Is it okay if I ask my girl to shave her arms?

[TheDonDada]

Is it okay if I ask my girl to shave her arms?

I've been dating my girl for about one week now. And I went round to pay her a visit and she was in the middle of baking some cakes for her sister's wedding so I thought I'd join in and show-off my cooking skills and prove that I am a caring and loving boyfriend. But before we began she rolled up her sleeves and I thought "ewwwwww! Hairy arms". But to not cause a scene I quietly helped her finish and promptly decided to make my way home soon after as she wanted me to stay a bit longer for lunch but the hairs on her arm were bugging me. So I told her I had to pick up my jacket from the dry cleaners and left. She seemed puzzled but I was bothered.

Anywho, I am currently thinking about asking her to remove the hairs but I don't want to come across as insensitive or rude. But how do I do this?

[Anonymous]

Are women supposed to have hair free arms? Why wasn't i informed... I do remove my arm as a personal preference but I don't always "keep up" with it. I have legs to shave pubic area to maintain and pits to shave. Arms come in last place. My current boyfriend has never mentioned my arm hair however he has mentioned little things that he thinks I need to change apparently. Like growing out my hair (on my head!) and getting my nails done. Wearing high heels. Stuff like that. He even suggested really early on that I get colored contacts. It always made me feel insecure (and still does) I feel like he's trying to build a new girlfriend. If he doesn't like me as I am then why date me? maybe its just the way he presented it. But because you've only been together a week I wouldn't bring it up. If it disgusts you that much perhaps she isn't right for you. She shouldn't have to change who she is so you can be satisfied. If she has overall good hygiene I don't see why arm hair is so unpleasant... is your body hair free?
IF you really feel the need to confront this "issue" do it tactfully. Mention how your arms are smooth and ask her of she's ever waxed /shaved her own arms. Say it in a nice way like "I bet I could feel your nice soft skin better" if she removed the arm hair. I don't know. Best of luck but don't be surprised if she takes offense. Having some own you're dating point out a "flaw" doesn't feel so good. She might get upset or she may be cool with it.

[TheDonDada]

No offense but your boyfriend sounds worse than me. He makes you wear "colored contacts"? Lol in the UK we say coloured.

But he sounds controlling.

[Opinion Owner]

He made the suggestion. I never actually purchased them. I am currently growing my hair longer anyways and have tried to get my nails done a few times which made him happy but it does feel controlling at times.

[TheDonDada]

Is he making sacrifices to make you happy as well?

[Opinion Owner]

Hmmm wonder why so many down votes. I don't think I was rude its just my personal experience and opinion :)

[PinkPenguin]

You don't know this girl. For all that you know she might have struggled all her life with the fact she has hairy arms. Or she might not have thought of it at all, and you bringing it up might make her insecure. Everyone has hair on their arms. Some women will shave it away (maybe they are insecure about it). You shouldn't impose this on her. If you are really so turned off you cannot even be in the same room as her, I think it would be best to go separate ways. Let's say you don't heed my advice and continue this in hopes for her to understand eventually. You will still be at a major risk of installing insecurites in this girl, that might not have already been there. You are asking her to do something permenent to her body, or else you cannot be together, because you cannot be in the same room even knowing she has hairy arms. Would you do something permanent about your body if she was as repulsed as you are? You don't like body hair, fine, to each their own. But your best bet is to find someone who doesn't repulse you to begin with.

[Flamdring]

The vast majority of women have hair on their arms. Blondes have them too, but they are less visible. Brunettes, especially with South European or Latin American heritage have more visible arm hair because they have darker hair in general. Loads of Spanish girls have arm hair despite being very good-looking.

If it bothers you too much, then it is best to reconsider dating her because she will constantly feel under pressure that she has visible hair on her arms, legs, tummy (there can be a narrow line going from below her belly button upwards) under her arm pits... She will not be able to do anything about it apart from removing it with laser. I seriously doubt any girl will do all of that for a guy whom she has known for a short period of time, and especially if she does not see any problem with the hair herself.

Tread carefully because women are already worried about the hair on their legs and intimate areas. No need to stress them even more. Maybe once you know each other better (won't happen until you start living together), she may reveal to you that she does not like her arm hair either. In that case you can suggest laser treatment, but do not push.

