What might be a reason for not being interested in dating?

Question

Let’s say, you met someone nice and he’s been asking you out since your first meeting.

He looks good, seems to be smart and a nice person but I don’t know why, I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but for some reason I don’t feel that interested to go on a date, I wonder why, because there’s nothing I dislike about him.

But for some reason I still don’t feel motivated or interested or excited to go on a date with him.

What might be a reason for this? I think lots of girls would like to date him. Why don’t I? Might it be because I don’t feel any connection or emotional closeness to him?

Would you trust your instincts or would you give that person a chance to show himself?

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Honestly... I have given this thought, on the guy's side. Where you meet this woman, and she is very nice and sweet to you... but you ask them out and nothing.

As a guy I just tell myself, that here is this awesome chick, and she is total signal... and there got to be a reason as to why that is. I have talked to my sister about this thing, and she was one of these types of women, before she eventually married an older man in her mid 30's.

Even the guy she eventually married; she said no to dating for 6 years before they started dating.

The theory, behind this behavior... we she had this idea in her head of the type of man she wanted. So, she kept trying to date those types of men... thinking this what she wanted. But then at some point got completely worn out and just assumed that she was going to be single forever. So, she got all tied into the single life and being single.

One day she made a list of 10 things of those things must have things she would want in a man. The other 5 were 5 bonus things she would like to have in a man. So eventually she looked at his older guy, and said he knocks off 4 of the must have things, and about 3 to 4 of the bonus things she would like to have. So, she started dating him, and soon figured out that this guy was a nine of out of those 10 things and only really issue was the age difference.

Single woman, like single guys I guess, get really into themselves... and their needs and wants... that they find it hard to make room for anyone else's needs and wants in their lives. And they tell themselves this okay and healthy and acceptable... which is all true. But why are you still out there meeting men and want to date men?

Moral of the story, is that no man will ever be your everything... but why do they have to be your everything in order for you to make space for them in your life, if that is what they are willing to do for you?

Chances are you not his everything either, but at least he is asking you out and willing to try.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

Dating is the process of beginning to build an emotional connection. If you only date guys for whom you already feel that, then you will have very few dates.

Interest in dating can wax and wane. Perhaps you are simply going through a time when you need to focus on yourself without distractions.

Did your last relationship end badly?

Perhaps your instincts are telling you to stay away. E. g., maybe he seems "too good to be true" and your instincts suggests that he is a fake who is putting up a front.

Maybe he reminds you of someone from your past, someone for whom you have unpleasant feelings.

There is always the possibility that you have a physical problem which is impacting your libido. Do you still feel sexual arousal in appropriate circumstances?

There are really many possible reasons and these are just a few of the possibilities.

kylee2437 · Answer

For me honestly I’ve always been a person that feels better about things when I’m doing them on my own and unless a guy is in the same direction as I am, I don’t want to accept less than the standard I hold myself to, so in other words men that have hard to deal with flaws such as financial stability, I feel like would hold me back in life because I am financially stable and can hold my own ground. In all my past relationships, i can definitely say that they held me back in life

AviatorTom · Answer

A person's gut is pretty intelligent. Follow it... you don't need a reason.

Pinay_ako · Answer

Zero attraction  Zero chemistry

Avicenna · Answer

Some people are avoidant because they can't deal with the idea of an eventual breakup

zeitgeist057 · Answer

I say it's chemistry, and sometimes it's not there, even if the person "looks good on the books".

I had a situation where I had just broken up with my girlfriend, maybe a few weeks to a month before, and there was this girl who had broken up with her boyfriend maybe around the same time. Anyway, she approached me and said she had broken up with her boyfriend (they had been together as long as I knew them, probably 2-3 years, and I think they were HS sweethearts)) and that she had always found me attractive and wanted to know if I would like to date and get to know each other.

Now, this girl I knew her from college, classes, friends groups and she was in a local band, sort of their "front woman" so to speak. Gorgeous, smart, healthy, good attitude.

What might be a reason for not being interested in dating?

Actually, the girl above doesn't look like her, other than she had curly hair kind of like that. But anyway, she was just all around a "good catch" so to speak, my friends all thought it was great that we were dating but there just was something missing for me. I didn't feel a real spark with her. I thought I must be crazy because there was nothing wrong with her, but there was something off I felt about her energy. Like she was awkward or something, I just couldn't feel that she was totally relaxed or maybe that I wasn't? I don't really know, but for whatever reason it was, I gave her a chance for a couple weeks then we stopped seeing each other.

