Is it a problem if my boyfriend is the only emotional support system for his close friend who is a female?

Question

My boyfriend has been splitting his time between spending time with me and talking to his female friend who seems like she's always going through something. They talk everyday which makes me uncomfortable. It's gotten that bad to the point that she's most likely the first person he talks to in the morning or after he gets off from work. There was a time when he hadn't talked to me all day, but was talking to HER instead. She has no friends and I don't mind him being there for her but it feel like he's there for her all the time and that I'm basically sharing my boyfriend. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Sounds like a problem to me... see the think about having females "just freinds" is that they get all the benefits of having a relationship with a man without the sex and romance. So here you are putting all the time an effort that your supposed to be doing and she is getting equal benefit at half the price.

So now you're beginning to think what's up with that, right? No joke close female freinds or guy friends are like third wheels in your relationship. See when guys have only guys freinds its less threatening to you, because you can do things for him that no man can, and he would never want a man to do. But close female freinds could do those things for man, and there is nothing really stopping it from happening.

So no you are not wrong, and I don't approve of these types of things... if your going to date a women then there needs to be stronger commitment from him. If he wants to bet there for his girlfriends then he needs to date her instead. I do not trust in these types of relationship, friends or not guys do not get that involved with other people unless there is a very strong emotional connection, which if there is that's a problem for you.

At some point if its effecting you, he needs to decide what's more important to him... dating you or being a "good friend". I assure you if it was a guy friend he would not need this much of his time, more would he be so willing to give it. Sounds like BS to me, how needy can this women be? I don't give a rip how traumatic it is for her, grow up and quit interfering and don't act like your not aware of it... the man is taken.

It would seriously bother me and I would be very suspicious about it. And i am trusting and very confident man, but there are something about these situations that aren't okay with me. Your his "GIRLFREIND" he made that commitment and you should take second place to no other women, that deal we all make when date someone.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

You're not wrong. It is kinda like WTF is really going on here.

I'd say he should do his part and point out that she's a needy chick that talks too damn much just to calm your tits. I'm not saying your tits should be calm about this though... I've seen this type of situation turn into full-on cheating way too many times in the past.

My wife had this going on with a lonely loser cousin and she'd take offense because he's related... yet her brother agreed with me so... thank god that bastard finally killed himself with drugs. I was getting tired of his ass texting my wife with his bullshit and fucking up her day, and mine in the process. To explain further I really think that so-called cousin was trying to fuck. It's a common tactic I see from lonely loser beta orbiter types... complain their ass off about their shitty relationship while slipping in that my wife would be such a better woman for them. You can probably understand why eventually that kind of shit gets on anybodies nerves.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I've had friends of the opposite sex going through some real deep in the mud life sh*t that couldn't be solved with a few hugs and some phone conversations, so as a friend---that's part of your literal job description, to be there for the people who have always been there for you when they need you the most....

....but, stop, hold up, wait a minute---this should in no way come in exchange for your relationship. As the girlfriend, you should be able to say there needs to be some boundary where your relationship remains a priority to your boyfriend. In order to not seem possessive, which I don't think you are, emphasize that, you don't need him to stop being supportive of his friend...but you'd like for the two of you to have more time together because that's important to you in your relationship.

I'd watch his reactions to this. Be careful, things might be sus there if his behavior is changing in more dramatic ways like he becomes secretive about his visits with her or he makes you seem like a psycho for wanting to hang out like you normally do from time to time, especially if it's the first time you're bringing it up to him.

Cherry234 · Accepted Answer

You're not wrong. Something seems off here. It sounds like she really needs to get a therapist and she shouldn't be dumping all of her problems on your boyfriend, especially when he's in a relationship with you. I'd talk to him about it. There's nothing wrong with having friends of either gender but if you're using one of your friends as an emotional crutch then that's definitely a problem. I have a friend from college I just hung out with recently. I talk to him and tell him if something's bothering me. We talk about cheerful topics too. We're pretty good friends. But I don't talk to him constantly and dump all of my problems on him.

coachTanthony · Answer

If she needs that kind of support he should be recommending an actual therapist not taking on the load himself. I would assume he probably has deep seeded hidden feelings for her because if he didn't he would be pissed that he has to keep supporting her... he would have already passed this shit off to someone else or get her professional help.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Sounds like a legitimate concern to me. You deserve to be the highest priority in his life.

