Do you believe long distance relationships can work?

[Alchemizt]

My opinion is that it doesn't work unless the two people can meet each other once in a while, hug, and talk while looking into each other's eyes.

What do you think? Do you think LDRs can work?

Yes, they always can.

It's possible, but only if the two people meet at least once in a while.

They can work, but I don't trust LDRs. It bothers me if the other person is cheating.

No, I don't think they work.

[mamuma02]

The longest ldr i had was 11 months. I was 15 to 16 years old. We met online in a chat app.
It was a sweet relationship, we have never met.
When I was single, he asked me to be together again and I sayd bo because I have tasted how it feels to have a boyfriend ner and not far, and also i don't want ro have High expectetion on someone who is far. I would also be axious. Its hard to have trust for someone far away. So I thought, why expect things in the future with someone i never met and not knowing if I am Washington my time or not?

Another problem to why i did not take him back is because there was an issue because he is muslim and I m Christian. So there is no looong future for us, unless in the future if I comvect to become a muslim.

When I was young, I was both a muslim and a Christian. I know it stunds weirs, byt that is because 40% of my family are Christian and 40% are muslim and they verbally fought about what religion i should be. As a kid i just wanted to please all, so I went to both moské and church and did all the rituals/traditions whatever. But when I grew up i finalen decided what I felt more comfortable with.

Anyway my ldr boyfriend sayd that he has no issue about me being a Christian, but I don't believe him. I also told him it would not work out for us in the future, even he had no solution. He also sayd he would come to visite one day, but I know that his future plan and mine would not match.
His parents had also hight hopes for him to take over his family company. His father own a company in Azerbajdzjan, while his Mother is a doctor, so he is obviously rich. I also could not feel like i could be enough for him.

He is so sweet, but I m just so stupid because of how insecure i m and I also am a person who thinks longterm and can sometimes see things clear fast, I concluded that we won't last. Besides, we were/are young. Even thoughti thought like that, I did not break up with him. He broke uo with me instead. I tried to play it cool as if I was fine with it, although it did hurt much. I don't know why he broke up with me, but i think it was better that way anyway. Well we have always been nice ro each other. Anyway we became best friends instead. We have now been bestfriends for 2 years.

So Ldr is complicated and can only work if you both are strong minded and ready to do your best for your love.

If you wanna know why I kept the break up text, I don't know why either, maybe i wanted to remember things that hurts. It was awkward and i was just feeling empty. Anyway I m the green text.

[mamuma02]

But before him, in 2018, I had an online boyfriend that I have never even seen his face. Thats how much I trust him. I was so naive. Anyway it turned out the guy was a catfisher, lier, manipulative. Also when I broke up with him, he tried to trick me that he has cancer and only 4 months to live. It was a lie, because i texted him 4 months after just to check. and. And he gave me snapchat of his friend that we can chat. But that girl was also manipulative catfisher. She also lied to me that she have cancer and suicide thoughts. I found out later that they are liers. I also thing that the girl and the guy are the same person.

How can someone lie about serious illness just to not leave them? They/he have no shame.

So I have both negative and positive view on online relationship and long distance relationship.

[TruthBringer]

I've read the text-messages. Sad how a relationship can just suddenly be ended with just a few words. I'm sorry you had to go through that and that of your previous "relationship" with the catfisher.

I personally swore to never do LDR again after having wasted 1.5 years with mine. And I never regretted that decision as I've found a wonderful girl who lives 15 min away from me. And judging by how you had to deal with the disappointment more than once, I believe it's best to protect your heart and only allow yourself to get in local relationships. Of course it's merely an advice from my end and you're free to follow it or not.

All in all, I can say that LDRs are a miserable way to be in love if you think about it. No matter how "good" a couple can have it. And having experienced a happy local relationship only validates this.

[mamuma02]

You are right
Ldr are hard
I don't get in a relationship with people who live far anymore. Only dating local.

