      @mistixs that isn't even the salient point. The point is, women fight for equality ONLY when it is beneficial. That's just simply not right. Equality is equality. You can't be equal but then get paid for.

    • 2mo

      exactly. this type of shit is female superiority, not equality. and men are waking up to the lies, nice to see.

  • 2mo

    You can be traditional and not be a punk and come off as a gold-digger.

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  • 2mo

    It's a mans responsibility to pay on a first date. Man is considered as the provider for the whole of the family. He has to pay the bills to show that he is capable and willing to provide for the family. A man who knows to handle his finances is highly appreciate. When he can handle all these things by himself he lightens the pressure on the other members of his family. Some girls love men for their money. Money has great power. It enables you to have choices. When a man shows that he is abundant , the wife feels relaxed and happy.

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  • 2mo

    Good for you! You tell us, girl!

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  • 2mo

    And then later on take advantage of the guy. We are smart men, we don't want to waste money on someone were not even sure of yet. It's still the first date anyway. It's like you're saying that guys should pay to get you.

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    • 2mo

      exactly-this mytake is justified prostitution posing as "traditional" when it's really just sleazy and entitled.

  • 2mo

    Ok so with your logic, if a girl doesn't pay on the first date that means she isn't financially stable.

    Sounds like you're trying to see how much gold you can dig OP

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  • 2mo

    Well usually I would call a woman like this a gold digger. But in this particular case you are 100% right. Unfortunately, most women won't make the first move. I would LOVE to have a woman come after me the way I have been expected to go after them all my life. But if I ask a woman out, then I am going to pay. I honestly wish I was able to pay every time but sadly an unwanted divorce wiped me out and I just don't have the money. That is why I am not dating at all right now, I just can't afford it. Women are lucky in the dating realm You don't have to be lonely and can date free.
    Now in this day and age I don't consider the first time you meet with someone just to get drinks and talk a first date. But all the previous comments aside, if we get to our 4th meeting and she has not at least offered to pay for one of the dates, I will not continue to date her. I am all for tradition, but it needs to be a partnership. So if she decides to pick where we go, she should pay at least once. I have dated a couple of women that seemed to only be in it for free food and drinks. I actually purposely made 2 dates with this one woman like at 7pm so I wouldn't have to buy her another dinner and she still found a way to order a whole meal. ugg.

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  • 2mo

    Reason 5 your cheap or broke and you want his money!
    If broke there's no shame in it just be honest!
    If im spending money on you
    If you expect me to pay just because i'm a guy then if it looks like its not going to work out it's fair for me to excuse my self to go to the restroom and just leave you with the bill. Though i'd rather not go to a restaurant for a date in the first place it just puts a lot more pressure on both of us when you don't really know each other yet.
    If possible Id much rather bowling or going to a snow dome or something even a picnic or coffee.

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What Girls Said 48

  • 2mo

    I'm all for manners and nice gestures, it's good to be polite and follow with some common traditions. However, when ever I see takes or questions such as this the only thing I can think is "why do people care so much about this? Don't they have more pressing things to worry about in their lives than this?" I've literally never been on a date, so I'm not going to sit here and fret and debate who should pay for the date. Currently, I don't care because I've got way more important stuff going in my life and things I need to focus on that actually need my attention and devoted passion to it. The great "who should pay for the date debate", currently does not need my focus or attention. So, until I'm sitting at the table across from the dude, I'm not going to worry about it and I advise everybody else to do the same. People spend way too much time focusing on this subject, way more than they should. Just saying.

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  • 3mo

    I like you and love this post!! So honest.

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  • 3mo

    So we want equality, but not when it comes to free food. Okay then. 😒

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  • 3mo

    Honestly a chick that tells a guy he has a pay or they walk is cheap and stupid. Shows they won't put into any work with the relationship with the guy and make him do everything.

    So with the points you listed.

    #1: "You're making an effort" Proves you won't make an effort and only the man is.

    #2: " It gives me a clue that you're financially stable" Proves you're not financially stable and have to rely on others to pay for you.

    #3: "Every now and then, we girls like to be pampered" So do men but it's not like you're ever going to do it due to selfishness.

    #4: "I'm traditional, so sue me" more like ignorant and helpless

    Yes you can and the men can just walk out on you due to your ideology. Which with what you believe in this mytake you might just be alone for the rest of your miserable life.

