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They don't. It's usually family and those from more traditional standards that do. They really need to stop with that because more and more people are not waiting for marriage to have sex and most people do not want to get married. It is not about finding but SHOULD you be sexually involved with another person? Jesus said there are those who are called to marriage, others who are not, and those who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom. A lot of people shouldn't be having sex from what I am seeing, but that is not going to stop people. You also have to remember there have been dramatic changes and anybody who wants to judge me, they need to look at themselves first. I didn't have the proper opportunities that I personally needed to get married and to have a person. I personally didn't want to get involved with a guy on that level. But when I was open to a relationship, I ended up getting shamed and damaged by other damaged males with low self-esteem.
However, it is better to marry young while you can because you are more healthier and is able to have children usually unless you have a medical condition or you are infertile. Then you can't do anything about that. But if you think today was bad, back in ancient times depending on the culture or society, if you are not able to conceive you weren't eligible to get married. SO given with this covid especially, there is indeed much pressure because now again, most men claim they want women less than 30, while also not being too steller themselves. So I say it depends on what your reasons are to get married. Simply put. There are not enough eligible partners, just many who more and likely won't be compatible.
Dating is super hard for men
Dating is hard for everybody. Many are not waiting for marriage anymore. Tons of people doing obscene things, many with toxic character traits. I think anybody who thinks dating is just hard for one gender needs to evaluate the reality. Everybody who is looking for something truly serious is struggling. Trust me I bet I have it harder than you do.
When you say" many are not waiting for marriage anymore," what exactly are you referring to?
I just said. Many are not waiting for marriage anymore to have sex. What's the point of marriage is sex is going to be out of it anyway? This is why a lot of people think sex is easy to gain and relationships are not worth it. So at that point why do you think you're not getting into the relationships that you want? Why do you think it's hard for you to get married now? Because unless you're like me who's a virgin and don't want to be involved with somebody who had sex before. You got to weed out the people that already did too. Then you got to think about the ones that either virgin hunters, or their toxic virgins.
People in their 40s and 50s had a better chance than someone like you and I. They didn't have much of a hookup culture going on back in their time. It didn't mean it didn't happen, but it was still frowned upon. Nowadays everything is out in the open. So it's not so much about getting married too fast. They just want to see you have a secure future. Nowadays is hardly even possible. And any person you find a does want it, make sure you cherish them. They may not always be the type of people you want physically especially. But if they wanted to be involved with you, and you desperately want to get married, you better think about that. Otherwise, unless you have much Faith to find the person who you actually really want. Or your best to stay celibate like myself.
@Steven8000. Dude, don't even chat with @btbc92. She is crazy AF.
I didn't say anything to you. It was the other guy.
This why 99.99 % of people are going to Hell when they die. And denying heaven or hell won't change things for them.
That person is an oddball.
I'm 15 years older and I see no reason for ANYONE at ANY age to hurry up and get into any kind of relationship.
Take your time, know the person as best you can before launching into anything. This is advice I give my own son who is 26.
I personally would like to be with someone, but right now, recovering from a crisis and it's not the time! You'll know when it is for yourself and you'd feel if a person seems like they right for you in other ways.
It does sort of take lightning to strike. Wear rubber boots so you won't get burned!
Perhaps this person is in a good relationship and wishes the same for you. Well, his good relationship is not a universal. I've heard the same from a neighbor who's very happy with her spouse and said, oh you need to find a man, aren't you looking?
No. I'm not. Got loads of other things I need to do first. It will happen at the right time. Then Take your time too!
