Would you rather your partner be a loner or should they have a lot of friends AND WHY?

Question

I’m probably one of the few who would rather date a loner. Part of it is because I hate for us to have to split time in various ways (work, family, hobbies, etc) so the less friends, the better for me 🤷‍♀️ Now if the guy has long term friends who he's grown up with, im fine with that. But i really dont like people who meet someone that same year and act like thats their new best friend who means the world to them. I don't know it just seems questionable to me. Tbh, I stopped trying to make friends after college. Now i just like to be acquainted and have someone to vent to or ask advice. I really just need the SO to be my best friend (and more of course). I mean I still have those 3 cousins who i talk to every now and again but thats better than nothing. They’ve been around since birth and thats all I really need. I had 4 good guy friends who lasted 6-8 years each but our jealous SO’s split us apart after some time. I also had 2 good friend girls who lasted 3-7 years but one slept with my dude and the other said I wasn't sanctified enough for her. After that, every girl i came across tried to get at whoever I was crushing on. So i really dont trust females and keep my distance... Back in college, I dont know it was just something about seeing a guy sitting on a bench alone with headphones in his ears on the daily. I found that so dang sexy. Anyways, what about you?
#FeelFreeToList #TheDesiiDiaries

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Loner. I can't stand groups of people. I have 4 friends and 3 of them live at a distance and all 3 in different cities. When I do see them in person it's always one on one. I have one friend in town, he's extremely social and "theatrical" but i've never accepted any invitiations to go to a party or anything else with him and i've never met any of his other friends other than briefly if we've run into someone outside. We go have coffee and talk, and I only agree to hanging out one on one. It gives me anxiety to be more than 2 people at a time + I can't stand a bunch of people talking in each others mouths and pretending like I care about anything they have to say. My ex was a loner and same as me, he had friends but preferred to pretty much never see them. There was never a single instance where we hung out with other people and that was perfect. So yeah a partner with many friends would suck for me. I'd end up resenting his friends because i'd be forced to spend so much time with them, and i'd end up resenting him for always having to bring new people into our life.

alice55 · Accepted Answer

I rather date a loner, like this we can spend all of our free time together. If he have friends splitting time with his work, his family, his hobbies and his friends we won't pass a lot of time together.

JoseJr · Accepted Answer

I've always liked a loner. Seems to be more chill... when they have lots of friend, they seem to get involved in shit that dont even involve them. You kind of hit on the nail, I want my girl to be my bestfriend and more ofc. Meaning I want to spend time with her, take her out to eat, buy her things she might want or need, just hang out together for lack of a better phrase. The one girl I've dated who was "popular" for lack of a better word, always had people hitting her up to do stuff and was booked like a month in advance. I tried to be understanding but it usually meant I saw her and we got to hang out every blue moon. Can't have a relationship if you can't do much together. Not to mention that she constantly had random guys in her dms and even tho she never did nothin, ofc it made me uncomfortable to a certain extent. All the other loner girls I've dated things went pretty smooth and pretty cool.

perislav85 · Accepted Answer

I would rather date a loner because I 'm a one them since college when I realized that friends just took advantage of me and do some things that are very bad for me. By the way, I prefer the loner type of person because, in most of the cases, they are more educated, have more talking about and they are more sensible.

weasley8 · Answer

I'd like to be with someone who has a lot of friends. The main reason behind this is that I'm a lot happier now than I was years ago, and I attribute this largely to the fact that I've made a lot of really good friends in the past few years. People make me happy.

If my partner had a lot of friends, then hopefully I would be able to become friends with their friends. I'm always happy to invite more people into my circle. I don't see a downside to making more friends.

It would also be a good indicator that they do well with people, and with large groups of people. I'd like my partner to be able to befriend my friends. That way everyone could spend time together. Yay! Big happy family!

Finally, I'm a very awkward person. I don't know how I have so many friends, especially considering how shy I am. But ignoring that, generally speaking extroverts tend to have larger friend groups. I'm an introvert, who also happens to love spending time with people, even if it totally exhausts me. Therefore, I would like to be with someone slightly more extroverted than myself. That way I don't get sucked into the loop of staying home and reading all the time. I want to be with someone who pushes me to spend more time out in the world, not less.

Keanku19 · Answer

Having a lot of friends have its pros and cons. For example, my girlfriend doesn't chat with any dude save her father, bother and her best friend boyfriend. As a result she doesn't want me to have female friends too. I am a very social person and love hanging out. Most of my friends are ladies because we connect easily in one way, either because of music or educational background. I have three sisters who bugged me all my life so ladies are very comfortable with me. But I had to stop talking to all female friends. I had to delete apps etc. Last time one of my female friends wanted to record her songs, I had to plead and take my girlfriend along to the studio. She got bored at some point. After that session, I realized I have been spending all my time with her and I am not happy about that, because I don't get the chance to do things I love doing. I have been very busy of late because of I am a graduate student and so I will say much of my time is spent working. But thinking about not having people to talk too doesn't sit well with me. I love meeting people especially when we have one thing in common, I love sharing ideas, working together... etc

Nonetheless, Having lots of friends can be time consuming. You waste a lot of time trying to keep in touch with all of them everyday, Especially if they do not live close by.