I don't know if this is anything, but I am still connected to her via social media and have seen her at a few friend gatherings. She's still beautiful, but she gave birth to a child with a genetic abnormality. The thought occurs to me that there might be something on a hormonal/pheromonal level that "pushed" me away from her. It's kind of odd to think, but it's a possibility something primal in me sensed that potential or whatever in her, that made me not want to be sexual with her? Something "off" that I couldn't quite identify using all the typical markers of success and attractiveness?

As for your situation, sometimes the chemistry just isn't there for whatever reason. It could be a smell or just not your "type". It happens.

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

For me it is coming out of a bad, 18 year, marriage.

I don’t go out looking for dates. But if I am out and about living life and routinely see the same people/person; I will converse with them. I treat ALL women the same. Even the ones I feel no connection with.

If she and I click, then I keep testing her attraction level towards me.

In the 2 1/2 years since my divorce; I have only shown interest in 3 women.

One turned out to have also been in a bad marriage and she is still very, very bitter. I backed off on her. I would have paid for the mistakes of her ex. Been there, done that, burned that t-shirt.

Then the most promising connection came through a woman’s job. She is going through a divorce, and stills sees her glass as half full. So I am taking it real slow with her.

The third woman may end up just being a hookup. Even though l am not the hookup kinda dude. But if she and l click, who knows.

To me the thought of just hitting the bars, and online dating, doesn’t appeal to me. Especially the dating apps.

If l was purposely looking for dates; l prefer face to face interactions.

Right now, at my age, a dating life is not a priority. If fate dictates who l am supposed to date; I will give that person a chance.

hotwheelz78 · Answer

NO, IT'S NOT SIMPLY BECAUSE "YOU DON'T FEEL EMOTIONALLY CLOSE TO HIM... SEE, MEN THESE DAYS HAVE BEEN SO BEAT DOWN BY THE "WOMEN'S MOVEMENT" THAT WE MOST TIMES (ANYMORE) DON'T KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE, OR TREAT A WOMAN, IT EVEN JUST BE MEN... FOR THAT MATTER... WE AS MEN THESE DAYS ARE ALL TAUGHT TO BELIEVE THAT ANY AND ALL MASCULINITY IS "TOXIC". WE ARE LITERALLY PUNISHED FOR BEING"MEN".. WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO CURSE, OR FIGHT, OR BE CONFIDENT EVEN... SEE A HUGE PART OF THE PROBLEM IS THAT WE ARE GETTING TO A POINT IN SOCIETY WHERE WOMEN DON'T NEED MEN ANYMORE. WE USED TO DEPEND ON EACH OTHER FOR SURVIVAL. BUT NOW WITH SO MANY WOMEN MAKING THEIR OWN WAY (NOT THAT A WOMAN IN ANY WAY SUPPORTING HERSELF OR HAVING A CAREER IS A BAD THING AT ALL) THE WOMEN THESE DAYS CAN "DO IT ALL"... AND THEY DO. THE RATE OF DIVORCE IN THIS COUNTRY IS AN ALL-TIME HIGH. THERE'S MORE SINGLE MOTHERS THAN TWO PARENT HOMES. SO WHAT IT IS IS THAT YOU INSTINCTUALLY KNOW WHAT YOU WANT IN A MAN. I'M NOT TRYING TO SAY ALL WOMEN ARE THE SAME, (ARE ALL MEN FOR THAT MATTER) BUT I AM SAYING THAT THE VAST MAJORITY OF WOMEN, THE NUMBER ONE THING THEY WANT IS CONFIDENCE. A MAN WHO CAN GET THINGS DONE, MAN WHO'S CONFIDENT IN HIMSELF HIS ABILITIES AND SKILLS. (NOTICE I SAID CONFIDENT NOT COCKY). ALTHOUGH THAT'S a lot OF TIMES CONFUSED WITH CONFIDENCE.. THIS GUY IS PROBABLY MARRIAGE MATERIAL WHICH IS FINE BUT WOMEN WANT THE GUY THAT WILL HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH THEM BEHIND THEIR HUSBANDS BACK...(AGAIN, MY CHOICE OF WORDING CAN BE SUSPECT) LOL. BUT NO WOMEN WANT THAT GUY WHO CAN GET THINGS DONE. THAT GUY WHO'S LOYAL, AND FAITHFUL, BUT DOESN'T BOW DOWN TO ANYONE, WOMEN WANT A MAN WHO KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS AND ISN'T AFRAID TO GO AFTER IT... AND I'M NOT SAYING ALL WOMEN ARE CHEATERS BY THE WAY EITHER, I'M SAYING THAT WOMEN WANT THE GUY WHO WILL SHOW THEM THE PASSION, AND THE THRILL. AND I'M GUESSING THIS GUY JUST DOESN'T HAVE THOSE QUALITIES?

mommymommymommy · Answer

The girl I like, who likes me back, is also having a hard time wanting to date me, because, she's having a hard time trusting men again. Her last relationship didn't wind up well so, she's likely just trying to get over it, while I "wait".

