Let us dig a bit deeper: who's to blame for the cheater cheating? Is the other man or woman at fault for inciting them? Or is it the cheater's fault no matter what?
If you've been cheated on, the cheater, or even the "other person," I'm curious to hear your input!
The cheater
The other woman/man
Both of them are equally at fault
Other (explain)
I do not know, see results
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Please select your age
Who is more to blame: the cheater or the person they had an affair with?
1. Every person in a committed relationship will face temptation during the relationship. The promise of fidelity is not "I will never cheat on you unless a really, really hot girl comes along and pulls down her panties."
2. One problem that many people have with questions involving blame or responsibility is that some people think of responsibility as something that must be assigned to only one person. But blame is not indivisible.
Suppose I loan my car to a friend and they drive downtown to a seedy area, park, leave the keys in the ignition, leave the door unlocked, and walk away for several hours. Have they done anything wrong? You bet they have!
Now, suppose the car is stolen. Has the thief done anything wrong? Of course? But am I going to excuse my friend for creating the circumstances in which this happened? No way! The responsibility for this happening can be divided between the two of them.
So. . . back to your question. I was married and my wife cheated with another woman. The other woman had met me and knew that we were married. That wife is now my ex, obviously, because I hold her responsible for violating her vows to me. However, the fact that she said to the other girl "Hey, let's get in bed and fuck each other silly" doesn't excuse the other girl for helping someone to commit adultery.
It is simply not okay to have sex with married people as long as they are willing to have sex voluntarily. If you are really a friend, you should encourage that person to go work on things with their spouse. What I am saying is not some naive, idealistic suggestion. In 1981, I was solicited by a married woman for a sexual romp, I knew her husband, and I turned her down with the advice that she work on her marriage. I know, through indirect sources, that they are still married today.
I agree with you to some extent. However, if the other person is aactively looking to cheat, they're gonna bang someone so might as well be you perhaps. Also if I had a hot married female friend and she was having trouble in her relationship, I would encourage her to work things out with her husband but if she showed up at my front door in a long coat and nothing underneath... well, self control has its limits.
Had girlfriends cheat on me with guys who I thought were my friends. The fact is if someone is trying to cheat then they're gonna cheat whether it's with you or someone else.
@Silver158 And if someone else is going to steal from me, you might as well help them, 'cause it's going to happen, anyway. This sounds like moral bankruptcy.
wouldn't go that far. At the end of the day you've already lost the person anyway. And to be fair if they're that kind of person do you really want them?
@Silver158 I don't expect loyalty or respect from strangers. What I expect is moral behavior.
If you want to give a free pass to single people to have affairs with married people, that is your prerogative, but I do think that most others would disagree with you.
@Silver158 I mentioned your mother; I did not insult her. And you do not understand the meaning of "goodbye." Can you unravel that mystery on your own?
In all honesty.. I don't think I would blame the "participant." Obviously if they know it's an affair then that is on them to take the elevator to hell but it's possible they were lied too.. so why bother with any energy on them!
Both parties are at fault, though it can be a continuum.
The "other party" may not know the cheater is in a relationship. They may be a victim in that regard, and the fault lies squarely with the cheater.
However if the "other party" knows, then they share accountability.
I'm friends with many men who are happily married. If I sense I'm establishing a deep friendship with these folks, I'll often ask if their wives mind that I spend so much time with them. And I seek out a friendship with the wife as well, to reassure her I'm no threat.
This is mostly due to how I was raised and my own experience having been cheated on and having other men admit to me their love while I was already committed.
Obviously I don't assume everyone I talk to is trying to cheat on their (possibly fictional) partner, but in the first stages of friendship I like to draw lines in the sand on what's what. I also like to listen actively to see if perhaps there's indication of... Interest that should be nipped in the bud.
In my experience, it's sometimes not up to me whether someone catches feelings or not. But if I draw a line, it puts to rest the idea of possibility. And possibility can be dangerous.
The Cheater is the one who cheated. The person they cheated with, was just having a relationship. I don't know how there is any comparison.
A cheater cheats.. Who they cheat with isn’t what makes them a cheater.
A flautist plays.. They may have preference , but any flute will do. It is not the flute that makes them play. They seek oit the flute bc they intend to play.
I guess blaming the person they cheat with is an illusory comfort to the SO bc it feels like you are close and there is an outside enemy.. but the outside event sabotaging your relationship lies within the Cheater, not the object of their cheating.
Whoever it is they are doing whatever they are doing with, the fact is they are not doing it with you. And they are disloyal. Take away the mister or mistress and they still have been and are still disloyal.
Blaming a third party won’t help confront the issue.