[TruthBringer]

Good for you! Trust me, that's the best decision you can make. And I speak from experience. Once I have experienced the beauty of a local relationship, I don't want anything to do with a LDR ever again. Trust me, you'll find your special person who will allow you to experience the love and adventures a LDR can never give you. Just have faith. Best wishes to you!

[mamuma02]

Thank you! Good luck too!🥰😊😊

[linka_pat307]

🤣🤣🤗he called you a good girl?

[mamuma02]

I think he was just trying to be nice. I mean we were both virgin and we never treaten any of us in a bad way. I was a little naive. Well he is just nice and sweet in general, but its hard to know if the way you know him online is the same way he is in real or not.

[mamuma02]

I don't regret it so much

[Fraulein1700]

They can. But you must have someone who really loves you, cares and respects you and is mature enough to withhold the distance and not care of other women (being a cheater I mean, it's possible). You guys will have to meet a few times in person, and to see if it works, with time it will show if it will work or if not (if it's just a temporary feeling that doesn't evolve to a true, more pure love). But if someone is really committed, you can make it work until the end, I think. There will be a moment in order for this to work out well, that one of the two will have to sacrifice his/her own life and adapt to a new one (of your partners).

A lot of people comment that it doesn't work, in my opinion it can but it can be very difficult. They have also not known that some two individuals click at the distance by very particular interests, etc that is rare to find and if you see "something else" in each other and well, have / develop feelings. It'll show that no distance can pause stuff from working, you gotta be committed and want to change/put time and trust into that person (warning, like all relationships, ld ones might not work too, or the other person hide stuff from you of course, like reasons why they might like you or "be with you") , for sure there will be pain, especially after meeting up and leaving for the first time but it will pass and you mustn't give up and you must know if he's the one or not. There might be some doubts, but don't give up by this alone. There might be up and downs, but the gut feelings tells a lot and well.. a previous comment I put here on the forum kinda explains what my ex did to me, which wasn't too nice. So be kind always.

[TruthBringer]

NO.
Not in general at least.

The chances are so slim that it's not worth trying. On top of that: LDRs are a MISERABLE way to be in love. So stay away from them as best as you can.

It's usually older people who can make it work, because they can have the adequate resources as well as a plan to close the distance. But for the rest of us, especially the younger generations, it is a hopeless case due to way too many factors.

Most people who enter a LDR don't even have a plan to close the distance. It's more of a waiting game and hoping for the best. That will only last for so long until someone starts to get fed up or meets someone closer.

It's already hard enough to maintain a local relationship, let alone adding even the distance when we all know physical proximity is crucial for the majority of people.

And think about it, there is nothing you cannot do in a local relationship that you can do in a LDR. Whereas you cannot do much that someone in a local relationship can. Not even the little things like getting a bite together, going to the mall, cuddling while watching a movie, etc.

"b-b-bu-but people in LDRs have a stronger bond and they get to know each other better!!!"

WRONG! You're dating pixels on a screen. You're nothing but pen pals at best. The person you fell in love with often does NOT reflect the real person themselves. Especially over the internet, people try to wear their best mask. Whereas that mask is far harder to maintain in person. This of course counts for people who have MET online. Which to my knowledge is a very common thing among LDR couples.

[coachTanthony]

Yes they can if you have money. Long distance usually doesn't work because the two people can't afford to actually see each other in person at least once or twice a month. If you can't get to somewhat of a normal dating situation then it usually fizzles out due to actually meeting other people that you become interested in. So the goal after 3 months is to figure out who is moving where because you don't want to go too long without actually making an attempt at a normal dating arrangement.

[exitseven]

Yes if you are rich everything seems to work out better.

[coachTanthony]

@exitseven Or realize you aren't rich and making a plan instead of wasting a year of your life.

[exitseven]

Or three years.

[coachTanthony]

@exitseven Oh god can you even imagine.

[exitseven]

Unfortunately I can

[coachTanthony]

@exitseven yikes sorry to hear that.