The other reason she gave, which isn't as "feasible", is, she claims she's too "busy" to date. Which while it might be true as she does do a lot, she's finding time to go to concerts with her friends.

I think overall, it's just, she's too scared to be hurt again

glennos89 · Answer

I didn't feel any attraction or connection with my first ex with who I have been together with in a relationship the longest time. It definitely wasn't love at first sight for me but still it developed overtime so strongly that I really felt attracted to her visually and personality wise. I truly started loving her with all my heart at some point in time during the relationship

So I advise you to give it a try anyways. Better try it and know for sure he isn't the one you are looking for, then not giving him a try which will result in you losing out on a person you actually are looking for uncontiously

You can't call a teamplayer a loser when
is playing the match trying to win it💪

You can only call him a loser when he actually finished and lost the game or when he didn't even try to win this game🤷‍♂️

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I had a chick berate me last night on showing no interest. I told her I play video games and get drunk. For some reason she's just like, "Well I'm going to do crypto and make money" and I'm just like "Fine bitch, you do you." I just don't care and for some reason, this random woman wants to climb up on the table and shit in my food. Dropping a hot steamer right in my honey-nut Cheerios.

I got my video games and beer... it is her that needs to get a life and fuck off, not me. A 36-year-old vagina isn't something I want to add to my "brag about it" list anyways.

Bitch better recognize.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

That's because it's not him it's you. You just don't feel like dating anyone right now and there's nothing wrong with that especially since not to long ago you just came out of a relationship not to long ago. It takes time to heal and now you're healing?

KBird · Answer

there's no harm in a date and to getting to know him, but I would be careful not to lead him on.

Honestly, I've learned through dating that although the 'excitement' that I used to get was a great thrill, Id only get that generally for people who were emotionally unavailable or were/are jerks. Im not saying thats the case here, but that thrill isn't always a necessity or an indicator of a great relationship (if thats what you're wanting).

Give it a chance, and if there is still no attraction after the first date, or the thought of kissing him is a turn off, then I would move on.

provokeesmokee · Answer

You just don't click with everyone.

There's research being done on "clicking" with another, but it's very early doors and weird because humans have a lot of behaviours that don't always seem logical.

You don't like everyone you meet. Some you like more.

It just is what it is.

That's why saying "no" is a complete sentence. But if a guy can't accept that, evicerate him with the simple knowledge that he's fine the way he is but he just isn't appealing to you. He might be your "type", but HE isn't the kind of person you'd date. Keep going until he realizes "no" was better or he runs away crying.

Walt832 · Answer

Give time. Remember the old saying "don't judge the book cover without knowing the contents".

Just because the person isn't attractive but at least 😆 well dressed and pampers him or herself. Has a career or being successful as some now days are self employed "🙌". Well, walla gives you heads up what to expect from them. Give them an opportunity you may be surprised.

Remember, the most sexiest, adorable and lovable person can be is their personality that will stay long as* time. Physical is not always permanent.

Dysney1023 · Answer

You don’t need to put a label on what you’re feeling unless you feel called to. Tbh some men don’t inspire romantic feelings. Same with some women. Typically this is not a good sign. But you could give it a try. Last time I gave a relationship like this a try he crushed my heart. But there is nothing to say this guy would. You have to decide who is worth you possibly getting hurt for.

magiusX26 · Answer

for me,

the way humanity is now

the way society is

been used and "abused" way too much in the past (too broken) which has lwad me to no longer even be able to feel love (romantic) for anyone ever again, inable to trust (fully) anyone. hell you can trust members if the spy community more than people for dating anymore because you worry less about what they are telling you lies about and they use more factual information (yes i mean the deeeeeeeep cover, getting government secrets and assassinations level of spies) .

Anonymous · Answer

It's because he's available. If he was more of a mystery and a challenge, you'd want to get him to date you. He's probably one of those nice guys and you find him boring. But what you describe can also come... when a woman has had many relationships / partners and has lost the drive or interest to bond because there is no longer any novelty at all. She's tired, exhausted and uninterested because it only amounts to going through the motions. But on the other hand, if you met a man that was really good at building attraction and he got you hooked, you'd probably be excited about dating him...

I do not date and sometimes women have seen this as a challenge when I mention it when I was just being honest..

Sparkie460 · Answer

It's your gut telling you not to date him. He might be too perfect that something is off. You can either listen to your gut feeling or go with what your heart is saying.