Sorrento-Sun · Answer

You're not wrong at all. I'm sure most, if not everyone, wouldn't want their partners friend to become priority in their life.

While it's ok having friends of the opposite sex , there needs to be friendship boundaries established. For a few reasons. One , so the friend doesn't get mixed signals and two, so your partner doesn't have to feel the friend is a threat to the relationship in someway.

I'd first talk to your boyfriend about it. Tell him how it makes you feel. If you feel neglected, tell him that. Once he knows how it makes you feel, you'll know by his response and reaction to the situation just how much he carer's or doesn't care about you.

Someone who loves you and wants you in their life would never jeopardize their relationship for the sake of a friendship. They'd make you priority.

Lionman95 · Answer

I think it could become a problem the moment she develops feelings for him. I don´t think you´re wrong because this friendship can become a fundament for cheating especially if he gives you the feeling that he prefers her over you.
On the other hand I understand that he might know her longer and has problems cutting her off. I also understand that he feels that he´s just friends with her.
Have you ever talked with him about it? Maybe try to talk in a calm voice with him about your concerns and try to help him understand that you´re not happy with the situation and that you feel like he´s more interested in her than you.
It may not be an easy conversation but as long as you don´t speak out he will think that everything is ok.

242plusInfinity · Answer

You appear to not know what you're doing. You both should have communicated what you both want the relationship to look exactly like from day 1. Exactly like. If you had this would not be happening. It frustrates me watching people wing their relationship and then complain when it isn't going well. Like what do you mean it's not going well... You aren't doing the work. That's why. @Thetaylorcorinne
Sorry this just frustrates me because the preventative solution to your problem is so obvious.

TroyDT · Answer

Hard to say. My best friend is female. We've known each other since kindergarten. actual the summer before that. If she is in trauma the rest of my life will go on hold. People might trip, but she is like a sister and ewwwwwww. Not sure of the dynamics of his friendship, but maybe she is going through Hell.

Conversely, she could be a drama queen who, although not attracted to him, loves the validation she gets from his attention.

An easy way to check is to maybe see if you can help.

lightbulb27 · Answer

For sure it’s a problem… he doesn’t understand women and is too nice… he probably doesn’t understand and rejects your pleas. You are very understanding but this needs corrected and you can both learn about each other and grow from it. It will be hard to pull him out though as he responds to ‘wounded birds’ and she got her hooks into him.

You’ve both got some work to do to survive.

This is not about trust…as he may think it is.
Been there done that…lmk if I can help

mobiusforniner · Answer

Yes. Thats a problem. Women become very attached to men they are emotionally vulnerable with. I was that guy. She may openly say she's his friend, he may naively believe it too, but when emotions and feelings are reciprocated between a man and woman, it is NOT a friendship.

nrm736 · Answer

You're not wrong at all. He's out of line and he should be aware of that it's bothering you by himself. But somehow he's apparently not so it's time for you to speak up about it and set some boundaries - not necessarily making him to chose between you and her 'cos that could backfire.

Or you could get involved in helping this troubled girl and see what happens.

Anonymous · Answer

If he's not cheating, I appreciate that quality he has. He's a good friend. It's certainly getting to a point where she needs to just get a therapist though. It's not healthy that anyone should be your crutch at all hours of the day. The fact you're feeling neglected is even more of a reason he should back off. Have you tried talking to him about how this makes you feel without talking down or getting emotional?

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I worry about this a lot. I have had several girls in my life who look to me for emotional support. I am happy to help them out, because I do truly care about people. But sometimes I worry about what will happen to them when I cut them off once I get into a relationship. I hope they will be okay.

