What might be a reason for not being interested in dating?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Let’s say, you met someone nice and he’s been asking you out since your first meeting.

He looks good, seems to be smart and a nice person but I don’t know why, I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but for some reason I don’t feel that interested to go on a date, I wonder why, because there’s nothing I dislike about him.

But for some reason I still don’t feel motivated or interested or excited to go on a date with him.

What might be a reason for this? I think lots of girls would like to date him. Why don’t I? Might it be because I don’t feel any connection or emotional closeness to him?

Would you trust your instincts or would you give that person a chance to show himself?

[DaveJord]

Honestly... I have given this thought, on the guy's side. Where you meet this woman, and she is very nice and sweet to you... but you ask them out and nothing.

As a guy I just tell myself, that here is this awesome chick, and she is total signal... and there got to be a reason as to why that is. I have talked to my sister about this thing, and she was one of these types of women, before she eventually married an older man in her mid 30's.

Even the guy she eventually married; she said no to dating for 6 years before they started dating.

The theory, behind this behavior... we she had this idea in her head of the type of man she wanted. So, she kept trying to date those types of men... thinking this what she wanted. But then at some point got completely worn out and just assumed that she was going to be single forever. So, she got all tied into the single life and being single.

One day she made a list of 10 things of those things must have things she would want in a man. The other 5 were 5 bonus things she would like to have in a man. So eventually she looked at his older guy, and said he knocks off 4 of the must have things, and about 3 to 4 of the bonus things she would like to have. So, she started dating him, and soon figured out that this guy was a nine of out of those 10 things and only really issue was the age difference.

Single woman, like single guys I guess, get really into themselves... and their needs and wants... that they find it hard to make room for anyone else's needs and wants in their lives. And they tell themselves this okay and healthy and acceptable... which is all true. But why are you still out there meeting men and want to date men?

Moral of the story, is that no man will ever be your everything... but why do they have to be your everything in order for you to make space for them in your life, if that is what they are willing to do for you?

Chances are you not his everything either, but at least he is asking you out and willing to try.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thanks for such a nice insight.

I went on a date with him and I liked it much more than I expected.

[DaveJord]

Good I wish you the best, the process can be so discouraging. We all at times in our lives, just need time and shape to recharge and reenergize.

[mommymommymommy]

Because most people expect perfection, when, everyone knows, it doesn't exist. There's no such thing as perfection, as much as trump likes to claim he is

[DaveJord]

@mommymommymommy LOL... well singles, breaks into two camps... those that are honestly looking, emotionally available, and are ready to commit.

Then the other types, are those that have confidence themselves they are 100% happy being single, that they don't need anyone else in their lives, because they have dogs and cats instead... and that's good enough for them. These are the types that become totally self-absorb with themselves, they work out 7 days a week, have like 20 different hobbies, and what equates to emotional support animals... and they believe they are 100% happy, because their therapist (which they pay) tells them they are in a good place.

So honestly, I say that to say all this... singles, breaks into two camps... those that are honestly looking, emotionally available, and are ready to commit... and those that are NOT!

[mommymommymommy]

So qa, has to ask herself, which one is she

[_SillyShoes_]

Very smart. I will make note of this.

[OlderAndWiser]

Dating is the process of beginning to build an emotional connection. If you only date guys for whom you already feel that, then you will have very few dates.

Interest in dating can wax and wane. Perhaps you are simply going through a time when you need to focus on yourself without distractions.

Did your last relationship end badly?

Perhaps your instincts are telling you to stay away. E. g., maybe he seems "too good to be true" and your instincts suggests that he is a fake who is putting up a front.

Maybe he reminds you of someone from your past, someone for whom you have unpleasant feelings.

There is always the possibility that you have a physical problem which is impacting your libido. Do you still feel sexual arousal in appropriate circumstances?

There are really many possible reasons and these are just a few of the possibilities.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I do feel sexual arousal in appropriate and inappropriate circumstances as well. And when I had a relationship I had perfectly nice sexual life.

I do feel the need of having sex much more than I need love right now, but I can’t. I am a person of habits and it’s my habit to have sex with love or not have it at all, even if it’s hard for me. So, I control myself in that regard.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

But it’s not easy to control at all, takes me a huge willpower.

[OlderAndWiser]

I understand!