So I think you should just have a close circle of good friends who look out for your well being... and you can have fun with

itsthatgurl · Answer

I chose B. It's nice for them to have a few friends other than me but I guess it's be nice if they were a loner, like me, too. I feel like if they have tons of friends then they wouldn't be able to hang out with me as much. Also I feel like if you have lots of friends then you end up telling them everything about your partner and that'd make me a but uncomfortable if I didn't know the friends they talked to about me. The problem with loners is I often find them to be a little (sometimes a lot) more depressing just because they're lonely and hate the world. This is not all the time but so far it's what I've encountered. When someone has friends they're usually more comfortable to be around and even more joyful which in turn makes me happy. It's also nice to meet their friends and hangout all together, I wouldn't wanna be one of those couples that takes a person away from their friends.

Lynx122 · Answer

I don't really care I'm more of a loner. If she was a loner we'd have more in common and could be loners together :D but if she was more social she could balance me out more and I'd go along to what she's doing once in a while and meet new people.

The main thing in either case is if she likes and is compatible with the way I am if that's the case then I think it'll be fine but if she has a problem with my lifestyle and fo instance is bothered that I don't go out with her more or whatever then it will most likely not work.

Rrood03 · Answer

My ex had just moved to town and had no friends. I worked at the party store near his house and he said that I was always so friendly to him that he wanted to get to know me and show him around town. That led to us dating. My issue with this was that he was really, really clingy. I was his only source of social interaction.
On the other hand the person I am currently in a relationship has many, many friends. While I am glad that they friends they can see and turn to, it makes it hard for us to have time together. He always has plans with someone or his friends tag along with us when we go somewhere together. It’s hard to get privacy and time together.
For me I feel like a Sammy amount of friends would be perfect. That way they do have other people on their life to interact with yet they still have time for you

Lliam · Answer

I'm happy that my wife has a few really good girl friends that share her interests. She confides in and relies on me a great deal and we do lots of things together. But it's nice that she can have "girl talk" with her friends and do things with them. She also belongs to a women's group and a camera club that both meet monthly; a group that learns about the Bhagavad Gita; and sometimes has lunch with a good friend or another
She's a hair and makeup artist, photographer and Photoshop wiz, and we also attend a Unitarian Universalist fellowship, so she knows lots of people. But she only has a few really, really close friends.

Dongtai · Answer

I’d prefer to date a girl who has some friends. I’m an ambivert. I have a lot of friends but I spend a lot of time alone. For me I value a sense of community, especially with wanting to become a parent at some point because it would be beneficial to the child’s social health. I wouldn’t want to marry someone who didn’t have any friends at all.

I will say I’d prefer my girl to have mostly female friends. I want friends but I want trustworthy friends. I guess it comes down to picking a trustworthy partner. But being honest, I’d be more comfortable if she had mostly friends that were female and I’d be fair and have mostly guy friends.

For the sake of the children I want to have close friends/relatives on both ends so they’ll be able to develop socially at a young age and also have early friendships. Friendship is important and it’s not healthy to rely on exactly one person to be your friend.

WarningWarning · Answer

A shy person would sit alone on a bench with earphones on. And they are mysterious. Like a puzzle to figure out. Fun fun. I am not shy at all, but i love shy quiet guys. Mysterious is sexy. But i also like extroverts also. I just like guys lol

lucas262 · Answer

I used to think it would be cool to be a loner, then I became 1
I can put it on for a while but I never truly relax until I get home and take it off.

Iv lost almost every friend I ever had they just kind of faded away, and group settings always end with me feeling miserable.

once I opened up my weirdness was too much for them, but it means I was comfortable with them, all they saw was a soft person to pick on, yea I tended to have low self esteem and people saw it as an opening.

I did make 1 friend who i can bounce off of pretty well, soon we're gonna be room mates.

so I'm thankful to have that 1 good friend.

fdietzman · Answer

Loner tbh. Then you wouldn't have to worry about them wanting to cheat or not spending enough time with you.

Aethereal · Answer

I'd rather date a loner. I want my partner to become my best friend, and I find it strange that a lot of people insist on not having it that way.