He is like 52 years old. He says he used to be a gang member and was a drug addict. Also was in prison many years. Cause of all that he felt it was too late for marriage. He told me he cleaned his act up like 15 years ago and stopped doing dumb things. He got involved in a high level of maintenance jobs and kept moving himself up to the point he gets paid like $19 an hour now. He says it is too late for marriage for him and to have kids and he doesn't want me to make the same mistake. It is a man I see sometimes at a location where I work 2 days a week. I work security and at an apartment complex. I work alone and I see him from time to time I am there. He is driving his maintenance vehicle and stops to talk to me randomly about this stuff. I wouldn't mind talking to him if he didn't try to get involved in my business. We hardly see each other during those two days and we talk it is like 10- 15 min in total during each of those days and that is it. It is not like we are working together for hours and are together during all those hours for him to deep into my business so much. I understand if talked a ton but that is not the case. That is why I think it is weird he talks so much about my personal stuff. And he acts like a bully a lot. He literally takes jabs about me being an unarmed security guard and always says I should put gel in my hair and that my shoes look like old man shoes. It seems he is miserable and is trying to out me down.
If he brings this up again, tell him, it's not too late for him to marry or have kids. True, he doesn't make a lot of money, but to many women who ALSO work, as long as they have a positive, loving partner who wants to build a life with them, they are fine.
The truth is, this guy is talking about HIMSELF, not about you.. It sounds like he's LONGING to get the kind of happiness he's touting you'll miss out on if you aren't careful. Ask him about this. I bet that's the case... Good luck.
Alright. But one more question. Is me deciding to stop being desperate about a week ago when it comes to getting a girlfriend and deciding to stop think of it the right decision? It is so stressful when I was desperate and was more depressed. Is it ok that I am not rushing?
You're still a young man. Rushing into ANYTHING is ALWAYS a bad idea.
Learn to live with and love yourself and your situation. When you're a happy person, you'll attract someone similar. Relax and let good things come to you. No one is attracted to someone who reeks of desperation and few want to rush into relationships.
Wise people take their time. The ride is part of the journey. IT's not all about the destination!
I think it's super healthy not to be desperate or rush. Even if you're desperate and get a girlfriend, it could still be for the wrong reasons, which could be worse than not having one at all.
Not to mention that being desperate really subcommunicates a bunch of terribly unattractive things about you. Women are super smart and intuitive when it comes to things like that. They'll know. There's such a huge difference between a confident/ emotionally stable guy and a desperate guy.
Not being desperate is a great first step. But you also can't wait and expect women to fall in your lap either. You have to make efforts to approach them while simultaneously not being desperate. This is hard if you haven't been with a moman in a long time/ ever, especially for younger guys. But this ability comes from life experience, knowing your values and what you want clearly, and repeatedly practicing taking those risks so you become detached from outcome and talking to women isn't a grand mystery anymore.
But yeah my guess is older people just grew up in a time when their cultural norms were to get married much earlier (read: much more competitive dating marketplace from an earlier age, plus probably more sexually conservative/ hooking up is harder) and it gives them anxiety when someone is 30 and not trying to get married ASAP.
Honestly bro, I have tried for so many years and nothing ever came of it. To be honest I never had a girlfriend despite trying and I just turned 30 recently. There have been times where I have even took breaks for months but even during the times I took breaks, I was miserable cause I was thinking about it too much. A week ago I have decided to not give up permanently, but to stop feeling the need of having to have it. So I have decided to stop trying for now but at the same time when I am not trying, to not be thinking about it during when I'm not trying. Too much stress, depression, etc from it. What do you think?
I think you're probably stuck in thought loops caused by beliefs that you have accumulated. They probably bias you and also blind you to contrary evidence.
Like you probably believe you're defective or unattractive or unworthy or some variant of that.
You may have had plenty of opportunities but just didn't realize it because of years of beating yourself down and you couldn't believe they were opportunities and so you interpreted them as something else. Denial.
It also sounds very fucking painful. I've been there, but not for that long. Have you ever considered going to a psychologist about it? If not, I'd look into it just to help you sort through your internal dialogue and give you some tools so you can start freeing yourself, but it's totally on you to do the work. After that, I'd look into a dating coach to help you get some wins and prove to yourself that you can do it and your therapy wasn't just some dream land if you haven't already gotten success during therapy.