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  • 3mo

    I didn't understand your Take because a relationship would not better commence with your flawed standpoints. Sometimes the poor are extravagant in terms of effort and dreams, so watch out for calling them "CHEAP."

    Money is just tangible stuff and it is something that shouldn't denote responsibility, status , and even roles like this retarded tradition wherein the man pays for dates! The money the guy will pay isn't even a sign of financial "stability". I think you mean that the guy is financially "prepared" for the "date." Preparation can be "crammed" and good for one-shot expense, like your "date" here. You see, stability is for a long run term for "constant money ownership", something that stability isn't even about.

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  • 3mo

    I think there has to be a bit of forgiveness when it comes to paying because before women were in the workforce, let's say pre-1940s, women had no means of paying for squat. Women were basically properties of their fathers and permission was required to ask them out.

    But since women have taken on careers and independence, it's one of these things where we now have a means to look after ourselves when going out too. And if we *can't* look after ourselves, then we have a means to obtain education in order to find careers to look after ourselves. There's always a root solution.

    I don't mean to sound like I'm giving a history lesson, but I'm typing this out just to figure out my own thoughts and where I'm going with this.

    Also, double-income families came about in the 1960s, but didn't become *necessary* until the 1980s when the cost of living skyrocketed yet no help from most governments were made to subside the spike for the families.

    Now we have a dating scene in the 21st century here people crave tradition, yet they are perfectly capable of being independent. I'm with @margarida who still believes if you're the one who cooks up the idea of going out and where, you should be *prepared* to pay for it. It's perfectly okay to ask questions about what the date might like to offer as their share, but being struck with an unplanned outing and then being expected to pay is unfair to the askee if you think about the situation you're putting them in to.

    Now as for online dating, I look that that as being equal. Both men and women are on these sites for the same reasons whether it's to just hook up and fuck, or try and find something long-lasting. Whatever the case, both men and women are using a profile, advertising themselves as being interested in seeing someone and making a potential meeting happen. Usually one person will use the safe "let's have coffee" (the cheapest date aside from doing nothing) because the number of people they will be meeting is going to break them if they have to splurge on full dates with people - most of whom they'll never see again.

    But if you don't go the online route, and are asking someone out who you see or know from friends, then you have to consider that the person being asked might not be prepared for it if the date includes some extravagance. But to *expect* extravagance is unfair too. 'Traditional' is a word we can't use now when it comes to finances. But with other things, sure. :)

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  • 3mo

    1. You're making an effort - Because god knows it's only the MAN'S duty to show he is capable of making an effort and being interested, even though us girls agreed to go on the date and therefore are clearly interested as well and subsequently should be willing to put forth the same amount of effort we expect from men.

    2. It gives me a clue that you're financially stable - Because that's what's truly important when you get to know someone. You know, because simply talking to them and getting to know them (where their job would eventually come up in the atypical dating small talk which is a clear enough indication that he has his own income) would be too difficult.

    3. Girls like to be pampered - Because we're apparently princesses who expect absolute strangers, or men we are just getting to know to throw free shit at us instead of leaving those expectations until he has a good reason to, such as by showing him we are a valuable partner and maybe inspiring him to do these things of his own volition, instead of expecting it.

    4. I'm traditional - This is ironically the only one I don't find flawed. If you're traditional, cool, but as long as you're okay being a traditional girl (cooking, cleaning, etc, etc) then you can want a traditional guy. Otherwise, you're a hypocrite.

    All in all I mean no disrespect but you didn't sell the concept to me personally, and I listed my reasons why I find it flawed.

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  • 3mo

    I agree I prefer it in some cases like if you were to ask me and I have no money you shouldn't demand me to come and then make me sit there without food if I don't have the money to buy anything.

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    • 3mo

      You're pretty young still. When you're older I have hope that you will get it.

    • 3mo

      Well I'm not going to go on a date if I don't have the money and if he kept insisting he better pay.

    • 3mo

      & its not like I demand guys to do if you willing to do it fine then but don't prissy if you offer. But if you own to on a date with someone and in case they don't have money then you should pay for it. If you want that date badly. But don't be an ass where they can pay but then you take them to a place where they can't buy something for themselves.

  • 3mo

    we bitch so much about equality but only want the good bits of equality, no wonder guys hate us so much

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    • 3mo

      Wow, some of you ladies get it. Respect to you. It seems girls are either feminists or not because they like free stuff or both (probably OP).

