Why do some people say dating for looks is wrong?

Question

I disagree 100%. For me, no attraction is there if physical attraction isn’t there. Personality isn’t everything to me. An ugly face destroys a good personality. If a woman isn’t physically appealing to me, I have no interest in dating her under any circumstances. Looks aren’t everything. However, without any exceptions, looks matter.

Anybody that thinks to me personality is everything and looks mean nothing is an absolute moron without exception.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

I think when people make that comment, what they actually mean is that dating SOLELY because of physical appearance is usually a mistake.

WanderingLoveWizard · Accepted Answer

It's all about looks. 100%. Anyone who tells you differently is lying to themselves because they can't get people they find attractive

jennifer_bloom · Answer

Some people date for looks but it’s not the only reason to date somebody. I’ve liked guys that were so obviously ugly just because I liked their mind or hearts.

Pinay_ako · Answer

Do you ever wonder why some hot people date plain looking? Vice versa? It’s not always about the money or status. It’s because they saw something in that person that the naked eye can’t see.

Flatmanlewis · Answer

I think what people mean when they say that is you should not date ONLY for looks. If a person is attractive but has no other qualities: ambition, personality, financial and emotional stability, moral compatibility, and so on…what’s the point.

Having said that, my friends tease me as I’m a man with a “very narrow bandwidth”. in my dating years I dated a very specific type, physically speaking. If a girl didn’t meet the criteria I felt was attractive then I just wasn’t interested. Yet, despite physical appearances if she wasn’t a quality person - I saw no potential for a relationship and the whole matter was short lived or just a temporary passing.

Put another way, I think the substance of a person matters most, but physical appearance matters too and is often a part of whether the time is even spent to get to know the inner person.

blueonblack22 · Answer

Well good looks will fade. But a shitty personality won’t.

However you have to feel physically attracted to someone at least on some level. If your not then your sex life will be a struggle or worse non existent. You will be more tempted to cheat.

So it’s a tough balance. It’s also hard to determine if someone else is “in your league” looks wise. People have different tastes. I’ve had women surprise me in both directions.

Some thought I wasn’t attractive when I for sure thought they would and others thought I was cute despite me thinking I had no chance with them. There is some eye of the beholder that no one can pin down easily.

Finchie40 · Answer

It’s wrong if that’s the only thing you are dating someone for basically , Yes attraction is important , but what makes someone more attractive is their personality, I see beautiful girls’ all over the place that look gorgeous on the outside, but if she has a shitty personality and thinks her shit don’t stink then me personally will want nothing to do with her , , I am not going to waste my time with a girl that doesn’t have a good heart that doesn’t have good moral values, so it takes more than just looks for me to be fully interested in someone , Chemistry and connection is where it’s at , and if her and I have a lot in common. I’m not just going to go after a girl just because she looks good on the outside , her beauty might catch my attention , but it takes more that that for me to even consider wasting my time with her

zeitgeist057 · Answer

I agree with you. Not that it's all about looks but let's take a scenario here:

You could date a physically beautiful woman with a great personality, or a physically unappealing woman with a great personality. I don't have to create a poll to know the popular answer on this one.

People are saying don't be shallow, look past looks and see people for who they are based on their actions and character. I think that is wise advice, but I also still think a person with a great personality and no physical appeal is someone you should be having as a good friend, not considering them for a lover.

GreatBigCircles · Answer

I don't think considering looks is wrong. It's treating people who don't meet that standard with dignity is.

for example, if a girl who doesn't meet your standard engages and flirts with you, and you tell her "Sorry, I'm just not interested" etc, that's not being a jerk. But the guys that will actively demean that girl, jeer them for even approaching? That's when it becomes a malicious and dehumanizing attitude. As long as you don't treat attractiveness as a prerequisite for basic kindness and respect, you're fine.

AdithyaR · Answer

The thing is, looks do matter. But it's a very subjective thing. What some people find attractive, others might find repulsive. So it's a very personalised preference of what one finds attractive.
So while looks is something that matters, people tend to have a skewed idea. You don't need to be an Instagram level bodybuilder guy or influencer model girl levels of good looking.

And when it comes to personality. Looks will do the initial part but keeping a person and staying in a relationship is all about the personality and how you treat the person.

Anonymous · Answer

i dont think anyone genuinly thinks looks aren't super important for dating. i think its just a pc platitude people say so people dont call them assholes or shallow

i think most people just say that even if they dont mean it, but some people can mean it but i dont think when they say they dont care about looks they dont mean someone that looks bad. like they can date a kinda cute girl or an average looking oen, or a kinda bigger one, like their girlfriend doesn't need to be super hot. so that's why they're being like i dont care that much about looks. can also mean i want a super hot person ideally but i'll pick the cute but less cute person if they have a good personality over someone hotter with a shitter one

nastyb · Answer

Because if you gain more dating experience over the years, you will realize finding the right person to marry has mostly to do with personality and character. Of course everyone wants to marry someone super hot, but your right one may not necessarily be super hot.

CandyG · Answer

So like dating for looks is fine essentially the reason say it's wrong is because if u want to "grow old" with someone eventually aging makes looks deteriorate for both you and your partner so if you solely base your relationship off looks then you end up both miserable. One If you don't care about committing like that date who you want, it's why people get sugar babies. But the reason it's "wrong" is because if you date someone and they want a long term commitment, and as soon as their looks change with age you know you'd leave, it's kinda messed up to have wasted their time when they could have found someone who wants more than that.

Dysney1023 · Answer

It’s no one’s business what you prefer tbh. It’s yours alone. I personally find looks as a bonus. But thinking of the future I can understand that won’t last. It’s your choice though 100%. No one should try to convince you otherwise. You may change your mind in the future but that’s what you believe rn. And Respect to you for being honest. I personally don’t care about looks. And not cuz I’m ugly. Lol. It’s cuz I have different values.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

It’s not wrong.