[kylee2437]

For me honestly I’ve always been a person that feels better about things when I’m doing them on my own and unless a guy is in the same direction as I am, I don’t want to accept less than the standard I hold myself to, so in other words men that have hard to deal with flaws such as financial stability, I feel like would hold me back in life because I am financially stable and can hold my own ground. In all my past relationships, i can definitely say that they held me back in life

[AviatorTom]

A person's gut is pretty intelligent. Follow it... you don't need a reason.

[Pinay_ako]

• Zero attraction
• Zero chemistry

[Avicenna]

Some people are avoidant because they can't deal with the idea of an eventual breakup

[zeitgeist057]

I say it's chemistry, and sometimes it's not there, even if the person "looks good on the books".

I had a situation where I had just broken up with my girlfriend, maybe a few weeks to a month before, and there was this girl who had broken up with her boyfriend maybe around the same time. Anyway, she approached me and said she had broken up with her boyfriend (they had been together as long as I knew them, probably 2-3 years, and I think they were HS sweethearts)) and that she had always found me attractive and wanted to know if I would like to date and get to know each other.

Now, this girl I knew her from college, classes, friends groups and she was in a local band, sort of their "front woman" so to speak. Gorgeous, smart, healthy, good attitude.

Actually, the girl above doesn't look like her, other than she had curly hair kind of like that. But anyway, she was just all around a "good catch" so to speak, my friends all thought it was great that we were dating but there just was something missing for me. I didn't feel a real spark with her. I thought I must be crazy because there was nothing wrong with her, but there was something off I felt about her energy. Like she was awkward or something, I just couldn't feel that she was totally relaxed or maybe that I wasn't? I don't really know, but for whatever reason it was, I gave her a chance for a couple weeks then we stopped seeing each other.

I don't know if this is anything, but I am still connected to her via social media and have seen her at a few friend gatherings. She's still beautiful, but she gave birth to a child with a genetic abnormality. The thought occurs to me that there might be something on a hormonal/pheromonal level that "pushed" me away from her. It's kind of odd to think, but it's a possibility something primal in me sensed that potential or whatever in her, that made me not want to be sexual with her? Something "off" that I couldn't quite identify using all the typical markers of success and attractiveness?

As for your situation, sometimes the chemistry just isn't there for whatever reason. It could be a smell or just not your "type". It happens.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I wonder, what type of genetic abnormality?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

And that’s pretty interesting!

[zeitgeist057]

I don't know the specifics but I do know her child has had a lot of difficulties with physical ailments and it's been scary for her keeping him alive and worrying he might die from complications related to defects, and also some mental impairments causing learning difficulties. Again, I don't know to what extent. But her life seems to be a significant amount of struggle, but then again this is also viewed through the lens of social media so distorted in that way.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Wow…

Your theory sounds really interesting, made me want to do more research on the psychology behind primal attraction.

[zeitgeist057]

thanks, I agree it's an interesting subject. There are a lot of factors: one is pupil dilation, which happens when we are attracted and also attracts others. Pheromones is another big one, and more obvious is symmetry and our attraction to signs of physical health (fitness).
I believe there is so much more, that we haven't studied or there are limited studies on, things we have difficulty measuring, subtle markers and cues, or even what we might call supernatural, magical, or cosmic aspects of connection. But our world has moved away from "magic" and towards technology, and have lost some ability to measure that which is not empirical.

[Peter_Penetrator]

For me it is coming out of a bad, 18 year, marriage.


I don’t go out looking for dates. But if I am out and about living life and routinely see the same people/person; I will converse with them. I treat ALL women the same. Even the ones I feel no connection with.


If she and I click, then I keep testing her attraction level towards me.


In the 2 1/2 years since my divorce; I have only shown interest in 3 women.


One turned out to have also been in a bad marriage and she is still very, very bitter. I backed off on her. I would have paid for the mistakes of her ex. Been there, done that, burned that t-shirt.


Then the most promising connection came through a woman’s job. She is going through a divorce, and stills sees her glass as half full. So I am taking it real slow with her.


The third woman may end up just being a hookup. Even though l am not the hookup kinda dude. But if she and l click, who knows.


To me the thought of just hitting the bars, and online dating, doesn’t appeal to me. Especially the dating apps.


If l was purposely looking for dates; l prefer face to face interactions.


Right now, at my age, a dating life is not a priority. If fate dictates who l am supposed to date; I will give that person a chance.