Allyfax · Answer

Fuck yess gotta get that bitch out of his support before she gets you out of a realationship , unless y'all swing... Thats something i have no experience with so... Its either you or her make a choice... Cuz obviously he's wants his bread buttered on both sides and that shits wack... It causes heart problems... Emotionally and physically... Just an overall not good for healy relationships, healthy living and healthy loving , take it from me im a paramedic

Luopio27 · Answer

What he is doing is saving someone from depression. The movie freedom writers is based on a true story of a ghetto school teacher who sacrificed her marriage to give all her time and attention to her students needs.

What she did for them is similar to what your boyfriend is doing for her. I do not know if there is an end to it all, if this is just a phase, but hope he knows what he wants if it will come to a choice between you and her.

hyperben · Answer

bit of a problem, supporting someone emotionally is immensely draining, regardless who it is, male or female. its a tough spot you're in, say anything and you might become the villain, dont say anything and its almost like encouraging it.

Alex8736 · Answer

Sounds like your boyfriend is genuine, sincere and NON-JUDGMENTAL where she feels comfortable talking to him but if something were to go down and they hooked up you would definitely be the first one to know by observing body language and him suddenly acting distracted

RangerBlue22 · Answer

Are you worried about him cheating?

I get it you don’t like him giving her attention (despite it being platonic). But I’m guessing she’s not exactly a supermodel. If she’s unattractive you don’t have much to worry about.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

He shouldn't be ditching you for any of his friends. It would be one thing of he was there for his friends AND you, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

dustybiker · Answer

If it bothers you find someone else. If you allow it to become a problem you will lose him. And not to her. Just to unfounded jealousy.  Trust him. Or leave him.

spartan55 · Answer

Your boyfriend is either a complete idiot, or cheating right under your nose.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

Nah lol that's a little excessive. He might just be getting distracted. So you can ty pulling him somewhere else or try helping her together

Belgie · Answer

Even a good friend should never be the sole emotional support. That makes him a critical point of failure and those should be avoided.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I totally get where you're coming from. That's sus AF.

SiberFox · Answer

Be the friend she's looking for in your boyfriend, and then play matchmaker so she can have her own boyfriend to lean on.

fonduegirl · Answer

She's a person too. You should be supporting her too. If they exclude you when they're going out, that's when it's suspicious behavior.

USLegionary · Answer

If she's sexually attractive then you should be worried

exitseven · Answer

Having a female friend can be complicated. It does sound a little unreasonable that he is spending so much time with her. You should ask him about it

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Yes it’s limiting his potential. He should widen his social network and make new friends. Are you going to help him meet new people?

Twalli · Answer

Unless he's physically with her, he's still mostly your's. Maybe its oly 51-49, but until he spends time with her physically, he's more your's than her's.

MiseriaCantareAFI · Answer

Why guys need girl "friends", when they have a girlfriend already, I will never understand Same with girls and their boy "friends", while having a boyfriend already

KrakenAttackin · Answer

This generation is so fucked up. No boyfriend or girlfriend should tolerate this.

BJP21 · Answer

Everyone has someone they confide in for emotional support male or female. If he's not sharing anything with you... Id suspect something too.

In_Trance · Answer

Yes it is

Anonymous · Answer

If it bothers you then its a problem. If he doesn't care about what bothers you then let his friend have him and find someone better.

Anonymous · Answer

Have you tried befriending her? That's a real good way to find out her motives.

jimmy2 · Answer

Hummm go away for a bit you come back he not hungry for you bye time

MementoMori_ · Answer

Yes. He should drop her for you.

_Just_A_girl_ · Answer

Y'all 3 should hang together before it gets sus

Reddy4it · Answer

Is she open to talking to you too…?

Jamesshinobi · Answer

a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on.

maximumpower · Answer

If it's a problem for you, then it's a problem.

Sabretooth · Answer

Maybe try being her friend.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, that's a problem.

Anonymous · Answer

Why aren’t you his confidant?

ZenJen444 · Answer

He's cheating

Anonymous · Answer

android@girlsaskguys. com

Hotboy_booblover · Answer

BIG YES

Is it a problem if my boyfriend is the only emotional support system for his close friend who is a female?

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