But I just “rejected” my date who is handsome, 6’4 tall, amazing physique, athletic and a very nice looking man, but not the one who can be a right person for me.

I was the one always prioritizing looks, because I was insecure about my looks and overcompensated with super attractive partners. But I am not ashamed to admit, I seem to have been wrong as life showed me.

Brittanyroseee · Answer

Looks do mean something lol. Appearance is what gets you interested in someone. You are not gonna go talk to the unattractive girl at the bar, your gonna approach the girl that is YOUR type. It’s common sense

sheenagwapa · Answer

you are right... basic requirement is that yoy gotta be attracted to the person. but attraction is subjective. yoy like someone and then other people may find that someone unattractive or someone like you but other people find yoy unattractive. you know what i mean.

gothbxtch · Answer

i think it’s more like…

looks are subjective. something different appeals to everyone, and of course being physically attracted to someone is part of it. only having physical attraction can also be okay if it’s understood both ways and is purely a physical relationship. but for romance, personality and the entire person should be taken into account and factor in, or else it’s being gross and using someone.

najekim · Answer

The problem with going after looks is that everyone starts to wrinkle and sag given time. If you're just wanting arm candy, that's your choice. If you're wanting someone to grow old with, then personality and chemistry between two people are the prime factors that makes the relationship last.

Anonymous · Answer

Il take A girl that is a 6/10. Looks wise with a great personality if we click

rather than a 9/10. On looks. That I can’t even have a normal conversation with,

looks matter but it’s not everything, initial attraction pulls me in, The bond of who they are. And who we are together makes me stay. if that makes sense,

I have to like the person and who they are in the end

DextroShade · Answer

Men are visual and looks are a prerequisite; if she doesn't pass the boner test then there is no point in getting to know her. Her personality is what keeps a man around AFTER he smashes, not before. She can have a heart of gold but if she is 300 lbs it doesn't matter.

Luopio27 · Answer

No one chooses who they are atracted to. Some are atracted to popularity, some for wealth, some for personality, some for looks, some for whatever. Like I said, atraction is not a choice, unlike what drinks you order on a date.

Those who are only atracted to looks, are they supposed to have their dating rights taken away from them because those who are not atracted only to the looks dont accept?

19magic · Answer

I always find looks being the first thing that attracts you but it isn't 100%, and I've tried I've even done the deed with guys who I don't find attractive at all, but it doesn't work out. You need that umph of attraction to get there.

glennos89 · Answer

How are you going to build a relationship with a attractive looking woman who has a terrible unnoying personallity who drives you crazy? 🤨

Boomchakalaca · Answer

Personality outweighs physical attraction, but fuckboys get dibs. physical attraction is the first thing we look for and check off. Most people fail to look into their personality

ProbablyClueless · Answer

When people say that, they aren't telling you to ignore looks entirely. They're telling you to not only date for looks.

Apple1996 · Answer

Looks eventually fade and all that will be left is personality so if you are dating for only looks then your relationships are very likely to fail.

HappyWoman34 · Answer

I agree. I think they mean not literally that inner beauty is everything. They mean that you should not only be with a woman for her beauty and youth.

Anonymous · Answer

Personality ain't shit without looks or money. Money can compensate for a lack of physical attractiveness, but when the money runs out so does the attractive woman. Physical attractiveness holds relationships together more than anything else. A good looking man can beat the hell out of a woman and she will stay with him, if an ugly fucker does that she will leave his ass.

DizzyDesii · Answer

For me, its 51% looks, 49% personality. The looks is likely what initially attracted me to the person

DiegoO · Answer

No idea. I rather date someone I feel sexually and emotionally attracted to, instead of someone I truly don't find sexually attractive.

Snakeyes7 · Answer

It is wrong because after a while the looks will fade and all you have left is the personality. Even with the looks if the person is awful to be around you are going to want to avoid them like the plague.

Anonymous · Answer

It is an equilibrium or rather need to like both, a pretty face with no personality is just meat to me. So yeah i don't really see myself loving a woman for only her personality either but only looks don't work either, people are just complex and beauty is a mix of both

Anonymous · Answer

Looks fade, personality is forever. Enjoy being single.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

Of course we all want to be with someone we’re attracted to. Looks matters. But it shouldn’t be the main reason why you’re with someone.

Reem12345reem · Answer

ur too shallow , looks fade away and we all get older , even if she's pretty and has a good personality , her looks will fade away ,

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Because they make the point that if the person looks good but has a horrible personality then you don’t want to build a relationship with them.

Anonymous · Answer

Why do they say that? Probably because they're ugly and no one wants to date them. Ironic isn't it. For some reason the fattest motherf***ers are typically the ones saying weight shouldn't matter either. 😆😆😆

Raaj4you · Answer

Even if you marry a world's most beautiful woman / handsome man, they will grow old look like grandma and grandpa. At lasts, only character remains.

Anonymous · Answer

I date for the whole package. I'm not going to waste my time with a guy that doesn't have a beautiful personality, is attractive and has something going for him.

genericname85 · Answer

cause some people think that looks is all that matters.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Do what you want. Just remember that pretty runs out,

Anonymous · Answer

No it's not, Its realistic because everyone deserves to be Physically Attracted to their Partner because you might end up having Sex. Dating someone just for their Confidence is wrong.

justabuddy · Answer

Because it's like buying a car only because you like the paint. Reliability, safety also play a major factor.

Gabriel-Chicanito · Answer

I guess, cause They don't got it going on..

Why do some people say dating for looks is wrong?

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