Sonorous · Answer

I think I prefer loners because I'm the loner type. But it really does depend on what her friends are like. If they are nice, chill, reserved people, then I wouldn't mind. And if her friends don't get in the way of the relationship, then that's good too. But if they aren't good people to be around, I'd rather her be a loner.

stardust101 · Answer

I used to find a guy with head phones on to be sexy as well. Then I married one of them and it sucked... big time. He would go from one extreme of being codependent to the next of not wanting anything to do with me. I have to wonder if he’s BPD at this point. I would t be surprised. Isn’t there a happy medium somewhere where the guy has friends, just not a whole lot? I don’t think having a lot of friends is a good thing and then having no friends at all isn’t good either 😕

vintagegirl90 · Answer

I’d want them to be have some form of social life because it’s healthy to have other people that can support you outside of a relationship. Also gives them the chance to practise and develop their social skills. Also have a life outside of the relationship too, a balanced lifestyle is a must.

nella965 · Answer

I don't think anyone would enjoy a loner unless they are a loner or have no friends themselves. I hate loners. I was interested in a guy until I found out he was a loner which just completely threw my attraction away. I'm an extrovert so I like a guy who has friends and things going on in his life. It makes life more fun and cool. I find loners pretty weird because they just completely don't have the desire to mentally connect with people. Its like loneliness is impossible for them.

Darknut · Answer

Never knew you were a loner! Wow more in common than I could have ever dreamed. I kept coming back to this for some reason. I guess intuition was yet right again. Way to go Desi.!☺

Paris13 · Answer

My Fiance from The UK is a Loner, Mainly with Family he lives with and helps out. He does have an EX who is still a Friend but only Occasionally talks to Her, Not much else, Which is Okay, I guess. I Would not Want him to be this Social Butterfly But Growing up in Carnforth, Her does Know Everyone under the Sun, hun. xx

bente2 · Answer

Lots of friends, because that doesn’t mean they’re all meaningful to him and he wants to see all 1-2 times a week. It just means he will be invited to a lot of parties, and I will be able to come with and meet new people. It’s always a good idea to know many people, you never know when you need them.

SpacedCharr · Answer

I'd rather date someone with a good handful of reliable friends, like my current partner.

I dated a loner before.
Holy fuck he was so high maintenance. He put all the pressure of human connection on me. Outside of his work, I was often the only human he'd interact with.

He would complain about being lonely, but do nothing to fix his own problems.

Jjpayne · Answer

I'd say it depends on the kind of person you are... if you are a homebody if might not be as bad but if your social to any extent it could be harder to deal with. ... But I'd say it's better to be social, or at least I think so, even it it's just a little bit

broken_heart_at_48 · Answer

How many friends a girls has is one of my criteria for a girlfriend and when a guy thinks like you everyone thinks the guy is being controlling and cutting her off from friends and family so he can abuse her. The sad thing is it true most of the time. It's healthy for you guys to have some separate activities. You should be able to trust each other and not spaz out if he leaves you site for a minute

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

I would rather date someone with a medium to large group of friends. The last guy I dated seriously had recently moved to my city a few years before we met, and he didn't really have any good friends here. I became his only support, his only good friend, his only person to vent to, and that's not healthy. Everyone needs at least one person besides their SO they can rely on and confide it.

TripleAce · Answer

Friends. Because I think it’s important to have outside perspective other than your own thinking. It creates depth and builds ones character more
There is some issues with a loner. All their eggs are in one basket. So things can get too intensE (not in a good way) it’s good to take time away to do other stuff. The person becomes very dependant too

Ayer93 · Answer

I'd want my partner to be happy. If they're social and have many friends I'd expect them to include me to an extent and make sure I know what's going on when. Realistically though, I'd relate more to a loner because I'm a loner myself. I'm lucky to have found a girl that is exactly like me in almost every way. I won the real lottery peeps.

Shamalien · Answer

gimme dat loner culture is shit and anytime u put more than two people together there is a third guest, and he's a fuckin asshole

Rangers · Answer

Loner, the friends will only get in the way, as they always do in every relationship, ever.

Exorcist_Rampage · Answer

I think a woman with 2 friends is enough. Too many friends and I'd be not as vital in her life most likely.

Proxyz123 · Answer

I would like to date a more introverted girl, not necessarily a loner. I dont mind loners so long as she loves me. More often than not you are lucky to date a loner girl since you are prob one of her best friends and her priority and she doesn't mind spending time with you.

DonCachondo · Answer

I can really relate to this. It's that loners are universally rejects so much as they're difficult to encounter and get to know. The biggest disadvantage in dating is the numbers game nature of it all. There are probably tons of great matches out there for most of us loners, but the crucial missing piece is a networking tool that's convenient and expedient enough for us to choose over the many things we can enjoy doing perfectly well by ourselves.

