Would you rather your partner be a loner or should they have a lot of friends AND WHY?

[DizzyDesii]

I’m probably one of the few who would rather date a loner. Part of it is because I hate for us to have to split time in various ways (work, family, hobbies, etc) so the less friends, the better for me 🤷‍♀️ Now if the guy has long term friends who he's grown up with, im fine with that. But i really dont like people who meet someone that same year and act like thats their new best friend who means the world to them. I don't know it just seems questionable to me. Tbh, I stopped trying to make friends after college. Now i just like to be acquainted and have someone to vent to or ask advice. I really just need the SO to be my best friend (and more of course). I mean I still have those 3 cousins who i talk to every now and again but thats better than nothing. They’ve been around since birth and thats all I really need. I had 4 good guy friends who lasted 6-8 years each but our jealous SO’s split us apart after some time. I also had 2 good friend girls who lasted 3-7 years but one slept with my dude and the other said I wasn't sanctified enough for her. After that, every girl i came across tried to get at whoever I was crushing on. So i really dont trust females and keep my distance... Back in college, I dont know it was just something about seeing a guy sitting on a bench alone with headphones in his ears on the daily. I found that so dang sexy. Anyways, what about you?
#FeelFreeToList #TheDesiiDiaries

I rather date a loner

I rather date someone with 1-3 good friends

I rather date someone with lots of friends

Updates

+1 y

Some of you prob wouldn't even know i was a loner if you met me. Im just as sociable as i am on here. So loners can be talkative and somewhat extroverted. But we just choose who we show that too. Im a loner because I like to focus on myself more than others. So yes i like to be acquainted with people but not longterm UNLESS we’re dating 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Loner. I can't stand groups of people. I have 4 friends and 3 of them live at a distance and all 3 in different cities. When I do see them in person it's always one on one. I have one friend in town, he's extremely social and "theatrical" but i've never accepted any invitiations to go to a party or anything else with him and i've never met any of his other friends other than briefly if we've run into someone outside. We go have coffee and talk, and I only agree to hanging out one on one. It gives me anxiety to be more than 2 people at a time + I can't stand a bunch of people talking in each others mouths and pretending like I care about anything they have to say. My ex was a loner and same as me, he had friends but preferred to pretty much never see them. There was never a single instance where we hung out with other people and that was perfect. So yeah a partner with many friends would suck for me. I'd end up resenting his friends because i'd be forced to spend so much time with them, and i'd end up resenting him for always having to bring new people into our life.

[DizzyDesii]

Giiirl you sound just like me

[alice55]

I rather date a loner, like this we can spend all of our free time together. If he have friends splitting time with his work, his family, his hobbies and his friends we won't pass a lot of time together.

[DizzyDesii]

Yassss

[JoseJr]

I've always liked a loner. Seems to be more chill... when they have lots of friend, they seem to get involved in shit that dont even involve them. You kind of hit on the nail, I want my girl to be my bestfriend and more ofc. Meaning I want to spend time with her, take her out to eat, buy her things she might want or need, just hang out together for lack of a better phrase. The one girl I've dated who was "popular" for lack of a better word, always had people hitting her up to do stuff and was booked like a month in advance. I tried to be understanding but it usually meant I saw her and we got to hang out every blue moon. Can't have a relationship if you can't do much together. Not to mention that she constantly had random guys in her dms and even tho she never did nothin, ofc it made me uncomfortable to a certain extent. All the other loner girls I've dated things went pretty smooth and pretty cool.

[DizzyDesii]

Love this explanation

[perislav85]

I would rather date a loner because I 'm a one them since college when I realized that friends just took advantage of me and do some things that are very bad for me. By the way, I prefer the loner type of person because, in most of the cases, they are more educated, have more talking about and they are more sensible.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree with getting tired of being taken advantage of. Its one of the main reasons im a loner

[perislav85]

Me too

[weasley8]

I'd like to be with someone who has a lot of friends. The main reason behind this is that I'm a lot happier now than I was years ago, and I attribute this largely to the fact that I've made a lot of really good friends in the past few years. People make me happy.

If my partner had a lot of friends, then hopefully I would be able to become friends with their friends. I'm always happy to invite more people into my circle. I don't see a downside to making more friends.

It would also be a good indicator that they do well with people, and with large groups of people. I'd like my partner to be able to befriend my friends. That way everyone could spend time together. Yay! Big happy family!