Alex8736 · Answer

Every person and situation is different. If I don't feel a connection I'll remain friends with them but if they try hinting at a date I'll be upfront and tell them "I'll ll go out but as friends " and have one of my other friends whether it be male or female come along so I won't be caught in any awkward situations

catiecatie · Answer

I wouldn’t say I’m not interested in dating. The guy I like, who I also think likes me, are both really shy and terrible texters. I hope it works out as that would be amazing! Shit we could do so many fun things together! So I’m hopeful for that. Fingers crossed!

mirimis · Answer

Hey! I can really understand what you mean, it's been happening to me for a very long time and I've given myself some explanation.
Has this happened to you with him or with other guys as well? Maybe you're not attracted to him in the right way, and he doesn't need to be "perfect for you" for that. It's something that happens for no apparent reason.
At best you may not need a person NOW, and it's not wrong, maybe you already feel happy with your life and that's okay. A relationship must be a "plus", not a "minus".
At worst, sis, someone let you down so much that now you can't trust people. You feel blocked and can't open up to others, even if you want to.
If so I'm sorry and I feel you, I wish you well and that you can find the right person <3

Sainukon · Answer

Some people just aren't interested in dating. It's not something we as humans have to do. It's a subjective choice in life. If you like spending time with someone as a friend you should never feel obligated to be more than that.

Or you might just not be interested in this guy and some day you could find someone who you actually like.

Feelings can also change with time. But it's best to live in the moment and not force anything.

luvstoned4him · Answer

That's literally happened to me in the past and it turned out it was my body trying to warn me to stay away because that guy turned out to be covert narcissist. I became a friend and let's just say, I've seen enough. Do not ignore red flags or that "weird" feeling you may get in the pit of your stomach

ArrowheadSW · Answer

It can be puzzling. Reminds me of way back when I used the dating apps. You'd meet someone where everything matched. Similar line of work, some hobbies and sports, same age range, living in the same part of town. And then you never hear from them. LOL...

California_Poppy · Answer

There is definitely a lack of physical attraction or emotional connection.
Trust your instinct. Do not waste your time dating this guy. You can trick yourself into going through the motions with him, and let him spend time trying to win you over, but that feeling (or lack thereof) will not go away.
And honestly it's not fair to him either.

Vikkrram · Answer

Look if i am not interested in a person beleive me i won't even look at them don't ever give a vibe that i like them.

At first it would seem haarsh but at the end of the day i won't be giving any false hope to them. I am scared of getting cursed and i won't play wid anyone heart.

CaptainOverthink · Answer

I would say it depends on your situation.
If you have no trouble getting others or if you are fine with the types of guy you usually date then just go with gut.

If however you want to see a change in any of the previous mentioned areas then you should give a chance to see if the feeling will arise.
Sadly, some men aren't confident in the beginning but are later. It might put some off that would be interested if they where more assertive.

8UniquelyBoring8 · Answer

based on the scenario you provided, it seems like you may not be feeling a connection or chemistry with this person. It's important to trust your instincts and feelings when it comes to dating. If you don't feel excited or motivated to go on a date with someone, it may not be worth pursuing. However, if you feel unsure, it may be worth giving the person a chance to show themselves. Ultimately, the decision is up to you and what you feel comfortable with.

richardcory · Answer

There are lots of things about compatibility that can't be rationalized. I think its normal - there are women I find attractive (not just physically) for no good reason, and women who just don't seem appealing even though they should.

Don't try to rationalize it - do what makes you happy, not what you think should make you happy

Anonymous · Answer

The environment of a date is extremely boring and exhausting for me. Folks like to label me for this that I’m asexual or antisocial, but they’re just people that label everything 😂
Aside from those folks, a date is very draining. Dressing up and going somewhere formal with other strangers doing the same thing and using my fake voice to converse with the waitress is just over all not a good time.
Put me in a plaid sweater with rubber boots on the beach and having a fire cookin hot dogs is far more natural and entertaining.
If you’re not into dating this guy then move along and mind yourself and keep doing the you journey 🙏😃

Kabluie · Answer

You can be very busy with life that you don't feel emotionally available to date. Whether it's hobbies, events, or what not. But the big one if you decide not to pursue, the interest just isn't over the edge.

Yannishka · Answer

I have the same struggle and my conclusion is as follows:

You met someone. You don't know who he is, you just met him, you have not established a strong connection with him yet so there is no motivation to go towards a relationship, because you don't know who he is yet, what his actual value is as a partner.

If I like someone I don't drop subtle hints. They'll KNOW. But because I have no real connection with them, I don't do anything flirty.

slatyb · Answer

You don't need a reason. If you aren't attracted, then you just aren't. And you don't need to give him a reason. Just say "Sorry, I don't think it would work" or something equally vague.