Alternatively you could ask a friend if you know any friends who are very good with women. But it's important to evaluate whether you would like to have their level of success before you take their advice as well as what type of success.
I saw Boomer moms devastate their daughters lives. No wait. No wait. Ride the CC until you’re 30. Get it out of your system. Get a job and make a lot of money so you’ll only be satisfied with the top 5% of men who could really care less about you since they have their pick of nice women in the bottom 95%.
All I see now are miserable Gen X women. Out of about 40 women in my peer group, maybe 3 had a successful relationship and marriage over 10 years and kids.
Everybody else, their pair bonding with their husband and kids was wrecked by joyfully riding the CC year after year. Mom is old and tired and overworked and kids are a mess.
All of those Gen X women are now
1. Single never married, no kids
2. Divorced Single mother
3. Married, alcoholic, no kids, married to a drunk.
No exceptions. Good luck with that program if you’re on it.
Dating is super hard for men these days.
Opinion
12Opinion
Maybe because they know that people tend to get less attractive as they get older. Lots of men , especially young men tend to think that the dating game is the same at 30 as it is at 40. Its really not. By the time you're 40, you probably would look much less attractive that when you were at 30. Everyone around you would be married or engaged or with kids. Most of the women willing to date you would be with kids or baggage.
Dating is super hard for nearly all guys. Super tough these days and it puts you under a lot of stress and you feel desperate. I never had a girlfriend despite trying for so long. I'm 30.
The older you get the harder it is to find a partner because most people have picked their mates. If you do find a mate at an older age they will probably have more baggage such as children, past bad relationship experiences etc. Also two peoples income is better than one when it comes to affording bills. It’s also good to have someone in your corner when life gets tough.
Dating is super hard for ugly guys these days. I never had a girlfriend and I'm 30. I decided to stop being desperate. I want a girlfriend but it is not easy for men these days, especially ugly men. I became happier when I stopped being desperate. I have tried for so long. It makes a lot of guys more miserable trying so hard with dating and getting no where. It could also be stressful. Women on the other hand of all look ranges have it easy with dating.
@Steven8000 a lot of people have limitations when it comes to dating being ugly is not the worst.. but some how some of those people still manage to find a partner. I’m sure being what you consider ugly isn’t the reason you haven’t found a women. Hang in there and love yourself more.
I second that @TwinkleLily5
First, all the good girls will be gone and you will be lift with the nuts or the mom with kids. Second, you are three years from getting married if you met her tonight most likely. Then a year or two to have the first child and a year or two to have a second. That means you will be paying for college into your late 50s. Wait longer and you are in the 60s and that would suck.
Just the facts, no hate. He is looking after you and giving life advice.
Many older people that haven't tried dating for many years or dating with a new person for many years don't know how hard dating is these days for men.
When it comes to dating I think women these days are too picky on looks, how much money the guy makes from his job, having too many options (even if the chick is average, below average, or fat). Of the minority of guys that do have fit easy with dating these days, nearly all the time it is the good looking guys. Good looking guys had it easier with dating in the past too but for average and ugly guys it wasn't like a needle in a haystack back then. Now dating for average and ugly guys is like a needle in a haystack with even women in their own league. Women that are average and ugly these days are too picky with dating too.
Lol not my mother, my mother doesn't want me to marry early, but I want to if I had the mindset or the perfect person to marry at 18 I would.
Alright but what do you think of older people that are pressuring young people or at least try to? There is an older woman that I know is in his 50s and won't shut up to me about this topic. He keeps saying I should hurry up and get married, etc. I never had a girlfriend and used to be desperate. A week ago I have decided to stop being desperate cause it does me no good.
What do you think? I am 30 by the way
I think older people do that out of kindess, but not harrass you. They are just wishing for to be with the right person, not waste time and dont let the one get away.