[Anonymous]

Jeez... and there was me debating, and working up the courage, whether to ask my girl to shave her pubes because she's quite hairy down there. But now having read this post, I'm definitely not going to say anything to her.

I mean at least my girl's arms aren't hairy! And after reading this comment it makes me feel sorry for the OP's girl and more sympathetic. I don't think you should say anything to her about it as you will only upset her and make her self conscious. In fact I'm definitely not saying anything about my girls pubes now. I've put up with bush for the past 10 months anyway... so f*ck it...

[OlderAndWiser]

Don't. She will be offended however you express the request. If you can;t accept her as she is, then move on to someone else, bit don;t expect this girl to change for you - especially after one week!

[pervertedjester]

I wouldn't but that's me, I like life.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, I dont have super hairy arms, but I feel if a guy brought that up to me when I was younger it would spark an insecurity, especially a new boyfriend. Your young, so I imagine superficial things like that are still kinda a big deal, but I've found as I got older I stopped caring so much about little shit like that. So what, she has hairy arms? If it's a deal breaker, break up. If not, it's up to you if you want to risk possibly coming off as offensive/rude/insensitive/whatever and possibly hurting her feelings. It depends on her and how she would take it too. Is she super sensitive? Like... I don't know man... that's a hairy situation.

[TheDonDada]

It's not a deal breaker. But it is a turn off. In a relationship physical attraction does play a role even trivial details like arm hair can be off putting, not that it's a huge issue. But if she can compromise with me then that would be great.

A user said I should buy her a laser hair removal, and I think I will for Christmas. But I'll try to avoid mentioning her arms. Because as you said it may make her insecure. So I'll try and indirectly slip it in and say something like "you can use it all over your body", hopefully that'll work.

But yeah, it's "a hairy situation".

[Opinion Owner]

Do you know how expensive that's going to be? You have to have multiple treatments for it to keep hair from growing back completely. Physical attraction is def important in a relationship, just tread lightly and be sensitive, but ultimately the closer you guys get the more comfortable it will be to talk about stuff like that too.

[TheDonDada]

Lol no way that shit is expensive. There is a hair removal device you can buy that apparently removes all your body hair. So there's no need for treatments. But thank you for the advice, I'll try my best to tread lightly and avoid making her insecure about her arms.

[Anonymous]

Some groups of people just have hairy arms plus they have dark hair. i had a guy ask me one time why i didn't remove my hair from my arms. i knew that in his country women do that but i told him i wasn't going to to that. i, also, have blonde hair on my arms. i remove underarm hair and leg hair but i have see no need to remove my arm hair plus I have really sensitive skin.

FYI women who have more body hair have a bit more testosterone which means a higher sex drive. There are pluses and minuses to every thing.

Don't say a word.

[bente2]

You’re an asshole if you do. You’ve been dating this girl for what? A whole week? And you already want to request to change something? I don’t think she complains about your hair that’s probably everywhere. So why do you think you have a right to do so? Because she’s a girl?

Shaving your arms is actually the dumbest thing you could do/ask her to do. The arm hairs will grow back stubbly, just like leg hairs do, which will feel like sandpaper against your skin.

Also, since she has arm hair, she probably doesn’t want to shave it. It’s not like she doesn’t know it’s there, she probably just doesn’t care, because it’s NATURAL hair that doesn’t ‘need’ to be taken off for hygienic reasons like armpit hair or pubic hair.

[yucychan]

You can just tell her how you feel about it politely, and ask her how she feels about shaving her arms.
You have the freedom to put across your opinions and requests. Likewise, she has the freedom to reject your opinions and requests. If she refuses, it's her right. So don't force her or go into an argument over it.

[TheDonDada]

Good advice. But I am worried that I might offend her and she'll end up hurt. So maybe I'll just wait till she's more comfortable around me then I'll open about it.

[yucychan]

I get what you mean. I do agree that there really isn't a nice way to go about it.
However, if it's bothering you that much, I also don't advise doing nothing about it.
You are right in waiting when she's in an ideal mood (you really don't want to bring up this topic when she's in a bad mood; it's plain suicide) or just causally mentioned it to her when you two passed by ladies' razors while shopping.