Is there someone you could talk to about this? I think that if you really get into it you'll figure out what is that is putting you off.

FatherJack · Answer

Binned my ex wife back in 2015 , became , by my own decision a single dad , I have zero interest in " dating " , introverted , not a fan of people , zero BS tolerance... and thankfully , my Male Curse has grreatly faded from what is was when I was younger. Far prefer my own company & the company of my kitties /ferrets. My daughter still lives with me , I fortunately have a great relationship with her.

BobLouis · Answer

Just don't care. A lot of women are shallow. Yes I know not all of them are and men can be too. But I just don't want to take a risk, get emotionally invested just for her to play games or be disingenuous with me. I'd rather her just say she doesn't like me to my face.

Sanser · Answer

I really think u should give it a chance, sometimes the connection is build up with some time, try it and if after some time u keep feeling this way u tell him the truth and thats all. If u only go for people with who u have that conection it will be really hard to find a good partner.

Andres77 · Answer

One reason might be that you have an agenda and you know where you want your life to go and you’re not going to risk it on a shallow relationship, found through typical dating.

msc545 · Answer

Being simly sick and tired of women and their games and stupid requirements will do it.

Gent207-2 · Answer

Your gut instinct and the fact he hasn't taken the hint and just be content to be friends

AaronKrieger · Answer

Sure, sometimes we get a gut feeling that a relationship won't work out long-term or we're just not feeling it due to where we are in life. It's normal even if the person is ideal for you on paper, but those situations are always annoying

Dede162000 · Answer

I’m not interested in dating well if my boyfriend rn and I break up is bc I’ve lost faith in this generation. Girls don’t like to stay loyal and men don’t like to stay loyal so I’d rather just be myself instead of being dragged through the dirt again

Chthou95 · Answer

You have too many options or men giving you everything you want. You're repulsed by it to an extent and want someone to challenge you. The guy has to challenge you and not give you everything you want. Relationships/ dating work a lot better when the women likes the man more than he likes her

Anonymous · Answer

Because sometimes you meet a woman and you like her and you don't want to complicate or f*** up the relationship by dating her. It would be nice to say that nothing changes when you start dating a woman. But the REALITY is EVERYTHING changes. She judges you by a completely different standard and has a completely different level of expectations. Dating complicates things.

LostandFound__x · Answer

Your instincts. Attraction goes so much more beyond the shallow stuff. I'd still give him a change though and go on that date. I'd make up my mind after that.

Meropatrick · Answer

Maybe you dont feel like dating or being in a relationship right now. Dating isn't a must for everyone. Humans are really good at seeking and going after what they want. And if you dont feel that urge then you dont want to date

andreasderjuengere · Answer

''Dating'' as a contemporary term and procedure is not much more than a mating ritual, paired with consumerism habits. Instead, I just meet girls I like :)

Anonymous · Answer

I would trust my instincts. Keep him as a friend and see if any feelings develop. But TRUST ME do NOT go into a relationship with someone you don’t have real feelings for. I’ve done that and it is horrible.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Shyness, social awkwardness, nothing to offer another emotionally. The list is endless.

DiegoO · Answer

From a female perspective, I don't know. Been a guy, I can only say I rather assure my financial future than be dating. It may sound cold, but dating is not gonna assure me many things money can buy and assure, for years.

Bricealan · Answer

Dating always becomes complex, when you decide you really like someone, and then deciding where, when to go from that point.

Lis-the-librarian · Answer

Cause you have this false sense of unlimited supply of men to choose from.  Good men and women don't stay single for long. Wake up, or be forced to pick one from the recycle bin.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Sure. That’s happened to me. I trusted my instincts and said no when he asked me out.

Anonymous · Answer

it's not him, it's just you. you probably just need to be single for a bit longer. or find someone else you actually really really like (which can be challenging)

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Trust your instincts. You're not ready, your body and your mind is telling you you're not ready.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

It sounds like there’s just nothing about him that attracts you, not any fault of his or yours.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

You are asking US why YOU don't want to date a guy?

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Yes, I do at times like to give up on dating.

J2ohhhhh · Answer

I don't know why your posts are so trollable, but I ain't go out with no he or they

Iron_Man · Answer

Maybe you’re not in the mood at this time for dating, maybe you’re nervous about him, dig down deep inside and figure it out

Raaj4you · Answer

May be you are still living in the past. Your last relationship wasn't good so you are scared that you might get hurt again.

What might be a reason for not being interested in dating?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

What might be a reason for not being interested in dating?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.