[hotwheelz78]

NO, IT'S NOT SIMPLY BECAUSE "YOU DON'T FEEL EMOTIONALLY CLOSE TO HIM... SEE, MEN THESE DAYS HAVE BEEN SO BEAT DOWN BY THE "WOMEN'S MOVEMENT" THAT WE MOST TIMES (ANYMORE) DON'T KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE, OR TREAT A WOMAN, IT EVEN JUST BE MEN... FOR THAT MATTER... WE AS MEN THESE DAYS ARE ALL TAUGHT TO BELIEVE THAT ANY AND ALL MASCULINITY IS "TOXIC". WE ARE LITERALLY PUNISHED FOR BEING"MEN".. WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO CURSE, OR FIGHT, OR BE CONFIDENT EVEN... SEE A HUGE PART OF THE PROBLEM IS THAT WE ARE GETTING TO A POINT IN SOCIETY WHERE WOMEN DON'T NEED MEN ANYMORE. WE USED TO DEPEND ON EACH OTHER FOR SURVIVAL. BUT NOW WITH SO MANY WOMEN MAKING THEIR OWN WAY (NOT THAT A WOMAN IN ANY WAY SUPPORTING HERSELF OR HAVING A CAREER IS A BAD THING AT ALL) THE WOMEN THESE DAYS CAN "DO IT ALL"... AND THEY DO. THE RATE OF DIVORCE IN THIS COUNTRY IS AN ALL-TIME HIGH. THERE'S MORE SINGLE MOTHERS THAN TWO PARENT HOMES. SO WHAT IT IS IS THAT YOU INSTINCTUALLY KNOW WHAT YOU WANT IN A MAN. I'M NOT TRYING TO SAY ALL WOMEN ARE THE SAME, (ARE ALL MEN FOR THAT MATTER) BUT I AM SAYING THAT THE VAST MAJORITY OF WOMEN, THE NUMBER ONE THING THEY WANT IS CONFIDENCE. A MAN WHO CAN GET THINGS DONE, MAN WHO'S CONFIDENT IN HIMSELF HIS ABILITIES AND SKILLS. (NOTICE I SAID CONFIDENT NOT COCKY). ALTHOUGH THAT'S a lot OF TIMES CONFUSED WITH CONFIDENCE.. THIS GUY IS PROBABLY MARRIAGE MATERIAL WHICH IS FINE BUT WOMEN WANT THE GUY THAT WILL HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH THEM BEHIND THEIR HUSBANDS BACK...(AGAIN, MY CHOICE OF WORDING CAN BE SUSPECT) LOL. BUT NO WOMEN WANT THAT GUY WHO CAN GET THINGS DONE. THAT GUY WHO'S LOYAL, AND FAITHFUL, BUT DOESN'T BOW DOWN TO ANYONE, WOMEN WANT A MAN WHO KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS AND ISN'T AFRAID TO GO AFTER IT... AND I'M NOT SAYING ALL WOMEN ARE CHEATERS BY THE WAY EITHER, I'M SAYING THAT WOMEN WANT THE GUY WHO WILL SHOW THEM THE PASSION, AND THE THRILL. AND I'M GUESSING THIS GUY JUST DOESN'T HAVE THOSE QUALITIES?

[mommymommymommy]

The girl I like, who likes me back, is also having a hard time wanting to date me, because, she's having a hard time trusting men again. Her last relationship didn't wind up well so, she's likely just trying to get over it, while I "wait".

The other reason she gave, which isn't as "feasible", is, she claims she's too "busy" to date. Which while it might be true as she does do a lot, she's finding time to go to concerts with her friends.

I think overall, it's just, she's too scared to be hurt again

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That sounds logical

[mommymommymommy]

She wants to have sex though

[mommymommymommy]

With me

[mommymommymommy]

I'm a vigin

[mommymommymommy]

Virgin*

[glennos89]

I didn't feel any attraction or connection with my first ex with who I have been together with in a relationship the longest time. It definitely wasn't love at first sight for me but still it developed overtime so strongly that I really felt attracted to her visually and personality wise. I truly started loving her with all my heart at some point in time during the relationship

So I advise you to give it a try anyways. Better try it and know for sure he isn't the one you are looking for, then not giving him a try which will result in you losing out on a person you actually are looking for uncontiously

You can't call a teamplayer a loser when
is playing the match trying to win it💪

You can only call him a loser when he actually finished and lost the game or when he didn't even try to win this game🤷‍♂️

[D_Bone_Steak]

I had a chick berate me last night on showing no interest. I told her I play video games and get drunk. For some reason she's just like, "Well I'm going to do crypto and make money" and I'm just like "Fine bitch, you do you." I just don't care and for some reason, this random woman wants to climb up on the table and shit in my food. Dropping a hot steamer right in my honey-nut Cheerios.