[weasley8]

I would say no. Of course, everyone is entitled to a preference. But it wouldn’t do anything good for her self esteem if you were to suggest that the change her appearance because you find something completely natural to be gross. It’s something that many girls are insecure about anyway.

I would suggest researching it before doing anything else. Arm hair is completely natural and not “unfeminine” in any way.

Someone else drew a comparison to her asking you to shave your legs. In many ways I like this comparison, but there are some things that are missing. I don’t think that guys are as insecure about their leg hair as girls are about their arms. Maybe back hair would be a better comparison, although that’s not as common as arm hair, so it’s still not quite the same.

[weasley8]

My point is, if it’s something that you feel you must bring up, think of something that you’re insecure about about your body, which has been pointed out to you in the past by the media and people in your life, and called “gross.” Think about if she were to ask you to change that thing, in such a way that would require constant maintenance, and would cause discomfort if you were to ever change your mind and stop maintaining it, and could cause infection and injury if maintained incorrectly. You would probably prefer that she didn’t ask, but if for some reason she felt like she must, that it was so much of an issue for her that it was worth hurting your feelings, how would you prefer she brought it up? After you picture yourself having the entire conversation, and picture what your response would be, picture it with the roles reversed.

When you actually have the conversation, don’t expect her to respond as you would. Respect and validate her feelings. It’s entirely possible, and I would even say probable, that she will say no. Is that going to be a deal breaker for you? Even if it isn’t, there’s a chance that your asking will damage her faith in you, as well as her self esteem. Is that a risk you’re willing to take, assuming you care about her, and about your relationship?

[SueShe]

It is not okay.

It is clearly an infringement into her private sphere and personality.

It is like you want to impose your ideas to others. I assimilate that way of thinking like in a totalitarian state where the government tells its citizens how they have to behave and think.

There is strictly no difference between a person asking another to change something for the sole benefit of the one asking for it.

[Anonymous]

Give her a full body waxing voucher from a good spa. When she's done compliment her how much her smooth hairless skin a turn on for you while caressing her arms and smooth skin lovingly.

[TheDonDada]

Yes. That is actually really good advice. But I don't know where to purchase body waxing vouchers though.

[Opinion Owner]

You can try by googling the nearest waxing spa nearby and read their reviews.

[TheDonDada]

I'll do that.

[Opinion Owner]

All the best! And update us!

[TheDonDada]

No doubt.

[Anonymous]

In my freshman year of HS I teased a HOT junior girl that she had hairier arms than I did (she really did) I was 14 years old and had the “be mean if you like someone” immature approach.

Well she complained to her 300 lb football linebacker friend about it. He confronted me about at it (actually politely but it was intimidating). My then 130lb scrawny ass never mentioned her forearm hair again.

Anyway as long as she shaves her legs and armpits you should be happy. But maybe you can find a indirect way to bring it up.

[Jla_900]

Ask her what s the technic she is using yo get rid of her hairs. Waxing, Shave machine or Laser., And then explain which one s better for body. Laser is good (but expensive in here)., Waxing is the better one (for her pocket, soft baby skin, and having hairs come out after 2-3weeks) And then tell her “eeeewwww i hate hair, and m super particular about having hair in body parts., Then she will got what u mean, and gonna take care of it.,

[TheDonDada]

Lol I never say "ewww" out load it's very immature. But you are right. I need to ask her what her abbout her grooming regime to get an idea on what she does.

[Jla_900]

Yea dont use “eewww”😂🤦🏻‍♀️ Y’right☺️

[d_mudg]

I don't know since I don't have hairy arms but If you feel uncomfortable about it, you should tell her. Talking about things is better than keeping it a secret, she will eventually found out. I am sure she will understand but if she didn't then, so on.

[CubsterShura]

You could tell her that you would like it if she shaved her arm, but you can't really force her. You can just let her know what you would like and then it's her choice if she would want to do it. Even I don't shave my arms and legs, it's completely an optional thing to do where I live and no one really cares.

[Tunde1984]

Yeah I agree with you.