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    • 2mo

      I was talking about women in general not me specifically

    • 2mo

      @mistixs sure sounds like it was just you you were talking about

  • 3mo

    1. You should show your date you can and will do nice things for him. Guys want to see a little effort too.

    2. You should prove you're financially stable too.

    3. Guys like being pampered too.

    4. So long as you're cool with the guy having traditional values that take advantage of you too, you're welcome to each other.

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  • 3mo

    I say split the bill or at the very least, just offer to pay your part. In my experience all guys have declined my offer but at the end I feel like it's just fair and kind to make sure the guy knows you aren't just there to get free things.

    Me and my boyfriend either split or I just pay because my boyfriend is struggling financially. But on the first date, he did offer which was sweet.

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  • 2mo

    Girls like this need to re-evaluate their lives

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    • 2mo

      wonderful response.. see fellas? good women do exist-some of them are more mature at 16 than most of the 30 - 40 year olds here. Keep up the good work @Touchmehxx :)

  • 2mo

    It's time for us to socially evolve once and for all. We need to start paying for our own food, and show men that we are responsible, independent, and considerate.

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  • 2mo

    They don't want to pay... but they don't mind hinting for sex or a bj.

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    • 2mo

      so... you're saying dating is just covert prostitution.

      gee, wonder if you're single lol (rhetorical)

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    • 2mo

      @mistixs yet another dishonest argument from you... I'm starting to suspect you're a compulsive liar-it would match your other traits also. Women make as much $ as men, so no men don't owe you a dime. And if you want a guy that takes care of himself as much as you-DATE ONE, don't be lazy and pretend all men owe you or women in general something-cuuuuuuuz you ain't gonna get it. wake up and join reality. dating is 50/50, deal with it or date simps-that's the only type of loser that will bow to your 5 year old temper tantrum demands.

    • 2mo

      @feminismisnarcissism dude pay don't pay... no one gives a shit what you do. Move on

  • 2mo

    This take is so horribly sexist.

    Literally ALL of your points can have the genders reversed, and it would still apply. You think men don't want to be pampered? You think refusing to pay doesn't cast you in a negative light? Think again.

    Oh, you're traditional? No you're not, you're just sexist. If you were ACTUALLY traditional, you wouldn't even be on the internet. You're not allowed to voice your opinion. You just pick and choose the parts of traditionalism that you like, because you're sexist and entitled.

    Don't come crying to me when you're posting "where have all the good men gone?" in 10 years.

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    • 2mo

      @takenchic you also seem pretty entitled. You never even think about what *you* have to offer, you only focus on what the guy can do for you.

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    • 2mo

      @Kirah thanks and excellent point to Mistixs lol

    • 27d

      No I haven't said that

      And women are less likely to get dates if they don't wear makeup. The equivalent is that men are less likely to get dates if they don't pay

  • 2mo

    They seem pretty cheap if they dont pay...

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  • 2mo

    I find it as a good thing to be a little traditional

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  • 3mo

    My thoughts on this topic, is this video.
    www.worldstarhiphop.com/.../video.php

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  • 3mo

    Every time I pay for a date it either ends with men trying to use me and screw me. And all the times I never paid for the date, it seems a different type of guy. I mean yeah he still wants to screw me, but it's never really on the first date. It after getting to know each other And we agree to work on something serious. Most of the time it's me hinting at the start of the sexual relationship.

    Honestly I never did a split check or Dutch. Maybe it will have a different outcome.

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  • 3mo

    I hate when people pay for me at all, and that's my friends and family. I would feel worse letting a complete stranger pay for me. The first date definitely should be when a couple splits. You're just getting to know each other, and that's when you both should be making an effort. Why should someone that you don't know pay for you?

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    • 2mo

      She did make an effort; women put a lot more effort into their appearance than men

    • 2mo

      Yes because appearance should be the only important thing. That's definitely a major sense of entitlement right there. Expect a guy to have to pay for her just because she looks pretty. You can't coast through life on looks.

    • 2mo

      @Hopefuldreamer8 exactly-she's an entitled brat, an empty shell of a person with a mask on that she thinks is worth $ lol... she's got a rude awakening ahead in the world.. all she offers as a claim of what women HAVE to offer is looks-which is pathetic and sad.

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