[exitseven]

It was a long time ago and it was a really bad relationship that probably wouldn't have lasted long except that we only saw each other two or three times a year.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I'm amazed how you say anything and it always seems to have 3 people that dislike your shit. They literally just follow you around don't they? Amazing. That's how you know you're doing something right...

[coachTanthony]

@D_Bone_Steak The love is overwhelming. Imagine having somebody dedicating their life to following you around. It's something special lol

[D_Bone_Steak]

😂 Fuck yeah bro... you have your own groupies.

[OlderAndWiser]

The better question is not CAN they work but HOW OFTEN do they work?

Without the opportunity to meet in person, there is no relationship. You aren't dating if you've never held hands or kissed. If you can meet in person, the question is how often will ou be able to met in person and is there a plan for eliminating the distance between the two of you.

[DaveJord]

I said they can, but I don't trust them... not so much because of cheating. But even if you meet regularly, it is so easy to fake something for a weekend or two at a time... and LDRs are easy to manage in way that it's hard to really get to know someone and feel close to them.

[Guy13]

In a perfect long distance relationship there are periodic meetings, however, there is never real-life contact. And the comment referencing LDR is “Better you than me” rather than “I’m so jealous, how did you do it.”
If you have never met let me explain Pen 🖊 Pals to you where two communicate online without it ever going anywhere.

[Genie23]

It can if they have patience, trust each other, are understanding and have same goals... Are on the same page.. Also, they need to be financially stable too so they can at least visit each other few times.

[jennifer_bloom]

I believe they can. As a 12 year old, I liked another 12 year old I went on vacation with cause our parents had been friends for 8 years and went on a trip together. I liked him for at least 3 months after our vacation together.

[WonderBell99]

I voted B. I’m not big on long distance relationships. It depends on how invested BOTH of them are in the relationship. I need physical affection and touch. I also get attached to people easily and need to get to know them in person. It requires a great deal of patience and trust and not everyone can do it.

Also, if you’ve never met the person IRL, you don’t actually know who they are and how they behave. I feel like you can “like” someone but not fall in love with who they truly are. What we portray ourselves to be on social media is not who we actually are in real life how much ever authentic you try to be. It’s just not the same. Some behaviors like bad hygiene or chewing too loudly can be a huge turn off to many.

[ShellyB]

There are always exceptions but in general I would say no, if it is permanent. I think it can work for a while, for example if you normally live in the same city but one goes to another area for a few months for a job training program or something like that. Or, maybe like if one goes to grad school, or gets rotated into a job role that sends them somewhere for months or maybe up to a year or so. You would still need to visit each other.

What I doubt would work would be if you never lived in the same place and decided to date with nobody moving, to me that seems impossible but who knows. Or, if you are together and then one of you permanently moves away and the other does not follow and you try to keep the relationship going, I doubt it will continue v. long in that situation. JMO but I do want to add, every situation is unique so who knows.

[CubsterShura]

Depends on what you mean by that. People certainly fall in love and it is real and valid to build connections like that whether or not everyone likes the idea of it hypothetically.

If you want to speak of taking things long-term, that depends on the ability of the couple to be able to live together eventually, whether it is one of them moving to the other's place or both relocating somewhere else. It depends on a bunch of factors from finances to politics to age to family...

Oh, and if you have patience.

[crystalshadows02]

Some do. Some don't.

Firstly, it always bothers me when people say "Oh don't bother with long distance relationships, most of them don't work out." Just a hint: that sentence is still true without 'long distance' in there. Most relationships don't work out, but people keep giving it a try.

It's not impossible. It's not inherently doomed. It depends on the both of you, what you want, what you expect, and if you are capable of being realistic with where and how you see the relationship progressing to close that distance gap.

Basically, you both have to be 100% committed and sure of your endgames, and you have to be prepared to do one of the hardest things in your life. If you can make it, then that's awesome! If not, then it's completely understandable.