[Galaz]

So u want to tell a lady that she need to change something about her body so that u will find her attractive or as to not be appalled by her. Why is it that u need some one to tell u in this day and age that yeah no u can't do that. Hey how about u cirmcumsice urself so that ur dick looks more pleasing for some of these ladies? Some girls would be that extreme with it. by the way everyone has hairs on their arms. Good luck out there brother man ull need it.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

does she have smooth legs or smooth... umm... "other parts"? If she does, you can be like "I really love how smooth your legs are", and that might clue her in that "hey if I shave my arms too he'll really like that!"

If she doesn't get the hint then after a week or two maybe just come out and ask her to shave em. I mean, if it bugs you now, how's it gonna feel a year into dating when it's already "too late" to bring it up?

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

p. s. if hairlessness is really an important asset you look for in a girl, then consider dating Asian girl instead as they tend to be naturally hairless. I don't know if it's a gene or something, I just know many Asian girls who say they never need to wax coz their skin is naturally smooth.

[Moonchild714]

You don't, one week What a Prick you are!!! Are you willing to Shave your Arms, Legs, Balls, Ass, Chest, & Back? She's not even your Girlfriend after one week you Dumbass!!! That's how you Care and Love Change your Physicsl Self for me after One Week with No Gurantees!!! Ask Her, hope she has some Training or Men in her life that will Teach you Some Lessons in Life!!!

[Definitely]

So from my understanding, you're dating someone you barely know, and you have something physical that's bothering you so much and you want to change that person.
Break up. You're not meant to be together. She has no reason to change for you, and she shouldn't.

[Lauren-green]

No for fuck sakes! It's never okay to ask your partner to change anything about their appearance because it "grosses you out". If you can't understand that woman have hair on their body then you aren't mature enough to be in a relationship with this girl. It's the 21sy century ffs, grow the hell up and stop being so immature. Nobody's perfect, it's a little bit of arm hair!! What's the big fucking deal?

[Dude_1820]

Yesss!!! Especially if they’ve only been dating for a week.

I work with a girl with hairy arms and we actually had this conversation the other day about it

[TheDonDada]

Right, well you can fuck right off because I could not give two fucks about your opinion. In a relationsip couples comprimise. Why is it always the ugly feminists that take offence to these types of things.

[Dude_1820]

😂😂😂 awww did we hurt your feelings? I’ll keep my Liberal Tears labeled water bottle ready for you to fill with them.

What’s the point of asking for opinions if you only want the ones that agree? That’s confirmation bias my friend.

[Dude_1820]

I didn’t know Brits were so sensitive? 🤔

[TheDonDada]

@Dude_1820 I am not fucking hurt. We Brits have a habit of swearing a lot. Plus I am right, feminists would rather be ugly apes than lady like.

[Lauren-green]

You don't want our opinion? Mate you asked on an opinion question forum for everybodies opinions.. what were you expecting? 😂 Not everybody agrees with you. And just because I don't agree with your opinion, doesn't mean you need to go along and insult me. That again, just shows how immature you really are.

[Dude_1820]

@Lauren-green maybe this is the real reason we wanted to be separate from Britain lol

[darkveil]

Exactly, plus you really gotta put a lot of work into keeping yourself hairless since shaved hair grows back out like in 2-3 days, you can start getting stubbly even the next day. So if you're so disgusted by female hair, you better buy that fleshlight my dude, you'll need it after a girl dumps you for acting like an ignorant prick

[Lauren-green]

@darkveil omg 😂😂😂😂

[BrittBratt2416]

Is the girl that hairy? You're making it sound like you're dating bigfoot or something... can you give me an idea of how hairy they look with a picture?

[dassad]

Can you shave your asshole for her and while you’re at it pluck your nose hairs and all that good stuff and im sure she’d be more than willing to shave the little baby hairs on her arms for your narcissistic satisfaction

[Flamdring]

Well said.

[dassad]

Ty kind Sir

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Well, everyone should use a nose trimmer, and some people happily shave their asshole for their partner's benefit, so probably not the best examples lol

[dassad]

Man cmon i was just trying to be a savage ☹️

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

haha xD okay I'll allow it for savagery's sake :P