Mehzmeh · Answer

Well, I have had friends that been there since I moved to the us. That's 36 year's. And I have friends that have been there for at least 10 year's. Mostly female. I also have my fraternity brothers/sister's (aplpha kappa sia [inc], kappa alpha pi {chef fraternity}). And I, have been told my personality draw people to me. But, I don't call them friends. Lol.

Rapidash · Answer

I’d say a few good friends. I’ve dated a guy who was very social and constantly had to help everyone and be with everyone and honestly you just feel a bit left out after a while. Mind you he was a good guy just not right for me.

BCA6010 · Answer

Ideally my partner would have a handful of genuinely good/close friends, rather than tons of worthless acquaintances or no friends at all.

Anoniemus · Answer

Lots a friends. That way we can do things or they can introduce me to things that I haven't tried with my friends. I love going to outings and having fun in groups (even though I'm supposedly an introvert).

Anonymous · Answer

I’m kind of a loner like, I only have two real friends that I hang out with and we care for each other. I wouldn’t mind her having lots of friends but it would kinda bother me because I have to be judged by a big group of people “if I’m right for her”

Flower7 · Answer

I'd rather him be a loner so more of his attention could be focused on me. Also because I have a weakness for shy guys.

lilyanony1 · Answer

Some friends are good especially if theyre good people. I'll probably never be dating material as I don't have friends and can't keep them

Bootylicious905 · Answer

Someone that has lots friends means they are likeable person. Socially you should date someone of the same of your lifestyle. If you date mismatched personality or lifestyle you won't get along.

CHARismatic110 · Answer

He can have friends. I value my alone time and dont need us to always be together. That's how shit gets stale.

R_Cakes91 · Answer

I prefer a guy who has friends. If I’m his only friend, there are problems

Carbon-12 · Answer

If they have friends then I can become friends with them. I love haveing lots of people in my life. It also means he is probably better at communication which is very important.

TonyBologna25 · Answer

They should have some friends outside of me. It’s a lot of responsibility to be someone’s only social interaction. They become clingy and won’t allow you to live your own life.

jwsstein · Answer

A loner I guess cause i am when you dont care to have that many people around you and you do let someone in your circle it gets kind of hectic and frustrating when there people always trying to get in or just hanging around

Steve-Lovato · Answer

It seems like a loner would be more clingy and want you to spend all your time with them, whereas someone with a lot of friends would have things to do if you couldn't hang out due to prior commitments.

ivbnlknfru · Answer

It's nice to have friends, but when they're not in a relationship or a good one for that matter. They want company and will drive a wedge in yours or try to steal it from you... Friends can be evil... close family is your safest friend...

SirRexington · Answer

Id rather date a person more on the introverted side of the spectrum. Having lots of friends can be annoying and loud. And i am also worried about thrir time being divided up too much.

Hurlyburly · Answer

Someone with a few good friends, like myself. The best situation is if these friends are common in my opinion. It's this way with my boyfriend 😊

lookin64 · Answer

I tend to pull away from large groups of people feeling that they are either ignoring me or purposely ecluding me. So I think I would be able to connect better

WhatTheHellAmy2 · Answer

Someone with few good friends.  I love having lot of friends. A loner wouldn't match with who I am

Robertcw · Answer

I guess the loner for me. Having too many 'friends' isn't friendship. But it is a good social survival strategy that brings perks at some costs.

SjE78 · Answer

doesn't really matter either way to me, as long as I and the potential partner got on that's all that matters

SarahsSummer · Answer

At least some friends otherwise I’d question why he didn’t have any friends.

Anpu23 · Answer

I am busy, I work 3 or more jobs and I really appreciate people who are somewhat self sufficient. Have friends, go play, enjoy life.

Clarke498 · Answer

Loner would mean i'd get more time with her <3, but nah jk. I'd like her to have friends. 100 friends would be a bit much though. I'm pretty antisocial and find it hard to meet too many new people.

pervertedjester · Answer

A loner or with a few friends is fine. But a social butterfly with tons of friends, no.

Pink2000 · Answer

My boyfriend is definitely a loner. I’d like him to be more social

Titanic1912 · Answer

Should have at least someone who has her back. Who else would be her bridesmaids and her maid of honor?

Creepazoid · Answer

I'd rather her have some friends maybe enough to count on 1 hand and at least 1 asexual, castrated guy friend

the_sinner · Answer

My partner can have a handful of close friends with whom we can have parties and go to places. It would keep us from being completely cut off from the society and we can also maintain our personal and public relationship.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

I can't imagine my hubby being a loner. He's always surrounded by lots of friends. Anyway, so I am.

FootballForever · Answer

Wow, suddenly my loner life doesn't look so damn bleek.

Would you rather your partner be a loner or should they have a lot of friends AND WHY?

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