[TruthBringer]

I understand your sentiment, but I believe telling people to try it out regardless is a road to hell paved with good intentions.

The sad reality is that the VAST MAJORITY of these relationships don't work. Especially for our ages and below. Their fail rates are even worse than local relationships. It's already hard to maintain a regular relationship, as you have pointed out. But add the distance and you've a lot more strain on an already delicate relationship.

I strongly believe that advising people to "give it a try" is doing them a disservice, as it is only setting them up for a more guaranteed failure. So it's best to take the "safer" AND more fulfilling route and advice people to focus their attention on finding someone locally.

[SnowedIn]

I selected B. LDRs can work but I think it takes a very special set of people to make it work.

Here's the thing: what's the end goal? My problem with many LDRs is that they start, exist, and forever remain LDRs. That doesn't make sense to me. If you're two high school sweethearts who graduate and want to do an LDR while at separate colleges with a plan to physically get back together on breaks and be together after college, awesome. Same for a couple where one has been in a relationship and then one's career sends them overseas for a year. Or a couple where one is in the Military. Etc. What I don't understand are couples who start an LDR but never have a plan where at one point it stops being an LDR. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it but I just can't understand it and I ask what's the point.

But, yes, they can work if the partners want to make it work and invest the time and energy into making it work.

[CrazyGirl2]

My ex-boyfriend and I had a two year relationship, and we were both supposed to go to the college I am currently in. However he was waitlisted to Cal-Tech. It was always his dream to go there, but he was not accepted (at first!) but when he was waitlisted, I had to break up with him. We are both on 8yr programs, and it would not be fair to either-one of us to be apart for 8yrs except for a couple of weeks at Christmas and spring breaks. He believed that we could make the LDR work, I was not as confident. I have never seen it work, and even people who were married before the LDR had issues once it began, I was not prepared to risk that, and another heartbreak! God bless those who make it work, but it is just not something that I want.

[Twalli]

Most don't work, but they can.
A friend of mine went to Princeton for college and his girlfriend went somewhere else, not near there. They both moved here after college and got married. I think a reason their ldr lasted through college is that they started dating in 9th grade and never broke up.
When my sister was in graduate school, her boyfriend was in Oklahoma and then Florida. She could drive to see him in Oklahoma, but had to fly to Florida. They only saw each other once a month, they are still together and now actually live together, although I don't know if they'll get married

[ArrowheadSW]

Usually they can't work. Although if both individuals are OK with the limited amount of time that you can spend together, then it might be possible. I have been in a couple of them. They worked for awhile but then things didn't work out past a certain point.

[Prettygurl12]

I think they can in a few cases. When my husband and I were dating we were long distance for 4 years during the school year (in person during the summer). Obviously we're now married and living together so my case worked out, but I would consider my situation to be the exception, not the rule.

[DiegoO]

In my experience, the possibility of a LDR been successfull—beyond breaking distance—is extremely narrow and pretty much risky at crazy levels. Been nevermet.

A nevermet LDR is not something I will repeat. I learned it drawgs more questions than facts. It's just insane.

[D_Bone_Steak]

No they don't work... you and here will cheat and cheat a whole lot. I've seen it finally pan out with a friend and they're together, but that was my bro... we've fucked hookers literally together at the same time a few times. I'm pretty sure she was getting all sorts of dick inside her as well... but they're married now, having kids and shit. So in a way... maybe I'm wrong.

[Haha456]

long distance doesn't work for most people. its something only losers would resort to settling for. In my opinion, if two people really wanted each other, they wouldn't be long distancing for too long. if you're long distancing for more than 2 years, you're just settling.