Finally, I'm a very awkward person. I don't know how I have so many friends, especially considering how shy I am. But ignoring that, generally speaking extroverts tend to have larger friend groups. I'm an introvert, who also happens to love spending time with people, even if it totally exhausts me. Therefore, I would like to be with someone slightly more extroverted than myself. That way I don't get sucked into the loop of staying home and reading all the time. I want to be with someone who pushes me to spend more time out in the world, not less.

[DizzyDesii]

Im an ambivert. I had lots of “friends” but few close ones that I actually trusted til there were finally none that intrust. So even tho people love to surround me, i dont like to be surrounded by them and so i prefer to be a loner

[Keanku19]

Having a lot of friends have its pros and cons. For example, my girlfriend doesn't chat with any dude save her father, bother and her best friend boyfriend. As a result she doesn't want me to have female friends too. I am a very social person and love hanging out. Most of my friends are ladies because we connect easily in one way, either because of music or educational background. I have three sisters who bugged me all my life so ladies are very comfortable with me. But I had to stop talking to all female friends. I had to delete apps etc. Last time one of my female friends wanted to record her songs, I had to plead and take my girlfriend along to the studio. She got bored at some point. After that session, I realized I have been spending all my time with her and I am not happy about that, because I don't get the chance to do things I love doing. I have been very busy of late because of I am a graduate student and so I will say much of my time is spent working. But thinking about not having people to talk too doesn't sit well with me. I love meeting people especially when we have one thing in common, I love sharing ideas, working together... etc

Nonetheless, Having lots of friends can be time consuming. You waste a lot of time trying to keep in touch with all of them everyday, Especially if they do not live close by.

So I think you should just have a close circle of good friends who look out for your well being... and you can have fun with

[DizzyDesii]

About the female friends, are these people you met before her or along the way? That makes a difference to me. Im not cool with the dude seeking female friendship because it becomes questionable. But if he came in with female friends who are legit like sisters and theyve never liked eachother than i can respect that

[Keanku19]

Lol... friends before and after I met... I see you point anyway...

[itsthatgurl]

I chose B. It's nice for them to have a few friends other than me but I guess it's be nice if they were a loner, like me, too. I feel like if they have tons of friends then they wouldn't be able to hang out with me as much. Also I feel like if you have lots of friends then you end up telling them everything about your partner and that'd make me a but uncomfortable if I didn't know the friends they talked to about me. The problem with loners is I often find them to be a little (sometimes a lot) more depressing just because they're lonely and hate the world. This is not all the time but so far it's what I've encountered. When someone has friends they're usually more comfortable to be around and even more joyful which in turn makes me happy. It's also nice to meet their friends and hangout all together, I wouldn't wanna be one of those couples that takes a person away from their friends.

[DizzyDesii]

Im a loner and i dont hate the world. Im pretty entertaining when aroundnwho im comfortable around. But i purposely dodge friends because i get annoyed easily and exhausted from their presence. I need to either be alone or with my man or my mom/sis/grandparents

[Lynx122]

I don't really care I'm more of a loner. If she was a loner we'd have more in common and could be loners together :D but if she was more social she could balance me out more and I'd go along to what she's doing once in a while and meet new people.

The main thing in either case is if she likes and is compatible with the way I am if that's the case then I think it'll be fine but if she has a problem with my lifestyle and fo instance is bothered that I don't go out with her more or whatever then it will most likely not work.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea im a loner too

[Rrood03]

My ex had just moved to town and had no friends. I worked at the party store near his house and he said that I was always so friendly to him that he wanted to get to know me and show him around town. That led to us dating. My issue with this was that he was really, really clingy. I was his only source of social interaction.
On the other hand the person I am currently in a relationship has many, many friends. While I am glad that they friends they can see and turn to, it makes it hard for us to have time together. He always has plans with someone or his friends tag along with us when we go somewhere together. It’s hard to get privacy and time together.
For me I feel like a Sammy amount of friends would be perfect. That way they do have other people on their life to interact with yet they still have time for you

[DizzyDesii]

Damn its a lose lose seems like it

[Lliam]

I'm happy that my wife has a few really good girl friends that share her interests. She confides in and relies on me a great deal and we do lots of things together. But it's nice that she can have "girl talk" with her friends and do things with them. She also belongs to a women's group and a camera club that both meet monthly; a group that learns about the Bhagavad Gita; and sometimes has lunch with a good friend or another
She's a hair and makeup artist, photographer and Photoshop wiz, and we also attend a Unitarian Universalist fellowship, so she knows lots of people. But she only has a few really, really close friends.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh wow nice

[Dongtai]

I’d prefer to date a girl who has some friends. I’m an ambivert. I have a lot of friends but I spend a lot of time alone. For me I value a sense of community, especially with wanting to become a parent at some point because it would be beneficial to the child’s social health. I wouldn’t want to marry someone who didn’t have any friends at all.

