If you're in a relationship and a man doesn't know if it's valentines or women day. Is it okay if I'm sad about it?

[Catarine]

He wants a trad wafey and would like me to be a stay at home wife with kids but doesn't want to hold hand in public (it irritates him but excepts when I take his hand tho), never get me a medeocre rose that I wish to have on a day that every woman in a relationship gets. He only remembered valentines when other people told him so, forgot womens day (i however know what I will get him for martyrs day), on womens day he even told me that his game selection was more important than me (he didn't know its women day tho). Does me feeling sad about it is okay? I do feel hurt anyways but I would love to hear opinions on it

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes, it is absolutely fair for you to be sad about this. I think most any girl would be. At least valentines day and your birthday. Not-so-much the women's day (it's just not as big of a couple's holiday). But your feelings are quite reasonable.

Now, I'm trying to hold back really really hard from letting my true feelings about a guy who wants a trad-wife bleed-through in what I'm saying here. But I would like to point out... that as a guy looking for this type of relationship... he is EVEN MORE duty-bound to remember these sorts of things (for your sake) than your average boyfriend/husband. This should be an even bigger deal to him than it is to most guys. I've never even heard of a guy who was this bad at forgetting. I've got a friend who just broke up with a guy for forgetting her birthday (not that I'm saying that's a warranted consequence... but it's a big deal to women that their partner remember those important days.)

Your question makes me sad, because you don't even seem to realize that you've got an excellent reason to be upset about this. This is very normal, and very ok. Please give yourself "full permission" to be sad, angry, frustrated, all of that stuff. It's warranted.

And sometime when you AREN'T as upset about it. You should explain to him how he's making you feel by not remembering these special occasions. Explain that it would be a considerable addition to your overall happiness if he could be more thoughtful about remembering those special days. Explain what it means to you that he remembers.

[OlderAndWiser]

Who cares about how you feel if those feelings don't motivate you to do something about your situation? You are within someone who you think doesn't care much for you. Why?

[Catarine]

I guess you're right. I want to make it work between us but the lack of romance is making me dead inside. I should really talk about it, I wanted to say sth today but we didn't have a right time. Currently we are in different countrys and it wouldn't flow well with today's convos

[OlderAndWiser]

You feel unloved and unappreciated and your happy future will not happen wth this guy. Break up in a way that is honorable and that you will not later regret, but do break up and find someone who makes you feel good about yourself and your life.

[petitedollbabee]

It’s reasonable for you to feel sad. Have you communicated with him about this? How you would like for him to get your a rose or chocolate or something on Valentine’s Day and women’s day? My partner never got me things for Valentine’s Day because he didn’t think I wanted anything, so I sat him down and talked to him about how much I would appreciate it if he did something for me to show me that he loves me on that day. Since then, he gets me something or he plans something special for that day. Asking for the bare minimum is not unreasonable.

[Catarine]

Thank you for an answer. He doesn't have a need feel a need to know any special dates. I was really addament about valentines but I only got an emoji rose. I waited if he would know about womens day and he didn't. I think I'll probably talk about it tommorow but it feels kinda pointless. He knows I like flowers but to no avail

[Quackthulu2]

Then we might actually get along okay. Those are literally two days that matter to me even less than president’s day.

[Pyrofox]

He's a man... So why would "women's" day be even on his radar?

[Pyrofox]

I guess what I'm trying to get at is gone are the days that guys are dotting or helicoptering over women and thinking for a womans benefit. My suggestion and advice is don't get hung up over this stuff cause. A mans general goal is to get to a point of not having to worry about anything. So its a bit of a no brainer why he didn't remember valentines day or womens day. Is cause neither one relates to "zen" or inner peace. Most guys you will either pick up on soon. Or just learn is most men simply want peace and thats all. When it comes to being able to relax. Its not about special dates or days its about being able to live just comfortably. Not everyone has the luxury to be worried about each societal day.

[Catarine]

Maybe so. He is a trad man and feel like knowing about a womans day should be on his radar. Even a gay coworker knew. I just feel that very little romance is making me dead inside. I want it to work out between us but i feel that this will bring us no zen in the future. We will really need to talk about this tho

[Pyrofox]

A gay coworker knew cause they are probably to a degree the feminine. Hence why they are choosing to be gay. A lot of guys of late are turning gay cause not enough women are ironically feminine enough to fit the current dating drought. So emasculated men are filling in the gap.

But back to you're topic at hand yes its fair that you feel the way you do but you gotta realize the idea of having a romance like a 60's rom com drama is a dead societal dream. Its a delusional idea that is about as realistic as the sterotypical American dream of getting a house with a white picket fence.

If you're looking for the romance then make every day and every moment romantic. Seize the moment a situation is only as romantic as you and your partner make it.

Unless your romance/fetish is with a inanimate object your romance fantasy is never gonna happen unless both you and your boyfriend or to be husband are both romantic. Why? Cause whats the phrase "It takes two to tango." Well if you want the relationship to be more romantic then do it.

Romance and love only ends when one or both parties just give up. The fact we got old people dying now a days with 60 to 70 years of marriage is proof of this.

[Pyrofox]

Well there's also the other option if you're really this hopeless, and that's I guess to choose to just fade away.

[Catarine]

Yea you're right, romcoms are not reality but I feel like I don't ask for too much I should tell him that knowing this would make me happy and then see from there if we will celebrate of if I just need to forget my fairytale 😅

[SolitarySolace]

Shouldn’t you be sadder that no one celebrates men’s day? Everything just has to be about women, huh? This is why I would rather die alone. Women just have to make everything about them.

[Catarine]

Talking about trad relationships yes it' about women, but chivalry is dead even in trads. People do celebrate man's day, maybe less but it still important to celebrate for your loved one. I celebrate mans day, but i's sad if someone doesn't share the same values

[SolitarySolace]

Grow up then

[Catarine]

You sound like an incel. Getting in a relationship isn't easy, and continuing isn't easy either. And yes I'll talk about it tommorow because I am am a grown up

[driven159]

It is time to get out of the toxic relationship fast.

[007kingifrit]

valentines day yes. women's day doesn't exist

[Catarine]

It does tho, its 8th of march. As does exist a man's day known as martyr's day