But all you have to say is that its easier said than done and that you're waiting on the right one. Rushing for a relationshipis not healthy and you want something that last espeacially in this modern time where things are taken for granted.
I accidentally said she and meant to say he actually. Many older people don't understand how hard dating is these days. This man is single and in his 50s and be hasn't tried in so many years. So he is clueless. A lot of people these days cheat, don't take things seriously, etc. I actually feel happier that I stopped being desperate about a week ago. I never had a girlfriend and I just turned 30 recently. Despite that being desperate was causing me too much stress and depression. I did tell this man how it is not easy, etc these days yet he keeps at it. Do you think it is good I have decided to stop thinking about getting a girlfriend so much? How do you think I am handling things now with my life?
Yeah I think its good that your focus isn't about getting a girlfriend. When you see or vibe with someone you like then try shooting your shot. Let it all be natural and not be rushed.
What do you think about all the other people here saying if I wait longer I will only get a girlfriend with kids or a woman with baggage, etc? It is like they don't get I have tried for so long and it is not easy. I am not a woman. Dating these days is hard for men.
I think it is a bit harder for men to dating (mainly when asking her tk be your girlfriend) after all women make the decision whether she accepts his request. The hard part for women is whether the mam wants to settle down and get married. There are so many childless women who want children in there 30's and 40's. As for baggage I don't know, maybe some women at that age have dated so many men that wronged them. But you get people with bagage at ANY age.
May I ask when you were persuing a girlfriend what were you doing? For imstance did you online date? Did you go speed dating? etc
I never had a girlfriend cause I'm ugly. So dating for ugly guys is harder than ugly women. Even women in my league, are picky as hell with looks when it comes with dating.
Ok but have you tried making an online dating profile?
I have tried online dating sites for so many years. It never worked.
Have no one reached out to you?
Hardly ever. When it rarely happens they eventually disappear after we talked for a couple of weeks or whatever
Thats odd is there a pattern of when they disappear?
No there isn't a pattern. Some is a couple of days later, months later, etc or they don't show up to the date, etc. Women get bored way too easily, play games too much, etc. By the way, I have tried so many things when it comes to dating. Women don't understand how hard guys have it. They think just because they have it easy that guys must have it easy too. Women have so many options when it comes to dating. If they say they don't, it is because they are way too picky or not trying. Men don't have to be picky and still struggle big time and they can still try hard and still have a hell of a time. More and more guys are giving up on dating or just deciding to give it a long break before trying again. More and more men are doing the same too when it comes to trying to get laid. Women are too picky or play too many games with that too. So many more men are deciding to just pay a woman for sex or just not bother with paying it for cause they feel pathetic if they so or some other reason. Surprisingly I have gotten laid for free one time in my life so far.
You know I'm right
No I dont agree, men are picky as well and play a lot of games especially when a woman wants to be married. Women have just as much of a hard time finding a suitable mate. Its all in what you accept and what you dont accept when choosing a life long partner. No one doesn't want just anyone, they want someone who is suitable to their lifestyle and taste.
For instance many women are into roles traditonals roles in a reltaionship many men these days aren't into that. Then there are many non traditional men, who are happy with non traditional roles in a relationship. Then are people (both genders) who like open relationships, non monogamous and can not commit. The issue is people in general.
I disagree. Dating is way easier for women. Listen if we disagree when it comes to that, it is no big deal. What do you think of me deciding about a week ago to stop thinking about dating?
I think you, if you think that decision was best for you, it fine.
Not something that I have ever seen much of. First off I think the word pressure is wrong as without some kind of leverage it would be hard to pressure anyone
It happens a lot. Older people telling younger people to hurry up and try to get married
Most mean well but as for me, I'm not going to pressure anyone younger into getting married. I've been there when I was younger. That's their business on what they want to do with their marital status and the sooner peeps accept that, the better.
And plus when you pressure people to hurry up you are telling them to get desperate. I am 30 and I never had a girlfriend. I decided a week ago to stop being desperate. I do want a girlfriend but being desperate, is just not good.