I will say I’d prefer my girl to have mostly female friends. I want friends but I want trustworthy friends. I guess it comes down to picking a trustworthy partner. But being honest, I’d be more comfortable if she had mostly friends that were female and I’d be fair and have mostly guy friends.

For the sake of the children I want to have close friends/relatives on both ends so they’ll be able to develop socially at a young age and also have early friendships. Friendship is important and it’s not healthy to rely on exactly one person to be your friend.

[DizzyDesii]

Friendship was important. But after all the fames you get tired. So nahh im good

[Dongtai]

Fames?

[DizzyDesii]

*fakes that take advantage of you

[Dongtai]

But see those aren’t friends though.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats the thing... you dont find out until later on that theyre fake

[WarningWarning]

A shy person would sit alone on a bench with earphones on. And they are mysterious. Like a puzzle to figure out. Fun fun. I am not shy at all, but i love shy quiet guys. Mysterious is sexy. But i also like extroverts also. I just like guys lol

[DizzyDesii]

I mean i’d sit alone on a bench witth headphones but im not shy lol

[WarningWarning]

Haha. Dang i read it wrong. I will do better next time lol

[lucas262]

I used to think it would be cool to be a loner, then I became 1
I can put it on for a while but I never truly relax until I get home and take it off.

Iv lost almost every friend I ever had they just kind of faded away, and group settings always end with me feeling miserable.

once I opened up my weirdness was too much for them, but it means I was comfortable with them, all they saw was a soft person to pick on, yea I tended to have low self esteem and people saw it as an opening.

I did make 1 friend who i can bounce off of pretty well, soon we're gonna be room mates.

so I'm thankful to have that 1 good friend.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i hate when they take avantage of the self esteem

[fdietzman]

Loner tbh. Then you wouldn't have to worry about them wanting to cheat or not spending enough time with you.

[DizzyDesii]

Lol true

[Aethereal]

I'd rather date a loner. I want my partner to become my best friend, and I find it strange that a lot of people insist on not having it that way.

[DizzyDesii]

Love this

[Sonorous]

I think I prefer loners because I'm the loner type. But it really does depend on what her friends are like. If they are nice, chill, reserved people, then I wouldn't mind. And if her friends don't get in the way of the relationship, then that's good too. But if they aren't good people to be around, I'd rather her be a loner.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea ikr

[stardust101]

I used to find a guy with head phones on to be sexy as well. Then I married one of them and it sucked... big time. He would go from one extreme of being codependent to the next of not wanting anything to do with me. I have to wonder if he’s BPD at this point. I would t be surprised. Isn’t there a happy medium somewhere where the guy has friends, just not a whole lot? I don’t think having a lot of friends is a good thing and then having no friends at all isn’t good either 😕

[DizzyDesii]

Aww damn i dont want no bipolar crap

[vintagegirl90]

I’d want them to be have some form of social life because it’s healthy to have other people that can support you outside of a relationship. Also gives them the chance to practise and develop their social skills. Also have a life outside of the relationship too, a balanced lifestyle is a must.

[DizzyDesii]

Im an ambivert. I had lots of “friends” but few close ones that I actually trusted til there were finally none that intrust. So even tho people love to surround me, i dont like to be surrounded by them and so i prefer to be a loner

[nella965]

I don't think anyone would enjoy a loner unless they are a loner or have no friends themselves. I hate loners. I was interested in a guy until I found out he was a loner which just completely threw my attraction away. I'm an extrovert so I like a guy who has friends and things going on in his life. It makes life more fun and cool. I find loners pretty weird because they just completely don't have the desire to mentally connect with people. Its like loneliness is impossible for them.

[DizzyDesii]

Im an ambivert. I had lots of “friends” but few close ones that I actually trusted til there were finally none that intrust. So even tho people love to surround me, like you said, i dont have the desire like to be surrounded by them and so i prefer to be a loner. I can connect i just dont like to stay in touch after

[nella965]

Friends are people who you see on a usual basis. You're not friends but just acquaintances if you don't see them often.