@VIVANTI agree! The one that cheats is to blame! They could CHOOSE not to, and the one they cheat with seldom knows all the things, reasons, but sadly takes a lot of hate from the one that was cheated on! I've said it before, not mine, but something I heard, "Men cheat because they don't feel NEEDED, and women cheat because they don't feel LOVED!" If she doesn't feel my love, that is my fault, but not a reason to cheat, but reason to ask, and confront me, like WTF? I thought we loved each other!
I do not think a person feels loved without feeling needed and I don't know what feeling needed would mean without knowing it was from someone who loved you.. I think it is all part of the same cloth.
Those problems are rejationship or only is that can only be solved in a relationship. And maybe breaking up is the only course of action in extreme circumstance.. cheating is never excusable. If a person feels alienated from their relationship cheating isn’t solving anything. It’s just a way to not deal. Break up or work it out.. Cheating is b s and it’s between the two partners.
To answer the question about my system or friend.. If my boyfriend cheats on me with anyone that is HIS fault.
If my sister or friend betray me that is between US
The scenario presented means I have two sides of shit friends but neither of them forced the other yo do what they did. SO my boyfriend is accountable for cheating. My friend or sister are accountable for betraying my trust.. Bc we have a relationship not bc they are the mistress.
this doesn’t take any responsibility away from my boyfriend. As far as our relationship, He cheated on me.
It really depends on the situation, and if the person your partner cheated on you with had any idea that your partner was taken. Sometimes, they are also being lied to and are just as much a victim as you are.
If the other person knew, then yes, that's a very shitty thing of them to do, but I'd still be extremely upset with my partner. It takes two to tango, no one can "steal" your partner. They have to allow it.
I think the shittiest is when the person your partner cheats with is a friend or family member, though. That is like being stabbed in the back by two people you care about. I had an ex stand me up for my close friend in high school and it shattered my heart since I'd been so good to both of them.
The other person, you don't know what they knew getting in, what they were told or promised. The cheater made a decision to deceive the person he was with, also probably the person he got with. Honestly I don't get why not go with an open relationship, lying is the most painful part, having been on the receiving end of cheating. The part that eats at you for a while.
The cheater. But that doesn't mean that there's not going to be anger towards the the other woman/man, especially if they knew about your relationship.
To me there is always an enticer and the enticee. So it's the significant others fault. For falling into that trap. No matter what, your integrity is more important than immediate sexual desires. You other would appreciate it and you'll feel better to know you have pride enough to say no. No matter their money or popularity, sex can't be made better because of them. Sex is better with someone you truly love. Not that asshole Jared with 6 figures and a Maserati! he's still a bad person even if he has all the shiny-shiny... he doesn't love you... but us? The nice guy? Who just want to live happily? We do.
Well the cheater is first to blame because they cheated, irregardless of the reasons its still cheating and dishonest to your partner. The person they have the affair with is even worse if they know the other is in a relationship when the affair starts, which they usually do. They are typical bottom feeders that will hurt anyone just to satisfy their own needs. The only innocent one is the one not cheating. But they have to ask themselves why did they cheat on me, why didn't I see it coming or did i see it and ignore it because I was too self absorbed to care... so all in all its a partnership and everyone is to blame especially the ones that lied...
To me its the cheater. They're the one having a relationship with me. They cheated on me despite having a choice. That's not to say the other person is innocent. In my ex's case he was married too. I divorced her his wife took him back. The reason was they cheated openly in front of me. She brought him to our house and told me they're having a "relationship". I found them in bed together later that day.. If his wife knew how blatant he was she'd never have taken him back.
The cheater is the one who made the commitment and is breaking it, so they bear most or all of the responsibility. Having said that, a person who is aware that this person is in a relationship but cheats with them anyway is also a despicable person - but even though that's true, they aren't the ones who broke the commitment.
I feel like in any human struggle with emotions involved there are countless people involved in scenarios such as sn affair. I mean the "victim" may be shutting out their partner or treating them poorly, the cheater might be from a family life or culture that condones it or the way of living 2 lives. The "other person" might have been totally unaware that the victim existed and now they have sadly fallen in love sincerely. All scenarios have nuances. Not to mention that in any conflict between 2 people i believe there is Person 1's story, Person 2's story AND the actual, factual truth and they will usually be inconsistent in some ways
Well that depends. If the person didn't know the person they slept with was in a relationship they are blameless and a bit of a victim as well. IF however they did know, while they may not be the one who cheated but they are an accessory to it. basically if you stole something you are the theif, but if some one knew about it, benefited from it and did nothing to stop you, they are as much a criminal as you are. This is no different with cheating, they knew what was happening, they knew it was wrong, they knew it was going to hurt some one and they did it anyway. Just because they didn't pull the trigger doesnt' mean they didn't actively participate in it. So they deserve less blame but not much less.
The cheater is 100% to blame. The other party has no moral obligations to any involved party and is thus free of blame.