Absolutely. Desperation can lead to potential misery with someone you aren't happy with.
What do you think about all the people making it seem like I haven't tried for so long and saying that if I wait longer I would get a girlfriend with baggage or kids? I have tried for so dam long.
I just shrugged it off when I was being asked. Eventually, they'll leave you alone. Find yourself a girlfriend on your own terms. Don't feel pressured.
And what do you think about the people saying that you would get a girlfriend with baggage or with kids?
What's the point of them saying that? We've all got baggage and when I heard it, they never went that far. And to be frank - your personal affairs are none of their damn business ya know?
Who wants kids in 60's? I think if you want to marry , do it in 30's. Before SHTF and everything fails. Plus you will have less available women as you age. You will only have ho's and bitches , and ugly women by age 50 to marry.
You clearly have no clue how dating is so hard these days for men
I agree, young men need to push back and explain how "dating" and relationships have changed.
If someone says "you should get married" you can reply with "ok, but only if you will pay for the divorce".
Dating was easier back in the early 2000s and before that is what many older people tell me. Since social media came around, even average and below average looking women became delusional and believed the simps online that call then cute online and because of that they have these unrealistic expectations of what type of boyfriend they want. And that causes them to not be romantically interested in guys in their league that they know in person and online since they think they can get hot boyfriends. Before average and ugly men had it way easier with dating women in their league. Do you agree?
@Steven8000. I agree and marriage has become even more toxic as social media pushes absurd and unrealistic standards.
Totally man. It is all a mess now. What do you think about me decided to stop being so desperate with dating about a week ago? I am 30 and deciding to stop thinking so much about it. Don't you think that is the best thing? Less stress to be thinking about it too much, etc
@Steven8000. I totally agree with you. There should be no rush to commit suicide.
Commit suicide? You are not talking about it in a literal meaning I am guessing, and by suicide you mean drama, divorce, etc?
@Steven8000. The moment a man says "I do', his odds of suicide more than triple.
True. And I always hear men making jokes how marriage is sucks, etc but deep down I know they mean it. Why the hell are men telling other men to marry if they know marriage sucks for men? They want them to be miserable too? Lol
Probably so they will LIVE to see their grandchildren lol
Their is older people that even tell young people that are not relatives all the time to marry as soon as possible.
That's just how they were taught so they assume it's the proper way
Yeah I get it but they need to realize thing sweet different now. I am 30 and still not married. It doesn't matter. A lot of people are getting married at an older age. Like mid 30s or older. There is this one guy in his 50s that I know that keeps talking about how I should get married soon, etc. That time is running out, etc. I am not desperate anymore for a girlfriend. I used to be and it is not good. There is no hurry anyways. And he keeps comparing himself to me. Keeps saying how he used to be a drug addict and just wasted time in his life till it was too late and he never ended up getting married or having kids and went to jail, etc. That is dumb too because I am not a drug addict, I am not getting involved with crimes, etc. I am working a job that doesn't involve gang banging, etc. He is not a relative, friend, coworker, etc. He is someone I know in person that I barely know and barely talk to that I see two days a week.
People learn these morals from their family and every culture is different.
Nothing is wrong with me not rushing even though I'm 30? I just turned 30 on August 21. I never had a girlfriend and been desperate my whole life to get one. Last week I have decided to be like"fuck it," and stop thinking about it. I want to be thinking about other things. I have been feeling desperate for so long. It causes me stress. So I have decided I want to just give up for a long time. What do you think about that?
Because they are stuck in the past, humanity on earth has maybe 50 years left and a lot less if the present overpopulation continues
Maybe they just want them out of the house? No reason to get married, it’s not for everyone
Time flies faster than you think.
They have experience.
Many of them don't understand how dating is so hard these days for men.
I e never heard of such a thing
Are you in America?
Perhaps they want kids before it’s too late
Who gives a fuck why?
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