[DizzyDesii]

My “friends” want to see me often. I choose not to see them. Theybknock at my door and i sit there and ignore it

[johnny_hustle]

"Its like loneliness is impossible for them." - Hahaha you say that like it's a bad thing.

[nella965]

@johnny_hustle I used to be an introvert during childhood. Now I'm an extrovert, life is so much better. Being an extrovert allows you to have fun more ways in life. Extroverts not only enjoy hobbies (like introverts), we also enjoy having fun laughing with friends. Its simply more ways to enjoy life. Opportunities tend to also come by a lot more easily. Extroverts tend to take great pride in being extroverts.

[nella965]

@DizzyDesii, Then you chose to not have friends. Nothing wrong with that. People are designed differently.

[johnny_hustle]

You're confusing introvert and a loner. An introvert is just someone who loses energy by being around others and recharges when they are alone. An extrovert is just someone who recharges by being around others and is drained by being alone. Introverts still go out and have fun and can be very outgoing. But at the end of the day they are drained and need their alone time to recharge. A loner is someone who does things by themselves and doesn't really want to interact with others because they can get whatever they need by themselves and when they hang out with someone they are tied down. They don't feel free. Lastly, I was just commenting on how you make it sound like lacking loneliness is a bad thing. If anything, I would say that's a good thing. You can be by yourself (alone) and not be lonely and you can be with a group of friends and be lonely.

[nella965]

@johnny_hustle As a current extrovert who used to be an introvert , I think introverts and loners do really miss out on life. Believe it or not, extroverts enjoy alone time too. Don't think we are miserable doing things alone. Its just that we get to enjoy alone time with our hobbies but we also can enjoy company. We enjoy both spectrums of life.

Introverts and loners feel uncomfortable in social settings which is why their energy gets sucked out of them. Socializing doesn't come naturally to these types which is why it takes much more energy for them to interact with others. I have been an introvert. I have spent hours and hours locked up in my own room watching YouTube videos, reading. I had nobody to laugh with or talk to. And the only reason why I was like this was because I felt uncomfortable in social settings.
By living this kinda life, you're really limiting yourself to happiness.
Living life locked up in my room watching youtube videos is actually really boring. I only put up with it because I was uncomfortable being in social settings.

[Darknut]

Never knew you were a loner! Wow more in common than I could have ever dreamed. I kept coming back to this for some reason. I guess intuition was yet right again. Way to go Desi.!☺

[DizzyDesii]

Haha thank you :)

[Darknut]

Omg it makes so much sense now.

[DizzyDesii]

How so

[Darknut]

Must I go delve into detail here? Such real talk is reserved elsewhere.

[DizzyDesii]

Lol but you know i like it public 😏

[Darknut]

I know. Why do you do that for?

[DizzyDesii]

I find it hot

[Darknut]

You find it hot that you want personal business out in the open? Desi. Got more respect for ya than that. Real talk.

[Darknut]

But we can go there if you want..

[DizzyDesii]

Yea what is it

[Darknut]

Two loners finally agree to meet up after a long discussion online about how they so realize they are perfect for each other.

[Paris13]

My Fiance from The UK is a Loner, Mainly with Family he lives with and helps out. He does have an EX who is still a Friend but only Occasionally talks to Her, Not much else, Which is Okay, I guess. I Would not Want him to be this Social Butterfly But Growing up in Carnforth, Her does Know Everyone under the Sun, hun. xx

[bente2]

Lots of friends, because that doesn’t mean they’re all meaningful to him and he wants to see all 1-2 times a week. It just means he will be invited to a lot of parties, and I will be able to come with and meet new people. It’s always a good idea to know many people, you never know when you need them.

[SpacedCharr]

I'd rather date someone with a good handful of reliable friends, like my current partner.

I dated a loner before.
Holy fuck he was so high maintenance. He put all the pressure of human connection on me. Outside of his work, I was often the only human he'd interact with.

He would complain about being lonely, but do nothing to fix his own problems.

[Jjpayne]

I'd say it depends on the kind of person you are... if you are a homebody if might not be as bad but if your social to any extent it could be harder to deal with. ... But I'd say it's better to be social, or at least I think so, even it it's just a little bit

[Jjpayne]

It's ok to be loner, as long as you have a little bit of social interaction