Those who blame the third party instead of their cheating partner do so because the idea that their partner has been manipulated or "swayed" by a third party feels less emotionally damaging than accepting the fact that their partner is a piece of shit who doesn't care about them.
I'm gonna say the cheater. Because only the cheater will know how hurt or painful it will be to his/her partner. At times, the third party may not even know of the spouse's existence. He/she may have committed the cheating act unknowingly. But the cheater knows.
Who do you have a relationship with whose the one that there's an agreement with. If I put my money in the bank and the banker takes my money to a booky who can I reasonably be mad at. The person I have an agreement with. Now what about a scenario where your SO cheats with your best friend? In this scenario I'd say they're both to blame maybe even equally. There's really no excuse for cheating on the person you're committed to, but for your own growth and to try and keep it from happening to you again. You should do some self reflection on what your part was. Were you not giving her the affection she needed, did you work too much, or whatever. Again this is not a reason or excuse for them. All they would have to do is come to you and tell you what's up and end the relationship if need be before they cheat. It's not easy but it's the adult thing to do.
Nobody is responsible for another person's relationship. When it comes to sex if both parties consent then it's fair game. However if one is in a relationship that means this person is cheating by betraying a promise they made to be with a single person. The other person involved whether or not they know this are not to blame they are only having the sex they both agreed on.
Many people can or will make you offers, especially the higher up you go on the ladder. But you must have to have proper sensibilities to filter them out. It's morals, ethics, emotional control, etc..
there might be an exception of intentional drugging...
So i just found out , don't ask me how that a guy I'm talking too is in a relationship even tho he repeatedly mention he is single. I don't feel bad because I wasn't aware I was engaging in sexting without knowing about the other girl. I have no issues in casual dating, sexting, etc when both parties are single and up for a good time but I feel kind of bad for the girl even tough I don't know her at all. So I'm just withdrawing myself from the whole equation , no explanations to him whatsoever , I won't follow up with a cheater , even tho he's not cheating on me , he is cheating on her current girlfriend/wife.. I don't know
I will never blame the single person who just wants some action. If you're in a committed relationship, and you're fucking around, you're the one breaking the rules. I know guys who are like, "if I caught my wife cheating, i'd be in jail cuz I'd kill them both," which is one of the dumbest and immature attitudes to have. Just break up and move on. She or he obviously did you a favor by showing you who they really are. The person they had the affair with, whether they knew about the other or not, was only getting theirs. You aren't expected to trust strangers, but you're supposed to 100 percent be able to trust a partner.
It's never the victim's fault. But they nearly always have some culpability for failures in the relationship. A mature adult ends the relationship rather than cheating. The moves on to someone else. The selfish and irresponsible one cheats, and blames whatever. It is is nearly always the fault of the man - that's just the way it goes.
If a woman cheats or bails on her man it's because he's an asshole. Even her friends and relatives will back her up on this. Now if a man cheats or bails on his woman, it's because he is a COMPLETE asshole. Just ask any woman! :)
Definitely the cheater because they're the one who has anything invested in you.. Even if you know the guy/girl that they cheated on you with, they don't owe you anything because they don't have that investment. It feels like they gave away something that only you could have and now it's tainted after they sleep with someone else. Men typically want to kill the guy who sleeps with their girlfriend/wife, I know because I went through it, actually just like a month ago and I knew the guy. I won't get into details but it messed me up bad and I'll leave it at that. But yeah, definitely the cheater.
The cheater obviously. They're the one in the relationship with you and making that decision to do something knowing they're supposed to be committed to you. There's going to be many people and things that tempt you in life, however you need to have the ability to resist that temptation.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Why does there need to be a follow up to the other question at the end of the day the cheater is to fully blame they are the ones who are in a relationship and they chose to cheat no one forced them to stick their dick in the vagina or the ass
If they are unhappy about something in the relationship then they should talk to their partner about it if they are still unhappy then they should break up
If a girl or guy slept with the cheater knowing they were in a relationship they are just as much to blame as the cheater
Both are to blame, unless the cheater lied to their partner, then only the cheater. There was a movie about this with Cameron Diaz? @coachTanthony what was this movie?
The guy who played Jamie Lannister? I think he was cheating on like 3 people and they linked up and got revenge on him. Weird memories. Let me google it
Depends on a person's perspective and also the situation. For example, if the cheater is simply out to cheat because that's what they like to do then they are solely at fault, the other person was just there, If it wasn't them it would have been someone else.
However, there are situations where the other person is at fault because they encouraged the cheater through flirting, suggestion, invitations etc etc. The cheater wasn't initially interested beyond an initial physical attraction until the other person showed interest and gave opportunity.