I got my video games and beer... it is her that needs to get a life and fuck off, not me. A 36-year-old vagina isn't something I want to add to my "brag about it" list anyways.

Bitch better recognize.

[Bklynbadboy12]

That's because it's not him it's you. You just don't feel like dating anyone right now and there's nothing wrong with that especially since not to long ago you just came out of a relationship not to long ago. It takes time to heal and now you're healing?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That might be it. But it’s been 10 months since break up already.

[Bklynbadboy12]

@LaFemmeFatale I get it but you'll be ready when you ready some take longer to heal and there is nothing wrong with that. I'm just so proud of you

[KBird]

there's no harm in a date and to getting to know him, but I would be careful not to lead him on.

Honestly, I've learned through dating that although the 'excitement' that I used to get was a great thrill, Id only get that generally for people who were emotionally unavailable or were/are jerks. Im not saying thats the case here, but that thrill isn't always a necessity or an indicator of a great relationship (if thats what you're wanting).

Give it a chance, and if there is still no attraction after the first date, or the thought of kissing him is a turn off, then I would move on.

[provokeesmokee]

You just don't click with everyone.

There's research being done on "clicking" with another, but it's very early doors and weird because humans have a lot of behaviours that don't always seem logical.

You don't like everyone you meet. Some you like more.

It just is what it is.

That's why saying "no" is a complete sentence. But if a guy can't accept that, evicerate him with the simple knowledge that he's fine the way he is but he just isn't appealing to you. He might be your "type", but HE isn't the kind of person you'd date. Keep going until he realizes "no" was better or he runs away crying.

[Walt832]

Give time. Remember the old saying "don't judge the book cover without knowing the contents".

Just because the person isn't attractive but at least 😆 well dressed and pampers him or herself. Has a career or being successful as some now days are self employed "🙌". Well, walla gives you heads up what to expect from them. Give them an opportunity you may be surprised.

Remember, the most sexiest, adorable and lovable person can be is their personality that will stay long as* time. Physical is not always permanent.

[Dysney1023]

You don’t need to put a label on what you’re feeling unless you feel called to. Tbh some men don’t inspire romantic feelings. Same with some women. Typically this is not a good sign. But you could give it a try. Last time I gave a relationship like this a try he crushed my heart. But there is nothing to say this guy would. You have to decide who is worth you possibly getting hurt for.

[magiusX26]

for me,

the way humanity is now

the way society is

been used and "abused" way too much in the past (too broken) which has lwad me to no longer even be able to feel love (romantic) for anyone ever again, inable to trust (fully) anyone. hell you can trust members if the spy community more than people for dating anymore because you worry less about what they are telling you lies about and they use more factual information (yes i mean the deeeeeeeep cover, getting government secrets and assassinations level of spies) .

[Anonymous]

It's because he's available. If he was more of a mystery and a challenge, you'd want to get him to date you. He's probably one of those nice guys and you find him boring. But what you describe can also come... when a woman has had many relationships / partners and has lost the drive or interest to bond because there is no longer any novelty at all. She's tired, exhausted and uninterested because it only amounts to going through the motions. But on the other hand, if you met a man that was really good at building attraction and he got you hooked, you'd probably be excited about dating him...

I do not date and sometimes women have seen this as a challenge when I mention it when I was just being honest..

[Sparkie460]

It's your gut telling you not to date him. He might be too perfect that something is off. You can either listen to your gut feeling or go with what your heart is saying.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I guess it might be a gut feeling and my heart is not interested either… I don’t see anyone out of these men I have met here, getting closer to my heart.

I enjoy the occasional flirting but my heart is perfectly happy sitting at home and watching movies rather than going on dates with people I don’t find that interesting.

[Sparkie460]

If that's what you like to do then do you. Nobody says you have to go dating. There's nothing wrong with being by yourself. Some people want to get married, others don't.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I mean, I do want to have a relationship someday but I can’t picture it with that guy.

[Sparkie460]

Then your gut is telling you that he is not right for you

[Alex8736]

Every person and situation is different. If I don't feel a connection I'll remain friends with them but if they try hinting at a date I'll be upfront and tell them "I'll ll go out but as friends " and have one of my other friends whether it be male or female come along so I won't be caught in any awkward situations

[catiecatie]

I wouldn’t say I’m not interested in dating. The guy I like, who I also think likes me, are both really shy and terrible texters. I hope it works out as that would be amazing! Shit we could do so many fun things together! So I’m hopeful for that. Fingers crossed!