[RedPassion95]

Losers*

[Catarine]

It can work but it's not easy that you can't see a person you like for a while. You can text or call but it's not the same as in person. My boyfriend and I see each other once a month for a week and I can say that it works. Don't know about much longer than that without seeing each other but I think it would be even harder on both

[DizzyDesii]

I know they can. I just dont think i want to put in the extra effort for LDR’s anymore. So its best we end up in the same state before fully committing

[Shamalien]

For very mature individuals who are willing to make sacrifices for the relationship it will work. For fair weather folk it’s fucked. If you think a relationship should be easy this is not for you

[Fraulein1700]

This is 100% true by what I've seen. With the first guy I knew, it almost worked out. With the covid thing that didn't let me see him first, he felt he couldn't wait for me any longer (without being tempted with local women). With the second, a true disappointment.. he came to see me first and then we did plans for next summer (me staying over for longer with his parents, and for me to see how it is where he lives before me moving). Then I went this past December to see him and meet his family, and on the 3rd day, after acting weird the day before told me that he didn't feel love for me anymore and that he was thinking of breaking up. He didn't have much compassion on my feelings and made me feel more miserable each day. I never met anyone who didn't care for his girlfriend crying or feelings. It was all him, him. Then posts on social media pics of the mutual vacation we both were going to have with some mutual friends, rubbing it in to me.. So sadly the two guys I was with in LDR with were too weak.. :(

[Shamalien]

@Fraulein1700 my girl was as well…her parents wanted to meet me first, I was super nervous and they basically made up their minds about me based on that. When I finally met the girl a month later she had spent a month riddled with anxiety and even though we had an awesome time together, all it took was a little family drama and boom, emotional breakdown, said something felt wrong and broke up with me a few days later. Not before flip flopping and promising she’d stay though…told me she loved me for the first time as she broke up with me…was sad that I didn’t say it back but I was so hurt…idk if she expected me to fight for her but I’m not playing games, a breakup is a breakup I don’t want someone who values me that little

[Shamalien]

It was LDR on hard mode with her parents meddling tbh but I guess the universe wants me with someone really, really strong, like me, because I would have done anything for our relationship. First time I’ve ever been fully committed and she was too until the parents got involved. So torturous…

[Fraulein1700]

I totally can understand and feel your pain. Then you went to see her irl, and then she broke up with you a month after you saw her and she broke up online after she had some difficulties in her life? But she never said after you met her that she loved you or liked you? That seems a little weird or maybe she wasn't sure?

[Fraulein1700]

I understand. Her parents didn't believe in LDR? Fortunately for my ex and me, they didn't mind. My ex and I exchanged promise rings and all... we promised to stay faithful and even talked plans of the future and me moving over and starting my life again where he lives.. the pain after being illusioned and all, telling everyone of my boyfriend and all and suddenly he flipping out the 2nd-3rd day after I see him again. It hurts.

[Fraulein1700]

I have also never been as committed before, well sure with the guy before. I loved him so much. But knowing this guy, my first boyfriend in person and you know getting to know each other better, it's I don't know like traumatizing for me. I trusted him fully and was the nicest person out there, doing whatever he wanted too. Now I feel almost like afraid of some other guy doing the same to me. Using me for his fun and dumping me.

[Fraulein1700]

Like I didn't explain in details how he made me feel bad for almost an entire week, but it was beyond belief. Now, my ex became totally cynical. He tries to tell me to never come back or dream of going to his country or continent again. Has fun slandering me with our mutual friends so I won't be again near him or see the dream places that I always wanted to see (even without him). It's so sick. I warned him on something and tells in a worse way to his friend what I trusted him with. He admits that I have to pay the price of "my words" despite I didn't make anything up. He broke up a relationship my sister had for fun too. Fucking insane, how he denies everything. I have NEVER met anyone so sick in my entire life.

He tells me what to do in my life. To find any local guy than someone compatible, even if overseas. No feelings towards me, all him, him, his thoughts, his opinions, enough said on my end though.

[Shamalien]

@Fraulein1700 okay I’ve got more to say but wow, I’m sorry you had to go through that, that guy sounds absolutely fucked. I guess I should really count my blessings 😅