But, in terms of perspective, some people will always blame the guy or the girl depending on their own expeieince. Girls will most likely blame the man in the situation whether he was the cheater or the other person. This is the same for desperate guys who will always take the woman's side no matter what. Whereas men will usually blame the woman depending on their own experiences such as women who lie about everything etc.
The cheater. A cheater has always the option to end the relationship before cheating. Someone cheated on me and I was the cheater's lover. It's always the desire of cheaters to punish their partners with cheating.
I've had multiple discussions in that direction with people who got divorced over one person cheating on the other. Most of them came to the conclusion that both are equally to blame, because the marriage didn't go well before that and both should have done more to save it. [religious background: I don't know enough people who cheated on someone else only in a relationship to say something about that]
I never understood those subhumans, who would beat up the person, who had an affair with the cheater. The cheater had one job and the cheater didn't hold onto it.
Cheater it is 100%! Unless it was something like at gunpoint.
That that could go both ways the one that's a cheater is cheating with knows about the other ones girlfriend husband whatever then she just as much at fault. But if the person that's doing the cheating is giving the other person some big song and dance tell them that they're single and all this then you're really can't blame them
They both knew what they were doing. But the act itself was only "cheating" for the cheater, for the other it was just an opportunistic free fuck. But they both have culpability because they both knew the cheater was in a relationship.
If it's my girl cheating on me with another guy, I'd be disappointed in the guy because he did not follow the bro codes. My girlfriend actively wants me to cheat on her and send her pictures and videos of proof, so I'd be easy to forgive. I mean, what are open relationships for? Unless she gets an STD and gives it to me I guess. by the way, nice old-school meme. 👌
All parties, the cheated on, the cheater, and the person they cheated with. In a relationship it takes two to tango, and in this situation it takes the two and the other two.
Or first to put the relationship at risk. I don't know its complicated. I've been cheated on and I'll man up and admit maybe I wasn't the best boyfriend.
Wow, so you're saying it could have been the partner's fault as well. Even though they cheated on you? I personally don't feel that's a valid excuse for them to cheat on you; they could have just ended the relationship with you... but that's just me.
They could have and it would have been better. However I'm not just looking at it just from my situation. I'm also taking into consideration of those who have children involved. Some situations can be too complicated as well, just leaving sometimes is much easier said than done.
'Cheating' is rarely cheating. A - many a relationship are either over and just dangling around until an actual love (or passion) interest shows up or B - done out of revenge for some previous betrayal of the party cheated on
It's bad only when undeserved (often because of projected suspicion the cheated on party will do something in the future - in which case the cheater has serious trust issues)
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
When it happened to me I was far more pissed at the ex he had cheated with and called her every nasty name in the book in my head and basically wanted to hurt her but honestly it's the person who's in a relationship's fault. They're the ones with a responsibility to stay faithful, not the person they cheat with if they're single. I have cute guys hitting on me when i'm in a relationship and I ignore them, it's not even hard if you actually love your partner.
Both of them equally. All the people who kept it from the person who is getting cheated on is compliant as well. Humans are social animals. Cheating is social.
Both of them are to blame. You can argue that maybe the other person didn't know the one was committed to someone else but if you know someone well to go to bed with them, by that point, you would know if the other is involved with someone or not. That being said, they are both to blame
When it comes to infidelity there are so many avenues to explore when it comes to who is at fault, it will always depends on the individuals involved and their situation.
Regardless playing the blame game can only make things more complicated.
It depends. If your partner cheats with a stranger, it’s purely his/her fault. If he/she cheats with your sibling or friend, the betrayal is pretty equal, especially if you are close to them.
Well if the lady/gentleman is aware that the partner had a significant other both would be at fault but if they had no idea then it would be the cheater's fault. Depends on the scenario is the answer.
it depends. in my past relationship. it was mainly been guys but here one trick things. at college one girl knew this guy was in a relationship with me at time, but she ruined my trust and my now ex boyfriend. by the way i was cheated on more than once , different ex boyfriend
The person to blame is yourself for not being good enough for the cheater, The cheater cheats cos your not giving them everything they need in a relationship
For example if you don’t give your boyfriend sex and he cheats, you can only blame yourself for not giving him sex
Here’s how I see it. Of course it’s wrong on both parts when it comes to the cheater and that who they’re cheating with. However unlike the one who the cheater is seeing, the cheater itself actually knows that person they’re cheating on and they’re just willing to throw that person’a feelings in the trash
it depends on the if the other person knew but whether the other person knew or not. If the cheater REALLY loved and respected you, they would not have cheated in the first place.
The cheater, that person could've just stayed with his/her partner and discuss the issues but instead he/she chose to avoid the conversation and make things worst.
The cheater hands down, the cheater is the one, as the name suggests, who cheats, the other person is just an opportunist with lesser moral still one who haven't made any promises to anyone.
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